ADULTERY

educate me pls.

dear readers..
can anyone explain and describe what is love?
and when we feel we are in love? and what is the real love?

can anyone explain why she cheated on her cheater husband? i just like to know your thought process.
was it becuase she felt she has been betrayed or she was not fulfilled in bed?

...

اگر واقعا ايني كه اين خانم ميگه و تعريف ميكنه راست باشه، باهاس بهش تبريك گفت...متاسفانه به دلم نيست كه اينا راست باشه.كسي نويسنده رو ميشناسه؟ واقعا ايشون خانم تشريف دارند يا يك ر اعتمادي ديگه هستند؟

BooHoo cry me a river

The writer tries to justify Parinaz’s actions by reducing the husband to a one dimensional brute and thereby giving Parinaz an excuse. I forgive her, noosheh joonesh.

It would be nice to see some positive stories about Iranian women. We’re not always victims of marriage and social circumstances. Aren’t there any stories about healthy and positive experiences? If a character goes against social norms, does her past have to be negative? A woman cannot have relations outside of cultural expectations unless she has some sort of victimized past?

There is a place for people in oppressive situations. They should be angry and should write about it. But for God’s sake is that ALL our writers are capable of?

Sarvenaz: Fun to read, but basically it’s a tale of the encounters of a woman who complains about being fat and schemes and laments over a 2 timing Napoleon.

Miss X: I forget her name but she is torshideh and self conscious and has a mail order husband who doesn’t love her but she’s too stupid to see it.
Miss X’s sister: A 2 timing biaaaaatch.
Miss X’s female friends and relatives: Either they’re gossiping or going along with a lie without being intelligent enough to see what’s going on.
The episodes I read had nothing positive about Iranian women. And were NOT a representation of the Iranians I know.

Some of the character Ms Kaviani wrote about: the ones I read were about a woman who was cheated on and the other one was about a woman shocked to find herself in a one time encounter.

Etc etc

These were good stories and fun to follow. But that can’t be all our wirters have to show for.

I disagree with JJ. Fact or fiction, there's nothing original about helpless Iranian women. The physical component adds shock and spice but it's not enought to carry the experience through. I refuse to believe we're that starved for physical stories that ANYTHING would be considered original and shocking. Her first peice was original and shocking because she seemed to be in control of her body. Now, she's just back to I was so ashamed, alone and helpless and I didn't know what to do...I don't want to invalidate her experience but we've read these here before.

Ms. Samii's essay

Let's nominate the author of the essay for the Pulitzer Prize!

Captain, I feel all those feelings too.

I feel emotional attachment with my wife as well as the feeling of being wanted, being desired, being charished, being supported[emotionally](and somethies financially), and I also need the feeling of belonging.
Am I a women in a man's body?

BABA JOON VEL KONIN DIGEH

Just read the story and enjoy it HALA KE BA KE CHEKAR MIKONEH , fiction or nonfiction it's interesting to read .

I have a feeling Parinaz jan

I have a feeling Parinaz jan that your ex-husband was not really **in love** with you and there wasn't that much chemistry between the two of you.

He probably found his manhood with someone else.

No love

I am not a literary critic, so I will leave that part for the ones who know the business.

Writer complains about the husband and his lack of sexual and emotional attachments to her. She writes that she felt that she was being used as [holes], for him to get off on her!

To begin with, men and women are totally in opposite spectrum when it comes to defining [LOVE]. Women feel love in more of emotional attachment with the  partner. Feeling of being wanted, being desired, being charished, being supported[emotionally] and feeling of belonging.

In contrast, men perceive love as more of physical attachment. In doing so, what better way to express this emotion than sexual intercourse? With the same token, it is a known fact that men so often mistake sex with love and vies versa.

Asides from the usual jargon that says man and woman have to communicate their desires to one another, or seek marriage adviser and blah blah, fact remains that partners MUST first come to term with their own sexuality, desires and wants, before being able to truly satisfy themselves and their partners.

With these said, writers main point was that she never could feel her  true womanhood and sexuality with her husband, as a result she ended up in bed with another married man. She demonstrates her feeling toward her [lover], however she does not paint any picture about the feeling of the married lover toward herself.

