Sexual code of conduct

Iranian women are not the best lovers. Here is why.


Sexual code of conduct
by Nemah Shabha

Bluntly; in response to an Iranian female friend of mine, who the other night at length discussed her point of view on relationship, sexuality and intercourse without giving me a chance to breath I then promised to make my point clear by writing about it, even broadcasting it to a broad spectrum of audience perhaps to provoke a few “logical” feedbacks from our countrywomen. Ladies please put your emotions aside for a moment and read on.

Let me start with my lady friend’s point of view about American (Western) women tendency to experiment with sexuality without considering rules of ethics, without framework of understanding and love, without a mental or emotional connection with someone, starting at a very young age just to satisfy a skin deep curiosity or at best to discover her sexuality numerous times before an age of maturity. A mentality that most, if not all, Iranian girls had never even thought about during her adolescent years according to my lady friend who grew up in Iran.

The same Western woman had learned how to use sex as a mean of getting the attention of any guy particularly, the Iranian macho type much easier than well rounded, intellectual one. My lady friend seemed perplexed by how the Western woman goes out of her ways to satisfy her partner’s sexual desires in bed with all her body and heart, submissively allows to be dominated which seemed excessive even exuberant to my lady friend who adamantly defended her Middle Eastern mentality, and her code of conduct on sexuality.

My friend when asked; would not articulate a simple approach or technique to pursue the opposite sex in pursuit of desires, she referred to it in general term as “doing it” or “mekonan in Persian”, just the act of doing it constituted the intimate relationship in her norm. As the debate picked up she went on to generalize the Western woman of being whores, and prostitutes who mastered the skills of the oldest trade while manipulating it to their own advantages as need be. She lastly added if you (the Iranian men) get tired of a plump one, get a tiny oriental girl, they also like to be sex slaves, they know how to behave like one, it’s in their culture.

Well dear, to me being an average Iranian man who is not an expert in sexuality by any stretch of imagination nor tries to understand it from a woman’s perspective, it seemed quite outlandish, even cruel to witness a countrywoman dehumanizing sexuality in the context of religion or cultural confusion.

I think misunderstanding sexuality has nothing to do with religion, to begin with. It is true that religious restriction in Iranian society historically banned its parade and display at public arena to a great extent and what goes on inside remains a subject of another discussion. Yet the sexual dogma and its influence on Iranian psyche in general has nothing to do with the dominant religion, as Iranian of Jewish, Christian and Bahais background behave in the exact same manner, regardless of the religious upbringing. Long after marriage Iranian woman remains clueless of her role in a sexual context beside a child bearing function she endures.

I personally believe our cultural sensitivity toward sexuality has long deprived us all from understanding the basic elements of it not only back home but also in this society we live today. We all know Iran is a closed, to some degree a backward society in many ways, which still to this day does not permit open dialogue of sexual desire as a basic biological and psychological human need among opposite sex. This lack of open communication led us to pretend even believe sexual intercourse remains a procreation tool.

This phenomenon had been and always will be considered taboo in our society, regardless of where you live in the world, while it is often exaggerated among the same sex; in a group of young Iranian man bragging about their recent encounter or perhaps among married Iranian woman who may secretly discuss it, yet it has long being an unacceptable dialogue for the opposite sex to discuss it openly, as it may implies the subtle desire of engagement in the act, funny but it bring that impression.

Is abstention really a religious obligation, or a cultural misunderstanding that has long been engraved in our psyche as a virtue, we all love to get ride of yet don’t dare sharing it in public for being judged or labeled as perverts. What’s it then that prevent us from talking about it openly, honestly genuinely.

So why is it then that the Iranian women remain one of the least educated or even most ignorant about concept sexuality among all women in today’s society, or is it?
Is this what they (our own beloved Iranian women) would like us to believe so we think of them as virtuous, pure, untouched, or unopened, (borrowing the term from Christopher de Bellaigue). What’s wrong with being opened ladies, if it was your own desire to feeling it inside, let’s open the subject further for one last stroke, shall we gentlemen.

I believe (again) our Iranian women are and have always been as inclined toward an open sexual dialogue as Western women, even more engaged in than Iranian men for their sexual satisfaction had often been ignored, yet always behaved as arrogant as one can get about it so it may, just may give them the perception of being virtuous, pure, unadulterated, some thing we (Iranian men) the culprits have demanded from them all along. So why are they behave so ignorant in bed then, perhaps to play their role and imply that they are what we wanted them to be, yet it doesn’t change the fact that they remain the lousiest among all women in bed, so I said it. They behave naïve, unaware and lack desire, esteem, forthcoming just to please us deceitfully, fulfilling the misconception we provided them with, very ironic, isn’t it gentlemen.

