How Iran became free


How Iran became free
by Q

These are the events that unfolded starting on that fateful election day in 2009 which lead to the greatest triumph of humanity over tyranny.

In the weeks leading up to the 2009 Islamic Republic elections, a small group of Iranian activists and patriots, all of whom were foreign residents came up with an genius plan to overthrow the Islamic tyranny and rescue a hostage nation.

Despite tremendous danger to themselves, these proud "jan bazan" first made public contact with each other on This was tricky, as they all knew powerful forces were against them. The well known website was a favorite of regime supporters and hezbollahis, so they knew their activites would get detected. But as result of the comments and posts they became aware of each other and decided to meet in person. A first gathering was proposed in Paris, France. These men had nothing short of a revolution in mind. They had studied recent people powered revolutions around the world and decided to theme theirs accordingly.

Birth of the Caviar Revolution

The theme of Caviar was chosen for several reasons. The group represented certain things that the IRI hated, among them intellectualism and pre-Islamic glory. Iran has always had the best Caviar in the world, but there is only a small and precious supply of it. The intellectuals who were brave and smart enough to escape the clutches of the IRI tyranny, and spend their time living free in Europe and America in the last 30 years were likewise valuable gems of the Iranian cultural heritage. These proud nationalists had enough foresight to see their own value to the future of Iran, and therefore each took steps to ensure the well being of at least one living national treasure. They bravely escaped war and misery and made it to freedom, just so one day they would fulfill their destiny and go back to save the rest of the people who were not as enlightened. Unreachable by the tyranny of regime, they had enough time and freedom to understand the true problems of Iranians back home and knew what Iran truly needed. Now was the time to put this knowledge to use. Finally, the tremendous personal expenses involved made the choice of the theme even more fitting. Thus the revolutionary Caviar society was born on May 29, 2009.

The plot to destroy the IRI

Being the top strategists and philosophers that Iran-zamin had to offer (and the world really, considering the Aryan genetics), perhaps it was not a surprise that this group came up with a foolproof plan in only 48 hours. It consisted of posting messages on urging Iranians not to participate in the upcoming elections. One political philosopher explained: "If Iranians were to stay home, the regime would lose legitimacy." From there, it was just a matter of short time until the tyranny imploded and the people's will was established. Thus, the Caviar group got busy. Many members gave up vacations and weekends, in order to both spread the message and also to neutralize regime agents who were still trying to fool people into voting. They had logic, evidence and personal persuation on their side. They had a foolproof plan and alternative that gave people hope. They simply out maneuvered the rest easily, showing what Persians can do when freed from Tazi influence. The Mullah supporters, leftists and British agents with limited intelligence and communication skills, did not mount much of a challenge.

The election

On election day, June 12, 2009, moments after the polls closed, Ahmadinejad was declared the outright winner in the first round of the elections with 70% support. The regime however, was refusing to give any indication of the raw numbers of votes even by the end of next day.

Late on Saturday local time, a nervous IRI official was seen entering the Ahmadinejad election headquarters where a party was being held. He approached the President and said something into his ear. Mahmoud immediately turned white, got up and stormed out of the building with a dozen advisors following him frantically.

The supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei was watching HBO and eating a bowl of frozen youghurt when the loud banging on the door to his private residence was heard. The servents opened the door. Ahmadinejad and four of his advisors entered the TV room. Khamenei did not blink and continued watching. "I love vampire shows," he said with a smile still fixated at the TV screen.

"It's 47%" said Ahmadinejad softly.

Khamenei's spoon dropped into the bowl of frozen youghurt, which itself tipped over from Khamenei's grip-less hands fell upside down on the expensive Persian rug in front of the IKEA "Ektorp" fabric sofa. His mouth remained open. He gently rotated his neck toward the direction of the visitors, but did not change the affixed position of his eyeballs. Two minutes passed.

"That's.... That's not even 50%!" He finally managed. Ahmadinejad was looking down on the floor. The advisors were gone by now, as was the Khamenei's servents. Later an Iranian investigative journalist determined that the top Ahmadinejad advisor was already on the plane to Dubai at that very moment.

