Shaadi's Story

I’m not that good with this online dating business


Shaadi's Story
by Nazy Kaviani

From the "Kissing All The Frogs" Series

Shaadi finally decided to do it. She signed up with the Iranian dating site, submitted her photograph, and answered the questions. She thought to herself, “I’ll be 100% honest in answering the questions. I don’t want any complications as a result of withheld information or half truths.” She wrote down her real age, her real weight, and answered all the questions fully and truthfully.

Among the people she heard from, there was a man who seemed like a good choice. He was her age, had been married and divorced, didn’t have any kids and didn’t want any, and his picture showed him to be good looking, with a full head of hair, dressed in a nice suite. She and Hamid started chatting and corresponding online. He said he was an accountant, living 20 minutes away from her. She liked him enough to agree to exchange phone numbers. His voice sounded warm and nice and he had a good laughter, nice to the ear. One of the first questions he asked her was “So, how old is the picture you put on the site?” Perplexed, Shaadi replied “Two months old. How come?” And Hamid replied: “Well, you know, a lot of the women send photographs five years old!” Shaadi laughed and said: “Ha Ha, you’re lucky because I’m not that good with this online dating business, yet, so I have answered all the questions truthfully and I didn’t even think to send a younger picture of myself!”

They decided to get together at “The Tea Room,” a nice café which served a ceremonious tea. This was Shaadi’s suggestion, because she wanted them to meet in a decent place with some ambience, somewhere they could talk for a little while. They met outside the café. Shaadi who had spent time and care to get ready for the meeting was a little puzzled. The man on the sidewalk was shorter than he had stated on his biographical data. Not that it mattered terribly, but it was a little surprising, that’s all. His hairline didn’t look anything like his photograph, either! Not only he had a lot less hair than in the picture, his hair was visibly grey. His face also looked a little older than in the picture! Wait a minute! He was older than his picture, by about… five years! This was a little disappointing!

They went to the Café only to realize it was closed! Darn it! They were right next to a restaurant with a full bar. She asked him if they should go there, instead. He said, “No. I want to go to a coffee shop.” So they looked around, and across the street was a coffee shop. She asked him if he wanted to go there. He said O.K. When they arrived, he asked the barrister for directions to the bathroom, whereupon he was informed that the café’s bathroom was broken and inaccessible, without any alternatives offered. Shaadi told him “Why don’t you go across the street to that bar? I know they have a clean bathroom.” He thanked her and left. Shaadi looked around and noticed that the small café did not have waiting service, so she walked to the barrister and asked for a cup of tea and a bottle of water. Picking up her tea and water, she picked a table in a corner. The table was situated against a wall, covered with a mirror. She sat with her back against the mirror. She sat there for about 10 minutes, sipping her tea, before Hamid came back. He helped himself to a glass of tap water from the supplies table of the café and sat down.

Shaadi and Hamid started talking a little uncomfortably at first, but growing more comfortable within a few minutes. Shaadi found it strange that Hamid kept looking at himself in the mirror behind her. It was as though she wasn’t sitting there, the way he kept posing and frowning at his image in the mirror, as if he was by himself facing a mirror in his bathroom or something. To break the ice, Shaadi mentioned the recent election results. Hamid started his reply by saying: “Well, I never vote, you see. It makes no difference for whom we vote. All the world decisions are made by a committee of some 200+ individuals…” Shaadi said: “And who are those 200+? Corporate leaders? Politicians?” Hamid said: “Oh, it’s a lot more complicated than that! They are a secret society which only lets select new members to join…”

It was 8:30. They had been sitting at that corner table for almost 3.5 hours, with Hamid still talking about his conspiracy theory and his 200+ member world ruling committee, hardly letting her get in a word, while looking at himself and making serious and dramatic faces in the mirror. Tired, hungry, and angry, she decided 3.5 hours had been enough. Turning on her cell phone again, she informed Hamid she had to call her sister and go to visit her. They parted, saying “Catch you later.”

She never wrote and never returned his phone calls.

* Names, places, and other identifying attributes of this series' characters are made-up and a work of fiction. The relationship and the dilemma at the heart of each story is true and that's all that is true.

Part [1], Part [2], Part [3], Part [4], Part [5], Part [6], Part [7], Part [8], Part [9], Part [10], Part [11], Part [12]



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more from Nazy Kaviani

You gotta be.........

by Nadias on

Life is harsh out many broken many hopeful hearts.

 You just gotta be stronger, wiser, smarter.......





Dear Afsoon,

by Anonymous Someone (not verified) on

Your comment does not make any sense. Please read it, go to “edit”, and make some changes to it so it would make sense. Thanks.

