A jerk in London


Jahanshah Javid
by Jahanshah Javid

I don't know which is the greater sin: parting from the most important issue of the day -- Palestinian-Israeli conflict -- by telling you another pointless personal story, or cheating on my wife? I think the former because technically I didn't cheat on my wife. I had the right to have sex outside of marriage. I was a practicing Muslim. I knew my rights as a man as far as women were concerned. Yes, I acted like a dick according to decent universal norms of conduct, but in the eyes of God, all I had done was satisfy my natural carnal desire. So nooshe joonam.

In the summer of 1983 I was a 21-year-old translator in the English Section of the Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA). I worked hard. I fought to grab and translate the juiciest news items. Plus I had the greatest faith in the Islamic Revolution. I understood the horrific crimes and excesses taking place in the name of Islam and the Revolution, but in my mind these were minor and inevitable side-effects of a much bigger and more significant movement toward freedom, independence, equality and fair distribution of wealth. Basically kheyli khar tar az alaan boodam.

One day my boss at IRNA asked whether I would like to attend a two-month crash course on journalism at London's City University? I immediately said yes. I had come back to Iran after finishing high school mostly in the U.S. and had no college or professional training at all. An all-expenses-paid trip to London would be fantastic.

The classes were organized by the Muslim Institute, a group of English Pakistanis led by Dr. Kalim Siddiqui, a Sunni intellectual who supported the Iranian Revolution through his books and publications, namely Crescent International and Muslim Media. After my trip to London, I contributed articles regularly from Tehran under my new and not-so-improved name, Mohammad Javid.

About 15 people attended the classes. All Muslims and sympathetic to the Islamic movement. The objective was to give them basic journalism training and create a network of writers who would report on events in their country from an Islamic revolutionary perspective. Besides the Iranian contingent (me and two employees from the media section of the Islamic Guidance Ministry), there were people from Pakistan, Turkey, Greece, Kenya, and South Africa, as far as I can remember. The age group was from early 20's to early 30's. All were men, except for two women from South Africa.

Among the Iranians, I was the only one who attended classes every day and was genuinely interested. The two others showed up sporadically at best. They treated this as a vacation and had no interest in journalism. And despite working for the Islamic Guidance Ministry, they could care less about the Islamic Movement. But I was really into it. There were four English professors, all of them current or veteran reporters for major British newspapers. They taught us the very basic, general rules of journalism. They made me into the journalist I was to become. The emphasis on facts and common sense helped me over time to move away from idealism and propaganda towards honest truth and reality. To this day I admire the British press and their style of journalism more than any other.

Our international group was housed at a dormitory which was mostly empty for the summer break. The beautiful garden/square in front was an invitation to start jogging again. I would wake up early in the morning and run half an hour to 45 minutes around the square. After just a couple of weeks I got me into pretty good shape. We had our meals in the dorm cafeteria and got together in the common room to watch TV or have a chat. We were close and many of us became friends, if not good friends.

I've given you all this as a background for the main point of this blog: sex, in this case as a married Muslim man. It all really comes down to men's incredible sex drive. I'm only telling you my story, and I'm acknowledging my actions, but I strongly suggest that women especially see this as just one example of the power of testosterone or whatever it is that makes men do uniquely stupid things to get sex.

While I was in London, and I'm sure before I got there, I thought a lot about this question: Can I or should I have sex while I'm away from my wife for two months? The answer I always ended up with was yes, absolutely. I was a Muslim man. I believed in God, Mohammad and the Imams, and prayed every day. And I had devoted my life to the Islamic Republic. My religion gave me the right to have sex with women other than my wife. I could have more than one permanent wife and as many temporary ones as I liked. Excellllllent!

The truth of the matter was that I didn't want a harem. I didn't want to exercise my full rights guaranteed under Islam. All I wanted was a little taste, while I was far away from home. Just like non-Muslim husbands who go on business trips and famously surrender to temptation for a quick, convenient fuck. The difference was I didn't have to feel guilty about it. All good and easy to say, in theory. In reality I was scared shitless. I mean how was I going to approach a woman and ask her if she would marry me, temporarily, for an hour and a day or two? :o))) Why did I not realize how incredibly desperate and stupid it all looked?

