I am an Iranian-American. I am a hypocrite!


I am an Iranian-American. I am a hypocrite!
by Fesenjoon

Who am I? I am Iranian-American! I am a hypocrite. I am a wonderful person. Get to know me:

I am an Iranian-American, but not an American. I live in the United States, enjoy all she has to offer, and in the end contribute very little to her. Basically, I dont give a shit about Americans or their country, as long as business is good and things are rosy for me.

I eat from both toobreh and akhor. I make trips back to Iran once in while, give off some poz in front of the others there when I tell them I'm from Orange County or wherver the fuck it is that I live in the states. Yeah, Im successful. Eat that. I have a beezeeness there. I even intentionally Americanize my Farsi accent when talking Farsi to other Iranians in Iran, so that people will know I'm coming from America.

Do as I say, not as I do! In Iran, when young folks ask me of how to come and live in America, I reply "deevooneh haa! why do you want to come to America? You dont know! Life is shitty there! I work like a dog there! They are racist! I had to drive a taxi there! Stay here, and ghadr-e vatan ro bedooneed!", but then I'm usually the first to breathe a sigh of relief when the GPS map shows my Airbus exiting Iranian airspace. "Thank God, Im safe" I mutter to myself, while checking out the KLM stewardess' ass down the aisle. Ah, back to freedom again.

I'm sophisticated. When the flight attendant asks, "please be seated until full stop at the gate", I still get up while in the taxiway to get my stuff before everybody else does! (kosss-e khaaharesh, who does she think she is telling me to sit down? I have rights!). When I get up to leave the airplane, I leave behind 7-8 empty bottles of Heineken, and all the trash I could generate, all over the place. I paid for this $1400 ticket! So I have a right to shit all over the place. Besides, I must remind the flight attendants that they have a job to do (to clean up my shit), instead of giving me orders what to do!  

I am educated. I go to college here in the states, become educated, become a doctor or mohandes, then make money. You guessed right: I'm smart. But I wonder why is it that Iranian-American lawyers are such a rare species. And why is it that the jews have such strong lobbies everywhere. Filthy jews! My mother said they were najes!

I hate racists! I hate jews too! And Israel! I tazaahor that I dont. But I really do. I've been brainwashed after 30 years of watching IRIB and hearing that jews love money, have big noses, and are evil, that I now actually believe Israel and the jews are out to kill me and my kind. I'm Aryan! And Nazis were cool btw! They had these cool uniforms, and Reza Shah loved them!

I love all ethnicities and people! But I hate afghanis. Theyre all over the place in Tehran! Theyre dangerous! But not as much as the Lors. The Torks are OK though, because Torks are Khar. And the Arabs? Who said Arabs exist in Iran? That's an Israeli lie! They want our oil! But anyway, I cry rivers of tears for those Palestinians! The UN even said it: Zionism is racism! Those filthy jewish capitalists! Even Peter Griffin said it: "Jews are gross because they rhyme with eeww!"

I constantly remind everyone how stupid Americans are! Oh yeah, I looooove coming on Iranian.com and facebook and posting links (like this one) showing how stupid Americans are! But if Ahmadinejad says Britain is located west of Africa, it shows how smart we are! Because anything he says, people will clap and say takbeer, and buy. See that's intellignce right there. That's why I love to go and eat dinner with him in NY, each time he visits and embarrasses Americans at the UN! Awwww yeah!

I'm a political pundit! And I tell you Obama is an idiot! I love to tell everyone how Obama is unfit and unqualified as a president. Dumbass! But deep down in my heart, Im praying that Oh God Oh God he stays, and doesnt let Palin and Rove and Cheney's people take over again! Please! Not the Republicans again!

I love to hate America. Didnt they shoot down that Flight 655 Airliner in 1988 over the Persian Gulf? May they rot in hell! Never mind that in the same year, 30000 people were executed in Iran, by Iranians. That never happened. Or if it did, it's not important, because the world hates America! America is the problem! They hate us Iranians. And if I'm living in America, it's only because I deserve it. No, wait, they actually deserve me. havent you heard? Iranians are the most educated minority living in America!

I hate America's politics. And I'm not going to do anything to contribute either. That's why I seldom, if rarely at all take part in civic responsibilities. No, wait, I actually do! I vote once every 4 years in the elections on Nov 4th! See? I'm involved! I give my precious few minutes for this country every 4 years! Seriously, Kennedy was a dumbass to say "Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country". Of course they have to serve us! We bring culture to this country! We are a 7000 year old race! Their country is only 200 years old! Therefore, I dont have to get involved in anything, but they have to respect us! I resent the fact that we have no lobbies or influence or respect in Congress. After all, we own Los Angeles a.k.a. Tehrangeles!