How old is your ex-boyfriend?
Was he married at the time he was your boyfriend?
Did he have an affair with an older woman, or his wife is older than him?
Why do you consider his women old and perverted, and using the same unclear logic, wouldn’t that make you young and perverted if he had an affair with you?
If he was married at the time and had an affair with you; was he cheating on his wife?
Why do you consider some women so dirty and cheap?
Why would we want to follow your story next week when it doesn’t make any sense this week?


Easter Egg Like you,Chick Like My!?!

by afsoon on

This Subject its really famous for my x-boyfriend because che cheat  on me because woman ,she is near 50 years old . yers ,she has written to him in Easter card this message ..Easter......!!!but funny is im 33years old.He was with her almost 3 years ,his job finsh ,he moved to NY.. his gonig to find another old and pervert woman.but i found he was figer mother...!!!!

Just some times some women so dirty and cheap,my x-boyfriend he left his kids in london ,his son 17 his doughter 11.why some people so pervert... !!!


Please follow my story from next week...with this subject:

Easter egg.....




Wishing you all great success........

by Nadias on

I decided to wish you all the best in your search.


sal-e nou mobarak




To answer her questions

by Anonymous Someone (not verified) on

Who should pay for whatever is eaten on the first date?
The one who asks for a date should pay for the date. Since men and women are equal in all aspects of life, including physically, there should not be any reason for a woman to be interested in a man, ask the man out, and not pay for her date. This is a very liberal view, but the concept is simple, the one that asks for a date pays for the date.

What is the protocol?
I just said what the protocol is, no need to repeat it, except to say that’s my protocol. I have being paying for mydates because I’ve been the one asking, but if one day I’ll be fortunate enough to be asked by a woman to go out, I don’t see any reason what so ever I would have an issue with the woman paying. As a matter of fact my ex-wife, when we were dating, she often asked me to go out with her and she paid for it. For that, I’m paying her a lot of spousal support now.

Going Dutch is fine as long as at some point, hopefully before hand, the date is arranged as a Dutch. “Hey, do you want to go to a dinner and a movie? We can split the cost.” This, and similar statements like it, would be very easy for women to say, once they’ve known the men. I think it would be very wrong, particularly for a man, to ask for a date and EXPECT the cost to be shared.

What is the proper etiquette after that first date, assuming that you liked the other person enough to want to see him/her again?
Regardless of whether you liked the person or not, in-person you should always be polite and thankful. But after you separate and when you’re not in-person any more a message should be exchanged, hopefully by an email to express your true feeling. If you did not like the person, simply give the reason; our difference is too much, I don’t believe we can main a meaning relationship with your current attachment to your ex-spouse, etc. One written email, or a brief phone call, if you don’t like the person, and don’t reply to his/her communications anymore if you don’t like the person. If you liked the person keep sending messages unless you receive lack of interest messages from the other side.

If you have gone Dutch, should you write to "thank" the other person? For what?
There is nothing wrong with being thankful. It doesn’t necessarily have to be thankful about money. You can thank them for taking the time, for driving all the way, for paying evenly even though you’re the one who is taking the left-over home,... Try to be creative about being thankful. Even when you’re pissed off about your date being 30 minutes late you can always thank them for not being an hour late, but say it with a smiling face.

Suppose you are not famous at all, and you have no existence on Google. How much of your background should you share?
Too much information early on is not a good idea. This does not mean lying, you can simply not volunteer the information too early, or when asked directly you can say you rather talk about at a later time when and if you know each other more. One of the best candidates I ever had as a match lost interest in me very quickly early on because I spilled out too much of my private life in the beginning, and no matter how hard I tried, short of being harassing her, she did not change her mind.

Should you talk about your divorce?
As much as I dislike it, I seem to keep giving information about my ex-wife. It is very hard not to talk about one’s divorce when it is a major part of your life. On the other hand I find it that women very easily avoid talking about specifics of their failed marriage.

Should you give out all kinds of information about where you work and your siblings and whether or not you own your home on the first date?
Talk about SPECIFICS only when you know the person specifically. And how can you know a person specifically when you haven‘t talked specifically? Gradually. In the beginning instead of telling how much you purchased your house you can tell them about how much the median price of houses are in the area. For the ladies, instead of giving them you exact address you can tell them you live in a middle class neighborhood. Since I’m a man, I've made sure they knew my exact address before we meet, as a confidence building gesture. If you’re confronted with a question that requires a yes or no answer, for example: “Do you own a house?”, and you don’t want to divulge the information yet just simply say I’ll let you know a little later, but immediately keep the conversation going, since this type of answers are unjustly viewed as being rude.

If you like the other person, what should be the parting words so as not to show you too eager?
I don’t think there is anything wrong with showing eagerness. If you liked the person just let them know, I enjoyed our conversation, I had a great time, I hope we get to see each other again. But just don’t make an ass out of yourself by saying I love you already, I can hear the wedding bells already,...or tings like that.


