A jerk in London


Jahanshah Javid
by Jahanshah Javid

I don't know which is the greater sin: parting from the most important issue of the day -- Palestinian-Israeli conflict -- by telling you another pointless personal story, or cheating on my wife? I think the former because technically I didn't cheat on my wife. I had the right to have sex outside of marriage. I was a practicing Muslim. I knew my rights as a man as far as women were concerned. Yes, I acted like a dick according to decent universal norms of conduct, but in the eyes of God, all I had done was satisfy my natural carnal desire. So nooshe joonam.

In the summer of 1983 I was a 21-year-old translator in the English Section of the Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA). I worked hard. I fought to grab and translate the juiciest news items. Plus I had the greatest faith in the Islamic Revolution. I understood the horrific crimes and excesses taking place in the name of Islam and the Revolution, but in my mind these were minor and inevitable side-effects of a much bigger and more significant movement toward freedom, independence, equality and fair distribution of wealth. Basically kheyli khar tar az alaan boodam.

One day my boss at IRNA asked whether I would like to attend a two-month crash course on journalism at London's City University? I immediately said yes. I had come back to Iran after finishing high school mostly in the U.S. and had no college or professional training at all. An all-expenses-paid trip to London would be fantastic.

The classes were organized by the Muslim Institute, a group of English Pakistanis led by Dr. Kalim Siddiqui, a Sunni intellectual who supported the Iranian Revolution through his books and publications, namely Crescent International and Muslim Media. After my trip to London, I contributed articles regularly from Tehran under my new and not-so-improved name, Mohammad Javid.

About 15 people attended the classes. All Muslims and sympathetic to the Islamic movement. The objective was to give them basic journalism training and create a network of writers who would report on events in their country from an Islamic revolutionary perspective. Besides the Iranian contingent (me and two employees from the media section of the Islamic Guidance Ministry), there were people from Pakistan, Turkey, Greece, Kenya, and South Africa, as far as I can remember. The age group was from early 20's to early 30's. All were men, except for two women from South Africa.

Among the Iranians, I was the only one who attended classes every day and was genuinely interested. The two others showed up sporadically at best. They treated this as a vacation and had no interest in journalism. And despite working for the Islamic Guidance Ministry, they could care less about the Islamic Movement. But I was really into it. There were four English professors, all of them current or veteran reporters for major British newspapers. They taught us the very basic, general rules of journalism. They made me into the journalist I was to become. The emphasis on facts and common sense helped me over time to move away from idealism and propaganda towards honest truth and reality. To this day I admire the British press and their style of journalism more than any other.

Our international group was housed at a dormitory which was mostly empty for the summer break. The beautiful garden/square in front was an invitation to start jogging again. I would wake up early in the morning and run half an hour to 45 minutes around the square. After just a couple of weeks I got me into pretty good shape. We had our meals in the dorm cafeteria and got together in the common room to watch TV or have a chat. We were close and many of us became friends, if not good friends.

I've given you all this as a background for the main point of this blog: sex, in this case as a married Muslim man. It all really comes down to men's incredible sex drive. I'm only telling you my story, and I'm acknowledging my actions, but I strongly suggest that women especially see this as just one example of the power of testosterone or whatever it is that makes men do uniquely stupid things to get sex.

While I was in London, and I'm sure before I got there, I thought a lot about this question: Can I or should I have sex while I'm away from my wife for two months? The answer I always ended up with was yes, absolutely. I was a Muslim man. I believed in God, Mohammad and the Imams, and prayed every day. And I had devoted my life to the Islamic Republic. My religion gave me the right to have sex with women other than my wife. I could have more than one permanent wife and as many temporary ones as I liked. Excellllllent!

The truth of the matter was that I didn't want a harem. I didn't want to exercise my full rights guaranteed under Islam. All I wanted was a little taste, while I was far away from home. Just like non-Muslim husbands who go on business trips and famously surrender to temptation for a quick, convenient fuck. The difference was I didn't have to feel guilty about it. All good and easy to say, in theory. In reality I was scared shitless. I mean how was I going to approach a woman and ask her if she would marry me, temporarily, for an hour and a day or two? :o))) Why did I not realize how incredibly desperate and stupid it all looked?

