A jerk in London


Jahanshah Javid
by Jahanshah Javid

I don't know which is the greater sin: parting from the most important issue of the day -- Palestinian-Israeli conflict -- by telling you another pointless personal story, or cheating on my wife? I think the former because technically I didn't cheat on my wife. I had the right to have sex outside of marriage. I was a practicing Muslim. I knew my rights as a man as far as women were concerned. Yes, I acted like a dick according to decent universal norms of conduct, but in the eyes of God, all I had done was satisfy my natural carnal desire. So nooshe joonam.

In the summer of 1983 I was a 21-year-old translator in the English Section of the Islamic Republic News Agency (IRNA). I worked hard. I fought to grab and translate the juiciest news items. Plus I had the greatest faith in the Islamic Revolution. I understood the horrific crimes and excesses taking place in the name of Islam and the Revolution, but in my mind these were minor and inevitable side-effects of a much bigger and more significant movement toward freedom, independence, equality and fair distribution of wealth. Basically kheyli khar tar az alaan boodam.

One day my boss at IRNA asked whether I would like to attend a two-month crash course on journalism at London's City University? I immediately said yes. I had come back to Iran after finishing high school mostly in the U.S. and had no college or professional training at all. An all-expenses-paid trip to London would be fantastic.

The classes were organized by the Muslim Institute, a group of English Pakistanis led by Dr. Kalim Siddiqui, a Sunni intellectual who supported the Iranian Revolution through his books and publications, namely Crescent International and Muslim Media. After my trip to London, I contributed articles regularly from Tehran under my new and not-so-improved name, Mohammad Javid.

About 15 people attended the classes. All Muslims and sympathetic to the Islamic movement. The objective was to give them basic journalism training and create a network of writers who would report on events in their country from an Islamic revolutionary perspective. Besides the Iranian contingent (me and two employees from the media section of the Islamic Guidance Ministry), there were people from Pakistan, Turkey, Greece, Kenya, and South Africa, as far as I can remember. The age group was from early 20's to early 30's. All were men, except for two women from South Africa.

Among the Iranians, I was the only one who attended classes every day and was genuinely interested. The two others showed up sporadically at best. They treated this as a vacation and had no interest in journalism. And despite working for the Islamic Guidance Ministry, they could care less about the Islamic Movement. But I was really into it. There were four English professors, all of them current or veteran reporters for major British newspapers. They taught us the very basic, general rules of journalism. They made me into the journalist I was to become. The emphasis on facts and common sense helped me over time to move away from idealism and propaganda towards honest truth and reality. To this day I admire the British press and their style of journalism more than any other.

Our international group was housed at a dormitory which was mostly empty for the summer break. The beautiful garden/square in front was an invitation to start jogging again. I would wake up early in the morning and run half an hour to 45 minutes around the square. After just a couple of weeks I got me into pretty good shape. We had our meals in the dorm cafeteria and got together in the common room to watch TV or have a chat. We were close and many of us became friends, if not good friends.

I've given you all this as a background for the main point of this blog: sex, in this case as a married Muslim man. It all really comes down to men's incredible sex drive. I'm only telling you my story, and I'm acknowledging my actions, but I strongly suggest that women especially see this as just one example of the power of testosterone or whatever it is that makes men do uniquely stupid things to get sex.

While I was in London, and I'm sure before I got there, I thought a lot about this question: Can I or should I have sex while I'm away from my wife for two months? The answer I always ended up with was yes, absolutely. I was a Muslim man. I believed in God, Mohammad and the Imams, and prayed every day. And I had devoted my life to the Islamic Republic. My religion gave me the right to have sex with women other than my wife. I could have more than one permanent wife and as many temporary ones as I liked. Excellllllent!

The truth of the matter was that I didn't want a harem. I didn't want to exercise my full rights guaranteed under Islam. All I wanted was a little taste, while I was far away from home. Just like non-Muslim husbands who go on business trips and famously surrender to temptation for a quick, convenient fuck. The difference was I didn't have to feel guilty about it. All good and easy to say, in theory. In reality I was scared shitless. I mean how was I going to approach a woman and ask her if she would marry me, temporarily, for an hour and a day or two? :o))) Why did I not realize how incredibly desperate and stupid it all looked?

Well, for one thing, I was a man in heat, which is the normal every day state of all men, unless the poison in their body has been released two seconds ago, in which case they can think straight for half an hour, an hour max. Two, I was me, a man who finally lost his virginity on his wedding night and immediately thought my God, this sex thing is the greatest thing ever! Ever ever ever! So even though the marriage was a disaster, the intimacy department was active and well. I was very concerned that I was not going to have sex for two whole months in London, where the women did not cover themselves the way they do in Iran. I had forgotten how much better the infidel ladies looked. Thank God there was Islam to take care of my urgent problem and guide me to do the right thing.