1. Who should pay for

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

1. Who should pay for whatever is eaten on the first date? What is the protocol?

Man should pay, but remember to go to a coffee shop for a quick look.

2. What is the proper etiquette after that first date, assuming that you liked the other person enough to want to see him/her again?

After the first date, if you like the person send him/her an email and say you had a good time and if s/he is interested in going to a movie. If s/he responds positively then you take it from there like any other normal date and relationship.+

3. Suppose you are not famous at all, and you have no existence on Google. How much of your background should you share?

Nothing. Until at least when you know you are in a relationship, not an imaginary one ;-)

4. If you like the other person, what should be the parting words so as not to show you too eager?

This was nice, I had a good time. I have to go now but I'll send you an email. (You say these words, regardless of whether or not you liked him/her)

Nazy Kaviani


by Nazy Kaviani on

You guys are awesome! I am reading (devouring) everything you guys are saying and will be back with more comments in a bit. But, here are some questions someone sent me, requesting help on the thread:

1. Who should pay for whatever is eaten on the first date? What is the protocol? Should the man do it? The woman? Go Dutch? What exactly needs to be said? Remember that Iranians like to dive for the bill.

2. What is the proper etiquette after that first date, assuming that you liked the other person enough to want to see him/her again? If you have gone Dutch, should you write to "thank" the other person? For what? (Please be specific with the verbiage, she says.)

3. Suppose you are not famous at all, and you have no existence on Google. How much of your background should you share? True, you shouldn't keep stuff like previous marriages and kids to yourself, or you would be in trouble later, big time. But should you talk about how positively NASTY your divorce was? Should you give out all kinds of information about where you work and your siblings and whether or not you own your home on the first date? (Please be specific, she says.)

4. If you like the other person, what should be the parting words so as not to show you too eager? (Please help, she says.)


My Dinner with Sophie

by Anonymous Mnonymous (not verified) on

I want to write about one of my dates from a well known online dating site. The reason I write this is not to make fun of anyone because of their national origin. Those who know me know that I am not picky about anyone's genes, or the kind of jeans they wear. The subject of this blog is online dating and if I don't post this here it would be a shame. You are my imaginary cyber friends, so I want to tell you about my dinner with Sophie.

She was Chinese. We found each other in eHarmony, but as soon as we were going to know each other more she went to China for summer vacation and stayed there for almost two months. Before she went there she told me she would most likely not have much access to Internet and asked me not to give up on her. I only received a couple of brief emails from her while she was in China, but as soon as she came back she send an email and wanted to know if I was still available and wanted to meet. The thing was that our contact so far was by emails only and it would have been good if we had learned more about each other before we met, but I didn't really care, being out of circulation for a long time I needed to go out, sit and talk with a creature of my opposite gender.

One of the things in her profile that I was interested to find out more about, when we were emailing each other, was her occupation. She had it listed as "education", and when I asked her about it in my emails, after going around the question for awhile, she finally replied that she was taking some classes in college, whereas before I was as optimistic as believing she might be a professor. Another thing that I found out later in one of her emails was that she had a daughter who was a classmate of her friend’s daughter. I assumed that her daughter might be in elementary school, because of Sophie’s age. She had not mentioned in her profile that she had a daughter, and even at that I was not concern and I assumed I would learn more about her when I met her. When she came back from China, after a couple of brief emails we made a date for dinner and a movie.

We had decided to meet in a well known indoor shopping mall in front of Macy's. To me, that meant that we were going to meet inside the mall in front of an entrance door to Macy's, but it turned out Macy's at that location had at least five entrance doors, all of them, except one, opened to outside. So before it was too late for any of us to be late I called her cell phone, which she had left the number for me in her last email, to tell her to come to the door inside the mall, but she didn't answer and I left her a detailed message. In front of Macy's inside the mall I waited for a long time but she didn't show up, so I called her cell phone again, and fortunately this time she answered and I asked her if she had checked her phone messages and told her I was inside the mall. She said something, but I didn't know what she said. This was the first time I spoke with her, and I had no idea what she was saying. Her accent was terrible, well it was non-existing, there was no difference between what she was saying in English and if she said it in Chinese, I wouldn't know the difference. But finally after I thought I had figured out which door she was at, I told her to stay at that door and I'll meet her there.