I personally would rather be as open and honest as I can be about it and have the best time of my life while I am at it, doing it with zeal and awareness that it deserves without pretext, without insincerity, hypocrisy, without pretending any more, without false sense of virtues, religious dogma, just open honest decent appreciation of our needs and wants. Let’s openly, honestly and genuinely talk about what we already know we want, shall we...



Hey! What about men! are

by An Iranian Man (not verified) on

Hey! What about men! are they good is bed??! Dont think so !
An Iranian Man


Don't overgeneralize

by Sasha (not verified) on

There are good and bad lovers in every ethnic group and gender. You should not be overgeneralizing all Iranian women as bad in bed. If you are having bad sex than I recommend you read the Kuma Sutra and improve your sexual knowledge and then you will see that your sex life will be better.


Poorly organized, unintelligent generalization, at best

by Solmaz (not verified) on

First of all, learn to use paragraphs, correct sentence structure, and outline your article before mushing a whole bunch of incoherent thoughts together.

second, qualify your generalizations; who are these "iranian women". are they the ones in diaspora? the older generation living in iran? the younger generation currently living under the repressive regime? your friends? what are you basing your "article" on?

i understand the need to make SOME assumptions to write a generalized opinion piece, but as all writers know, you MUST qualify your work with some background information on what you are basing your assumptions on.

this article is an insult to the intelligence of any reader with half a brain.


Iranian women are THE best

by koskhol (not verified) on

For an Iranian man, Iranian women make the best wives, girlfriends or sex partners. 'Nuf said.


Taromar i don't personally

by Anonymous84748393 (not verified) on

Taromar i don't personally know any iranian men the way you describe. When iranian guys look, they don't just stare, they are doing you in their imagination. be flattered!


Sexual Conduct Code

by Tar-o-mar (not verified) on

And how about Iranian men? No offense, and there might be one in a million with a totally different profile. Yet here is a brief description of Iranian men:
They want to have "sex", they don't understand what " making love " means.
They like it at least 15 years younger, so they prefer to sleep with someone who is their daughter age.
They want to sleep around until they turn 40 and they start looking for their virgin in Iran!
Their wife is their property and they can control her.
They are very modern and prefer to referred as "intellectual" however; they rather have someone who can cook, clean, do laundry, prepare for parties and is good in bed as well.
Money is their blood line, and they don't want to share it.
I can tell Iranian men from others in any crowd, because they stare at you like you are naked, they check you out and they start flirting immediately.
They love their mama because she is the one who spoiled them.
Their favorite woman is the one who can make good food, and is ready to give him a service, when he "wants" it.
Gossips about women but can't live without them.
Have wondering eyes constantly and can't help it.
They flirt with all women, but it's "innocent", if a woman merely speaks to another man, she is totally "kharab".
Guys, like I said there is exception to any rule. And it is going to take generations before this attitude can be modified. Until then just go to Iran, have your second wife-no permission required by the first one per the recent bill passed by our dear congress- and a lover on the side. Get it out of your system.
I command all those who are different.


Polish women

by sexpert (not verified) on

Polish women, wow...perhaps not all of them. But I was with one, I can close my eyes and get lost in the memories of her taste lingering on my tongue, hmmm:)


Wow, Il print this article and use it as toilet paper

by Persian dude (not verified) on

Im 34, Ive lived in the states since I was 14, Ive dated white, asian, latina and once a black girl (note dating doesnt mean I humped them.. well not all anyways) Iranian women in my experience are the best in bed, best to have a relationship with, best to live with and best to trust, why? Because when an irooni girl loves you, she will love you die hard to the end. Off course there are exeptions, but in my opinion its better to have a persian/white/asian/black gf that is stable in her sex or love life, and doesnt jump from one bed to another, because if she has in the past, believe me, your relationship is gonna go straight to hell.

So what if your persian gf has never had sex, consider yourself lucky, not because religion dictates, but because she loves your dumb ass so much that she is willing to go that far with you.


Re: please don't generalize!

by London (not verified) on

Thank you Sammi for your so well put comment.


This is the biggest pile of

by Shabnam Ghayour (not verified) on

This is the biggest pile of bull i have ever read. The amount of times the word "Religion" was mentioned was ridiculous. I would suggest you stop getting with lifeless & boring Persian women and start exploring the real world of women. If you always go looking for 'Vanilla' sex, thats what you will end up with!