Initially I thought I would feel a lot less guilty if the whole thing was more halal and kosher. It would have been so much more appropriate if I could find a Muslim woman because she would have understood and not offended if a Muslim man approached her for sex. She would have appreciated that my intentions were honorable, that I was doing what God had sanctioned for all Muslim men, from Mohammad Rasoolollah to Mohammad Javid!

Coincidentally, one of the South African sisters in our international brotherhood of Muslim journalists was very attractive. She was a petit woman with a cute round face and the sweetest demeanor. Her pomegranate-colored scarf and long boots were such a turn on. We were about the same age. Her name was Khadija, the same as Prophet Mohammad's wife. How perfect was that?! Me Mohammad, you Khadija! She seemed to like me too. You know, she would talk to me, about the Islamic movement and stuff :o)

Several weeks passed. A young Muslim man, all alone in London, dying for sex. I was going nuts. (Back then I didn't know how effective masturbation was in maintaining sanity.) I don't remember how I ended up in Khadija's room. Did I make an appointment with her earlier that day? Probably. Did I just rush to her door unannounced and knock like a maniac? Possibly. But anyway, there I was in her room. She was sitting comfortably, cross-legged (long boots in full view) on a chair by the desk and I sat opposite on the bed. The poor girl had no clue what she was about to hear.

I don't remember my exact words, but it went something like this: "Um, I don't know how to put this. It's kind of embarrassing but, um, this trip has been really difficult for me, away from my wife and stuff, and I keep telling myself that I should stop thinking about intimacy. But I can't. And, um, I really like you and, um, I was wondering if, um, you would be interested in, um, temporary marriage?"

I wish someone had taken a gun and shot me. Take me back in time and I would do it myself.

Khadija, I'm sure, was shocked. I heard her say no at some point and the rest is a blur. I must have felt so cheap and pathetic that I completely blacked out. But was I ashamed enough to stop thinking about sex? Testosterone does not understand shame, especially in a Muslim man who knows his rights!

Having been rejected by a sister, my attention shifted to infidels. One particular infidel in fact. Suzanne was a German archaeology student with long frizzy brown hair and thin round glasses. She had done archaeological work in Syria and loved Arabs and Muslims in general. She lived in the dorm and often joined our group in the common room. She hung around me a lot, which made me uncomfortable. I did not want to explore possibilities with a non-Muslim. But now, I had no other choice.

One night I asked Suzanne if she would like to go to the movies with me. She was delighted. So was I. I picked the latest hour possible so that we wouldn't be seen by members of our group. What would they say if they saw me going out alone with a woman, especially an infidel? We walked to the theater, which was about 20 minutes away -- and packed for the opening night of a big Hollywood movie. Whatever it was, neither of us liked it. We talked about it walking back to the dorm. It must have been close to or past midnight, cold and foggy. As we were crossing the garden towards the dorm, our bodies slightly bumped a few times. I couldn't take it any more. I turned and kissed Suzanne.

Like any terrified maniac, I very much expected to be pushed back. But, praise be to God, she held me tight. I was so anxious and desperate that I dragged her behind a bush and wanted to have sex with her right there in the mud. She stopped me and said, "Why here? Let's go to my room." Yes, yes, of course. That was a much better idea. I can wait five minutes. My heart was racing.

The sex was as exciting and guilt-ridden as the first time you have sex with a woman outside marriage in a dorm room in London on a trip aimed at becoming a reporter for the international Islamic movement. My only wish was that she wouldn't make so much noise. Oh my God she was so loud. I thought the whole dorm heard us (her). It wasn't as if I was doing anything special. The missionary position was all I knew (in fact Suzanne later told me I should learn a few other moves).

Like any sordid, thoughtless affair, this one got complicated quite quickly. The next morning I showed up at the cafeteria for breakfast and pretended, as best as I could, that nothing had happened. Suzanne on the other hand, could not contain herself. She handed me a piece of paper. I opened it and it was a poem she had written for me. Oh shittttt! In the remaining few days in London there were more poems, which I would throw away as soon as she would turn her back.

Such a jerk on so many levels...

I didn't cheat during my second marriage. My jerky character manifested itself in other ways. Bemaanad...


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by Anonymous (not verified) on

You sound like Henry Hyde when he confessed to his "youthfull indiscretion" when pushing his heavy weight into the door being blocked by that woman!

Mistakes as we grow older?!! Is this like getting a divorce mistake? simple mistake I suppose ;-) wish you were half as forgiving to IRI! IRI Oh IRI!

Kaveh Nouraee

Good Story, Jahanshah

by Kaveh Nouraee on

You're very open and candid with such intimate encounters, which is somethng that some people are clearly not used to, after reading some of these comments.