When I went to that door, there was nobody there, so I waited a few minutes and then I saw a couple of Oriental looking women walking towards me from the parking lot. The thing is, how can I say it, all Oriental people look the same to me, especially in parking lots. I thought maybe one of them might be Sophie and the other one her friend, and as I was about to open my mouth to say “Sophie?“, they kept on walking pass me as if I didn’t exist. I was then sure Sophie was not one of them. I walked to the next door and I didn't find her over there either, and then as I was walking inside Macy's towards the next door I noticed a Sophie looking woman was trying out different sunglasses at a counter. I approached her and asked if she was Sophie.
She said: “Yes.”
I said: "You were supposed to wait for me by the door."
I don't know what she said, but I came to believe that she said she was there before, but she is here now!
After I figured she didn’t understand me some of the time, and it was obvious that I didn’t understand her most of the time by saying "pardon me?", and "what did you say?", and "say that again!" I started to talk really slowly (bad grammar right there), but eventually I was talking so slow that I didn't even know what I was saying myself. I was surprised; her written English was nowhere as bad as her spoken one, and then I began to suspect maybe her friend, the one that she had mentioned in her profile, might have written those emails for her.

We went to The Cheesecake Factory Restaurant near the mall for dinner. She wanted to order by what other people were eating, in particular what a boy, sitting with his family in the courtyard, was eating. I believed it to be Blackened Chicken, but after asking our waiter he went out there and found out that it was the ribs. I was glad the waiter went out there and checked it out for us, but at the end Sophie decided she didn’t want chicken or ribs, and instead she finally opted for Miso Salmon, but instead of the fish being marinated in Miso sauce she wanted it cooked with Teriyaki sauce. I told the waiter to have the fish grilled plain and bring the Miso and the Teriyaki sauces in two separate cups. The waiter was very polite but he was not quite sure what to make of this. I explained to him, the best way I could, that she likes salmon but she has never tried it with Miso and she likes to try the sauce separately, which to that he asked if she would like to have a taste of it. Sophie looked discombobulated. I told her not to worry, here in America they cook the food the way the customers like it, not the way it is supposed to be made. She didn’t know what the fuss was about. I ordered the Hibachi Steak.

The food was delicious, but our conversation sucked liked Canada. I had to ask Sophie to repeat everything she said. It was embarrassing. I apologized to her profusely several times and tried to explain to her that it's been like this for all of us in this country, trying to learn a new language.

At the end it turned out that she was taking two courses in college, one of them is English Grammar and the another one a course about how to find a job, how to write resumes, what to do in interviews, and things like that. It turned out that she did not have a higher education from China or anywhere else as I was optimistically hoping for. She's been here five years but had learned close to nothing about this country, she didn't have a job other than teaching Chinese language to who knows who, she was five years older than what she said in her profile, she lived with her friend, and her daughter had just started college! On the bright side, she exercised and was in a great shape physically and had just come back from a well known fitness center with her hair still wet that was very becoming of her, she looked a lot younger than her actual age, she had a good voice (bad accent with a good voice), and she said she was a good cook, didn't drink or smoked, as it had said in here profile.

On the negative side, exercising so much had made her quite hungry, which caused her to devoured all of her food, and she was a gambler, but this time she gambled unsuccessfully since she never told her daughter she was going to a date, so her daughter had called her three times and left her messages asking her to be picked up at the college. Sophie excused herself from going to the movies. Whether this was a set up or not, to check her phone message right after we finished eating, I don't know and I didn't care. I was grateful it was over with.

We walked to her car, I graciously thanked her, shook her hand good-by and walked away, and kept on walking.


This is one of those issues

by KouroshS (not verified) on

This is one of those issues that i am completely familiar with, and better believe it when i say that i am a Veteran of the school of online dating, but did not graduate with honors. In fact i did not even graduate at all. Got so close, but...
I like to agree with those of you who don't like the idea of googling. It is just plain ridiculous. I side with nazy, and support the idea that,nothing can be practically done, and no meaninful conclusions can be drawn based on the info we may get from googling. We might convince ourselves that we are a step ahead of that person and know what she or he has been upto all their lives, But that is just feel-good thinking.
One Note to Blogger. My friend. You Do not find the kind of information that are looking for by googling that person. There is so much that is hidden and un-accessible and that you will and may never find out, unless you actually start a relationship with that person. It takes time and energy, and yes it is labor intensive. Nothing Objective can be found about someone, through publicly available information. Your comparsion of the process to what one may obtain through family members and also does not make sense to me, since half the information one would find this way, turns out to be wrong, baseless and just a bunch of rumors, and we all know that one of the least brilliant aspects of our culture is to spread rumors, and how people would just love to do that.