I am a US citizen. I swore my allegiance to the flag of the United States when I became a citizen. But I hate the US Navy, Army, Marines, Air Force! And I hate their foreign policy, and their stupid flag! Invading and bombing and killing everyone! Never mind that the Talib and and Saddam dont exist any more. That was God's will. And why do they keep putting sanctions on Iran? They have to be friends with the mullahs! Hey Hillary! Stop hating us, and make friends with the mullahs! Open diplomatic relations! Kiss up! Apologize! I want to open an export-import business in Iran that makes use of my connections here in California. Those damn Human Rights activists! All they want to do is complain complain complain and distract us from having normal relations! All while America is the greatest sponsor of terrorism of all! But dont forget, I'm a proud US citizen! (only, I dont beleive shit in any of her institutions. I'm basically proud of living in CA and being successful.) My name is even American. They call me Gabriel. (It used to be Gol-Agha when I was naturalized). Oh, OK, I'm really an Iranian citizen, holding a US passport. Happy now? But that actually shows how zerang we are! hee hee.

Terrorists should not have nuclear weapons. But for Iran, it's OK, because it's their right. And if Jannati one morning wakes up and decides to declare nuking Israel or Europe or the US as halal, well, I'll just move to Canada to be safe. I have 3 cousins there, and I can speak French too. Plus, I have a degree from USC. I'm smart. They need us.

Americans are dumb people. I went to college here. They were all stupid. Couldnt even handle Algebra. Look at Silicon Valley. Full of Persians and Indians and Chinese. And whoever says America is supposed to have foreigners because it's a nation of immigrants, is a zionist. And did I tell you, the reason why Americans have twice as many Nobel Prizes as other countries is because the Nobel committee is made up of Jews. And the Apollo Moon landing never happened. Here, check out the proof. Honestly, what do the Americans have? What have they contributed to civilization? McDonalds? Guns? They dont even have a miracle for the third millenium!

And finally, my favorite of them all, "The legend of Persian penis is not a myth, it is a fact, I promise you this".

So there you have it. 


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@ Fe SEn JOOn

by Tehran on

You said: ""In this country, engineers and computer programmers are basically well-paid hammaals."""

You are absolutely right and I insist Hammal with a capital “H”

I know, I work with a bunch of Chinese & Indian dudes but almost all our managers are whitie white Canadians….who can write pages and pages about nonsenses 10 times better than us.

But c’mon, admit it!!!!!!!!! 

They can’t do math and they can’t write code,,,LOL

Ha ha ha ha… just wanted to see your face!

Hers nakhor doost aziz


"Dude, when were we actually united to begin with?"

by Bavafa on

dude.... hence my challenge to you




by Fesenjoon on


Dude. The guy doesnt even speak Farsi. He doesnt know jackshit. That's why I never respond to him.

@Marhoum Kharmagas:

So who's side would you be on if war broke out between IRI and US? Would U strap bombs around yourself and blow up shopping malls, to not be a "mozdoor" and "betray the homeland"?


Thank you NP for the supporting words.


Dude, the "dumb American" is a myth. Tell me first, who is the "pure american" or "pure canadian" that u speak of? The Navajo? Hopi? Sioux? Dont u really mean +3rd generation whites? Furthermore, if u dont see white +3rd generation Americans in math classes, it's not because theyre stupid, it's because they see no value in it. All their smart people end up going to business or law school. In this country, engineers and computer programmers are basically well-paid hammaals. How many Asian or Persians do u see in Wall Street or steering multimillion dollar lawsuits? What does that tell u? Arzesh-haa fargh mikonand.


Dude, when were we actually united to begin with? If Iranians were not divided, there wouldnt be 5-7 million of them living in diaspora.


There's always 2012 and another chance to put Republicans back in the White House.


your avatar makes me really hungry for laboooooooo

by Tehran on

Dear cost-of-progress, (btw, your avatar makes me really hungry for laboooooooo,)

I must apologize sincerely if my comment here slightly smelled like a post written by a self-absorbed son of a bitch.  I am really thankful to Canadians (who are American’s white half-brothers) to let me live in this free country and breath it’s fresh air and be able to get the education that I deserve.

I am not sure why my Chinese and Indian neighbours are here,
I know why I am here!

I am here because, on the contrary to what you said, I was
not so pleased with my domestic affairs and because back home I would have not gotten a fair chance in education/life/work..etc.

I hate people who think they are better than others for any
stupid reason that they may have.  I believe each one of us are good at something and as you mentioned the society needs different people to do their own different things to make it an exciting and fun world to live in.

I am aware of the fact that, my writing sucks both in Farsi
an in English, my spelling sucks 10 time more, but thanks to spell checkers I can handle that one just fine.  I am trying to write more to improve my writing skills.

Here is my first shot in writing about my thoughts, you can leave
a comment if you want so I don’t die NA-KAAM..(Nakam azin donya naram!!)