Khamenei clutched his robe. "Has it been double checked?" He asked with a new desperation in his voice. "Yes. This is even after the... adjustments that we usually perform using Islamic math."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad walked in further and in uncharacteristically rude gesture sat right beside the supreme leader on the sofa. He gently wrestled away the remote control and flipped the channel to the IRIB broadcast.

The looting had already started.

Back in Paris the secret committee of the Caviar revolution was preparing for the next phase already. That night, much French champaign was consumed in the rejoicing. But the group knew the work was not finished. No one in the world knew the extent of the change that was about to come. A final toast was declared: "Here's to the next phase of freedom".

To be continued...


more from Q

Dear "Very Sad"

by MiNeum71 on

You wrote a great comment, until There is no solution. THIS is typically Iranian, being impatient celebrating the hopelessness. I’m reminded of the winged word Situation Hopeless... But Not Serious

And to the all ingenious brains, who think that these elections are simply a show, please read China's Zhao Details Tiananmen Debate published in Washington Post, maybe then you will understand more about politics.



This is totally fake...

by eroonman on

A) Khamenei would not watch HBO, everyone knows he is a lifelong Showtime fan and his favorite show is the "L Word". He's not so sure about "Dexter", but "Weeds" is brilliant.

B) Also he would never own the IKEA "Ektorp" fabric sofa. He has the TYLÖSAND (in Orange) because it has those movable armrests and is wider which makes it easier for everyone in the Guardian Council on xBox Soccer Tuesdays.

... And NO, they don't play FIFA 2009 either, that's for wimps. They play the unreleased version of Pro Evolution Soccer 10, and Khamenei always plays as Manchester United. Emphasis on Man.

So this piece is totally fake.


Point well taken

by Abarmard on

Funny. Thanks



Much Ado About Nothing, sundry times publicly acted

by Anonymous Literary (not verified) on

Once upon a time, a group of self-imposed exiles – who had time long past voted with their feet – endeavored to wage a brand new FIGHT, sensually wrapped and cleverly marketed in the form of an election boycott, over that fabulous spilled oil (a.k.a. water under the bridge).

One Responsible fighter courageously questioned - from the safety of his ivory shelter – “But what happens if 90% of Iranians do not vote?” His more gallant but depressed soul mate – Don Quixote incarnate – exhorted his compatriots to fight the battle lost fourteen hundred years ago, to salvage beloved ‘"persian", "aryan", "kourosh", "sassanian", "reza shah"’ treasures from the perils of Islamism. A third cyber partisan valiantly exposed the diabolic designs of “this crowd”, “this gang”, “these assassins” whose sole intention is to condemn Iranians eternally to Hassan Sabbah’s Alamut.

We are being faithfully indulged by new-age Manicheans with a phantasmagorical reverie of what we “were”, “could have been”, or “will have been” - if we could only erase “1979” from our historiography. What is of least significance to these warriors par excellence is what and where we – as a nation - “are”, today; How and why we got here - what role each one of us played; And, how we can proceed without demonizing each other – blaming others is the path of least resistance.

Farah Rusta

How many lives did you save

by Farah Rusta on

 by electing Khatami to the office of President that you urge the people to repeat it this time? Did he save Zahra Kazemi or did he seek to find the chain murders? Ironically Ahamdinejad saved Roxana Saberi!!

SmartAss joon

I can't see any winner around here. WE ARE ALL LOOSERS - pro and against.



This site has been taken over by IRI agents

by SmartAss (not verified) on

That's all I have to say. This is an abomination! Look at how the brave children of Iran are being mocked. This is beyond degrading.

P.S. The opposition has no way of countering these IRI apologists and lefties. All we should do now is to keep saying this site has been taken over by IRI agents every time we have no winning argument. -:)


Farah Rusta

by Anonymouslol (not verified) on

It's all about me, myself and I with you guys isnt it? :)

A war with the bogeymen of Iranian regime does not care for your principles and others alike. It's your average hamvatanans who are going to pay the price dearly while you sit in your nice comfy chair on the moral mountain top of yours.