Question: why would a married man be looking outside of his marriage for sexual fulfillment? In the absence of any elaboration about HIS feeling toward the writer, it is safe to assume that HE was seeking a different set of HOLES[pardon the french].

My concussion and understanding of the writers story is that SHE merely changed the penis. In another words, in the absence of any emotional attachment in the part of the lover, HE used her in exact fashion that her husband been using, which is as a [fuckdoll]. The only difference is the lover was more attentive to her needs, or he was more experienced than her husband.

Dear writer, No madam, you did not discover your sexuality and your womanhood. You only experimented with different set of cock, and were used in exact same fashion.

Sorry for being blunt

Respectfully

-YT

does the author of the

does the author of the article have children. I wonder about the impact of this bahaviour and publicizing it on her kids if she has any.
I would not want a mother like this and i do not kbow any friend who would

Amir Ghiassi - Love and Sex - East and West

Why do you think western women "know" more about sex? Have you ever watched Oprah? do you know who she is?! Other than guests on her program there are tons of other stories and interviews where just about every woman talks about inexperience in the sex area early in their lives.

Sex is not something that can be "taught". Sex is something that is to be "experienced". And how do you get experience? By practice and as you get older.

So an 18 year old is an 18 year old, be it in Iran or America. Sure an American 18 year old has "seen" more but when it comes to acrobatics in the bedroom you'll need first hand knowledge.

Besides why are we stuck in the old Iran? Iranian young these days are far more liberated and involved in sex than our mother or father's generation.

These kind of psycho babble we read in comments sections here about sex is not "sex". Everyone has these problems since men and women are of different cloth. This talk is not new and not invented here. Sure let's talk about sex but not sound as if we are children. Children know more about sex and sex talk than when we deny it from ourselves here.

You know what is MOST funny? The sex article is in Farsi but people who are most anxious are talking in English! I guess psycho babble is better in English ;) So based on some comments below if we sex talk in English it shouldn't even count, right?!

Energy and Verve?

Ari, Ari, Ari (If I may slip to first name basis without being invited!)

Interesting how the XY and XX perspective is so different. I read Samii's character as nothing but passive aggressive - with no energy and no verve.  She is the queen of silence in the bedroom. She would rather be done to rather than do to or do with. Always the receiver of favors - used and ditched, wondering what went wrong, and then waking up to the 'truth' (sic).  She would rather be pitied than lauded and there is an underlying hint of the 'poor me'. As a woman that repulses me in no essay more than this very one.

As for writing with no direction, that would be like passing wind in the wind, would it not.  Perhaps the better - more eloquent way to put it : Madam, what does that have to do with the price of cheese? :) Or in the Farsi Vernacular: Gooz beh shaghigheh cheekar dareh.

Thanks for the vote of confidence in re BBC Inspector Morse. You give me too much credit. My nearest and dearest believe my forte is in the 'saucy' writing - the type that leaves more to the imagination than it should. ;)

Flying Solo

Good to chat with you again, Solo. When are we going to see your next story?  Did you ever watch the BBC Inspector Morse episodes? I could see you writing something like that.

Liberated?!!!

Since when extra-marital affairs and promiscuity is called "liberation"?!!

Feminists are poisoning human relationships with their obsession with "power relations". And all these stories are just reflections of that fact.

Here, the author and all the women supporting her writings, are just enjoying the idea of humiliating their husbands (or Iranian men in general). Let's face it, all this has nothing to do with improving relationships or having "adult" discussions about sexuality. It's all about provocation and power struggles. And that's the reason why promiscuity and adultery is called "liberation"

.

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Erica Jong, Alice Walker

Mr. Siletz,

Your post compelled me to post - again - hopefully for the last time on this comic piece.  Not that I am here to defend the likes of Alice Walker or Erica Jong but please allow me to object to your likening Samii's tepid writing to the feminist writers who were breaking barriers for reasons OTHER than sex and sex alone.

