Grief Revisited


Grief Revisited
by Monda

My daughter's friend and classmate was reported missing last Sunday.  After receiving text messages and calls by friends, my daughter rushed home frantically to gather her search and rescue gear to join others in looking for Alicia.  "What do you mean she's missing?!"... my original reaction was disbelief of the probability of someone like Alicia missing.  At age 16 these girls and their classmates had backpacked and hiked on two week long trips to the highest points on the Sierras, the sub zero camp sites and rock climbed the lowest deserts by the Joshua Trees... How could she be lost in the tame nature of Tennessee Valley?!

I tried to celebrate Norooz with friends, chatting over tea and Norooz cookies, enjoying the wonderful company of all, while having my daughter's search for Alicia in my mental background. I finally heard her pained tearful voice, "Alicia's dead Mom... she fell off the cliff and into the Tennessee Cove".. I lost my balance in my friend's kitchen as I listened to my daughter's tears. This was hours after Alicia's body was found in the ocean about 2 miles away from her camp site.  My daughter did not want my New Year celebration interrupted.  At that point she and others had gathered for couple of hours in school trying to connect to their loss of Alicia.

Yesterday morning she walked out of the shower with tears down her face, "I can't make sense of this Mom... I feel so confused".  All I had to offer was my hug and reassurance that "we can't make sense of this tragedy, even at my age..." we cried together tightly holding on to each other, feeling the burning sensation of our tears, or not.

I look at our rug filled by Alicia's photos. I don't know how many times I have reviewed their memories in these photos since last night when my daughter was asked to do a collage for Alicia's memorial.  The bright beautiful glow in Alicia's eyes, the radiance of her laughter, her enjoyment of Persian food at our house, her humble smiles during their post-trip slide shows where I saw her photographs of the intense mountain peaks and water holes...

"... Mom, Nothing matters".... "Everything matters, because may be the last time we experience them....we can only accept the reality of loss, we can't control it". At age 17, Alicia fell into the Tennessee Cove.

I cannot stop my mental ruminations of how long until Alicia's last breath?  What was going on her mind? How did she fall off that cliff?! Why her?!  Why Now?!...  

My tears are also for Cathie and John and Alicia's 12 year old sister. 


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by sima on

I'm so sorry Monda jan. It makes me speechless. I can't even imagine it. We'll talk soon.


I actually like Cat's equally well

by Monda on


and this one in Alicia's blog

by Monda on


mamnoon Hadi jan

by Monda on

Blessed are the ones who knew her.


hadi khojinian


by hadi khojinian on

Very sad Monda !!!! God bless her soul !!!!


Dear persian_rainbow,

by Monda on

Greatest mystery indeed. Thank you for reading me.


Dear Shazdeh, thank you for your sentiments

by Monda on

I echo your hope for her family and loved ones. Thank you for visiting my brief memory of our wonderful Alicia.


Condolences to all

by persian_rainbow on

condolences to all who lost loved ones.

death is the ultimate and greatest mystery as long as humans have been around

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Dear Monda: sorry about this sad loss

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

I can only hope for patience, for you, her friends and her family.


Thank you Faranak jan

by Monda on

You and I know about the time factor in healing.  My daughter and all of Alicia's friends will have to experience the healing first hand.   

As much as I don't wish this tragic predicament for anyone, I consider it a natural part of life.


Dear Marge, we are as safe as can be

by Monda on

Thank you for reading my blog.  Yes Alicia was/ is very much loved and had an amazing and happy life. It is a humbling reality that as safe as anyone can be, there are elements as tame as slippery cliffs that can never be foreseen.


Dear capt_ayhab, I appreciate your suggestion

by Monda on

I believe my daughter's in good hands so to speak. I did advise her to meet up with one of my colleagues through her grieving... there's absolutely no needs to pardon your caring advice, it is the best one. You are also right in that there's regretfully No way any one can take Alicia's family's pain away.  I wish them much strength and can only offer them physical support if needed.


such a beauty, such a tragedy

by capt_ayhab on

Such a tragedy  what a waste of beauty, youth, energy and hope.

Is there anything that can help the pain of that family?

NO.............. NEVER... regretfully

Ms. Monda
......... How is your daughter coping with this tragedy? You might want to seek some professional help, pardoning the advice.



R.I.P Alicia....

by kfravon on

Monda jaan:

I'm so sorry for your loss. Alicia may not be physically here, but her spirit and memories will always live on.  Your daughter may not ever make sense of it, but time will heal the pain.....


I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

What a beauty. What a glow!!!

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on

I am shocked to hear this sad story. The reality is that we live in a dangerous world and no matter how hard we try to be safe, we can be victims. I hope she had a happy and wonderful life. She looks so active and happy here. I'm sorry for this experience for you Monda. Good luck with coping for you and your daughter.


Ms. Monda

by capt_ayhab on

I Feel your pain................




Mehrban jan,

by Monda on

My daughter Chiara and I thank you and all our IC friends for your sentiments.


My condolences

by Mehrban on

Monda jaan, I am very sorry about this tragedy. I wish you, your daughter and Alicia's family solace and peace. 


Anahid jan, I hope she can too

by Monda on

Thanks for your being here.

Anahid Hojjati

Dear Monda, sorry for your daughter and your loss

by Anahid Hojjati on


It is very sad when someone so young dies like this.  To think that a step a bit different would prevent the death, makes one just think, life is not fair and then death is even more unfair.  Monda jan,I hope your daughter can find comfort in her  friends and family at a difficult time like this.


MPD jan thank you

by Monda on

I wish I could take away their pains too. That is part of my agony in this.

Multiple Personality Disorder

My condolences,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

I wish I could take away the pain that Alicia's sister is feeling.  It must be horrific for her.  At our age we've seen death many a times, and although at no times anyone's death is bearable, it is the death of a brilliant and vibrant young girl that is so incomprehensible.  I feel so sad for the parents and the young sister.  I feel so sad for your daughter and you.  I wish I could take away the pain.  The finality of death is so agonizing.


Doostaan azizam,

by Monda on

Thank you so much for your comments on my share of Alicia's loss.

Tissa janam (sorry for the misspelling of your name earlier), mindadvar, capt_ayhab, divaneh, Anonymouse, Red Wine, vildemouse, persian westender va didani aziz:  You are all sensitive and lovely souls.  Thank you for reading my blog. May anything close to this never happen to any of you or your loved ones.


Such tragic ending to a young life

by didani on

I know how difficult her loss has been for your daughter and you, my heart goes to her parents and her sister.

persian westender

Sorry for the loss

by persian westender on

It should be painful for the family and friends....



Monda jan: I'm so sorry. I

by vildemose on

Monda jan: I'm so sorry. I can feel the grief and sorrow in your writing. Please be strong. Hugs and kisses for you and your daughter.

Red Wine


by Red Wine on

بسیار متاسفیم ماندا جان ...

خبر بسیار غمگین و ناراحت کننده بود ... خدا ایشان را رحمت کند و غرق نور کند.

امید وارم که این آخرین غمتان باشد.




by Anonymouse on

We have a hard time letting go of our loved ones when they die of natural causes and old age.  Loosing a young and vibrant person is just devastating.  My heart goes out to her family and wish them patience through this difficult time.  My condolences to you and your daughter for this loss as well. 

Everything is sacred.


Truly Sad

by divaneh on

What a waste of a young life. She seems so lively in those photos. Heartbreaking. My condolences to you, your daughter, her family and all those who loved her.


Heart wrenching

by capt_ayhab on

There is absolutely nothing, I mean NOTHING worse than losing a child for parents.

May God help them.

Monda Jan, I am so sorry for your pain.