Iranians in Psychotherapy: Tame the Lion


by minadadvar

Those of you who follow my blogs know that I submitted one regarding our unwillingness to seek psychotherapy. I believe "lack of familiarity" factor needs further discussion.

In a nut shell Psychotherapy is about helping people recognize and acknowledge their strengths and weaknesses. Psychotherapy is about helping people use their strengths and channel their weaknesses in a way that help them to grow.

A short story that I heard a long long time ago might help.

Once upon a time, there was an old wise man in India. A newly wed young woman went to see him. The wise man asked the young woman " what has brought you here today?"

"I am desperately in love with my husband, but he does not pay any attention to me. He is cold and distant. He dos not talk, does not smile, shows no affection and seems angry and dissatisfied with me. Please tell me what to do. I would do anything to save my marriage." She said.

The wise man replied " I will tell you exactly what to do. But first, you have to tame and get close to the lion that lives by the river. No one dares to get close to him because he is very scary.

The young woman agreed . Next day she got some fresh meat and went to see the lion. As soon as she got to the river, she saw the lion growling and showing his teeth. The young woman was terrified. But she mustered enough courage to leave the meat at his sight. She continued to do the same thing every day. Gradually the lion stopped growling, allowing the young woman get closer and closer. He even seemed happy to see her. Soon the young woman was able to get close enough to pet the lion.

The young woman was happy and excited. "Now the wise man will tell me what to do to save my marriage." She thought, rushing to see him. The woman told the wise man her story, anxiously waiting for his advice. The wise man looked at her kindly and asked " How did you do that? What helped you get close to a wild beast like that ?" The young woman thought for a while and said " I think I was nurturing, caring, patient and courageous." The wise man said "I do not think you need my advice."


more from minadadvar
anonymous fish

bitter divorced man

by anonymous fish on

Dude!  even i... a woman... feel for

i hope you're not dating yet... you need a little "me" time to chillax...:-)

persian westender

Bitter divorced man! You

by persian westender on

Bitter divorced man! You took such a long time to analyze a story on a logical basis; while the story in the first place is only a ‘story’ , and could be imaginative and unreal. What is important is the message and morale which it seems you’re off the track about it. It wants -in an anecdotal way- to say that it’s not the psychotherapist who directs and manages the therapy. The therapist similar to the wise man, only stimulates the potentials of the client (like the woman) to initiate, direct and operate the process of self-exploration/self healing by her/himself. this is regardless of the nature of the problem, whether it is marital problem or post-seperation anger problems or non-marital issues.

It is my take from this story, perhaps Mina should’ve elaborated it more.



Ali P.

Does anyone else sense a little "bitterness"?

by Ali P. on

LOL...this is one "bitter divorced man "!

We hear you my man...we hear ya!


Ali P.


More blah blah blah

by bitter divorced man (not verified) on

First of all if the old man was wise he would never advise a young woman to tame a wild animal. But since the story says he did, let’s analyze it.

“I am desperately in love with my husband,..”, highly unlikely. In real life it is usually the man that wants “desperately” to please his NEWLY wedded wife. Yes, it’s true that in male dominated societies, as in India or USA (?!), they try to act tough and rough, but the reality is that the men are the ones who pursue, and the women are being chased, but never mind, let’s see what the rest of the story is about. “But he doesn’t pay any attention to me…”, who are we kidding here? The bride is young, loves him, and is concern enough to seek help, but he doesn’t pay any attention to him?! Or, most likely it is the other way around! “He is cold and distance…”, what the hell she married him for then? Maybe he is gay and married her for looks, which in that case it defeats the purpose of the whole story, so let’s not say he is gay, but keep reading. “blah blah blah and blah, and he is dissatisfied with me..blah blah blah…but I would do anything to save my marriage.”, isn't that mice? She would do anything to save her marriage! Well, isn't it strange that he doesn’t even talk in this early stage of their marriage, maybe she should’ve dated him for awhile to see if he talks, maybe that’s the way he is, a no talker, but since they live in India and I don’t think they date in India in places where lions live close to rivers, maybe the bride’s parents should’ve questioned him first to see if he talks or not.

The so called wise man says, “I’ll tell you exactly what to do. But first, you have to tame and get close to the lion that lives by the river. No one dares to get close to him because he is very scary.” At this point if the young woman had any brain she would’ve left already. What kind of an ignorant person would listen to such an advise, go tame and get close to a scary lion that no one dares to get close to?! It’s like going to a psychoanalyst, it’s scary and no one wants to do it, but do it some people do, so let’s keep on reading this unbelievable story. The next day “she got some fresh meat”, do you have any idea how much meat a lion consumes every day? And if they don’t consume that much meat everyday they get more and more aggressive till they eat the hand that tries to feed them. And how in hell this young Indian woman that lives close to that river managed to get fresh meat everyday? What kind of meat was it? How did she manage to get the meat? Did she buy it, or slaughtered their own livestock? Either way, wasn’t her husband curious about what where she was taking all that meat? And since they live in poor India how did they afford all this meant, never mind that in India they are most likely vegetarians and use their animal for milk production. And since he doesn’t talk, didn’t he at least, with sign language, asked her what was going on, or followed her to see what she was up to?

So, after several days of doing this, giving meat, the lion was tamed!!! Nowhere in the world such things has ever happened, but let’s go with the story, that the lion was kind to her after receiving meat, is the lion still a beast to others but not to her? Let’s say the lion is nice to everyone, what kind of moral conclusion we can get out of this? Lions, and men, are becoming extinct species because they live too close to wise men like that who try to send people out there to tame them, instead of letting them live according to their nature. Men are becoming ball-less because women are constantly trying to tame the wild in them. All of this is nonsense because this story does not fit well within the modern day society where if a woman is professionally employed she rips a man’s ass and would never go to a psychoanalyst to seek advise on how to please a man who is not paying attention to her, and if she is not working she is probably more sinister than this story is lead to believe, and she already knows how to suck him dry.

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Mina dear: good food can turn any man from grumpy to loving ;-)

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

S.A.M (an official Khar Vazir)