I experienced my hell of online dating, long before all these nice and neat services came on board, and i did it straight through the chatrooms. No registration, no nothing. Just plain, old chatting and emailing and then exchanging of #s. In Total i had three of those, YES 3, 2 in canada and one in USA and that last one convinced me to move to where i live now.All in a span of 5 years. I realize that in our story, a dating service was involved, and things are not exactly the same.
All those long distance bills from calling canada and all the calls to my phone company to constantly beg for a cheaper calling plan LOL. Oh god... precious memories. At One point, My friend from other side of the line, said We, in our household are starting to worry about your phone bills:) Got to tell you though, Nothing was more wonderful than crusing through various parts of Toronto, via my beautiful telephone set and my mind:)

If you ask me now, I'd be devilishly against it. Would not do it if my life depended on it.NEVER again. I rather live alone and die alone, but if ever start to think about dating and all that stuff it will be up close and local. But, It is true and I do attest to the fact that you do learn quite a few things about that person. Their mentality, to an extent of course. IN my last case, she pretty much was true about every little details of her life, as was confirmed by her mother later on when we came face to face.
As far as the trust Issue, i was constantly being accused of doing things i should not have been doing. Not true. But givenn that i was dealing with iranian ladies, i guess that was a given.No offense ladies, but do admit that you have a harder time trusting men than americans, specially if it is long distance:))

Nothing beats the real thing folks, meeting someone independent of the internet. I have also been on these dating sites, just out of curiosity, and when you read the answers to some of these questions, you just begin to wonder, where is the sense of reality in all of that? What really is going on in the minds of those searching for a partner, and why are they avoding all that is real, and use this opportunity to merely fantacize about their ideals and share them with everyone else! I also blame these services for asking the most irrelevant questions, and sometime even involve people's political views into it as well. Imagine that the first question you are being asked is what is your idea of a romantic evening!!
I think romance-seekers are only being Modest when they say that they are looking for someone who is:

Honest, decent, loves life, is a good listener, a romantic, knows when to joke and when to get serious, Knows what he want out of life, funny, friendly.....

Heck. They may even be looking for an alien from mars and they just don't know it!!


All the reasons to have a

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

All the reasons to have a "quickie" blind date! Who wastes "months" on emailing back and forth?! For those of you who've been on a blind online date know that the chance of you liking the person on the first date is very low. Furthermore, if you like the chance of your online date not liking you is even more.

But you can tell a lot about a person when you meet him/her in person. You can tell if s/he is lying or at least something is not right.

Now once and if you get to 2nd date then you can tell more. You can google but so what? You don't think s/he has googled him/herself?! S/he is ready to respond to any googling.

As for financial status or marriage or residence or table manners, you can also tell a LOT on how s/he treats a waiter/ress. I've always believed that. So as you go on you can tell more about that person, that is if you hit it well enough to continue. You can ask to see his/her ID to be sure about the age, if you can't tell by looking at him/her or this is an important issue for you. We're not shy are we?!

However, if you and your date are just dating just for sargarmi and there is nothing else to do and you continue to date even when s/he tells you s/he is all screwed up and broke and lives in a van down by the river; well then you are either too young, too romantic, have nothing better to do or plain old spaced out! Otherwise you can trust your instincts and experience, can't you?!


googling is a good start, but....

by Anonymous- (not verified) on

Googling is a good idea to find some info, but some people may tell you their modified names, and you cannot google them. And also, there are certain things you cannot find out by googling alone. A lot of information eventually comes out, but only after you invested a lot of time, energy and money. Some of these examples include age, health status, divorces, kids, financial security. And I hate it when men trivialize some of these issues:

ABout DIVORCE: "...Oh, I was just so young, and it didn't mean anything, etc, etc" "... I didn't know what I was doing".... or the most cliche that I have heard , " my ex-wife was mental" And what does their profile say? Single. Their profile should have said I have been divorced twice, so people can decide to run the other way, right off the bat, and not to find this out after 3 months of dating.

About "KIDS"...."oh, they don't live me", "I only see them so and so" ... I have a right to know if there are any kids. Like, why hide something if it is gonna eventually come out, and make matters worse? They think people will get used to that fact? They need to be honest and couragous and acknowlegde their kids upfront.

About AGE: After a guy lied to me about his age by 12 years, and I confronted him with that, he said, " doctor said that I am as healthy as a 30 year old, so what's the big deal?!" And the one phrase that I hate most, which seems to affect a lot of people , " I look younger than my age". Baba, tell the truth!

About FINANCIAL SECURITY: You find out after months of dating, that his previous divorce has left him broke, and now he is in debt big time. Couldn't they say it sooner??? If there are major flaws in money matters, it needs to be disclosed rather quickly.


