Aftabehs vs. Toilet Paper

I hope Go Green is a slogan that lasts long into our future


Aftabehs vs. Toilet Paper
by TehranSoParvaz

One of the few things that everyone agrees on is that the environment is very important, however not everyone actually does something about it. The ozone layer is dying, the ocean is polluted, and millions of tons of trash litter our lands. The Earth has become a giant trashcan that we can never throw away. The photographs of the recent BP Oil Spill Tragedy off the coast of the Gulf of Mexico spreading thousands of miles down the southern coast serve as a reminder to us all that our Earth is very precious thing.

It is ironic to me that the recent political movement in Iran has been nicknamed the Green Revolution by the media. That the slogan ‘Go Green’ was so appropriately picked for a Persian movement, because while the rest of the world is trying to catch up…us Iranians have been ahead of the environmental movement for thousands of years.

Yes, the same Iranians that invented everything from breathing air to toilet paper also invented environmentally friendly activities like recycling. In fact I have compiled a scientific list of 10 environmentally friendly activities that Iranians do naturally which proves not only that once again they are the best at everything but they are even the best for the environment.


#1: Turn the Lights Down Low. Environmentalists all agree that leaving lights and appliances running over time is the top way that we waste energy and harm our environment. Well if you’ve ever been yelled at for leaving the ‘lights on’ or have heard ‘cheragho khamoosh kon…pool-e ab o barghzeeyad meeshe’ then you know us Iranians do NOT like to waste energy. Persian parents have told us for years to turn off lights and close the refrigerator door. Persian kids have gotten many ‘too sarees’ for leaving the TV on even while they are watching it. Iranians are bright enough without lights.

#2: Don’t Throw Me Away. Scientists predict that in 10 years hundreds of islands of trash as big as some countries will be floating around our oceans. SO big that we might have to put them on some maps. Not only is this disgusting but its horrible for the environment. They suggest that people learn to not throw things away and recycle. Iranians have known about not throwing things away for centuries. The catch phrase ‘nandaaz door yek roozee bedard mekhore’ is very common in any Persian household. A testament to Iranians and NOT throwing things away. Recycling is also not new to Iranian families. A dirty shirt becomes a car rag. A coat hanger becomes a plant holder. A box becomes a file cabinet. Iranians are like McGuyver when it comes to reusing objects in new and creative ways. In fact many Iranian households have garages full of ‘junk’ that any ‘normal’ person would throw away…‘normal’ horrible people who don’t CARE about the environment that is.

#3: How Cold? Ice Cold. The CFC and HCFC fluorocarbon gasses that air conditioning units emit are responsible for depleting the ozone layer. With no ozone layer it wont matter how much air condition we use everyone on Earth will burn into a crisp. Iranians must have known that for years because even in our nice new cars we drive with the windows down and make sure to keep the AC down in our houses as well. In fact every Persian kid knows its an automatic yelling if you open the door to the house for more than 5 seconds at any given time because ‘havayekhoone raft.’ Iranians have a love/hate relationship with air condition. They don’t use it ‘alaki’ like so many Americans. ‘Migeh assbaabaaziye?’ That’s why Iranians are so cool.

#4: Best Stuffon Earth. Organic food is another way of saying natural food. That means food that is not injected with hormones or genetically altered. Its also another way of saying Iranian. All fruits from Iran like ‘lemoo shirin’ and‘kharbozeh’ are naturally grown and produced. Iranian farmers don’t use things like hormones, genetic htc, and dangerous chemical fertilizers (unfortunately sometimes they don’t use pesticides either) to grow their fruit. Iranians themselves prefer natural foods which is why Whole Foods and other ‘more natural’ store chains are always littered with Iranians asking if ‘eentaazas?’ Besides being natural and better for you, organic foods are also much better for the environment. Us Iranians knew that the WHOLE time. The only thing we don’t like natural are our noses.

#5: Buy Big. Packaging and wrapping causes more trash. More trash is bad for the environment. The solution is to buy bulk. Anyone who has ever been to a Costco knows that Iranians LOVE to buy bulk. Costco is Baazaar-e Tajreesh every Saturday and Sunday as Iranians crowd in to find the best savings on bulk items. Purchasing items that have less packaging means that there is less ink,less design, and less waste overall. Us Iranians are all about buying big and wasting small. Iranians don’t just buy big we think big as well.

#6: Big Wheels. The talk regarding hybrid and electric cars really deals with the idea of fuel efficient cars. Fuel efficient cars use less gas and have less emissions than the average vehicle. American cars traditionally rank on the low end of fuel efficiency. However us Iranians do not buy American cars. The car of choice for many Iranians is the BMW and/or Mercedes Benz. Both these cars rank at the top of their class in nearly every aspect of design including fuel efficiency and low emissions. In fact many Mercedes engines are still based on the original diesel design which cuts most emissions by almost 25%. In fact BMW and Mercedes Benz are the only two car manufacturers to be listed on the Dow Jones Sustainability Index 7years in a row because they are in the top 3 car companies that are environmentally friendliest from beginning of production to end. They do not just build more environmentally friendly cars they actually build the cars more environmentally friendly. If BMW and/or Mercedes Benz builds it Iranians will come.

#7: Flow Like Water. Even though Earth is made up of over 70% water only a fraction of it is usable drinkable water. Of this fraction the average person wastes over 50 gallons a day. Not the average Iranian. The average Iranian parent will kill you if you waste an ounce of water. Constantly Iranian parents get on their children for taking long showers(anything over 5minutes) or leaving the faucet running (anything over5seconds). Leaky faucets, which result in 1000s of gallons of water loss per year, are a Persian dad’s fix-it-yourself dream weekend. Toilets that go bump in the night don’t last too long in the Iranian household. Us Iranians do NOT waste water, unless its boiling for a cup of tea.

#8: Money Doesn’t Grow on Trees. But oxygen does. With our forests in jeopardy, being cut down for consumption on a daily basis, many green thumb projects have been getting more government funding. Well no one has a better green thumb than a Persian mom. Persian moms will plant bushes in the backyard, gardens in the front yard, and even trees in the house. Persian homes frequently look like Greenhouses with big-leafed no-name plants in every hallway and a wide array of flowers on every table. Despite summer water shortages, Iranians will always water their lawns, making sure their plants and grass grow nice and green. Everyday 100s of acres of the Amazon jungle are being torn down for consumption, isn’t it nice to know that 100s of Iranians are replacing the worlds tree supply one plant at a time.

Before I go too far and get into talks about the benefits of ‘aftabehs’ vs. toilet paper it is logical to conclude that us Iranians may be bad for car dealerships but we are great for the environment. I hope Go Green is a slogan that lasts long into our future and that the rest of the world pays attention and as we have always said…learns to be more like us.


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