You dont have to accept the legitimacy of a regime when voting to try and save a few more lives under some other douche.



by Anonymous Prophet (not verified) on

I have just been informed by the Emam khomeini himself that Q will be getting 2 extra virgins for a total of 74 virgins, 1 extra for lying big and another extra for betraying and selling the country of iran cheaply for arabs and islam. I have also been informed that all those 40,000 young souls that Emam freed through mass executions receive no virgin as they were all mofsed-o-fel-arz, and all those 500,000 that Emam freed by sending them over mines set by Emam's closest relative Saddam, will each receive plenty of virgins, all of whom are clones of Emam's other relative Golda Meir.

Ayyohannas, join islamists and rush to destroy iran and iranians for the sake of arabs and islam to be all rewarded very soon after-life, or if Emam Zaman appears, you will be given a good position in the mass execution department where he, the Emam Zman, will ask you to kill all iranians as infidels.

Farah Rusta

You can't have it both ways unless ...

by Farah Rusta on

you want to be a hypocrite. It makes no sense to say: I don't accept or believe in the legitimacy of this regime but I will go ahead and vote in their election!! The legitimacy of a ruling system is rooted in the people who are ruled by that system. If the people willingly and freely take part in electing the carefully "regime-selected" candidates to rule over them, then they are openly and willingly accepting the legitimacy of that system to rule them. There are no ifs or buts here. The only argument that may explain people's taking part in this election can be that they are being forced to do so.  There is no compulsion unless people's lives or livelihood is being endangered by their absention from voting. Otherwise, taking part in the regime-organized, regime-selected and regime-controlled elections is a vote for the regime's legitimacy, pure and simple. If you believe in it go ahead and vote.

Sorry the argument that we seem to be stuck with the IRI for now, does not cut it (for me) :o)  




This was clever.  Which

by desi on

This was clever.  Which begs the question how is the Supreme Leader getting the new season of True Blood before us.  Can't wait for part deux to see what the extent of change will be.  It better not be little baby change either.  I want to read that the caviar revolution brought monumental, mega change.


Root of our problems...

by Very Sad (not verified) on

As we read the viewpoints of those who still support the revolution and the islamic republic, those who care exclusively about iran and put anything iranian above all, feel a sense of despair, sadness, and weeping.

The conflict between iran and islam that began 1400 years ago still continues to this date and islamists still believe that anything islamic is good, no matter what it does, and anything based on iranian culture is bad, out of date, racist, zionist, etc. Unfortunately they are in charge and as long as they are in charge, iran will not move beyond what it has become after 30 years of total domination by islamists and their ideology. They are ready to attack anyone who mentions the benign words of "persian", "aryan", "kourosh", "sassanian", "reza shah", ..., as out of fashion, racist, and not related to "realities" of today's iran; but they easily forget that "islam" is as out of date as "sassanian" are, except that sassanian have been out of power and benign for 1400 years and islam has not.

These are the same people who wanted to rip up the shah with their bare hands if they could get a hold of him in 1979; but why? Because he was accused of being corrupt, thief, murderer, torturer, incompetent and did not do enough for iran and iranians; BUT they easily accept and support the islamic republic that one only needs to make a trip to iran, talk to people, and open his eyes to see that based on ANY metric shah was a saint compared to ANY of this IRI crowd.

The power of religious fanaticism, personal benefit from regime, and childish mentality is so much that they overshadow facts, morality, and nationality. This crowd views iran as a base for islamic fanaticism and personal gain, nothing else.

The sad reality is that this crowd always existed, some imprisoned by the shah, and all were screaming of how bad shah was, and iranians were totally unaware of existence of such monsters whose only game was to take over and milk the country and spread a bogus version of arab religion.

