امام زمان در میدان ولی‌ عصر - نمایشی در یک پرده


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امام زمان در میدان ولی‌ عصر - نمایشی در یک پرده
by Shazde Asdola Mirza
22-Jul-2011
 

"... و مهدی آنقدر از مسلمانان ظاهری میکشد، که تنها ۳۰۰ نفر بر جای می‌‌مانند!"

اولی‌: حالا ما از کجا بدونیم که تو امام زمانی؟

آقا: هر سوال مناسبی که خواستید بپرسید تا جواب بدم.

دومی‌: یه کیلو آهن سنگین تره یا یه کیلو پنبه؟

آقا: البته یه کیلو آهن.

سومی‌: زکی، آقا رو باش ... هر دو هم وزنن!

آقا: نخیر، یک کیلو آهن سنگین تره، چون حجمش کمتره و وزنش در هوا بخاطر نیروی ارشمیدس کمتر کاهش پیدا میکنه.

اولی‌: ارشمیدس دیگه کیه؟

آقا: دانشمند یونانی بود که بعد از این اکتشاف، از حمام لخت بیرون جهید.

دومی‌: پس اونهم مثل تو کس خل بود!

آقا: نخیر، اونهم مثل من از زمان جلوتر میرفت.

سومی‌: خوبه، خوبه، نمیخواد حالا واسه ما پز بدی. اگه راست میگی‌، بگو که من دیشب شام چی‌ خوردم؟

آقا: من فقط می‌تونم به سؤالات شما که جنبه راهنمایی، بهبود زندگی‌ و رستگاری آخرت داره، جواب بدم. نمیدونم دیشب شام چی‌ خوردید.

اولی‌: برو بابا، اینکه نشد حرف. اگه راستی‌ راستی‌ امام هستی‌، با این کفتر‌ها حرف بزن و راضیشون کن تا بیان وسط میدون جمع شند.

آقا: من زبون حیوانات رو بلد نیستم، فقط برای ارشاد آدم‌ها اومدم.

دومی‌: زکی، ۱۲۴ هزار پیغمبر اومده و نتونسته ما رو آدم کنه، حالا خدا تو یه علف بچه سیاه رو فرستاده؟

آقا: ارشاد به گفتار، پندار و رفتار نیک‌ تحقق پیدا میکنه، نه با معجزه و شعبده. حتی خود پیغمبر هم بجز پیام آسمانی، اعجاز دیگری نداشت.

سومی‌: اگه راست میگی‌، بیا مچ بندازیم، ببینم که زورت به من میرسه یا نه!

اولی‌ که حالا کاملا حوصله‌اش سر رفته، از پشت با مشت میکوبه پس کله آقا. آقا هم با کله میره تو حوض وسط میدون. مردم شروع میکنند به خندیدن و قهقهه زدن. اولی‌ که یه بسیجی‌ عصبانیه، هفتیر شو از زیر پیرهن رو شلوار افتادش در میاره و به طرف آقا نشونه میره.

اولی‌: بچه پر رو، یا زودی بگو که گه‌ خوردی و شپش امام زمان هم نیستی‌، یا همین حالا مغز تو می‌‌ترکونم!

آقا به دست و پا می‌‌افته و آهسته میگه: ببخشید، اشتباه کردم ... ولم کنید.

سومی‌ غش غش میخنده و به قهقهه فریاد میکنه: آهای ملت ... بیایید و این امام زمان الکی‌ رو ببینید!

آقا از زمین به آرومی بلند میشه و لباسشو مرتب میکنه. مردم بیکار و لختی، چاقوکش و باج گیر، جیب بر و کیف زن ... دسته دسته از راه میرسند و آقا رو دوره میکنند.

جماعت دم می‌‌گیرند: حاجی فیروزه، بعله ... سالی‌ یه روزه، بعله ... حرف دیروزه، بعله ... کونش میسوزه، بعله!

پسر جوان سیاه پوست مضطربانه به چهرهٔ خندان و مشت‌های گره کرده جماعت خیره میشود؛ سپس با اکراه، دست توی جیب کتش کرده، و جعبه کوچک سیاهی را بیرون می‌‌آورد.

دومی‌: موبایل شو در آورده، تا به ننه جونش زنگ بزنه!

اما آقا دکمه روی جعبه رو که فشار میده؛ یه اشعه لیزری ناگهان تمام منطقه رو روشن میکنه، و همه جماعت رو از پا در میاره.