Well, for one thing, I was a man in heat, which is the normal every day state of all men, unless the poison in their body has been released two seconds ago, in which case they can think straight for half an hour, an hour max. Two, I was me, a man who finally lost his virginity on his wedding night and immediately thought my God, this sex thing is the greatest thing ever! Ever ever ever! So even though the marriage was a disaster, the intimacy department was active and well. I was very concerned that I was not going to have sex for two whole months in London, where the women did not cover themselves the way they do in Iran. I had forgotten how much better the infidel ladies looked. Thank God there was Islam to take care of my urgent problem and guide me to do the right thing.

Initially I thought I would feel a lot less guilty if the whole thing was more halal and kosher. It would have been so much more appropriate if I could find a Muslim woman because she would have understood and not offended if a Muslim man approached her for sex. She would have appreciated that my intentions were honorable, that I was doing what God had sanctioned for all Muslim men, from Mohammad Rasoolollah to Mohammad Javid!

Coincidentally, one of the South African sisters in our international brotherhood of Muslim journalists was very attractive. She was a petit woman with a cute round face and the sweetest demeanor. Her pomegranate-colored scarf and long boots were such a turn on. We were about the same age. Her name was Khadija, the same as Prophet Mohammad's wife. How perfect was that?! Me Mohammad, you Khadija! She seemed to like me too. You know, she would talk to me, about the Islamic movement and stuff :o)

Several weeks passed. A young Muslim man, all alone in London, dying for sex. I was going nuts. (Back then I didn't know how effective masturbation was in maintaining sanity.) I don't remember how I ended up in Khadija's room. Did I make an appointment with her earlier that day? Probably. Did I just rush to her door unannounced and knock like a maniac? Possibly. But anyway, there I was in her room. She was sitting comfortably, cross-legged (long boots in full view) on a chair by the desk and I sat opposite on the bed. The poor girl had no clue what she was about to hear.

I don't remember my exact words, but it went something like this: "Um, I don't know how to put this. It's kind of embarrassing but, um, this trip has been really difficult for me, away from my wife and stuff, and I keep telling myself that I should stop thinking about intimacy. But I can't. And, um, I really like you and, um, I was wondering if, um, you would be interested in, um, temporary marriage?"

I wish someone had taken a gun and shot me. Take me back in time and I would do it myself.

Khadija, I'm sure, was shocked. I heard her say no at some point and the rest is a blur. I must have felt so cheap and pathetic that I completely blacked out. But was I ashamed enough to stop thinking about sex? Testosterone does not understand shame, especially in a Muslim man who knows his rights!

Having been rejected by a sister, my attention shifted to infidels. One particular infidel in fact. Suzanne was a German archaeology student with long frizzy brown hair and thin round glasses. She had done archaeological work in Syria and loved Arabs and Muslims in general. She lived in the dorm and often joined our group in the common room. She hung around me a lot, which made me uncomfortable. I did not want to explore possibilities with a non-Muslim. But now, I had no other choice.

One night I asked Suzanne if she would like to go to the movies with me. She was delighted. So was I. I picked the latest hour possible so that we wouldn't be seen by members of our group. What would they say if they saw me going out alone with a woman, especially an infidel? We walked to the theater, which was about 20 minutes away -- and packed for the opening night of a big Hollywood movie. Whatever it was, neither of us liked it. We talked about it walking back to the dorm. It must have been close to or past midnight, cold and foggy. As we were crossing the garden towards the dorm, our bodies slightly bumped a few times. I couldn't take it any more. I turned and kissed Suzanne.

Like any terrified maniac, I very much expected to be pushed back. But, praise be to God, she held me tight. I was so anxious and desperate that I dragged her behind a bush and wanted to have sex with her right there in the mud. She stopped me and said, "Why here? Let's go to my room." Yes, yes, of course. That was a much better idea. I can wait five minutes. My heart was racing.

The sex was as exciting and guilt-ridden as the first time you have sex with a woman outside marriage in a dorm room in London on a trip aimed at becoming a reporter for the international Islamic movement. My only wish was that she wouldn't make so much noise. Oh my God she was so loud. I thought the whole dorm heard us (her). It wasn't as if I was doing anything special. The missionary position was all I knew (in fact Suzanne later told me I should learn a few other moves).

Like any sordid, thoughtless affair, this one got complicated quite quickly. The next morning I showed up at the cafeteria for breakfast and pretended, as best as I could, that nothing had happened. Suzanne on the other hand, could not contain herself. She handed me a piece of paper. I opened it and it was a poem she had written for me. Oh shittttt! In the remaining few days in London there were more poems, which I would throw away as soon as she would turn her back.

Such a jerk on so many levels...