The down side is that some people, women usually, will take exception, and be judgmental. Yes, it was in the past, yes, you were young, yes, you were horny, etc., but some women won't get past the fact that you did it. You were clearly way too young to be married, but they won't see past that fact that you were unfaithful.

The fact is that the experiences of our youth, including the mistakes help shape the way we are as we grow older. And if this experience has helped shape you for the better, then bravo!

***Just don't let Robert know about all this stuff....he seems to have you under surveillance and looks like he won't hesitate to post all of your faults, foibles and shortcomings online!!***


JJ what about me?

by Esmal Latte (not verified) on

What about my questions?

1. Did you start masturbating at the age of 21? as you stated in your blog and I quoted you

2. What the heck is promegranete-colored scarf? Is that red, crimson, what? What is pomegranish? please explain.

rosie is roxy is roshan

Omigod Miny, I missed your long post to me! /ps facts..

by rosie is roxy is roshan on


Miny, you bring up an excellent point about whoring being glorified and I should clarify about this: from the time I was twelve through my twenties I had a very strong sex drive that I couldn't control and I couldn't stop thinking about sex and one way or the other (with or without company) couldn't stop discharging it either. In my late twenties I got into holistic foods and yoga and stuff like that and I LEARNED TO CONTROL IT. It was a discipline but I learned. I'm a better person for that. Same with men, mature men (I mean in character, not in years...) learn to control themselves, control being not just about sex but about ALL aspects of human experience...)

I don't think promiscuity is good for anyone. You're right, its advocation in our "trendy world (all part of the consumerism machine--buy this car and you'll get the chick standing next to it) is bad. Every person has their own life story and monogamy isn't for everyone at evert time in their life) but real promiscuity is just BAD. It wastes energy, causses diseases, and usually hurts SOMEONE--because usually SOMEONE wants more than the other one, etc., etc. So many many reasons it's bad. 

As for j's greatness being thrust upon him, now you are REALLY cracking me up, Miny....during one of our first great discussions onsite about should there bemoderation during the "Wild Wild West" when the whole topic was socrucial and the whole thing was so crazy and the angry mob was tearing down the doors of the Bastille, I wrote on the thread to him, "Some are born great, some become great and others have greatness thrust upon them..."...and then this anonymous poster pops up and says like "oh hahaha you nailed it rosie, reminds me of the movie "spinal tap"... lol

ah the good old days...and finally, Minally, if j in getting his life examined here "is appearing to fail" as you say..well, quite right, the operant word is APPEARING. Don't be fooled for a moment.  This individual is a better media manipulator than Andy Warhol and Goebbels combined...

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry j ..pleeeease don't be mad at me for more than a few weeks...be mad at HER, she started it!

still lol,



PS I know, Facts, I KNOW...that's WHY I wrote the first long post on the topic to begin with, it was dwcause of BOTH of you...he said it in the blog, you said it in your landmark sperm count post...and the rest is hoistory...now let's go out and get some good loving, shall we?   :oP



JJ's reply

by fact (not verified) on

Did you guys read his response to Setareh???

"...I still believe men natural born sexual drive is much greater than women's..."

Yes, yes, I know, and women are catching up, but, still...

Jahanshah Javid

No sweetheart

by Jahanshah Javid on

Thanks so much for ALL your comments. Here are replies to some that were more relevant to the blog itself:

Asghar Taragheh: I don't know about all men, or Middle Eastern men. But you and I and every Iranian (man and woman) knows that since the revolution, there have been no speed limits on men. They can have multiple sexual partners in secret or openly as long as they follow simple rules of polygamy and temporary marriage set up by clerics or the Islamic state. This is a huge green light for Iranian men and they are taking advantage of it. I'm sure you know of many Iranian men who are not even religious and yet are practicing polygamy -- only because the law of the land allows them to.

Setareh Sabety: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Although I don't know how you came to the conclusion that my blog "not only tells the story of a young man's struggle with his need for sex but also reveals the hypocrisy of the institution of sigheh which presupposes that somehow men need more sex than women." I still believe men's natural born sexual drive is much greater than women's. Women are catching up, yes, because cultural and religious restraints are losing their effect day by day. Ultimately, pleasure knows no gender.

Troneg: I should start jogging. I so want to. But I'm lazy. I play tennis three times a week. For now :o)

Miny: As far as I know Siamack Baniameri's stories, including his latest "Seema", are primarily fiction, or at least he does embellish the truth. My intention is talk only about real people and real situations. Sorry to disappoint you about my choice of stories. Maybe in the world of mainstream media, an editor in chief should not write about personal affairs. But iranian.com is hardly mainstream.

e runee and Farrad:
Are you suggesting that infidelity is a turn on? I've never heard that men can increase their chances of attracting women if they tell the world they cheated on their wife.