What should have been done with this gang, a gang that wanted to take over the country by force, with the excuses that we all know of from the mouths of khomeini, the left, and the so-called intellectuals. This gang do not believe in democracy and freedom -- that was only 70s propaganda -- and are in fact the barrier of democracy and progress. If they could, they would have established a Taliban in iran. Any progressive regime would put such people in jail and throw away the keys. Wasn't shah too kind with these people?

30 years is a long time, a long time that has taken iran back at least 20 to 30 years relative to 1979 overall. People are culturally so backward, cheating and corruption is so rampant; and the evidence is that the next generation of mullas and IRI supporters are running away and immigrating - even they cannot tolerate living there under the rule of their beloved mullas, yet they want that regime to sustain and the disaster to remain for those iranians who have no means of running away. If this is not treason and betrayal of anything iranian, I do not know what treason and betrayal are.

Almost all that one sees in iran are developments or extensions from pahlavi era or planned by them: top universities, banks, steel mill, car factories, electronic industries, .... The rest are shops of milking the people or keeping them well occupied.

What is the solution? There is no solution! The sole objective of this regime is its own survival at ANY cost to iran and iranians. They will not allow anyone to seriously challenge the regime, and elections and voting are only shows for the gaming the foolish. As we saw, election of the so-called popular khatami had essentially no lasting impact beyond temporary loosening of women's dress code. This Yo Yo is the game of regime: take the people to death, so they welcome fever and content with a temporary relief.

Solution is a massive protest, a massive civil disobedience, or massive lack of voting. 30 years of experience has shown us that this will not easily happen.

I am afraid that we will not see a progressive iran in our life time: an iran that we can live in, at least as we lived under pahlavis. I ponder why reza shah who came to power with support of mullas turned against them when he saw them as barriers of progress. I am afraid that this nationless gang, these assassins, can and must only be pushed aside by force, the force underwritten by a nationalist like reza shah. Waiting for democracy is futile as there are these nasty characters, and their counterparts on the left that will never allow a progressive system to take roots in iran.

Any support of IRI is an overt treason against iran and iranians even though it may fulfill one's islamic religious duty.


not good enough so far

by sbglobe on

Well what about the lesser of the evil then? since we seem to be stuck with IRI for now, we might as well have a change. At this point it only can get better since I believe we did hit the lowest point. Sorry the argument of if you believe in IRI, go ahead and vote otherwise do not does not cut it (for me) 

Mola Nasredeen

And they lived happily everafter in the Green Zone, aka Niavaran

by Mola Nasredeen on

watching re-runs of 24 HRS TV Show. 

Anonymous Bugger

بازار فيضالدوله

Anonymous Bugger

چقدر خاله سوسکه و خاله موشه و خاله مورچه و خاله حشره و زنان متدين وسيده اهل ولايت و ضد ال يهود ريخته تو اين سايت  . الکذا همگی با اجازه اخوی و جد مذکر در اين بنگاه ظاهر شده و از زير محجبه لبان کج کرده تا معصييت نشود و مدح و ثنايه سروران پدرشان کنند . که اگر بيت المال اخوند نبود اين عقب اقتادگان هنوز در بازار فيضالدوله فرش ميشستند و نه  مثل حال کار چاق کنی صاحب سيد علی .


Farah Rusta

by Anonymouslol (not verified) on

There might not be a child or a Shiraz university if Ahmadinejad gets elected again anyway... it will be bombed into oblivion or go down the drain in the name of imam zaman's social justice program, whichever comes first.

Keep on dreaming the dream Farah! the islamic regime is here to stay and there will be child executions for many years to come! Lets see how many child you can save by not voting, I'm going to keep a score!



by Anonymous Amphibian (not verified) on


Well done! This is the kind of satire we have been missing on this site. You put Multiple Personality Disorder to school.

Going after the armchair patriots on this virtual war zone, could not have been more tasteful and appealing. Caviar is an excellent metaphor.

Keep it up!


No need for Cyrus to weak up

by Ostadeh Daneshgah (not verified) on

(sorry for the broken English) I am sure when the low level analysts of the IRI security apparatus read these plans they enjoy it very much that at least there is no threat for the regime from the Iranians in LA.