Well, for one thing, I was a man in heat, which is the normal every day state of all men, unless the poison in their body has been released two seconds ago, in which case they can think straight for half an hour, an hour max. Two, I was me, a man who finally lost his virginity on his wedding night and immediately thought my God, this sex thing is the greatest thing ever! Ever ever ever! So even though the marriage was a disaster, the intimacy department was active and well. I was very concerned that I was not going to have sex for two whole months in London, where the women did not cover themselves the way they do in Iran. I had forgotten how much better the infidel ladies looked. Thank God there was Islam to take care of my urgent problem and guide me to do the right thing.

Initially I thought I would feel a lot less guilty if the whole thing was more halal and kosher. It would have been so much more appropriate if I could find a Muslim woman because she would have understood and not offended if a Muslim man approached her for sex. She would have appreciated that my intentions were honorable, that I was doing what God had sanctioned for all Muslim men, from Mohammad Rasoolollah to Mohammad Javid!

Coincidentally, one of the South African sisters in our international brotherhood of Muslim journalists was very attractive. She was a petit woman with a cute round face and the sweetest demeanor. Her pomegranate-colored scarf and long boots were such a turn on. We were about the same age. Her name was Khadija, the same as Prophet Mohammad's wife. How perfect was that?! Me Mohammad, you Khadija! She seemed to like me too. You know, she would talk to me, about the Islamic movement and stuff :o)

Several weeks passed. A young Muslim man, all alone in London, dying for sex. I was going nuts. (Back then I didn't know how effective masturbation was in maintaining sanity.) I don't remember how I ended up in Khadija's room. Did I make an appointment with her earlier that day? Probably. Did I just rush to her door unannounced and knock like a maniac? Possibly. But anyway, there I was in her room. She was sitting comfortably, cross-legged (long boots in full view) on a chair by the desk and I sat opposite on the bed. The poor girl had no clue what she was about to hear.

I don't remember my exact words, but it went something like this: "Um, I don't know how to put this. It's kind of embarrassing but, um, this trip has been really difficult for me, away from my wife and stuff, and I keep telling myself that I should stop thinking about intimacy. But I can't. And, um, I really like you and, um, I was wondering if, um, you would be interested in, um, temporary marriage?"

I wish someone had taken a gun and shot me. Take me back in time and I would do it myself.

Khadija, I'm sure, was shocked. I heard her say no at some point and the rest is a blur. I must have felt so cheap and pathetic that I completely blacked out. But was I ashamed enough to stop thinking about sex? Testosterone does not understand shame, especially in a Muslim man who knows his rights!

Having been rejected by a sister, my attention shifted to infidels. One particular infidel in fact. Suzanne was a German archaeology student with long frizzy brown hair and thin round glasses. She had done archaeological work in Syria and loved Arabs and Muslims in general. She lived in the dorm and often joined our group in the common room. She hung around me a lot, which made me uncomfortable. I did not want to explore possibilities with a non-Muslim. But now, I had no other choice.

One night I asked Suzanne if she would like to go to the movies with me. She was delighted. So was I. I picked the latest hour possible so that we wouldn't be seen by members of our group. What would they say if they saw me going out alone with a woman, especially an infidel? We walked to the theater, which was about 20 minutes away -- and packed for the opening night of a big Hollywood movie. Whatever it was, neither of us liked it. We talked about it walking back to the dorm. It must have been close to or past midnight, cold and foggy. As we were crossing the garden towards the dorm, our bodies slightly bumped a few times. I couldn't take it any more. I turned and kissed Suzanne.

Like any terrified maniac, I very much expected to be pushed back. But, praise be to God, she held me tight. I was so anxious and desperate that I dragged her behind a bush and wanted to have sex with her right there in the mud. She stopped me and said, "Why here? Let's go to my room." Yes, yes, of course. That was a much better idea. I can wait five minutes. My heart was racing.

The sex was as exciting and guilt-ridden as the first time you have sex with a woman outside marriage in a dorm room in London on a trip aimed at becoming a reporter for the international Islamic movement. My only wish was that she wouldn't make so much noise. Oh my God she was so loud. I thought the whole dorm heard us (her). It wasn't as if I was doing anything special. The missionary position was all I knew (in fact Suzanne later told me I should learn a few other moves).

Like any sordid, thoughtless affair, this one got complicated quite quickly. The next morning I showed up at the cafeteria for breakfast and pretended, as best as I could, that nothing had happened. Suzanne on the other hand, could not contain herself. She handed me a piece of paper. I opened it and it was a poem she had written for me. Oh shittttt! In the remaining few days in London there were more poems, which I would throw away as soon as she would turn her back.

Such a jerk on so many levels...

I didn't cheat during my second marriage. My jerky character manifested itself in other ways. Bemaanad...