Why google search the person first?

by blogger (not verified) on

Because it is a good way to verify the information he/she has shared with you to see whether the person is honest. Also, you can objectively see if you have common grounds (runner, political views). It is no different from when you are introduced through a friend or family and you ask those general basic questions. Would I tell him I googled him. Yes, why not? If someone told me they googled me, checked me on linkedin or facebook, it wouldn't bother me because I have nothing to hide and I don't lie nor exaggerate. I don't think its an invasion of privacy because that info is in the public domain.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Blogger

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I have talked about googling before. Personally, the whole thing really spooks me, a lot! I use my real name in my writings on this website and elsewhere. It must also be spooky to anyone searching for my humble name and finding in excess of 10,000 occurrences! So what? What does that say? A lot, I'm sure, but to what end? How useful will it be for anyone to know me a lot or a little about me before meeting me in the flesh? And let's suppose it's useful, what will the other person do with all this "useful" information about me, what I think, what I do, where I went, my kids, my family, etc.? Will he admit that he knows all of that when he sits in front of me at a cafe? Yes? Great! Having a conversation with someone who knows so much about me when I know nothing or very little about him is somehow supposed to help ease me into a relationship? What if he doesn't admit it? He still knows and his knowledge will slip out sooner or later, another spooky feeling. I hate the whole thing, I think.

Let me ask you. Would you tell the other person he has been googled? How would you approach it? Are there etiquettes pertaining to this googling business? Help me along, it's important!

Thanks so much for returning to our ongoing talks. Please stay.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Mnonymous

by Nazy Kaviani on

First let me thank you for your funny comments on my Christmas post. I did leave a reply. Thank you.

I laughed so much reading your thoughts on online dating! You are so funny! Heeh! When people want to be "completely truthful and honest," they say the darnedest things! You are right, many of them are turnoffs to a lot of the people looking. My friend was telling me recently that she replied to questions about hobbies and interests and such that she loved going to plays, ballet, the opera, and reading. She couldn't figure out why she kept receiving so much interest from "Sailing Jim," "Happy Camper," "Jim The Biker," and "Golden Mechanic!"

I know some women conceal their ages, to what end, I cannot imagine! I mean, sooner or later the real age will be known and they will look like lying fools! But I learned that it's not only women who lie about their ages, men do it, too! I met an Iranian hair dresser who told me the man she finally met and dated for a long time on Iranian Personals was TEN YEARS OLDER than he had stated. Ten years?!! Baba, ensafet koja rafteh?

I understand where people post their profiles can also be a determining factor for whether they succeed or not! My American friend, though not religious at all, listed herself with a Christian dating service. She has been together with a man she met on that site for almost seven years now. I asked her whether the fact that she isn't terribly religious has been a source of conflict with her boyfriend, and she says not at all! Go figure! I guess he wasn't that religious, either!

You write so well, Mnonymous! It's always a joy to hear from you. Thank you and come back, please!


waste of time.... dishonesty galore

by Anonymous- (not verified) on

My online dating experience has been horrible, and a complete waste of time. I hated how men exaggerated just about anything. And I know how their pictures can be 10 years older. They can lie about their age by at 10 or 15 years sometimes. They lie and exaggerate about their education, work or work experience. And I hate when I read the " I am good looking" part. It is up to the viewer to decide. They hide their flaws, and sometimes it takes weeks to months to figure it out, if you are lucky.

They said they're honest.... NOT SO!

Independent?...wanted me to move in with him and his parents and get married!

Educated?.... junior college

6" 1'...... could see him eye to eye ( I'm 5' 7")

Philosophical guy: lazy, sits at home and does nothing.

No more online dating for me.

Shazde Asdola Mirza

very good story telling

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

Thanks for the fun-and-fact story. 


Blind dates can be eye

by Miny (not verified) on

Blind dates can be eye openers sometimes i guess...But should somebody stretch his/her luck far......Meeting up early is a good thing to do to see where you are channelising your emotional and time investment....Some risk calculation is a must too....but yes again a very good topic to debate on...but then theres luck...theres serendipity....but mostly theres lots of uncertainity...thats certain..


I was one of the first ones

by blogger (not verified) on

I was one of the first ones to use Iranian online personals in the late 1990s;when it was free! I think the overall quality of people back then was better than what it is today because less people had access to the internet. I don't see anything wrong with meeting someone online. It's certainly better than meeting them at the bar. The problem I have, is I think it creates a false sense of intial "love". You fall in love with the notion of receiving emails and you get caught up in creating this better than real image of the person. Thus, you wil(i) give the person a chance although you may not have done so if you had met him in person elsewhere, and (ii)you get disappointed after that. My 2 cents worth, stick to your criteria and google the person before going out with the person. There is nothing wrong with doing due diligence.


I just loved your article...... :o)

by Nadias on

 I have heard equally good and bad stories about on-line dating.

Always look forward to your writings.

solh va doosti/paz a vosotros/paix et amitié




Nazy Kaviani

Dear Bajenagh

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thanks for coming back. Heeh! The romantic has spoken again! Well, how can anyone argue with how much nicer it is to "see" someone, for the flash of warmth and excitement when you feel attracted to someone, when you think you saw him or her look at you, too, but you're not sure, when you hope and fail and try again and win someone's heart, FINALLY!? Like many other things in life, the natural and unpredictable way is a lot nicer and a lot more romantic.