Not sure as to why this link is not working!!  Can be found by going to my account & looking for my one and only blog..

By the way your calling me “young hamvatan”,,that “ young”
part ,,hessabi chasbeeidesh be vojood. ;) Thanks.


گروهبان قند علی‌


 که حسابش جداست. یه دانشگاه روانشناش رو حیرون گذاشته





by oktaby on

Like flies around honey. The 'usual suspects' would not show up any faster if invited in person.

You are on to something when one attacks and the other clarifies that it is obviously not anyone specific you refer to, and sympathizes that 'we' get it from all sides.

Good blog Fesenjoon



Iranian-Americans have different faces

by statira on

I'm a political pundit! And I tell you Obama is an idiot! applies to me.

I am an Iranian-American, but not an American andI love to hate America, sections apply to Iranian-American Hezbolahees and mozdoors.


There are some element of truth in here,

by Bavafa on

more than most of us like it to be, but also mixed with much exaggeration perhaps to make the point I suppose!!!

Nevertheless, I think such blog will serve more in dividing us then uniting us. I think at best, this will jab at few but alienate much more.

Here is a challenge to all of us… write some thing that can unite us, can bring those "hypocrite", left leaning and right leaning folks together in the common goal that very very very vast majority of us believe in, getting ride of IRI with the goal of an independent, free and secular system for Iran.




by Cost-of-Progress on

guess why those indians and chinese are here in the west? to educate the dumb americans or canadians about their short comings.....right?  LOL.

Toronto is practically tehran, beijing and calcutta combined. Lots of brown people on the road, no? I have relatives who live there. Those who came were so pleased with their domestic affairs back home, but said, F' it, I am going to Canada to straighten those people out...

Just think, if we hadn't come here, what would all these countries do w/o us?

If you had gone to grade school or high school here, you'd have known that you only need a small % of your people to be good at say math and science. The rest can become business analysts, lawyers, etc.. not to mention drywall hangers and painters....And that, my young hamvatan, is all you need to build your advanced weapons systems, direct your space program or make you No 1 in telecommunications and information technology.





Mersi, but it is so true,

by Tehran on

About your "Americans are dumb people",  I would chenge that to Americans are mathematically challenged people"!!!!  

I have to say, when I was in university there was no Canadians (Real Canadians of course can be groupped in the same category as Americans)  in any of my classes only Chinese  say 90%, Indians about 8 % and the rest were Iranians & others,,,may be one or two Canadian boys in one of my classes each year of university. 

The real Canadian students studied literature, history, psychology and the smart ones did some management
& business courses.

Same thing at work now, almost all my co-workers are Chinese and

Niloufar Parsi


by Niloufar Parsi on

although you are obviously not writing about any particular person, it seems you have much pain in your heart. i can appreciate how difficult it must be to be an iranian american. you get it from all sides i guess. it's not quite so stressful in most of europe right now, but it's still a confusing, baffling world that leads us to do the darnest things.

i hope this frustrating phase in our history will be over soon. more often than not, revolutions are revolting. blind leading the blind into an unknown and insecure future with plenty of casualties of all sorts along the way. 



Exellent Post Fesenjoon

by masoudA on

and I add -

I am an Iranian leftist or Islamist - I fixed everything in Iran in 1978 and now I am here to fix America !!!!  

marhoum Kharmagas

sorry Mozdorjoon!

by marhoum Kharmagas on

Even the Americans don't like the mozdoors who betray their homeland, for lack of pride and integrity.


Hey tagord - I'm making an exception here

by Cost-of-Progress on

I've refused to comment on your nonsense or about you for a while after you refused to come clean as to why a non-Iranian like you insists on the validity of the islamic regime. What is in it for you man. What's your story? Now you're commenting on my spelling, you dipstick?


You're a PHONY!

So, STFU and go back to your hole in whatever embassy you're in.

BTW, you're not even worth the 25 cents mentioned below......




Sargord Pirouz


by Sargord Pirouz on

Hey COP, what exactly is a "two-bid"? Man, are you still FOB or what?

Anyway, you got one thing right: I am a nobody. lol 


You know you may have hit a raw nurve when

by Cost-of-Progress on

the satirical antellectual, bache akhoond bazarri sefat, residing outside LA, but hate everyone who does not kiss up to his turbanned masters AND a two-bid mercenary non-Iranian nobody make negative comments...

But you do make refernces about recent blogs that do not apply across the board and not to the bloggers. Criticizing one's actions (military or otherwise) does not make someone anti anything, just critical.

I still like it that you got a rise out of two douche bags noted above even though the grohban douche bag comments on every friggin' blog that he can read!.




Sargord Pirouz

double-hypocritical anti-Iran self-exile

by Sargord Pirouz on

Yep folks and don't forget to tell your friends you saw it here on EXILED-IRANIAN.COM!