In fact... How many women have you even slept with in order to form your ridiculously uninformed opinion? If its under 30... You are entirely NOT qualified to even write such nonsense!!!


Mageh ye zan chi mikhad?

by future Ms Hajiagha (not verified) on

leave Hajiagha alone, Engilisish hala khoob nis vali be jash ba kamalateh ! honarmand nis keh has, sex apeal nadareh keh dareh, sex talk balad nis keh has,mageh digeh ye zan chi mikhad?


Where is HajiAgha?

by mew (not verified) on

we miss you. Come on man. Express some opinion.

"I was be in canada .. poor loser.. everything lesbian .. live was is on street. I want was is be sex with women ....."


please don't generalize

by sammi (not verified) on

please don't generalize

Please don't make broad statements about all Iranian women. All Iranian women are different individuals.
i personally don't see anything wrong with being sexually active as a woman (from anywhere in the world). if you think this idea of chastity is something that only Iranian women are forced to believe, you are wrong. there is a lot of stigma about sex in american culture as well, maybe it doesn't seem that way to you because you never really hung out with american girls as friends.

most of us women are stuck between a rock and a hard place. We are stuck in a situation where we can't win, as a woman you are either considered behind your time or considered a slut (Iranian or non-Iranian). the best way to deal with it is to ease up on us. start by being nice to the women in your life, your sisters, mothers, friends, and stop judging them. I promise you this will be fixed.

and please be respectful. "Ladies please put your emotions aside for a moment and read on." this sentence introduces you as a condescending jerk immediately. a condescending judgmental person is the last person we need to get anywhere. if your friend was a jerk, not showing any understanding to american or asian women, you seem to be quite similar to her.

I think women in general (in Iran and elsewhere) are learning to support each other and men (not the ones like you) are actually helping them too.

I can't stand women who talk shit and discriminate against other women and I can's tolerate men who talk from their high pedestals like you do. You and your friend suffer from the same level of ignorance. I would be more than happy to talk about sex, but I'd like to have this conversation with someone else, someone who knows more about what it is like to be a woman.... maybe I would even like to have this conversation initiated by a woman rather than you. we hear you guys talk way more than we need or you need.

I want to finish by saying that we Iranian women are handling what is dealt to us amazingly, so instead of bagging on us, how about some respect?

I also recommend reading a few books on feminism.


stop generalizing

by javAne bAmarAm (not verified) on

Stop generalizing about Iranian women, men, and all people in general. Sexuality in this day and age is something individual, not cultural. Saying that ALL or even most Iranian women are 'x' or ALL anything are 'y' is simply illogical and unfair. Just because your experience has been something doesn't translate to that being the rule.

Also, I would agree with those who stated that it has a lot more to do with mutual trust and communication...but most of all FUN!

PS Kaveh - hAl kardim bA eshArat!


Sex is overrated ! Nothing

by Namki (not verified) on

Sex is overrated ! Nothing but waste of energy !


All you guys and girls, Read this

by Anon (not verified) on

A couple of months ago, I was chatting with a female Iranian doctor, whom I had found in an online dating portal. At first, she said she was living in Belgium. Halfway through our conversation, she said she really lives in Paris, but she fears that if Iranian community find out she is trying to find a match online, she will be somehow subject of malicious gossip. This was from a 28 year old doctor girl who had lived in Europe for about 15 years, and she was quite serious about it :)

When a girl is worried about finding a husband/partner online being a taboo, what would be expect regarding sex?!


Kaveh is %100 right - I know

by Anonymous on

Kaveh is %100 right - I know because I am one of those who do not talk. Why? Believe me it is not because I think they may think this or that about me or think that I am j****h.... After all know better - I know me. The reason is because I did not learn how to do it - and that is back on me. I could have learned. Why all these blaming myself - maybe some one would learn and thank the anonymous writer who caused a light to go on .... :-). Hope you enjoyed the Larry King Show :-)

Kaveh Nouraee

As long as everyone is so uptight.......

by Kaveh Nouraee on

As long as people are uptight about sex, this will always be an issue, along with many other things. The bottom line is communication. It is ridiculous that we are such passionate, hot-blooded people, but when it comes to our sexuality, there are some people who can't even utter a syllable. Maybe people should start pretending they're talking about the IRI vs. the monarchy in order to share their true feelings.



How are you going to know what turns your partner on, or how is your partner going to know what turns you on unless you both talk about it? It all starts with communication. For the most part, all men, Iranian men included (and especially) picture the ideal woman as a lady in public and an insatiable freak in bed. And it should be. That's how men are kept happy and kept from straying. And we men have a duty to ensure our women are satisfied. Make sure they have multiple orgasms. Give them what they want. Just make sure she tells you. If she can't tell you it's because she feels she can't trust you.