I didn't cheat during my second marriage. My jerky character manifested itself in other ways. Bemaanad...


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JJ ...

by javaneh29 on

Interesting story and an apparantly frank and open disclosure of your younger self.

Im sure you are not worried what any one thnks of you, why should you be? And anyway you were no different to 99% of all 21- 99 yrs old guys, Iranian or not. And why should anyone thnk less of you because of your public admission. None of us are saints, we all make mistakes etc ... although we might not be couragious enough to publish them.

So I say thanks for your story. Its good to know you are not god and simply human after all!

Im very intrigued ... did you tell your wife? What happened ? I think you should follow this up with the rest of the story.



You dragged all Biochemistry and Divinity to support your case

by Miny (not verified) on

You are being more loud than her when you share such stories...well then this is the site that you own.....but still you have not beaten Castro or Chamberlain....ha ha ha...you are very much a halaal-zadeh....dont worry on that....Flying solo already told you that...you are soo talented..seems you have done all...jogging blogging flogging hogging logging clogging...huh!

Many people never get this lucky to do their heart and then be in a position to publish their positions in life too....Hope atleast now you have found peace....why dont you write a book titled "Adventures of JJuckleberry Javidinn".....

not that i would admire anybody doing that but for your peace of mind...anything...i liked the story for coz i came to know the rights that Muslim Men enjoy and enjoy sooo much...other men enjoy their wrongs....hahahaha....and fidel and infidel women have to put with men with wrongs and rights....thats what keeps earth moving around its axis...some things go on forever everywhere....God made everything ...God makes us do anything that we do.....its proven with your story.....


That was a fun read.

by desi on

That was a fun read.  Married at 21!  What were you thinking?  You should have been sowing your wild oats, guilt-free like the rest of us.



JJ, this is another fun read!

by Monda on

Have you become a better writer since you've left U.S., or moved in with Robert and his family?!

Do you have more of your life stories in the archives? (I already read the one about Laura.) I really enjoy reading about your past. You write honestly and use good humour :o)  


rosie is roxy is roshan

Thank god, jj, another one of your stories. About time.

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

I always look forward to them. I find them so inspirational. And I completely understand why the German girl wound up writing poems for you. C'mon ladies, admit it, he was gorgeous when he was younger, wasn't he?


Actually he still has that je ne sais quoi Funny thing though, jj, how with all the people I've gotten to know onsite during this fun and lively year, I never got to know you. You really should consider answering one of my posts onsite one day. I have some very good ideas about moderation.

Warmest regards,


PS There's nothing wrong with what you did. Honest. I swear. Don't pay attention to the people who say so, they're just jealous. Always have been, always will be. It's one of the occupational hazards of being a rock star.



Why don't you give us the

by from london (not verified) on

Why don't you give us the full names of the women and their pix too, it would really help in idetifying them on the street much better ----


Dear Pacifistt

by Souri on

I know also some good Iranian men who think only with their head and stay away of all temptation, but...hey, they haven't been married at 20!

They did everything they had too :O)) before the marriage, then they stayed always loyal to their women. One thing is sure, the most powerful force of the world is "Love". Love is more powerful than religion or moral or whatever else.......in my opinion.

Farshadjon : You made me have a doubt now, about JJ being Sarvenaz. Believe me, I was thinking the same thing when I was reading this story!! I'll kill JJ if one day I learn that he "hameh ma ro sare kaar gozashte bood" and he actually is the autor of all those "Napoleon, mon amour" series........but again, I don't think so because, Sarvenaz had a very great knowledge about France and French culture and life. No...no doubt now, as i recall her way of writing, she  definitevly is not JJ :P)))


so iranian?

by IRANdokht on

guilty as charged! 

I think the saying goes something like this: what people think of me is none of my business...

As I mentioned before, it's not whether or not JJ should care, I know he doesn't.  Everybody has a few stories from their past, but not many people tell. It takes courage and a little bit of masochism (sorry J) to reveal the type of stories that people can use against you, mostly in spiteful and childish ways.


bajenaghe naghi

jj jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

you killed me with this story. very funny and very telling. what you did was very natural for a 21 year old young man. but for a married man it was not. but hay, god was on your side and you had a great time so it must have been ok. i am glad you wrote about it and i got a chance to read it. 


Soooo Iranian...

by nemigam (not verified) on


"...it affects people's opinion of you,..."

It's time we Iranians stop worrying about people's opinion of us.

What other people think of you is none of their business.