زیر لب میگه: درست پیش بینی‌ کرده بود ... تا همه شونو نکشی، باور نمیکنن.


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more from Shazde Asdola Mirza
 
Multiple Personality Disorder

شعار طرفداران خامنه‌ای در موقع ظهور امام زمان

Multiple Personality Disorder


.
امام زمان فتنه‌گر است
رهبر ما عزیزتر است


Shazde Asdola Mirza

Come and burn our Winter of Discontent: ya Imam Zaman!

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

I had overlooked one comment down below (VPK: Imam Zaman), which talks about the origin of this sort of savior to be from the ancient persian zorasterian trandition. Just wanted to say that the wish for an ultimate savior has a very deep psychological root in the humans' Discontent with Civilization. It is really a yearning for all to collapse, so that we can become one with the nature again.

As Rumi talks about alienation from our true selves; anyone who is cut and taken away from his roots, yearns and aches to be reunited with that basic and original truth (i.e. the natural way of being). Civilization takes us away from that nature and makes us aliens, living outside the natural earth. But it instead provides us with extra food, safety and pleasures. However, our true natural self wants nothing more than a free and natural life, and therefore, subconciously hates and considers civilization to be a prison. Even in a 5-star prison, most prisoners want to one day become free and be reunited with their roots ... so they collectively dream of the day that all walls would fall down.

This concept of savior, combined with the end-of-time and the collapse of civilization, is present in almost all cultures; with one narrative or the other.


Shazde Asdola Mirza

دیوانه جان

Shazde Asdola Mirza


I prefer the idea of a savior, who wouldn't even crush an ant in his life. It sends a much better message to its followers, and much better chance of salvation for the world. It is so easy to kill and destroy, but so much harder to build and give life and hope.

//iranian.com/main/2011/jul-17


Shazde Asdola Mirza

All Iranians: I don't know about the 12th Imam's dog, but ...

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

... fully remember that the remainder of ass-washing water (Aab Tahe Aftabeh) from Khomeini's toilet was taken by his Revolutionary Guards (Sepah) as holy water for sprinkling over their sick family members or even selling to others!


divaneh

قربون لیزرش

divaneh


اگه این داستان راست باشه من هم امام زمانی میشم. ما که از دست اوباش ذله شدیم، یا مهدی شتاب کن. دستت درد نکنه شازده جان، داستان قشنگی بود.


All-Iranians

آیا سگ امام زمان پاک است یا نجس

All-Iranians


 شازده جان  آیا سگ امام زمان پاک است یا نجس

جواب شما برای تکمیل بررسی سگ ها و آدم ها
//iranian.com/main/blog/all-iranians-23
مناسب خواهد بود. تشکر


vildemose

By the way, the IRI regime

by vildemose on

By the way, the IRI regime does not hate anything more than the concept of Human Rights, because they fully subscribe to the forceful Islamist creed of "surrender or die.

Spot on...you're on fire dear Shazedeh...lol


Shazde Asdola Mirza

پیغمبر چادری خراسان

Shazde Asdola Mirza


Well said ... people should be free to live their lives and beliefs ... as long as they don't use violence to force other people, and rob them of their own Human Rights.

By the way, the IRI regime does not hate anything more than the concept of Human Rights, because they fully subscribe to the forceful Islamist creed of "surrender or die".


Veiled Prophet of Khorasan

Shazdeh

by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on

 

Well thank you. There are times we agree and times we disagree. I am all for freedom of religion. As long as it is not forced on me. For example if people want to fast that is fine. But if they attack me for eating on Ramadan that is not right. Similar things about concepts like hijab. If a woman wants to wear a head scarf fine. But they may not tell my daughter she has to put it on as well. 


Veiled Prophet of Khorasan

Imam Zaman

by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on

 

Is a direct theft of the "Savior" idea from Zoroastrianism. In Sassanid Zoroastrianism there is the concept of "Saoshyant". The Shia simply took it and Islamized it. Nothing more than it. 


Shazde Asdola Mirza

I never thought that I would say that, but ...

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

... you may be partially right!

However, as non-believers, we must protect the rights and freedoms of all the non-terrorist believers of any religion.