Trust me, if they are happy, WE will be happy. If she wants to do it hanging upside-down from the chandelier in the dining room while watching Larry King, then make a trip to Home Depot part of the foreplay and make sure that sucker is securely bolted to the ceiling.


Ladies, tell your man what makes you happy. Be naughty. Talk dirty, but only to him. A real man will not think of you as a J****H because of it. Tell him what you want him to do to you and believe me you won't regret it. I swear to God, if more women opened up and told men what turns them on, the makers of Viagra, Cialis and Levitra will all go bankrupt faster than a subprime mortgage company.


Now, please excuse me. I have to go to Home Depot. Larry King will be on in 45 minutes.





Of course we are not better ...:-(

by Anonymous on

I want to open a different discussion her (kind of). I wonder if you are close enough to your friend to ask her bluntly if she ever had an orgasm. My bit is she has not. I have not have one either (very sad I know) but I know this is because of me and no one else. It is my short coming not being able to shake my upbringing after living on my own in USA for almost 30 years. As an Iranian woman I agree with you %100. We are (with some exception of course) not educated and we not fair or leveled with our expectations from our men. I never thought that I can get this out of my chest but I am glad that I did. I stopped dating because I no longer think that I can be a sexual partner - actually I never was but there are no hope to fixing it now (I am 50). Do not feel too bad for me - life moves on and I am settled with the idea of not having a normal sexual life and I have no one to blame but me. But I do know that if I did have a normal sexual life, my life would have been very different (better of causer).

Sheila K

It's very clear that women are better...

by Sheila K on

The problem is that our culture is sexually deprived for both men and women causing sexual dysfunctionality in all shapes or forms. On top of that, Iran is a misogynist society. Except for our great poets such as Rumi, I've never heard any Iranian man write something beautiful about a woman.

How many Iranian women go back to Iran to marry somone or find their life-long partner? compared to Iranian men, I dare say less than 0. That's because Iranian women are much more inclined to adapt to this culture than men do. That may apply to their sexual practices too.

At the same time, Iranian women are not all good in bed--it just can't be true about all of them. A sexually deprived woman, a 30 or 40 some year old virgin may develop some sexual issues not being able to give or get sexual pleasure.

 my 2$ 





When you have the Iranian

by Anonymous314 (not verified) on

When you have the Iranian female who is a control freak in bed with an Iranian male who is a double-control freak, can you expect anyhting but a lot of work with no fire? Nope! The guy ends up asking if he was good (wanting to hear that he was great) and she can't figure out how to not let on that he was no big fucking deal because she knows better.


As an iranian girl who grew

by Herekittykitty (not verified) on

As an iranian girl who grew up in the west, I have come to realize that we are highly desired by men from so many different countries. When I ask them, black, italian, white, french, latino ect.., why they have this infatuated with iranian girls, they respond by saying that we are the sexiest girls. When I press them further, they always have told me that we are the most amazing lovers. I recently spoke to my persian boyfriend about this issue, and he admitted that he had lovers from every freaking country, and said that if a persian girl lets loose and has overcome her inhibitions, she outdoes any nationality. That was quiet surprising to me, but let me tell you, there's noone more experiences than him, and I believe his word!!!


Bravo to Your Lady Friend

by Mammad Eshghi (not verified) on

You should stick to what you are an expert of. You seem to know neither about women nor about sex. And finally, bravo to your lady friend. I am sorry that she wasting her time talking to you.


How about the men?

by Princess (not verified) on

The irony of the whole thing is that by being so uptight about sexuality, the Iranian culture sexualizes even the most mundane everyday things. As an Iranian girl who has lived in the West all her life, I find it shocking to hear that some men in Iran are turned on by the mere sight of a woman’s bare ankle or chin. Now that is just sick.

Turning to the topic of the Iranian women’s skills in bed, could I ask the gentlemen on this list if they ever wondered that maybe, just possibly, they are either too selfish or just have not learned quite how to satisfy a real woman in bed? I am not talking about those women who have no experience and who regard sex strictly as a means for procreation. I am talking about women who have a healthy attitude towards sex and are very comfortable with their sexualty. I will not be as rash as some people on this list have been and generalize, but with my limited experience with Iranian men, I have to say I am not at all impressed. Don’t get me wrong they are very sweet and kind people, but I find it a bit ironic that it is the men on this list that keep complaining about Iranian women’s lack of skills, when I have to yet meet an Iranian guy who seems to know what he is doing.


