HUMOR

IT DEPENDS ... WANT TO BE IRANIAN?

Well if you want to learn how to be Iranian like the people who run this site - just allow people to post freely comments about making war against Iran, while censoring everyone else.

how to be Iranian?

According to Sargord Pirooz, in order to be Iranian you have to support the Islamist regime of terror and rape in Iran and you have to love certain mullahs ruling Iran. Otherwse if you don't you are classified as "anti Iranian". It has nothing to do with the type of car you drive or anything else.

You missed one, The I'm a muslim joke.

Tell everyone you are a muslim, over a martini, and while you are studying some science in university that disproves 50% of the teachings of the koran.

Well done

Dear Sammy,

Your observations are very smart and the piece is creatlively written. I specially like the comparisons that you have drawn between the two generations.

As you can see from all the comments that people have left for you, there are (and will always be) different views and opinions and people have their different ways of expressing them. However I think a successful piece of work is the one that creats a dialogue and that's exactly what you have accomplished over here. I hope this encourages you to write more.

Best of luck!

Melody (abjeezooloo) Safavi

Conspiracy theories

You forgot about consiracy theories! Being an Iranian, one needs to have a natural tendency and ability to pull them off at any event.

Plus the connection to the imperial court every one claims to have pre revolution.

where do i begin...

so first off, i'm a 16 year old persian girl living in canada. most of the stuff you wrote is insanely true, but i noticed one of the points is BS. granted, i did get a Mercedes for my birthday, but you make it sound like people who drive japanese cars are fobs or something. My mom recently got a Lexus Hybrid SUV, and she said it's the best car she's ever had, and never caused any problems for her. Just pointing that out. But everything about doogh (disgsuting, honestly, a yogurt soda? what are ya doing?) and taroof was right.

 oh, and fyi, you're absolutely right about the music 2nd gen listen to (Wiz Khalifa, Kid Cudi) just take away Lil Wayne (what a joke) from that list, and add Kanye West, and you have my fav. 3 artists :D

Funny

Funny and clever piece of satire, especially for such a young guy.  Keep it up, Sam!

but there is some wisdom to our luv for German cars

I dont think it's just about being integrated into Iranian-American society. There's some wisdom behind it IMO:

German cars really do kick butt. I had a modest 2001 VW for 10 years. It NEVER gave me ANY trouble. Plus, you could tell that A LOT OF thought and observation had gone into the design of even the most minor function and parts of the vehicle.

I now have an Infiniti. And it aint worth the 40k pricetag. Way overpriced. Wouldnt recommend it.

I'll buy German again if I can. Quality engineering is something to be highly appreciated.

I think Iranians simply have good taste and preferences when it comes to cars. I mean, if it werent for those ahmagh akhonds, we'd be exporting serious shit like this, instead of Iran Khodro junk equipped with Qibleh-nama.

Yes Anahid jaan that's the one! Thanks!

Had devil of a time finding it! 

Note to Sam, add this blog Declassified guide to party survival to my earlier comment. In my opinion this 2nd generation's observations are funny because she is using her own experiences - a fresh perspective. 

Everything is sacred

Dear Esfand, is this the blog you were referring to?

Esfand jan, in your comment titled:"Audience", you wrote about a blog that a young person wrote regarding Iranian Mehmanis. I think you might be referring to this one:

//iranian.com/main/blog/sahar94/declassif...

But why Sam my boy?

Oh Sam, You have dismissed my existance totally by stating that there were no Iranians in U.S. prior to l970's.  My family and I arrived here in l957. I suppose that makes us the WHICH GENERATION?

As to your comment on Iranians of California, they are indeed a different spieces, and not a very likeable one at that.  Please also add being "show off", pretensious, and shallow to those characteristics you have listed.

Forgot these....

When taking a photo:

If you are a male, make some stupid sign with your fingers

If you are a female, tilt your head to either left or right, that will make you look "extra NAZ"

add these too

- If you are a girl find the shortest skirt and wear it all the time

- If you are a boy make sure you have tah-rish 

- Wear very short cur jeans so everyone can see your butt-crack

- Wear one the Hakhamaneshi signs (those which no-one know what they are called)

- Always smell like kabob or peyaz

-Learn to be laud all the time

- Always hate Israel

- Put some meaningless Tattoo

- Have picture of yourself and a Persian singer on your FaceBook page

-Last but not least Always have a picture of yourself and Ghelyoon in your mouth 

Good job!

Sam, you said it well:” We are complicated people…” Your writing and your sense of humor is great, keep it up young man! I loved your mature, sincere and open comment even more. Tolerance and acceptance, that’s what separates your generation from us, a change we should all welcome.