Anonymous Iranian man: I'm not married. I'm twice divorced.

Well-wisher: I used the term "infidel" loosely, more for humorous effect. Although strict Muslims (like all fundamentalist followers of religions) do have separate and unequal categories for non-Muslims, whether they are Kafir/Infidel or not.

I think it's pretty clear, from the choice of title and the entire blog, that there's nothing honorable or redeeming about what I did. Islam's free pass to men was and is an excuse.

javaneh29: Thanks. Exactly... none of us are gods or saints.

Did I tell my wife about what I did in London? Of course not! I did get a letter from Suzanne AND Khadija but I never replied.

Anonymous Pacifistt: You wrote: "Now this might come as a BIG surprise to you, but there really ARE men on this very planet,human ones, even an Iranian or two who, testosterone or no, train themselves to think with one head instead of two. Even boneheads. You can do it." No surprise at all. I know there are men who can control themselves. Now this might come as a surprise to you: I control myself too, every day :o)

You also mentioned the part about me wanting to shoot myself. I was just trying to make a point. Although I will be writing about suicide in a separate blog.

Irandokht: Thank you! You are very kind to think I'm a "sweetheart". One reason I write about my personal life in such a compromising fashion is that I don't think I'm a sweetheart at all. At the same time, these experiences of mine are not unusual. Many people have similar experiences in their life. Almost all choose not to reveal them. But just imagine if everybody wrote truthfully about their sexual experiences. I'm sure mine would not look that outrageous.

farshadjon: You said: "I don’t see any point for revealing these stories. It may be interesting to read but I am not (you are not, too) sure what is your intention for publishing your private life on the net!!"

One way to get away with it and still offer an interesting story is to say it's fiction and all made-up. But my English is no better than a 5th grader and I would be heavily criticized for my poor writing as well as the plot. Writing a true story as a blog liberates me from worrying about style and content and allows me to just say it the way it was. Why do I reveal these episodes in my life? I think they're fascinating and revealing of not only my character, but also human behavior in general.

Souri: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. By the way, I didn't get married when I was 21, I was 19, which is even worse :)))

Azadeh Azad

Women vs Men

by Azadeh Azad on

Ms. Shireen & Roshan:

I have no time for writing a blog at this time. Sorry about that. I suggest that you, Roshan, summarise the relevant exchanges here for a new blog.

Ms. FlyingSolo:

I totally agree with you on the subject of G-spot and the skill and devotion on the part of the male.

Ms. Facts:

While I do not agree that "men are much more sexual than women," I do know that men *express* their sexuality in a different way, which could be qualified as primitive, immediate, rough, unsophisticated, promiscuous, raw, etc. However, this "male way" of expression is not limited to sex and sexuality, it applies to ALL human relationships.  In fact, men are generally Object-oriented, while women are generally Relationship-oriented; which leads to men being - unlike women - generally *devoid* of psychic complexities and multi-dimensionality.

Moreover, in our male-dominated societies, many men have been conditioned to develop a kind of masculinity that is defined by Getting it (and getting it Now), Winning it, Dominating it, & Controlling it – whatever that "it" is. These traits, added to their object-orientation, prevent them from developing multi-layered, sophisticated, complex and well-developed personalities. Men have to suppress and kill a lot of development possibilities within themselves in order to "rule". You cannot suppress and control others without suppressing and controlling a big chunk of your own Self. Like all dominant groups, men’s thinking is mostly linear and devoid of intuition and bonding imagination. Most men are square-headed :-) and have a hard time observing relationships and connecting the dots in them (dots such as tenderness, devotion, affection, commitment, loyalty, sensitivity, and sex.)

So, they remain cavemen when it comes to sexuality, which is basically a relationship-oriented issue. Male sexuality is like a simple radio with a single toggle switch; while female sexuality is a complex radio crammed with switches and dials and lights and bells.

The problem with your assessment, Ms. Facts, is that you take men’s sexual crudeness for their high level of libido, that you think because men are less sophisticated than women when it comes to sex, they are more sexual.



rosie is roxy is roshan

Blog Title:

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

Men are Zionazis, Women are Hamas.

Case closed.


Dear Ahvazi

by Tehrooni (not verified) on

Dear Ahvazi I so agree with you.
I am not a party to any side... any side at all.

But I do believe in God, decency and the ones God chose to convey his messages.
As you said if you want to have your fun, sex whatever, go have it... do whatever you want.
But leave Them out of this.


Rosie Roxy Roshan

by Esmal Latte (not verified) on

Is that your first, middle and last name?! The title of your blog can be;

Men are from Iran (Mars), women are from Israel (Venus). How about that?! That should gather enough attention and ruffle feathers!