I have respect for fiction - as short or as long as the author wishes it to be. I have respect for cathartic writing and also for literature as well. Perhaps I am misreading this supposedly 'wonderful' piece of literary confession due to my very poor Persian as one of the posters pointed out .  Perhaps like Mr. Javid is insinuating it matters not that it is true or not but that it simply is.  However, I should think any writer would have some purpose in mind to write.  The reader is led by him or her into the writer's world to understand, to be educated, to be informed, to sympathize or to retaliate. We are talking adult writing here. As erotica it fails, as fiction it fails and as truth - well what can one say - papier mache characters - only sketches - a veneer so tepid and so unbelievable one has to wonder even the mind that thought them up.  The only 'truth' in this writing is the name the author chooses for the genitalia - words she appears to be ever so fond of, to get the "K's" out as one poster eloquently put it. :)  

Write about rape - Ms. Samii, write about liberated sex - write about powerful connection with a male partner - write about masturbation, write as many K's as your heart desires but write what you have experienced - preferably first hand.

The "I" in your story is not a true person. It cannot be and I am not here to educate your audience why.  The "I" in your story betrayed - yes - not her husband or lover - but herself. The "I" in your story lied to herself - something a woman ought never to do if she is truly liberated enough to 'come out'   With that I shall get off the podium and bid everyone good night.

What makes this story so

What makes this story so strange is the fact that it is said in Farsi;
Yes, just the language makes it so dramatic and original!

Otherwise, this is something out of a Hollywood movie or a National Enquirer paper.

There is not even a face value to it and I have no idea why so much credit is given to it by readers.

Grow up people; It just does not stick to ourculture except to those who have truly lost their identity and have yet to find their new alienated one.

This type of stories are virous injections to our rich culture to virally destruct it.

Love with sex

با سلام متاسفانه در ایران همیشه عشق همراه با سکس نیست. و اینکه بعضی ازدواج ها بخاطر مسایل دیگری به غیر از عشق سکس انجام میشود. همان طوریکه مردان و پسران احتیاج به عشق و سکس دارند زنان و دختران هم این احتیاج را دارند ولی متاسفانه در بسیاری از موارد سکس در مردان و جوانان و زنان و دختران کشته میشود ویا عشق از سکس جدا میشود. و این شاید بلایی باشد که بسر خانواده ها و یا زنان میآید.

ما در خانواده های متوسط مذهبی اینطور یاد میگیرم که باید دختران و زنان را بعنوان خواهر و یا مادر و یا دختر خود دوست بداریم و سکس بد است و این موضوع در خاطر ما میماند حتی اگر ازدواج هم کرده باشیم. منتهی وقتی سکس با قدرت خود انسان را تسخیر میکند دیگر از کنترل خارج میشود و چون یاد نگرفته ایم که عشق بایست شروع سکس باشد از عشق صرف نظر میشود.

یادم هست که مادران ایرانی به پسران خود میگفتند اگر زیباترین عروس عالم در لباس زیبا و رنگ و بوی عالی از برابرت بگذرد تنها میتوانی به عنوان زیبا ی روحانی او را ستایش کنی و حق نداری به چشم بد به او نگاه کنی.و تنها به خالقی که او را آفریده است یعنی خدا را ستایش کنی نه او را که مخلوق خدا است. چشم بد یعنی با آرزوی همخوابگی با او. و بدین ترتیب همین موضوع را به دختران هم میگفتند در سالهایی که در ایران در دانشگاه معلم بودم بسیاری از شاگردان خانم من به من میگفتند که از هم بستری با شوهرانشان نفرت دارند و بو ی گفته اند اگر مرا دوست داری از من سکس نخواه. و یا من با تو برای دوستی ازدواج کرده ام نه سکس. و بالاخره اگر سکسی هم انجام میشود برای آن تیپ از زنان جالب نیست بلکه برای این است که میخواهند حامله شوند و مادر.