Sam

I saw the girl photo - and I thought it was you.   You may want to know that here in America Samantha is also called Sam.  Anyways - yopur last response showed me you learned something in this thread.   Trust me we get your humor - I hope you get our point too.   Most of those whom you see expressing love with what you wrote do it because they feel bad for a 17 year old to be harshed - or because they are like what you described!!!  I just want you to know as some others mentioned - there are some of us that are not like what you are describing.   We are as Iranian as they come - yet we are as Yankee as it can get.   We can read a few pages of Molana and go to a Roger Waters concert - and if we want Persian soft art we look into Abjeez and Kiosk,......Shamaiizadeh, Satar, ........ and Shohreh don't even cross our minds.... Just know that we are out there ---- also know our culture is systematically under attack, especially by jahan-Vatan socialists.   They never learn - in the name of material progress they lose every human spiritual gains of the past.   

Dear Sam,

I am delightfully impressed by reading your comment as much as I was, reading your essay. Kudos to you and your mom on your wonderful creations. I wish you the best in all aspects of your life.

Dear Sam, I was impressed with your comment

Dear Sam, from your comment, you seem to be together more than many 17 year old teen-agers. Keep writing, I have an almost 17 year old at home so I like reading from others in the same age group. Thanks for sharing.

Audience

Sam jaan may ALL your problems and ills fall right on Sargord's head!  May he be sacrificed for you if you ever need a sacrificial lamb for anything!

You say your audience were 17 year old Americans?  That's even worse!  Do you really think if you were to play a word association game with them and use the word Iranian, they'd laugh or even get the point about Iranians riding BMW or Benz? How many Iranians do they know?  I think this is just you taking an inside joke and thinking others will get it. 

I didn't say list all of 1st generation's accomplishments, I just wanted to see somewhere in your paper that you say things like, god bless my dad ... I love her to death ... or make fun of yourself (which is most important) instead of making fun of someone else at their expense, like ... silly me I thought ... and so on and so forth, perhaps in your entire paper it'd be no more than a dozen words where you could've given credit to 1st generation or make fun of 2nd generation in retrospect.

I don't get offended by making fun of Iranians. Here's an example of when I actually participated in one. There are more under the blogger's profile but they ended up being repetitions and not funny, in my opinion.  I also tried to find you a blog by a 2nd generation where she wrote about how she felt when some old strangers would come up to her in a mehmoonie and say things like Negar joon how grown up you've become, do you remember me? You were so little when I last saw you, oh my god!  But I couldn't find that blog, maybe later if I find it I'll post it for you.

I just think in this piece a 2nd generation is too quick to take jabs at first generation without taking a jab of his own.  Wouldn't it be funnier to an audience of 17 year old when you make fun of 17 year olds?  The stuff you said about knowing about Iranian politics or going to protests in summer is actually funny!  Could be funny I should say, to a 1st generation!

Anyway, I'm glad you responded which means you're willing to engage and now that you're a registered user may I suggest you write a blog or two about say 2nd generation and how you feel about being an Iranian (not just the bumper sticker slogans) and what makes you proud (if any :-) and how you really feel about 1st generatin (joking aside :-) and so forth.

In the blogs you have some controls, you can post your own picture and select your own title.  Oh and it doesn't matter whatever car you use to drive, because you didn't pay for it anyway!  Right?!

Everything is sacred

Fillet Mignon

I remember going to a high class restaurant with some kids when in high school in Iran. The place was called "College Inn" near Alborz High School. They had two dishes that greatly disturbed one of the guys these were:

• Fillet Mignon
• Cream Caramel 

I am not making this up. The guy read the first one: "Fileye Maymoon" and complained to the garson that they should not be serving such things. I had to explain to the dude it was really cow and not monkey. He remained unconvinced.

The second one he read: "Kerm kare-h Ommol" which made little sense. I guess somehow some "Ommol" has done something to worms and made up the dish. Needless to say he was shocked when I ordered it and offered him a bite.

sam

good response. whatever you do, i suggest to never take the comments on IC too seriously... mine included :)

people will make all kinds of weird generalisations and connections for ideological or mood-swing reasons!

Sam: well done Have you

Sam: well done

Have you looked at those who say "Salam" only, and those that say "Dorood" and "Bedrood" instead of "Khodahafez".

There is also a wave of people who do not say "alhamdorella" and "inshallah" all the time.  They just pretend to be one of the characters in the TV show called Friends. 

Ali Mostofi

//www.alimostofi.com

that was excellent and

that was excellent and completely true…dough is disgusting…and the whole tarof thing happens with every single iranian family even if they deny it

well written!! 

Remember who my audience was

Esfand, I understand what you're saying, but please remember my target audience: a class of thirty 16-year-old teenagers. This article was meant to be purely humorous, and if I wanted to add disclaimers after everything I said, well first of all it would be way over the 1,000 word limit, and second of all, it would detract from the comedic value. You say that these jokes are worn out and that you've heard them before. This is because I wasn't writing this to be posted on iranian.com, I wrote it for my English class, who, unlike us, are only slightly familiar with Iranian stereotypes. I respect the first generation greatly, and my mom was the one who put this on here, against my will, might I add. All the Iranian adults I've showed it to loved it, because they understand that these are all exaggerations. I have nothing but respect for the first generation of Iranians, and just because I didn't go about listing all their accomplishments here, doesn't mean that I don't admire them.

