I know that many feel the same as I do when it comes to relationships. There is a constant struggle and trade offs. The struggle almost never ends but it does become routine and we take it as is. For those who are beginners to relationship life style, the adjustments are not as easily acceptable. Most of the arguments are based on the power struggle and not wanting to bend ones’ neck for the principles that one party wants to hold on to.
The issue gets worse if one side makes the “principle” look stupid. Eli could do that easily. The problems according to my friend Sina is, that if you allow the party to know that they are right once, they will use that technique to always remain right. That, Sina adds, is what creates the “whipped” in a relationship. He always gets very excited when he approaches this theory of his. “I have a first hand experience”, he notes to his audiences in most of our gatherings and goes on as how the whole thing got started.
I however don’t believe in extremes, I do take his arguments for what it is, a point of reference. Based on Sina’s Theory, I was about to fall in the “whipped” category. When Sina, a childhood friend of mine called and asked to meet with him, Eli was shaking her head disapproving his request. Her eyes were focused on mine and was a clear indication for the troubles that I would be in if I disobeyed her demand. I did. Sina told me to. “Are you going to fall into this stupid trap?” he asked and I agreed with his point. Interesting enough, Eli and I got closer together with the functions of our group and collective friendship. Sina had played a big part of this thing with Eli.
She had argued many times that she is not against me having fun or spending time with my friends, but she wants me to become more mature and take my responsibilities more seriously. Wait a minute though, why does she think that I am not mature? Granted that I am always looking for that perfect match and I look a bit immature because of that. So does Eli. People who are not married and want to meet new people are always more tense and nervous. They are worried about their actions, which make them look teenage like. That will change once the match is found and the formulation of couplehood kicks in. Right? At least most of the time? I don’t agree that Eli wants me more mature but she wants me more slaved to her demands. The issue is militaristic and strategic. Eli, knowingly or not, has planned similar to any military Generals and wants to win. To many people in relationships winning is conquering ones personality and ultimately actions, forgetting the striking traits that made their match attractive in the first place!
I had a perfect evening in a nice restaurant not far from my neighborhood. Sina and I sat for hours, had food, desert and tea while the classical Persian poetry with melody was being played in the background, live. I wonder how Eli will react once I get back, knowing that I had disobeyed her “unreasonable” demand.
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