You can basically discuss the fact that men are horny beasts while women are not, although some say women are too but they just don't know it?!

rosie is roxy is roshan

Solo, thank you for the chat room ethics lesson/Facts

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

you didn't want to give. There was no need to apologize in your post to me since I metioned in my post, starting w/subject line, that my feathers aren't ruffled. And they're not now either. But thank you very much for the lesson in hermeneutics too. As well as proper limits on subject matter of blogs.  I really do need direction in these matters. Thanks again, ir is edifying.

Well since my feathers are in such fine form, I guess I'll take off too . See ya in the wild blue yonder, flying solo,

("Ms.") Rosie is Roxie is Unruffled


PS Facts, I don't want to start a separate blog on male/female sexuality unless I know the main participants in the discussion which are you and Azadeh, would participate in it seriously,not just now and then. 

Flying Solo

My apologies

by Flying Solo on

Dear Ms. Roxane,

I regret to have excluded you from the general address this morning.  My comment about the 'ruffled feathers' related to many of the posts in response to Jahanshah's recount of his early days.  I meant no disrespect toward you in particular.

I don't want to turn this into a  'chat-room' ethics lesson. However, given the misunderstandings that have arisen, I feel I must share a couple of things I have learnt over the years.

1. If important to the subject at hand it is advisable to simply ask a poster their age and sex before assuming that knowledge from their posts - there are many male-chauvinist females and an equal number of feminist males. 

2. Extrapolating from a post is different from paraphrasing. The former assumes that you are of the same mind set as the poster when in fact he/she may be on a completely different tangent.

3. All opinions are equally valid.  One can ask why a person harbors a certain stance but to imply that it may be 'inferior' or 'superior' to one's own stance will 'halt' the discussion and introduce bias.

4. Keeping to the subject matter is respectful to the blogger. However if the blogger does not step in and veer the conversation to his/her own liking - the discussion can go anywhere and for as long as there are people who want to discuss it.

With that said, I will take my leave from the podium :)

You have a great many valid points in your arguments.  I have found experience to be the mother of wisdom. In that regard - if one were to encounter males of all persuasion, then one would have a more 'realistic' impression of the way a male mind operates. Similarly for women also.  How does one acquire that knowledge? By experimentation - by being open to all kinds of people and by hearing them out.  And let's not forget that some of the most intimate relationships need not ever see the door to the bedroom.  While intimacy and sex can join hands for a moment or a lifetime of bliss, partaking of those two delightful blessings separately is not by any means an inferior version of happiness, IMVHO of course. 




by fact (not verified) on

goooooood morning. roxanne, what i meant was that i didn't say that men who sleep around are not sluts and are studs and whatever else they think they are. they suck TOO, totally. they dont know how much pain they cause to others by not at least trying to control themselves. it all sucks. why go around and have sex with just ANYONE??? what is wrong with just one person and be devoted to just one person? i think when you are devoted and love only one your life is much more successful, you are much calmer, at peace and happy.

"...a human working on a great work of art may find their sexual urge to be satisfied through it while an animal can't do it...." btw, i happen to be an artist too, and my "sexual" urge has never been satisfied with a piece of my art, but my psyche usually is.

do you want to start another blog? i'll try and join here and there.

rosie is roxy is roshan

No Solo my feathers aren't ruffled, you didn't say me but

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

since I am one of the few people mainly involved in the discussion with Facts and Azadeh I assume you meant me. The problem here is that first I thought Fact was a man and I was just satirizing things. Then the conversation turned very serious. I don't feel "ruffled" at all about anything Facts said to me. I do stick by my commentls that the particular use of the language on her part shows biases of acculturation. Then there is personal experience, personal experiences are different. But I'm not ruffled at all. I said nympho means nymphomaniac and that implies "madness", which means something fundamentally psychologically wrong, and Facts comes back saying to Azadeh and me that se didn't mean that, it's just that women who are as highly sexed as men have psychological problems. So she says she didn't say what I said she said in the same short post where she says it again. This doesn't ruffle my feathers at all but it does make me sure I'm right about the acculturation aspects.

The only thing I'm really concerned about is that I don't know if this discussion actually belongs here anymore, it seems like it deserves its own blog. Anyone interested in setting one up?

Also just to add one thing, whether you want to discuss it here or elsewhere, or not at all, while the primary bilogoical function of sex is procreation, through human evolution biology iis not the main function that drives us...and needs for intimacy and security etc. are equally driving (not to mention they do correspond to biological needs..the need for love and intimacy is the same in many males as females, the drive for fidelity is very strong, and sublimation, something animals don't have, also very strong. For instance a human working on a great work of art may find their sexual urge to be satisfied through it while an animal can't do it. That is part of why I posted the Bernini statue of Saint Theresa below. I just find that most men need sexual intimacy as much as women do and in my experience this feelling lasts with them...maybe I just know different men from Factss?




by ahvazi on

is legalized prostitution advocated by a bunch of Akhoond-e-hizeh-past.