I can also assure you that I am not a "spoiled teenager in love with herself, driving a mercedes in London." I am a 17 year old guy and I drive a 1999 Honda Civic. I didn't put the picture at the top, and I don't know who did, but I can assure you that it's not a picture of me. Both of my parents drive Japanese cars, btw.

I respect your opinion, but for you to say that I am "ashamed" of my Iranian heritage before even knowing me is not fair. I speak fluent Farsi, I went to Farsi school for 8 years before graduating, and I played the tombak in a classical Iranian music group for 4 years. I love Shajarian, btw. I spent all of last summer protesting, going to every protest I could find, and I spent all of this summer editing English analyses of Iranian and Afghan media. I know a lot about Iranian politics, and have been to Iran multiple times. The reason I chose not to write about politics, or Iranian nationalism, or introducting the concept of "wages" to society, was because of my target audience: 17 year old American teenagers. My goal was to make them laugh, not to give them a college dissertation about the plight of Iranians in modern society, or about the achievements of the ancient Persians.

Again, I respect your right to express your opinion, but I think it's awful that there are Iranians out there who aren't secure enough in their heritage and culture to be able to laugh about it!

Like I said, I didn't post this on here, and I didn't even want it to be posted on here. If you are really that offended by what I thought was a harmless, satirical, clearly exaggerated reflection of a couple funny Iranian stereotypes, then I'd be more than willing to have it taken down.

Nice Job!

I had a great laugh at the drinking reference. Did you know that this is why ancient Persians invented algebra?  (They also invented the SATs, although they got very low scores because in those days there were no pencils.) The way algebra works is, if you don't know exactly what a number is, you just call it "X.'' The Persians found that this was a BIG mathematical help in solving problems:  PERSIAN WIFE (suspiciously): How much have you had to drink?  PERSIAN HUSBAND: I had "X'' beers.  PERSIAN WIFE: Well, how much is THAT?  PERSIAN HUSBAND: It's a [burp] variable.  PERSIAN WIFE (not wanting to look stupid): Well, OK then.  Historical Footnote: Several years later, when the ancient Romans invented Roman numerals, and it turned out that "X'' was actually equal to 10, there was BIG TROUBLE in Persia - hence the drinking persists to this day.   Read more: //www.thisisawar.com/LaughterDaveMath.htm 

Nicely done, I say..

Sam: I thoroughly enjoyed reading your description of our compatriots. Keep up the good work, and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t box the Iranians/Persians. Well done!

Faramarz, thank you for clarifications

: ))  فرامرز جون، به دوست دخترات یاد بده برات اسفند دود کنند. 

Translation for Sam: Good Iranian girl friends burn Esfand for their nice boyfriends. You and Faramarz should remind your girls about that piece. 

Very nice : )

Hope to read more of your essays.

First Gen, Second Gen and More

OK, first of all let’s get some definitions and clarifications here.

First Gens are Iranians in their 40’s and 50’s who got their education in the west and were born before the IR. They have been through the drill and have gained lots of wisdom! They also have some deep roots in Iranian culture. Their preferred topics of conversation nowadays are blood pressure, cholesterol and prostate exams!

Second Gens are their kids and they are in their teens and 20’s and are generally clueless about the state of things. What they are good at is texting!

Dad: “Honey what are you doing?”

Daughter: “I am tweeting Ashley.”

Dad: “Why don’t you just pick up the phone and talk to her or even go across the street and see her?”

Daughter: “LOL! OMG! ROFLM! Talking is so 20th century! Duh!”

Dad: “Don’t Duh me! I have 2 or 3 more degrees than you have.”

Daughter: “Yeah! From last century! Like who cares! I am going to de-friend you from my fb!”

Dad: “Ok, Ok. I’m sorry, do whatever you want to do!”

Now, Iranians in their 30’s generally don’t count since they are just beginning to figure things out!

There is also another generation here and those are the parents of the First Gens. They are in their 70’s and 80’s. Now those guys are into conspiracy theories, classical Iranian music with shaking heads and everything else.

Doogh kojaash badeh???!

"Iran’s worst culinary contribution to society"?? Doogh???!!

Holy smoke. Behem barkhord!

Doogh is indeed a soothing exir, provided it is made properly. And alot of people just dont know how to make it right. Not even hotshot Restaurants like Darya in Irvine.

(actually I havent tasted any proper doogh outside Iran)

 Thanks for the suggestion.

 Thanks for the suggestion. I hope he'll continue writing funny articles.