Alas, we live in different times and online dating is an important component of meeting people these days. All the single people looking for other single people (does not include that godawful "married women" dating service which is way over my head) are talking about it, and every single person I know has either done it or at least thought about it before deciding against it.

Now, I don't want to sound ancient here, but I am reminded of this John Lennon song. I leave the link for you here. Please come back and join us again.
Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Strange days indeed
strange days indeed.
Everybody's runnin' and no one makes a move

Everyone's a winner
and no one seems to lose.
Everybody's flying and no one leaves the ground

Everybody's crying and no one makes a sound.

There's a place for us in movies you just gotta stay around.

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Nobody told me there'd be days like these

Strange days indeed
most peculiar

Everybody's smoking and no one's getting high

Everybody's flying and never touch the sky

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Toofan

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thank you for coming back. I must sound like such a sour puss to you! If you go back and read the stuff I have written, you will see that my series here are ABOUT failed relationships and sadness surrounding so many Iranians in diaspora. I sketch a story and others come to talk about the issue and how to help us understand ourselves better and do better, so that we won't fail again.

In fact success stories such as your sister's are really great to know about, so that people won't give up. In the case of Shaadi, this was her one and only try. She stopped the online dating business and told me it was too hard for her to go through it again. It's important for Shaadi and others like her to read your sister's and brother-in-law's love story and maybe try again.

Thanks again and stay in the talk if you can.


My experience with online dating

by Anonymous Mnonymous (not verified) on

Over a year ago I signed up with a well known online dating website, I don’t want to mention their name so I just call it eH. As usual they have a few questions in introductory part to make up a profile for you, which I have changed several times. When I first posted it, I had children as my passion, because that was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the question about my passion in life, then I had a couple of women with young children contacting me and I thought what I said might be misleading, that they might think I’m interested in being a father figure for someone else’s children. So then I changed it to science, how I enjoy anything that has to do with science, how I used to watch Nova, National Geography; and listen to Science Friday on NPR with Ira Flatow. So I had it like that for a while and quite a few university Professors initiated communications with me, then I thought they probably think I am a brainy kind of a guy, which I’m not. And then I thought those other not-so-brainy women might think I am a science geek, not that there is anything wrong with it, being an engineer and all. So then I added that I was not a science geek, but soon I changed my profile to being passionate about life, being alive nowadays on this planet with all its good and miseries, then I thought what the hell are you talking about? You are here, you are on this plant at this time, so whether you like it or not here you are.

So then, I came to the conclusion that I don’t really have a passion in the true meaning of the word; a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept. There are some activities that I do sometimes, but I’m not passionate about them. I don’t have any strong feelings towards any object the way some religious people do, and there is no concept in this world that I would adhere to passionately, on the contrary any concept I might have I’d like to change it constantly. The only thing in my life at the moment that would come close to being a passion is iraniandotdom, but would I ever want to mention this in my profile?! Other than that, the only thing I would consider to be a passion would be my grand children. No I am not that old, but through my stepson, I have two grand kids, but the way things are I'm not much of anything in that regard either. Well I'm concern about them, but first of all they live with their divorcee mother most of the time, and I seem to be just a visitor to them most of the time. Of the short time they are with us I try to present to them a different way of being, different than things on the television and with their parents, so I guess the closest thing to having a passion in my life would be those children, which I had it in my profile in the beginning.

I now once again have my passion as a science geek.

Of the things I don't like about some of the things in some of those profiles are things like these:

"Who is the most influential person in your life? My ex-husband was the most influential…”, or “My ex-boyfriend was…" Well it might be true that maybe their Ex encouraged them to go to college, or get into a career, but I think it's such a turn off to mention one's Ex as your influential person in your life. If he was so good why did you dump him, or he dumped you. Do I really want to find out how he influenced you? A woman went into a lot of details in explaining why his Ex effected her life so much for the better, so at this point I'm all disliking her and want to “Close”, but I kept reading and at the bottom of the profile where it asks if you want to add anything else she said that her husband had passed away, and I was thinking she should have said it way up there, or otherwise a lot of men might get the wrong idea and “Close” before they get to the bottom. Some women still consider their Ex as their best friend, well if that's the case were you crazy to get a divorce? Maybe you should get married to him again, or maybe eH will match you up again.

Other things in profiles I don't like are things like this:

"I spend most of my time hiking, rock climbing, kayaking, mountain climbing, sky diving, marathon running, triathlon, and romantic dinners.", wooo hooo!!! I can't even keep up with hiking let alone the rest of it.

"I am interested in a man who will love me unconditionally…blah blah blah", just a minute here, shouldn't you just find a male friend first and then see how it goes?