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rosie is roxy is roshan

That's my girl..

by rosie is roxy is roshan on



Free Spirit

oh no........

by Free Spirit on

Facts.....whomever you are........

 I can assure you that women can be very sexual.

Our appetite can be very voracious.

Simply we are oppressed by the socialization we had.....from a patriarchal society.....religious upbringing....blah.......blah......blah



Women should be free to choose to have sex or not without being judged.



by facts (not verified) on

Honestly, that is not the "NORM".
Oh, and I loved the austin powers picture... very cute :)



by facts (not verified) on

rosie is roxy is roshan, I liked your explanation.

But, I still think men NEED sex more than women do. Women are sexually aroused through intimacy, kindness, softness, conversation, etc. Men, on the other hand, just about anything and everything.

rosie is roxy is roshan

Alright, "Mr. Facts", I saw that last post of yours...

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

"men are more sexual than women."

Oh god, I wish I could tell you the true stories...  

"Facts", here's a source for you:


you and your bloody sperm count... 


(ps...i think the "sir" means jj...)

rosie is roxy is roshan

Okay, Sex and the Sitey / with special notes to Miny..

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

Okay, you first, "Facts", you asked for it, you know you did. The reason you men have so many sperm is because these little fishies of love are so WEAK and PUNY and the vaginal canal is so awesome and so fraught with perils for them that it's hard enough for even one to reach the majestic egg. So, to begin with, biologically, on the micro-level, the kos is mightier than the kir.

Movin along. On to anthropology:

As Azadeh has already explained, women are REPRESSED...you know, repressed? Remember, j., patriarchal society? "The terrible reign of men is ending?"..and well..more on that shortly. A brief detour into myth:.

In the Greek classic, Metamorphosis, there is a famous story about how Zeus, the King of the Gods, and Hera, the Queen, are arguing over who has the most sexual pleasure, men or women. Now for some reason Zeus says women and Hera says men...no doubt they were both very good in bed and gauged their opinions on the pleasure they GAVE...anyway. So they go to Teresias, the seer and hermaphrodite because s/he knows about both and s/he says it's women and the REASON is because once they get started...they're ...insatiable.

And once this repression thing ends, you'll see...we will have the same drive as you PLUS the duration. We will have it both ways. So if you have any doubts, think Greek..

I'm sorry, I'm not gonna sit here on some thread in c-space and have a bunch of men tell me their sex drive is or was greater than mine or some of my girlfriends. Who are you anyway? Are you us? ..jeez louise...I had this same conversation once with a Persian man..the never-ending story.

Now, Miny: just let him spew his guts out, will you? You hafta admit, it's a fun thread...

And last but not least, a REAL jerk in London:



PS j, when is Foaad gonna get that chat room thing here moving along?


Flying Solo


by Flying Solo on




Hi Azadeh, Thanks for your

by facts (not verified) on

Hi Azadeh,
Thanks for your comments! I must say though, I really was not that convinced about what you wrote about the sexual drive of women vs. men, etc.--not personally, and not according to what I have learned throughout the years by my friends and family.

Here is a great article...//www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare

Men Think About Sex More Than Women
Biology Works to Keep Women's Sex Drive in Check
Taking Care of Others (like children by mothers) Can Dampen Sex Drive
Our Culture Encourages Men's Sex Drive, Not Women's
Men's and Women's Sex Drives Work Differently
Men and Women Approach Casual Sex Differently
Orgasms Are Different for Men and Women

All of which point to the fact that men just are much more sexual.

About men being the "cause" of all wars--I wonder if that is really so true. Many times aren't these men with a special woman partner? And, you mean to tell me that their special partner has absolutely no influence over the action of their men when it comes to war?

Azadeh Azad

To "facts"

by Azadeh Azad on

Your facts are facts, but your conclusion is fallacious. The level of libido has no relation to the number of sperms and eggs. For your information, in his "Book on the Etiquette of Marriage," Muhammad al-Tusi al-Ghazali asserts that women have ten times more sexual drive than men do! He was trying to justify the men's control of women's bodies in Islam, and you are trying to justify men's traditional escape from, and fear of, intimacy with one partner.

However, while sipping my coffee on this cloudy sunday, I thought of something: your unsound logic could be applied more pragmatically to the creation of Amazonic societies :-).