Veiled Prophet of Khorasan

Re: "Peace between Islam and"

by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on

 

Islam means submission. It does not mean peace as some claim. Anyone with minimal understanding of Arabic knows this. You get "peace" when you submit. Or you get violence or at best be a second class citizen. 

Hence there is no possibility of peace with Islam and non-Islam. Unless you submit to either being a Muslim or their lordship over you. No way they will treat you as equals. So there. 

That is why there will be a struggle until one side wins. On one side is Islam the other non-Muslims. The Muslims have numbers on their side but most of them Muslims live in poverty. Backwards and uneducated. The real danger is from PC liberals in West.


vildemose

"Peace between Islam and

by vildemose on

"Peace between Islam and non-Islam is meaningless. Islam is always at struggle with the non-Islam. If they surrender to the rule of Allah, that is fine. Otherwise, we can never stop our Jihad."


Interesting quote. thanks.

 


Shazde Asdola Mirza

مش قاسم عزیز

Shazde Asdola Mirza


Yes, this Emam Zaman is very Old-School.

Nothing like the Bahai's who was even incapable of killing ants!


Shazde Asdola Mirza

Ari jan, thanks

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

If it wasn't for your funny Yellow Emam Eye Test, this little tale would have stayed in the bottom kitchen drawer too. I love the iron-vs-cotton question, which can be stated and spinned in so many different ways: mass vs. weight, etc.


Shazde Asdola Mirza

حسینی جان، لطف دارید

Shazde Asdola Mirza


Yes, it in general is in line with the ideology of Islam (surrender or die). Islamist thinking is such that it cannot accept any form of discussion or disagreement. It is: "either I defeat you or you defeat me". Therefore, as Khomeini also said:

"Peace between Islam and non-Islam is meaningless. Islam is always at struggle with the non-Islam. If they surrender to the rule of Allah, that is fine. Otherwise, we can never stop our Jihad."


Mash Ghasem

Mirza strikes again

by Mash Ghasem on

Me never thought you went back ten years to 18 Tir, my hat to you sir, new found respect. Though, this emam zaman looks sort of a US Marine type: smile at every one in the room and have a plan to kill all if needed.


Ari Siletz

Shaolin priest Emam Zaman

by Ari Siletz on

Great story! Has the same type of payoff as those Kung Fu movies where the peaceful David Carradine lets himself get beat up, then suddenly kicks bad guy ass. Can't wait for the "Kill Bill" version of Hazrate Masoomeh.

Cool scene with the iron and cotton argument.


default

Well done Shazde

by ahosseini on

  This is more compatible with the line of thought of Khomaini and hard-line
followers.

It reminds me of two speeches, I personally heard, made by
Ayatollah Khomaini.

1. when he was asked to explain justice in Islam, he went on and
on about aspects of laws of retribution, things like cutting hands, stoning to
death, giving slashes of whip, etc.

2. In an occasion, during Iran-Iraq war, the leading army generals
went to see him to tell him that the next battle involves big columns of army
crossing a desert with no defense at all and that the spokesman said it is
unlikely that even one will manage to make it to the other side. His response
was "Enshallah shahadateshan mobark ast"

 


vildemose

Enjoyed it very

by vildemose on

Enjoyed it very much...thanks.


Shazde Asdola Mirza

این داستان الهام گرفته از یک قصه ۱۰ سال پیش است

Shazde Asdola Mirza


Dear Friends: thanks and more thanks.

I read this Emam Zaman story, in the context of the suppression of the Iranian students movement some 10 years ago. At the time, it was reported that the student writer had been imprisoned for daring to write an emam zaman story. In his version, the emam is also a "nice guy", but unlike mine, it is he who is killed by a stupid and violent hezbollahi.

If you recall that story (no longer than 2 pages, in persian and titled something like "encounter at night") please let everyone know. I want to make a mention and give credit to that poor imprisoned student, but have lost too many brain cells to recall his name.


M. Saadat Noury

Excellent

by M. Saadat Noury on

Thanks.


ImtheKing

بچه پر رو، یا زودی بگو که گه‌ خوردی و شپش امام زمان هم نیستی‌

ImtheKing





ایول شازده! ترکوندی که شب جمعه ای


Faramarz

جای دوست کجاست؟

Faramarz


جای دشمن کجاست!
اینجا!

مرسی شازده جان، یاد خیمه شب بازان و معرکه گیران خیابان های تهران افتادم!   


Mehrban

Hmmm...

by Mehrban on

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