99.9% are unfaithful

by nemigam (not verified) on


“…but there really ARE men on this very planet,human ones, even an Iranian or two who, testosterone or no, train themselves to think with one head instead of two…”

You said it, AN Iranian or TWO but no more than TWO!!! That goes for the rest of the men population.


My pholosophy is that...................

by Marde Eroonee (not verified) on

My philosophy is that men should get married as soon as they can afford it and not have sex before marriage,but it is almost impossible.In the other hand when men do get married they should stay faithful with their wives which is not easy since there are so many fish in the ocean.A funny story that I have is that I had a friend that we used to call Moozilem,Moozi for world cunning and lem for last part of Moslem.He was a practicing Muslim and he was also cunning .He would go to disco and pick up women and ask them to read sigheh term with him.Some girls would read Ankahta verse with him and some would laugh and some would look at him weird.Anyway he did not want his conscience to bother him and that was the reason behind his one hour marriage.


Dear Mr. Javid,

by Anonymous Pacifistt (not verified) on

Thank you for the edifying story. Now why do you wish someone had taken a gun to your head and shot you? Why do you wish you could go back in time and do it now? This is very bad for you and bad for the peace movement. Non-violence at all costs. You are not helping Gaza at all.

Also there is enough shame on you shame on you all over this website these last few days. The last thing we need to hear from you is shame on me. It is very bad for your flock. Coming to terms with the past is good, wallowing in guilt is not. Finally, khodkoshi is more haram than a little nookie on the side, even for someone as devout as you. Relax, have a tequila. But don't drink TOO much...it's bad for you.


PS Now this might come as a BIG surprise to you, but there really ARE men on this very planet,human ones, even an Iranian or two who, testosterone or no, train themselves to think with one head instead of two. Even boneheads. You can do it. All it requires is a paradigm shift. Have fauth. Take cold sshowers. May the force be with you.

Free Spirit


by Free Spirit on

Too much FYI........

Anonymous Observer

You See, This is Why I'm an atheist...

by Anonymous Observer on

keeps me on the straight and narrow...:-)


JJ jan

by IRANdokht on

Your story and your thoughts (justifications) about extra marrital sex for muslim men put a reasonable concern in the heart of any sensible woman contemplating a long term relationship with any self-proclaimed muslim man.

You made the whole thing sound funny and I did chuckle a couple of times, but also was very disappointed to see how you approached the unsuspecting muslim woman. You didnt ask her to go to a movie or have dinner with her to show your interest, you just went ahead and asked her if she would have sex with you, kinda like picking up a hooker. Is that the level of respect that muslim men should have for single women? women appreciate being respected more than anything and I am sure you finally figured that out eventually! 21 was a long time ago LOL

one last point: would you please reconsider spilling the beans about your past to this extreme?  I am sure it affects people's opinion of you, especially the ones who don't know you well enough now, will have a negative image of you based only on these ancient stories...  ok I know you don't care! :-P   but knowing what a sweetheart of a man you are now, I feel bad seeing certain people misjudge you based on your openness. 



The old saying: Dar dizi baze hayaye gorbe koja rafte”

by farshadjon on

Can I or should I have sex while I'm away from my wife for two months? The answer I always ended up with was yes, absolutely!!!!! 

This was really funny, man!! But to be honest with you, I am kind of surprised!  You first started this year with your memoir on the Christmas day, which really surprised me and now it is just keep coming!! 

I taught that it is only “Sarvenaz” that can describe her stories so well, but you are beating a hell out of her!!! Just a friendly advice, I don’t see any point for revealing these stories. It may be interesting to read but I am not (you are not, too) sure what is your intention for publishing your private life on the net!!  

I always had a issue with “Hossein Derakhshan” way of blogging. I don’t want that you end up like him!! 


I dragged her behind a bush and wanted to have sex with her right there in the mud!!! Dadash, be a little bit patient!!!



by shirazie (not verified) on

man you married young. You missed all whoring around that all the Persian students did in the 70's.

Discos were fully of Iranian students who claimed they were related to the shah. I claimed to be Jesus (long hair bearded)- "come to Jesus"

Are you still sleeping on the couch?


A good funny story

by Souri on

Thanks JJ jan for sharing this memory with us. I laughed loud. What a misfortune !! This is what happen to a young man who get married too young. A young 21 man, can't be hold in the prison of moral and religion, then this is what happen. Thankfully Suzanne did not make too much drama after that "incident".....you could get in horrible trouble :O))