Maryam Hojjat

Fesenjoon, Bravo!

by Maryam Hojjat on

The truth is always bitter!

Anahid Hojjati

Dear Feenjoon, don't feel that you have to apologize

by Anahid Hojjati on

Dear Fesenjoon, at the end of your comment, you apologized if you had done any ehanat. I don't think you need to apologize. You wrote about your observations. However, there are many Iranian Americans who don't act the way you decribed in your blog. You make your point but you wrote about one side of it. For instance not every Iranian American tells their relatives back home that they should not come to USA. In my own family, we have had some relatives who moved to USA in past several years. Not only they were not discouraged but they were helped by the ones already living in USA. Just like I was helped or at least kindly treated by Iranian Americans when I got to USA . When I arrived in Portland in 1983, there were Iranian families always inviting ones who had no family for Thanksgiving and other occaions and they were nice to students particularly to those with no family in USA. So there are many great Iranian Americans but your observations are also true.Just like any other population, there are good and bad ones out there.

However, I do think some Iranian Americans have become too cozy with having a good life in USA but also they love their yearly trips to Iran too. My parents included. Many of them have great time in Iran since their family and friends showers them with kindness. They also don't have to work or deal much with government agencies while in Iran so they don't see the real life that people in Iran go through. Therefore they come back and have great stories. These people do not have much interest in seeing IRI gone, they may talk about it but they really don't care that much. In summer of 2009 many Iranian Americans all became revolutionary and green only to forget it few month later when it was not fun any more. Any way, my comment is starting to become longer than your blog.Thanks for your blog and your comment addressed to me.


nadeem khan

The Image is photoshopped like all these images here

by nadeem khan on



by Fesenjoon on

Thanks Anahid jan.

Of course, the comments about trashing their surroundings was from my own personal experience. But Im sure it was limited, and wasn't something universal of course. I remember always resenting looking out my window when I lived in Tehran. The sight of a thousand plastic bottles jammed in the Maseel river, or the joob next to the street always perplexed me, and I always kept wondering why people are so careless when they know shahr-e maa khaaneye maast.

Anyway, my pen wasnt and isnt directed torward all Iranians of course. Needless to say, some of the most baa-farhang people living on this planet are Iranians.

Still, I try to be highly critical in my writings, in hopes that maybe it will stimulate some thoughtful response, or that it might hit a nerve in one in a thousand who read. Even then, it will still be a success for me.

Otherwise, who am I to pass judgement on others. All I have left in me is pain. In the words of Anvari:

"I shed so many tears that Noah's ark was almost submerged,

I uttered such a sigh that it almost set the tents afire."

poozesh-e maraa bepazeereed agar be shomaa yaa digaraan ehaanati kardam.


Yawn... another lame and tasteless lecture

by Q on

yet another lame lecture from a "brave" secret keyboard warrior too f*** up to deal with his own deep psychological issues, so he takes perverse pleasure in spewing hate at others in sweeping generalizations. These people can't help but see the world as some laughable fantasy that puts them in a judgemental position.

You're a dime a dozen! (this means 'moft gerooni', just so you know)

Anahid Hojjati

Dear Fesenjoon, What an excellent blog you have written

by Anahid Hojjati on

Dear Fesenjoon, I loved your blog. So true. One part of it saddened me when you talked about the Iranian airliner being gunned down by USA in 1988. I remember working in Boeing in Seattle back then and my Iranian American coworker (doost Abadani) walking around and telling people at work that USA did that. I remember back then I actually liked that my friend was supposedly "brave" enough to do that. At the same time, like you noted thousands got executed in Iran. I don't think I even knew about it and that is really sad. All the points you mentioned in your blog are true. At least I think that they are true. I don't know if Iranians trash the plane but I can guess that some probably do. Thanks for a great article.


What is YOUR nationality?

by Parthianshot91 on

Since you don't consider yourself an Iranian or even an American, then what does that make you? A wondering nomad who has nothing? Awww, I'm playing you a song from the world's smallest violin as we speak.


"They are not afraid of the ideology alone, but of the detemination and will of the men behind it"


This is really sad

by Parthianshot91 on

You got some things right, but affiliating me with this regime? when in reality I wanna see all those regime members and shameless supporters castrated and punished? That's just low.


Just cause I refuse to jump on the same racist Iranian bashing self-hating pathetic bandwagon as you, doesn't make me or any other Iranian an isalmist.

you've lost everything, your pride, dignity, loyalty, honor etc... the second you lost hope, even you admitted this when you said "I would not want anyone to live like me, it's a sad life etc..". I advise you to seek out physiatric help, I'm saying this for your own good.


 Everyone pities you my friend.



"They are not afraid of the ideology alone, but of the detemination and will of the men behind it"