Khanemoon, Aghayoon mikha-eed haal konid chera paye Khod va Peyghambar ro mikeshid vasat. Boro dombaaleh eshghet joonam. 



To flying solo (and others)

by fact (not verified) on

Thank you, thank you, what a wonderful write up. Quite objective. Oh, and a cute picture FS :)

It seems to me that men, whether their sperm quality has deteriorated or not still have that urge and WANT to do everything and everyone at all ages. I guess I am a hopeless romantic, looking for the perfect partner that I like and trust AND am sexually attracted to.

"...there is more invovled in the female and male psyche..." Yes, I agree with you here, something about men (sigh! :). mmm :) And the psyche thing is not just about sex, it's just in the company of their presence too.


Pomegranate-colored scarf?!

by Esmal Latte (not verified) on

What the heck is pomegranate-colored scarf?! and long boots?! what do you mean? Were they leather, suede or covered her knees?! Did she wear anything else or were those it?! This isn't your Titanic dream, is it?!

This story is what we say in Farsi, az kolah namadi faghat pof namesho yad gerefteam. This reflects our personalities more than anything else. Instead of saying Islam gave you this "right" you could have said or thought I am doing this because I didn't have enough sex when I was single.

Sure anyone who has sex outside marriage looks for an excuse, doesn't have to be Islamic one. What is really wrong is when this sigheh becomes law. It legalizes abuse and belittles women in general. It is also like saying people who go to Thailand or other countries to have sex with minors are ok.

Now lastly and most importantly, what do you mean "(Back then I didn't know how effective masturbation was in maintaining sanity.)"? I can understand you loosing your virginity at 21 but are you telling me that you didn't masturbate until you were 21 too?!

Oh and about women wanting foreplay and loving and stuff, on Oprah last week Dr. Brennan (I think) said that men either want their penis to be touched or waiting for their penis to be touched! So yes men go for the gusto and women don't. It is like saying if men were to be "sensitive" (after years of marriage :) with their women and cuddle and all, by the time they get to do the gusto they'll need their penis touched again! So come on this isn't a cultural thing, it is a sexual thing! And this is after saying women can have multiple orgasms! Is that before or after their men cuddled them?!

Flying Solo

XX vs XY

by Flying Solo on

Ms Fact:

In response to your question: Isn't there anyone out there that agrees with me? Man or woman?

My reply would be : It depends.  I believe one has to consider age as a major contributing factor 

If we were to 'assume' that the primary intent of 'sex' is procreation - and by all accounts, that would be a pretty accurate assumption, then I would say the male would have a higher drive in its earlier years than the female. The situation is reversed in middle to latter years as the non-breeding female need not be too selective about a procreating partner and may focus primarily on 'tension release'. The male's drive is reduced as the quality of the sperm deteriorates with age as does the desire for its release. 

These days since both male and female can have children by themselves and are financially independent, then the biology theory may take a back seat and the sexual appetite of both match as they are not looking for a long term partner to rear a child with or put food on the table.

Ms Azad: If the intent of 'sex' was a simple release, then by all means nothing could match a 'vibrator' and Lesbian love would be the only viable option for the typical female to assure climax each and every time.  Clearly there is more invovled in the female and male psyche when it comes to the bedroom acrobatics.  I don't claim to have an answer but I do know there are many theories.

Lastly, if one were to study the manifold literature on female orgasm, it becomes apparent - quite quickly that the clitoral orgasm is viewed as far inferior to the one brought about by the stimulation of the G-spot.  I dare say training a male or a female to approach the former is simple mechanics - the latter will require skill, patience and devotion on the part of the male; this being a rarer commodity and much less likely to be acquired through frequent bed-hopping. 

It seems to me that Jahanshah's blog has ruffled a few feathers over here.



by Ajam (not verified) on

This reminds me of a personal experience when I (involuntarily) became sigheh of an Iranian woman a while back. In fact it came as a shock to me when she brought up the subject just when we were about to get intimate! I could not believe my ears when she proposed the sigheh thing. Growing up in a totally secular household (atheist father and agnostic mother) I always thought that sigheh is for the sexually repressed, religious folks who look for an outlet to let off steam without unleashing the wrath of gods and ruining the heaven prospect!