"I like dining out", good for you, I hope you enjoy it by yourself.

"I'm passionate about pets, I have five dogs, four cats, and…", great! maybe you can live with them.

“What are your passionate about? God, family, and finding the man of my life. What are your best characteristics? Love of God, Love of Family, love of finding the man of my life. Who are you looking for? Someone who loves God, family, and looking to find me.”, good for you, keep looking!

"Occupation: Education", what the hell is that?! Is that like you're a university professor, or are you learning to Espeak English in an adult school?

“Occupation: Government”, what the heck is that? Do you work for CIA, or do you clean the toilets in the Governor’s Mansion.

“Occupation: Free”, great! I had no idea those other women were in prison.

“Occupation: xxx”, what!!! You must be kidding me! I thought this was a respectable online dating site!

I also don't like some of the photos they post, some of them look like it's taken with someone who is in close and intimate proximity with those women, someone you know can't be a father, brother, or a male relative, but they don't say who that person is. One of them had a picture with a guy hiking somewhere desolate and taken very close together, and I'm thinking what the hell is she thinking? Do I need to think about this guy and what they did up there all alone?! And then some of them have a head of a man in the picture of a man cut off but you can still see a hand around their shoulder and fingers close to one of their breasts, so now I am even more wondering, does this woman have no more pictures of herself to post except this one, or is the head that was attached to that hand was so ugly that she doesn't want it to be seen. And then some women have a picture of them in bikinis, some innocently at a swimming pool with their kids, but is this really necessary to show so much of your body at this stage of “looking”?

And then, there are those who dream of one day making it to Hollywood via a man in eH! Well good luck ladies, sometimes I don't even know how to make it my office about two blocks away, how in hell am I suppose to make it to Hollywood? Hollywood is way way too far away for me.


Supply and Demand

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

I think Iranian personals are a great way to meet people outside Iran. There are only few of us around and it is a good place to look for people.

Just don't spend too much time emailing back and forth. Set up a date as soon as it is practical and meet your date in person. Meet in a coffee shop at a mall or somewhere public for coffee or a beer or wine or cocktail.

Never meet in a restaurant for a full sit down dinner. In most likelihoods the first date is a disatser since either you'll find some flaws in your date or your date will find some flaws in you. It is a given.

If you are lucky to get past the first date, you can meet again for dinner or a movie and take it from there. Second date is always more comfortable and much better, if you get that far.

On second date, both parties are not dressed to kill - themselves :-) They are more likely to look at their date as a person rather than what was promised in the promise land!

Oh and never try to date someone in another state or country. Find someone in your surrounding area. Long distance relationships are much worse than the first blind date!

bajenaghe naghi

nazy jan

by bajenaghe naghi on

that was a very good story. 

in the traditional way of introductions which was done by family members or even close friends, both the man and the woman usually went through a thorough scrutiny and the matchmaker tried hard to make sure that there was a good match. the matchmaker acted as an M.C. or a referee. in the modern times of electronics, however, the hardworking matchmaker is eliminated and the participants are not selected by an unbiased third party at all. in fact the participants are themselves the sole suppliers of all the information about themselves which at times may be inflated and colored. the good points could be exaggerated and the not so good points left for the other person to find for himself or herself at a later date. 

i am personally very apprehensive of on line dating and would prefer the old fashioned way of personal introductions by friends and family members, if at all possible. 



My sister found the love of her life on that iranianpers. site

by Toofantheoncesogreat (not verified) on

He is a dentist, only two years older than her, super elegant guy to be with and talk to, and loaded.

So online dating, much like normal dating, can go either very well, or very bad. Roll the dice and see what you get if you want it.

The problem with funny well written stories like yours, and others on this site is that it portrays iranian relationships and meetings as a disaster. I have read more stories about such disasters than success stories on this site when it comes to such relationships.

Maybe Iranians vent out more of their issues with writing. I dont know.

Nazy Kaviani

Dear Friends

by Nazy Kaviani on

Lest we forget, this is another episode of my seemingly endless (!) stories about botched up relationships of our times. Some of you may know that in my story-telling style, I have written love stories before. I love love stories with happy endings. The social and cultural exercise at hand, though, restricts me somewhat in telling a love story!

Rest assured much like the imported brides story of our last episode, I am aware that there have been successful love stories at the end of online dating. Two of my dearest friends met and married that way and another friend of mine has been in a blissful relationship with someone she met on an online dating service six years ago.

Though there have been successful stories, there have been horror stories, too. This one isn't a horror story, just a disappointing one. Another frog was kissed in Shaadi's story, that's all. Any of you out there who has had good or bad experiences with online dating, please join the discussion. Any of you who has been too chicken to enter this scene should also join! Is this the only way forward for most of the single men and women out there these days? Let's talk!