بهتر این است که دختران ما هم پس از ازدواج ندانند که سکس برای ازدواج بد نیست و نبایست از شوهر خود دوری کنند. و عشق را با سکس توام سازند. و همین طو ر چون بعضی از پسران قبلا با زنان حرفه ای ملاقاتهایی داشته اند و مسلم این است که این گونه زنان که سکس حرفه شان میباشد در موقع سکس به عشق بازی و ماچ و بوسه نمیپرداند و پسران ما فقط با آنان رابطه جنسی مادی دارند که پسر برای تخلیه شهوت بسوی او رفته و او برای گرفتن پول تنها ارگانه سکسی خود را در اختیار پسران قرار میدهدو نه برای بوسه و نوازش و عشق بازی و این در مرد جوان بارور میگردد و عشق در او از بین میرود بخصوص عشق به حنس مخالف . بدین ترتیب نه پسران و مردان جوان ما عشق را شناخته اند و نه دختران ما عشق همراه با سکس را میشناسدند و مشگل پرناز خانم هم از همین نوع است و وقتی پای این خانمها برای رفتن به مسافرتها تنها باز میشود مسلم است که اولین مرد خبره و باصطلاح دنیا دیده و معاشرت کرده با دختران غربی میتواند دل و عقل این خانمها را برباید. مردانی که تجربه کافی در امور جنسی همراه با عشق را از زنان غربی آموخته اند . زیرا این زنان آزاد میتوانند برای خاطر عشق و یا لذتهای جنسی خود را در اختیار مردان دنیای سوم محروم قرار دهند و آنان را آموزش دهند و معلوم است که این آقایان با تجربه میوانند دل و هوش پریناز ها را بربایند.

شاید در دنیای سنتی شرق تنها راه حل این مشگل آموزش عشقی و جنسی زنان ومردان جوان ایران و شرق است و بعد هم تنها راه مورد پسند زود ازدواج کردن جوانا ن است. چون مردان ایران بایست تحصیلات خوب درآمد مکفی و خانه و ماشین داشته باشند تا دختری حاضر به ازداج با آنان بشود و مردی که این راه را طی کرده باشد دیگر حدود سی پنج ساله است و دختر جوان شاید بیست دو ساله. و همین ها مشگل برای پریناز ها میشود که همه چیز میخواهند.

رابطه یک پسر جوان شرقی با یک زن حرفه ای فقط میتواند یک رابطه جنسی باشد در صورتیکه رابطه یک دختر پسر غربی یک رابطه جنسی عشقی است.

I feel your pain Parinaz jan

Thanks for sharing your intimate story. It gave me enough courage to speak somewhat anonymous the issue that is been bothering me for so long.
I am having similar problem with my husband. I am not as liberated as you are though. I fell he is somehow sexually abusive towards me. Often, I don't really feel like to have sex with him due to the fact that he is a bit too much for me to handle, if you know what I mean.
On the other hand, I can't leave him because I feel guilty since this is not his fault, he is what he is. I hope that time will heal my problems. Good luck to you and hang in there girl.

"This is all about using the

"This is all about using the K wordS. The so called adult discussion and rest is hogwash.

"If you don't give your partner what they desire and deserve in bed, they will feel unfulfilled."

Really? Was that secret knowledge now revealed?"

I kinda agree w/ D. The gratuitous use of the K words is of poor taste and gives the article more of a provocative nature than a social discussion one. Pity.

Jahanshah

On the gender issue, I take your word. My bad!

Disingenuousness, however, doesn't imply untruthfulness. It implies fakeness. It implies something hard to swallow. An analogy would be a movie or a play where the actor can't play the role convincingly so the audience doesn't believe him (or her). No pun intended!

"So why not discuss these

"So why not discuss these issues? Isn't it time?"

Bubba, is this the first time you're discussing these issues?! I swear to god me and most people I know have already discussed these issues long ago before and after revolution.

Honest to god, in literature both English and Farsi. You know her? Good for you. We know her too, she is not new. Good for us. Now what?!

Nazy

Fact or Fiction

Rafigh Aziz! Have no doubt that the author is a woman. I know her.

I think the stories are true, but not The Truth. They are her versions of whatever happened between her and the men in her stories. She must have omitted some things, and added others.

However none of that is important to me. I'm not interested in the details, truthfulness or literary style. I'm fascinated by these stories (fact or fiction) because they are so rarely presented to or shared with the public.

You say there's a good chance that these stories are untrue. Let's say you're right. My argument is that none of the stories are out of the realm of possibility. In fact we well know that some men DO think of women as just a hole. We know some women DO cheat on their husbands if not sexually satisfied.

So why not discuss these issues? Isn't it time?

Two things, Ari

Fiction need not be calculating,

and

 you're giving the guy too much credit!