But here I was with this woman whom I had first met in a Norooz party in her sisters house, sipping champagne, dancing, joking around and having fun... So, when she asked for Sigheh, at first I thought it was a joke. But once she insisted that we have to become each other's "mahram," I realized she means business! Next thing, she started reciting surehs from Koran and asked me to follow her instructions, albeit spooked out of my mind, I followed suit and uttered what she told was a testimony of compliance. I guess, having the testosterone taking the best of me, I replied "Ghabaltah" (or something to that effect!) to put an end to the awkward situation!

The next time we met, I had reservations having thought it's tantamount to a commitment of marriage kind, but I soon learned that it was something personal to her that made her feel better about the whole thing.

So, my point… I guess it goes both ways...!


More of the same

by fact (not verified) on

I'm still here, was busy for a while, checking out my vibrating toothbrush!!! lol!

Yes, men do get aroused by tenderness and intimacy but just about everything else too.

I love this, "...it's...soul ..meets body...and when you're in love and completely surrender it's the same for a man and a woman...in fact there IS no longer A man and A woman...." Too bad it does not exist for too long for men. But absolutely, what a lovely concept.

Azadeh joon, I didn't exactly say this, "...an intensely sexual woman a 'nymphomaniac' or a 'slut,' while her male equivalent is called a Stud or a Ladies Man...." I am saying that men are much more sexual than women, and if there are some women who are equally aroused about sex as men, they are usually nymphs and have some emotional problems.

Isn't there anyone out there that agrees with me? Man or woman?


Sex drive between men and women

by iranian man (not verified) on

While in Iran I was working with this man who had two wives.He had a wife who was living with him and a wife who was living in the country side that he would visit on weekends.Once we had a conversation and somehow conversation turned to his wives and all out the sudden he said when he has sex with his wives when he comes he feels like his whole body goes inside his wife.when women have orgasm they have moan(if it is not fake), when men come it is like an earthquake.:))


JJ, you're confusing me. This makes no sense!

by Khoshgele (not verified) on

Wait a second! You say Islam says "yes" to sex outside marriage? So, whatever happened to zenaa? I don't get this.

Sigheh counts as marriage, but from your account it's clear you didn't even do a sigheh. So, what you did was adultery by both Shi'i and American definitions.

I think you just went ahead and did your own thing, but are now blaming it on this or that irrelevant thing. In other words, you would have had sex with her anyway, regardless of what you thought God said.

rosie is roxy is roshan

AH, Marge...about time!

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

Of course I've read Lady Chatterley's lover...and the other day Ebi sent me this cartoon with this "manorly" couple, middle-aged paunchy guy and younger wife, and he says, you know, if you learned to cook, we could fire the chef. and she thinks, you know, if you learned to f-k, we could fire the chauffeur...

and speaking...of ecstacy..


saint theresa of avila, 16th century spanish mystic poet, incredibly erotic poems about union with the sacred..

(not intending to prosletyze marge, not by any means...)

I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

What's up Sluts Ever read D.H. Lawrence? Lady Chatterly's Lover?

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on

Well I think the best part of that book is, THE SEX! A woman, (or man), having sex during a time of war, anxiety. It's so refreshing. No matter what. 

Free love is awesome, but I don't want to rock your tata's off too much. Point is, if you are so frustrated or threatned by a clitoris moving over and over again (they like to do that!), then a cluster F*ck issue like Palestine/Israel will be impossible.

rosie is roxy is roshan

Now here's a study for you...

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

it's a pretty well-known one..


men and women become equally aroused by pornography, it's a scientific study.  the thing is, women don't usually KNOW it because they don't REALLY look at it when they "watch" it and they don't WANT to be aroused...but apparently, same...

(of course for every study there's a counter study...but just throwing it into the mix...

and again...like MEN don't get aroused by tenderness and intimacy too?  it's beyond arousal, though..it's...soul ..meets body...and when you're in love and completely surrender it's the same for a man and a woman...in fact there IS no longer A man and A woman...not that it precludes the other type of sex...not long ago i thought of writing a personals ad thinking i'm not ready for another relationship, last too painful..and i had this line n mind..someone who understands that sex is a communication, a sacrament, an art form and a sport..

but i didn't do it...because...i'm...acculturated not to...

anyway azadeh, it looks like we've lost "facts" for time being anyway and you and i fundamentally concur...so...best wait to see if anyone else has anything to say but us.

Azadeh Azad

Death to war, long live orgasm!

by Azadeh Azad on

Dear Flying Solo, thank you. I do remember that one-liner by Robin Willimans and would like very much to go through the social experimentation with "intense negotiations every 28 days" :-) There will be some scratch marks on our faces, but no slaughtered children for the sake of abstract, insane ideas.


Dear facts, I agree with Roshan that our perceptions of male and female sexuality are socially conditioned, that we consider an intensely sexual woman a "nymphomaniac" or a "slut," while her male equivalent is called a Stud or a Ladies Man.