Farah Rusta

OK let's talk fuzzy logic

by Farah Rusta on


Perhaps you like it this way: all four candidates have different plans and two of them may improve the economy, avert the chance of war, invite Obama to Qum, send Michelle and the kids Persian cats, and more. So you vote for Mussavi or Karroubi and elect one of them but a few weeks down the tenure there is another child execution or a new raid on the Shiraz Uni campus!! Surpized? The end result is still the same as seeing them in binary. So why go fuzzy?


Tinman joon

Sorry that I have to disappoint you darling but I don't know who you are talking about and why are you so obsessed with this character called parkhash. You must have had a past with him or her. But if you are trying to be smart ass be my guest. I must go and research this guy after all we may have common agenda LOL. 



Farah Rusta = Parkhash

by TinMan (not verified) on

sorry, there is no mistaking it, Parviz jan.


Good Joke

by Perspolisfan2000 (not verified) on

This is the best the so called "opposition" can do? hahaha . . . keep on dreaming. You should suck up to Obama, maybe he'll give you more than the 200 million Bush did to betray your country.

Mola Nasredeen

And Reza Pahlavi went to Mecca and became a Haji, changing his

by Mola Nasredeen on

Middle name to Hossein.  


Palestinians killing each other

by gofigure (not verified) on

khaleh mosheh

Yum Yum Caviar Party

by khaleh mosheh on

Can we throw another party to mark the first 100,000 poeple killed after Iran is attacked?

Personally I would want another when we have 1,000,000 refugees too. 

Oh lets have another when the whole of Khuzestan is turned into a lovely giant 'car park'. 


dear Farah Rusta:

by Anonymouslol (not verified) on

Your binary mindset is not helping Iran!! You sound like a Bushie with his "you are either with us or with the terrorist" argument.

Farah Rusta

Let me make it simple for you

by Farah Rusta on

If you believe that the Islamic Republic is the right ruling system for Iran, please go ahead and vote for one of the four candidates - they are all declared supporters of the nezam!




Vote or Not to Vote - a Simple Question

by sbglobe on

Sorry as I still do not understand why we should not vote (I guess I missed the point here). It is clear that the boycott did not work last time. So, why should we do it again? I plan to go and vote (in DC) unless if someone can explain to me (maybe again) as why we should not.


LOL I love it

by Anonymouslol (not verified) on

This is going to bring all the crazies here... they will call you names but they fail (yet again) to address the substantive arguments with their own persuasive counter points.

Vive le Caviar indeed!

Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

So Q what kind.......?

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

So Q what kind of Kool-Aid are you drinking? :o)




nailed it!

by kambiz- (not verified) on

Q, that's really funny. I look forward to the next chapter.


Sad Satirism

by Armeen (not verified) on

Do not shed tears on the sad fate of these virtual "Caviar Revolutionaries". We know that crocodiles weep while devouring or luring their prey. You know very well that your regime blasts these nightmare" war-mongers, Zionists' lackeys and Mohareb, (enemies of God and sharia law-breakers". and they would be muzzled by the sinister and totalitarian Mullahs before being an existing subject for you or any pro-IRI satirists.

If your satire insists that opposition and dissidents are naïve, hilarious, lunatic, then you must be sharing IRI's propaganda journalists, bloggists, commentators, and even under a mask of cartoonists and satirists who attempt to appease and fool people by diverting them from the gravity of the main problems while highlighting some mullahs' harmless and "re-formable" shortages.

Resident reformists or hard-liners close to the IRI, within the various IRI's net and pro establishment media, are involved of buying time for the regime to survive. See exported journalists on media net of Gooya where your satirist master, Sayed Eebrahim Nabavi, another fake dissident, is nothing but aother devotee of his Sayeds's rule upon Iran.

The sad satirism is that the tone may demagogically raise shrill, critic, and loud but never ever puts under question the quinessentialised questions like human rights black record of the IRI, crimes against humanity, real nature and aim of such a regime, and the reason and origine of the legitimacy that the regime pretends.