جی جی

بعد از خواندان تعدادی از مقالات پریناز، و در ضمن نظرات خودت راجع به انها را، با اجازت می خوام یکی دو تا پیشنهاد دوستانه بهت بکنم . این مقالات پریناز، حد اقل ٥٠ درصد ان، بلکه یشتر، نتیجه خواب و خیالات ایشون میباشد. در ضمن ، این پریناز خانم، ایا اینکه یک زن هستند و یا یک مرد سبیل کلفت، خدا می داند و بس. منظور من اینست که، برادر، یک مقدار پخته گری بیشتر در این موارد نشان بده، و اینقدر ساده نباش - همین!

Dear Ari

Except for yours, I find the other objections to this story invalid. In the extraordinarily short pieces which cover a lot of ground and emotion, the writer's motivations, disappointments, anger, and guilt are quite palpable or at least detectable for me. I share your need to know more about the other people in the story, too. (I could just see you saying: "I look forward to a story about the complications, the guilt, the breakup, and the divorce. Exploring how other characters are affected..."!).

I am curious to know what Parinaz thinks she is doing here, writing a literary piece or informally downloading thoughts and emotions pertaining to her sexuality. If it is writing literature, which she is inevitably doing, there could be a lot of things she could do to improve these stories, to add dimension and depth and complexity to them. But if she is only writing about her thoughts and experiences with her sexuality in "sketch" format, I am quite comfortable reading and relating to what she is willing to tell me in whatever depth she is able to do.

In fact because these stories don't look like embellished and developed fiction, I do believe their authenticity every time. If Parinaz is not necessarily interested in creating literary work, I would rather she stay with what style she feels most comfortable writing than to attempt different styles which might distract or discourage her from writing the sketches. I find her messages infinitely more important than her style. It is easy for me to relate to her as a woman and though relating to her as a superb storyteller would be an added bonus, I won't insist on it in lieu of the message.

Shahriar Zahedi

For example compare this talking-about-your-husband passage from Alice Walker's The Color Purple with the above text:

She start to laugh. Do his business, she says. Do his business. Why, Miss Celie. You make it sound like he going to the toilet on you.

That what it feel like, I say.

She stop laughing.

Typical

The story may or may not be true but its not unusual and its not unique to Iranian culture and the age.
I see this quite a lot when women complain that there is something wrong and they do not get aroused. In fact almost all of the arousal is in your brain, having sex in public, airplane, stranger ..., is just different enough to stimulate the brain. Some go the way of S&M, some sex toys, whatever you need to take care of yourself.

Plausable?

I don`t know if it is there to provoke or simply it is an Erotica? a fantacy? or perhaps it is a real deal?

I don`t think it is my place to find that out nor is important to do so! what is important is what it reminds all of us. Does love really exist? is love a creation of creative mind? there is something intresting in that peice where it says "I don`t think I would have fallen in love with him if it was any other time or different circomstances but he was there at a right time and he meant alot to me".

it seems to me, Temptation can do magic. I sure hope she would get some Orgasm I really feel for her. I am Iranian but never been with an Iranian girls so I have no idea how it is with them and how willing they are?

Sex is indeed 2 way street, and needs to have signs on both sides!

I have heard from NON Iranian girls that have been with Iranian men, THAT THEY ENJOYED BEING WITH AN IRANIAN MAN. Is it me or this sounds like clieche? An Iranian man can`t SATISFY his wife?

if that is the case I am confused that why those NON persian girls are knocking on my door! Pershaps they say so, so they could grab the iranian guys to themselves.....lol. Or maybe not.

could be true

Today, I have enough time to reply!

It does not matter if this story is real or not.

There are so many real stories similar to this one.......

typical iranaian marriage..
- we do not marray for the right reason "Love".
- we do not talk and communicate the issues out..specially about sex.. "sharmo haya!! " what!?
- we are not romantic....'' no clue how to romance each other"
- we are so shallow.... all the time compare ourselves to others.. not being able to be happy with we have...
- no sharing happiness and success with our partner..
- disregarding and disrespecting each others..
- loving sisters and mother by degrading wife!!
- realizing we love our mothers after we got married!!
- ...... & so many other issues with our typical marriage

so this story can be true...