Anonymous Iranian man thinks he's fantastic in bed

by Anonymous Iranian MAN (not verified) on

@Anonymous Iranian man

Be sure to get a STD check up my "friend".


Abbas-Agha/Khadijeh-Khanoom Syndrome

by Parviz (not verified) on

I repeat what I mentioned here years ago in this medium. We Iranian men and women have an inner psyche embedded in us, called "Abbas-Agha" and "Khadijeh-Khanoom", respectively. This is what we have in common with our ancestors who accumulated a code of behaviour to protect their financial and social interests in this unforgiving land. Our sexuality is also a function of these parameters. Although I need to add that will soon change dramatically as it already has due to easy access to satellite programming even in the remotest villages.


Iranian Women need to learn a few skills here and there

by HajKhanoom (not verified) on

They need to learn that when it comes to satisfying their partners, they must apply all kinds of skills, oral, anal, vaginal, nostril, etc. How many of you Iranian women know how to give a BJ or a rim job? Probably, none!?


Iranian women are fantastic in bed

by Anonymous Iranian man (not verified) on

OK, I am an Iranian man and have had over 50 various lovers in a few countries and let me tell you, Iranian women can hold their own very well.

My first Iranian encounter was with a 17 year old girl. I was 19 at that time and had benn with 4 other women already. She was something and left me brethless all through the night.

My second was a girl from London. She basically raped me. Later she said I was the best lover she had had and she had had a few. Its because of the way I responded and brought out the best in her. We had some great time together and are very good friends. Some lucky Englishman is enjoying her (or should I say she is enjoying some lucky Englishman).

My third was just fantastic. The kind of woman I like. Totally open with her sexuality and of course totally sex mad. We fantasised about various ways and group sex and you name it. It was great and I was ready to marry her. She was created for sex and knew it. They say if you have it, flaunt it and boy did she flaunt it. I would have married her in an instant as we were perfectly compatible sexually, but there were other factors that prevented us being married, however, she still calls me and tells me of her 'adventures'. Let me say that we are both professionals and not just any ordinary everyday immigrant that you see in your everyday London.

My point is this, that Iranian men are the most two faced hypocrites that ever walked on the face of this earth. Just look at Hajagha with his oghdeh nonsense and you know what I mean. That man is so bitter it is unbelievable. He must have been rejected by females from his childhood. Could it be that his mother threated him like an idiot or threw him out and he is carrying that anger with himself? I don't know but it is a possibility.

Where was I, ah yes, the two facedness of Iranian men. They think they are God's gift to women yet are total flops in bed as they do not know how to see to women's needs. The more you treat a woman with care and love, the more she will respond. I love sex and to me a sexual act is an act of love that is why I take great pains to make sure that the woman really enjoys sex. I take my time to find out her erogenous zones and what makes her respond and I make sure she gets more than I. In return she loses her inhibitions and turns into a sex goddess. All three Iranian girls were like that. And ofcourse they were treated with respect and love and never, I repeat never a talk about them to anyone. I have been in a room with one woman who a few weeks earlier was screaming in bed with pleasure and now was sitting next to her new fiance (Iranian) and it was like I had never met her before. Privacy and respect like will always bring her back to me when he is away fro a few days or so ;-)


Nazanin I predict a

by n.zanincanadai on


I predict a bright future for this article with many comments. We are all gripped by insecurities, and false ideas about what the other sex wants or is. This is not unique to our culture, we are all human.


kiss-n-tell problem

by sexpert (not verified) on

I'm not sure about your "friend." I would even venture that, wanting to broach the subject, you may have invented an alter ego. In any case, here is my two cents.

I've heard that Iranian women are phenomenally in bed. My only experience with one girl was horrible. And I think, I know why. Since I was Iranian, she was at first nervous about me talking about her, and then wanted to mind fuck me, before body fucking me. Interestingly, I really loved her.

Now, I've heard many times from Iranians, that Iranian women are more adamant about being intimate with Iranian men, because they think we talk!! And, as I mentioned, I've heard that Iranian women are great in bed. What I heard, I heard while playing soccer, from Latin, American, and other Middle Eastern guys. Me and my friends never discuss our girlfriends in that way.

It's sad, but there are a couple of Iranian girls that I could draw pictures of their nude bodies, without having ever seen them nude. And I know such things, because their non-Iranian lovers were giving detailed directions at the soccer field. In any case, to each his own. Iranian women are free to do as they please. Hopefully, one day we'll get over these sort of cultural problems.