I would agree with you that women are sexually aroused through intimacy, kindness, softness, conversation, etc, if you add the adjective "traditional" to "women." I can be aroused not only by what you mentioned, but also by hundreds of other circumstances and things. What is the percentage of Iranian women (inside the country) who are even aware of the existence of clitoris between their legs? My guess is far less than 50%.

Finally, have you ever used a vibrator? Have you ever had multiple orgasms? If not, you might want to try it. I promise you, it would change your whole outlook on male and female sexuality :-)

Vive l’orgasme,




by facts (not verified) on

well roxie dear, i saw and i didn't see! :)

from what i have observed, and i am a very open-minded person, men (with 5 fingers :)) are extremely sexually driven and women (same number of fingers) are not quite as sexually aroused as men are.

i loved your very brief explanation of the purpose of partnership, that is EXACTLY CORRECT! "...obviously women's nurturanc is biologically to certain extent determined by the need to nurture children, and designed also to "tame" this man to make him some kind of provider...otherwise everybody'd just be f-ing all day with multiple partners and leaving the kids to starve..." kinda funny too, "tame" lol! i always thought that, but never could quite put to words, the only thing i would change is the "everybody'd" part to "the man" :o don't hit me!!! lol


Stop Worrying Start Whoring...(notes for you moxie roxie! :) )

by Miny (not verified) on

Roshan....if JJ is getting his life examined here..he is appearing to fail....

Polygamy is a natural way 4 humans but y just say 4 bloody men...Humans are not Swans....and women are human too...

its so funny down here the kind of statistics thats coming up with some percentages and number of germs that men have....allll persian students....hahahaha

and then something of flowing juices...such stories can dry up juices i guess infact...if women are just chickens then men are just dickens....hahaha

what about drives some never get civilized enough to take care of their drives and instincts...its just that....societies were formed to take care of these drives and rules were made to minimize chaos because of these drives and now some people can afford to be their true selves and further some people can afford to brag them too....those who dont get civilized enough....then they have to go bushing around and pushing around ....

Society is deevolving..whoring around is being glorified under the names of juices and hormones...if men have to whore around they should not mind when their wives whore around...and if that happens then whats the need to be man and wife...people should become primordial primates...

Roxie! Roshan! in between that idea of having a chat corner here on the site would be soo good...

Quote competition: and to tell you if you have heard "Rich mans jokes are always funny"...i believe thats how many people find JJs stories funny here that is to say some people have greatness thrusted upon them...in this case JJ has it thrusted upon him by some old friends of his..."In thrust we trust" thats the slogan for today...hahahaha....thats a jerky quote..but it began somewhere...

If women knew what we were thinking, they'd never stop slapping us.
- Larry Miller

rosie is roxy is roshan

you know facts, i kinda was wondering if you might be a woman

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

but...well anyway..you are, so let's talk turkey...

first of all you said nymph, and nymph comes from "nymphomaniac" which immediately shows you a cultural prejudice, not that hypersexual women may be a MINORITY, but that there is something fundamentally psychologically WRONG with us...that we're mad...

now again, when i spoke of women's drive being equal, i was basing it on an assumption that w/out the repression this would be so...which btw WOULDN'T mean that ALL women would be so highly sexed because ALL MEN ARE NOT EITHER..i didn't say that part because i was satirizing, but i DID mean equality of drive.

now, you DON'T and yet you talk about "men" (implicitly all, not most...) and "women" (same). So basically in your discourse you're assuming subconsciously a "mania", a something WRONG so fundamental that we don't EVEN have to be counted among our sex...like saying humans have five fingers (well of course some freaks have six but you don't say that when descrribing humans...)

so i'm not saying you're wrong and there may not be a tendency one way or the other, obviously women's nurturanc is biologically to certain extent determined by the need to nurture children, and designed also to "tame" this man to make him some kind of provider...otherwise everybody'd just be f-ing all day with multiple partners and leaving the kids to starve...

BUT i DON'T think that tendency is anywhere neeeeeeeear what is commonly thought, (thought moreso among persians than americans, according to my observations)...and yu are actually confirming that to me to some extent because of your discourse...

because it's soooooooooo acculturated...

nymphoMANIAC..what about a man according to your vision of the differences between the sexes, who WASN'T all that randy...would he be a WIMPOMANIAC, or an ASCETOMANIAC...would he be a maniac at all?

and do i have six fingers?

you're a very reasonable and thoughtful person but...this discourse...sooooooo subconsciously acculturated...how could it not affect your opinions about the differences between the sexes?




To Jahanshah

by farrad02 on

مخصوصاً این پست رو نوشتی که ولوله بندازی تو این جمعیت! ای شیطون!