For the perpetuation of the human race, men have too many sperms that could ever be used, and women need to copulate with only a few of them. Wouldn't that be interesting if mothers put most male infants "to sleep" and the society was composed mostly of women with a very few good-looking and smart men-studs? This way, two birds would be hit by one stone: 1) a more creative conclusion would be drawn from your numbers and "facts";  2) the world would rid itself of rapes, violence and wars caused by men.

Doesn't that brighten up a depressing sunday? :-)


Asghar Taragheh

Thanks for sharing this experience JJ

by Asghar Taragheh on

Many men from the Middle East have this mind set. Its a great lesson for all of us. These expectations by men have ruined many marriages that I know.



by lovergirl (not verified) on

You do NOT have a "jerky character" just because the first and second marriage didn't work out. Who's to say how marriages actually work out?


Sigherettes r not injurious 2 health if dats JJs advocacy Sourie

by Miny (not verified) on

....well you are right i am new to this site but i dont like it what he is writing these days...well you already objected to my way of thinking thats why you commented...and i just wonder wonder how people finding this funny...you call it sweet memories...tender moments...he himself is saying he wanted to become George Bush with Suzanne....theres nothing new in the story...he is not honest....for the important parts he suffered a black out....she must have used her black boots to chuck him out...that must be the black out part that he has talked of....hahahaha...actually he is more a Hawaiian than iranian it seems...or else tell are iranians like JJ i mean for pop-corn stuff...??

and the way somebody has commented all persian students all the time whoring all around..if that is also correct?...are all these things tender and funny...


Irandokht comments ...

by nitemustfall on

Aziz, I have a few comments about your "comments" of JJ's action. First of all, if anyone will have a negative opinion becasue of what he did, then he or she might not be realistic or educated enough to understand his straight forward points.

Secondly, you need to understand that just about all who who committ adultery are driven into it by bad marriage or lack of intimacy from their dear partner. And this is more true about Iranian women. Please don't get offended but it is true. I am telling this based on my own and collective inputs from many other friends. Iranian woman consent to sex is often "conditional" with some strings attached, not to mention the "expectations" that will follow the next day, if not during the sex act. So what JJ says is a reality, whether you like it or not. 


Flying Solo


by Flying Solo on




Men vs Women

by facts (not verified) on

MEN (A whopping 525 BILLION)
The average male will produce roughly 525 BILLION sperm cells over a lifetime and shed at least one billion of them per month. A healthy adult male can release between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single ejaculation.

WOMEN (Measly 450)
Women are born with an average two million egg follicles, the reproductive structures that give rise to eggs. By puberty, a majority of those follicles close up and only about 450 will ever release mature eggs for fertilization.

Must we say more about why men are MUCH more horny?


Thou shalt not judge

by nemigam (not verified) on

Well said Souri, you have no objection to JJ or anyone else for that matter. :)

Setareh Sabety


by Setareh Sabety on

What a great story. Loved it. It not only tells the story of a young man's struggle with his need for sex but also reveals the hypocrisy of the institution of sigheh which presupposes that somehow men need more sex than women. It is funny how so many of us still believe that myth. Women are not so different,really,from men. It is just more taboo for them to be promiscuous and horny. Often they do not admit the extent of their appetite. Inshallah some day we will have a reformed Islam where women are allowed to have Sighehs as well!
Shahla Haeri has a great book on the subject of Sigheh, "The Law of Desire." A very good read.


Farshad jan

by Souri on

Thanks for the nice comment. I don't follow Behrouz since this summer. as my satellite got in trouble and then I was so busy in the last two months that I coudln't watch TV programs. Last time i watched his program, it was on Parvaz, but now it seems he acts on a Dubai channel (?) If i find him again, I will let you know for sure. BTW, parvaz satellite, had also another good program late night. Not sure of the name, something like NAMAKI, or NOKHODI ??? with a puppet. This one was good too. The only channels I really was interested to, were Parvaz, Markazi and Tapesh (sometimes) also Channel One is not so bad. That's for my interest on Iranian satelite  TV.

rosie is roxy is roshan

to miny re dirty linen (with quote competition)

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

i think the reason why he does this is best explained thusly:

"the unexamined life is not worth living"

--socrates, the apology


speaking of which... i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry j but i just can't stop this thread is too too fuuuunny...no i'm not souri i'm sorry.... keep those stories rollin' in, j, you need to tell 'em..

and we need to hear 'em..


ps see what i told you, that wieght thing? jealous, just green with envy...



by Troneg on


 You should restart the Jogging, it will be helpful for your Weight ;-)


Re: Miny

by Souri on

"what i knew was editors are supposed to write only on very vital things and come up with substantial deliberations...."

How long you have been in this site ? I mean, since when you are viewing Iranian.com on a daily base ? As long as I remember, since 2001, JJ's way of writing has not changed. It has always been like this, full of tender personal stories and sweet memories I have no objection to them, nor I have any objection to your objection now :O))


To Well-Wisher

by farshadjon on

“Yes, Islam permits polygamy. No, it does not permit deception.”  

Did you say that all by yourself or you got some help from the Islamic teachings? I can not believe that you are living in 21 century and this is your way of thinking!! Grow up buddy!! 

Also you mentioned:

 “From what you wrote, it doesn't look like you performed a ceremony of any sort with Suzanne.) That doesn't quite sound plausible.” 

iiiiishhhhh!! Baba jon, a little bit sex does not need ceremony even based from Islamic teachings!! By the way, I’ve never understood that what is difference between saying a verse and having sex for one hour in contrast to not saying a verse and having sex!! The end result is the same!!! 

Could you please bless me with your wonderful way of thinking that I can get some more insight of what is right and wrong from your philosophical perspective!!  

Souri khanom,  I agree with you that “Sarvenaz” had much more complicated details in her stories that JJ needs to do some work to be in that level. 

I am watching all the clips from “Porchone.com” and Uncle Behrooz that you mentioned in one of your comments last week. I have to admit that is the first time I watch the show and he is really funny!!! I really enjoyed it!!!! Is he still on air??

I don’t usually watch Persian satellite hence I am not sure about this.

 Take care aziz.


If its funny or courageous 2 wash ones dirty linen in public

by Miny (not verified) on

Only JJ can tell what he was or is up to....it seems like some kind of resolution on his part to publish such stories one after the other...JJ and Siamack Baniameri are trying hard to increase their shock value.....i used to tell people that iranian.com is one such rare site where you find rare intellectuals and no nonsense....and here we have the editor in chief coming up with his escapades one after other at unbreakable speed....what i knew was editors are supposed to write only on very vital things and come up with substantial deliberations....its really jerky...but yes JJ i am deriving huge amount of fun.....not the story is funny to me..but what amuses me is the purpose with which you must be writing and posting these....Here is Paymaneh Amiris' question for JJ ....what are you doing on iranian.com?

"Breathes there a man with hide so tough..he says two sexes are not enough"...somebody said it to somebody sometime....


JJ, you got their juices flowing now!

by e runee (not verified) on

I once heard that when roosters are trying to mate with chickens they pick the ground with their beaks as if they are eating seeds off the ground,but once the chickens get close to them they jump on them.I am wondering when you were talking about how loud Suzanne was,it is a trick to entice girls.:)


why didn't

by MRX1 on

you get stoned to death for infidelity?

rosie is roxy is roshan


by rosie is roxy is roshan on

Please don't ialk to me about the details of j's love life. Talk about it with him. He may be more than happy to enlighten you. 

So what about you?  Are ;you single? Cheating? Heterosexual?


Rosie is Roxy is Randy


(ps i won't go arab don't worry persian men are like alcoholism once you have the habit it never goes away...)



Free Spirit

I thought..........

by Free Spirit on

I thought that JJ had mentioned on a previous blog that he is separated from his current wife.


Rosie,jj is not going for third

by Anonymous Iranian man (not verified) on

If you read his story thoroughly,he said he is happily married,so I do not think he wants to go for third,but if he may be interested in sigheh,but let me remind you if you go Arab you won't go back.:)



by Anonymous77 (not verified) on



Inauthentic elements in the account

by Well-wisher (not verified) on

There were some inauthentic elements in the story:

(1) Iranian Muslims don't go around referring to any non-Muslim as "kafir" (infidel).

Westerners say that is how Muslims talk about them; but that is not true.

JJ: This means your perception of your younger self and other Muslims is more shaped by what is written about Muslims in the U.S. than by true knowledge.

(2)JJ, you imply that back when you were young, you thought God approved of adultery. (From what you wrote, it doesn't look like you performed a ceremony of any sort with Suzanne.) That doesn't quite sound plausible.

The fact that you were hiding your involvement with Suzanne from the other Muslims in the group shows that you possibly thought it was morally problematic.

I think your memory has severely distorted your own biography.

(3) If you didn't tell your wife about this, then you were dishonest with her. Dishonesty is not approved in Islam. Yes, Islam permits polygamy. No, it does not permit deception.