مامان ميگفت كه ''اون خانمه'' طلاق گرفته و الان تنها زندگي ميكنه... مامان چند بار اينو به من گفت وقتي كه هنوز در لوس انجلس بودم.
***
جريان برميگرده به سالهاي پيش , زماني كه هنوز دانشجو بودم و پريسا رو براي اولين بار ديدمش ...
هر چقدر كه من تخته نرد باز خوبيم ,ولي عوضش هيچ وقت شانسي در عشق و عاشقي نداشتم و ندارم.
***
ا ین حقیقت در دلم ماوا گرفته
که عشق دیگر در دل تو پا گرفته
ا ینقدر پروا نکن از اشک من
حرف آخر را بزن حرف آخر را بزن
***
واسه همه عشق ابي هست و قرمز , مال بنده خاكستري ...
همين الان هم بيشتر از چند ماه نميتونم با كسي باشم... بله... حق با شماست.. تقصير خودم هست ,انگاري بختم رو بستن.
***
پريسا شانزده سالش بود وقتي كه تازه اومده بودن به ساساليتو. همديگر رو ديديم و نه يك دل بلكه صد دل عاشق هم شديم. (انگاري وقتي تين ايج هستي ,از عشق و عاشقي چيزي ميفهمي !)
من و پريسا خوش خوشانمان بود , و همش در حال پرواز .
منتها دست سرنوشت , پريسا رو از من جدا كرد. انگاري خون كرده بودم... انگاري من دل كي رو شكونده بودم... ولي اونها بودن كه سنگ به يشه دلم زدن و لا مصبا گريه من رو در اوردن .
***
بعد از سه سال و چهار ماه , پريسا رو فرستادن به ايران تا با پسر دايش عروسي كنه.
منم كه همراه تو چون سايه ام جدا نكن راهتو از راه من
اگر كه آهم بره تا آسمون عرش خدا ميلرزه از آه من
اون شبي كه پريسا رفت , با خودش دل من رو ور داشت و رفت.
***
حالا سالها از اون زمان گذشته.من بعد از پريسا,ديگه با هيچ دختر ايروني رابطه برقرار نكردم.قسمت نبود يا خودم نخواستم,نميدونم...
شماره تلفنش جلوي چشمم هست , نميدونم زنگ بزنم بهش يا نه ...
***
اينو يادته ?
خوردم قسم تا بعد از اين با چشم باز عاشق شوم حالا كه آمد ديگري من ميروم من ميروم
حالا كه دست ديگري برهم زده دنياي ما حالا كه برهم ميخورد آرامش فرداي ما
خداحافظ خداحافظ
***
ليوان شراب خالي شده و جاسيگاري پر ...!
***
شب خوش.
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راهی که بازگشتی نداشت | 6 | Nov 22, 2012 |
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LOL
by American Wife on Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:44 PM PDTNah... don't cry little girl...:-)
Actually I like your writing alot. It just seems so critical all the time. Why don't you write about your honeymoon... surely you won't find anything there to be negative about! A little silliness goes a long way... :-)
American wife Baba in
by TheMrs on Tue Sep 09, 2008 05:45 PM PDTAmerican wife
Baba in dast namak nadareh!!!
When I'm keepin it real and making wedding wishes I get accused of being negative. When I think I'm being funny with pestoons, I get accused of being negative...no one gets me here boo hoo boo hoo
:)
a love story!
by American Wife on Tue Sep 09, 2008 04:18 PM PDTthe exquisite pain of lost love.
RedWine... you really don't have anything to lose by contacting her. Nothing ventured... nothing gained! I hope you'll keep us posted.
Live... possessive preoccupation towards other. Couldn't have said it better. You're absolutely right... the quality of your own life is truly more important. Having love is a wonderful thing but it's not the definition of your life.
theMrs... the usual negative feedback from you. How does one so young become so cynical and bitter! Girl, you need some good lovin'... :-)
To TheMrs
by Live From Tehran (not verified) on Tue Sep 09, 2008 12:59 PM PDTI completely agree with you...Iranian man has to learn to move on and learn how to deal with rejection..below, read my comment PLEASE LET IT GO,,
FROM ONE IRANIAN MAN TO MARDAYEH IRANI...STOP BEING OBSESSIVE AND POSSESSIVE WITH LOVE..
Tough Love
by TheMrs on Tue Sep 09, 2008 10:58 AM PDTI wasn't even a zygote 35 years ago but I think I have enough wisdom to say a few words here. Am I the only realist here? Maybe everyone here is divorced and in desperate need for love. They're giving you bad advice because they wish they were in touch with their first crush.
Asabet ziadi kardeh? There's plenty of fish in the sea. Bargardi be aghab ke chi besheh? Puhleez.
Are you willing to take the risk and forever change the image you have of her? For MAYBE a chance in a million? She is not who she was. She is older and divorced (at least once).
You give me the impression of being one of those irooni men who boast (always pathetically to try to mask your pain) about never dating Iranian. Didin't you oooh la la mademoiselle au contraire mon frere??? Khob la mademoiselle parisienne est morte ou quoi? Tu l'as perdu?????? :)
Besides, let's argue that she is wonderfully prepared for you. Say that she is even the same khanumche. Why would you want to tarnish her with who you are today? By your own accounts, you are not a virgin Mary. And you smoke. And you drink too much. And your parents STILL have to drag you out of bed because of your hang overs. Why get close to someone you loved? Spare her the trouble of being with you. Not to be mean or to depress you. But aval be khodet beres and then think of thinking about her.
Now, if she gave you her number that's different. Zang bezan.
Keep us updated. Let me know if you want me to officiate at your wedding. Your blogs are awesome.
Dear lover
by Hajminator on Tue Sep 09, 2008 07:31 AM PDTYou remind me a poeme from A'ttar .........................................
دلي كز عشق جانان دردمند است
همو داند كه قدر عشق چند است
دلا گر عاشقي از عشق بگرر
كه تا مشغول عشقي عشق بند است
وگر در عشق از عشقت خبر نيست
تو را اين عشق عشقي سودمند است
هر آن مستي كه بشناسد سر از پاي
ازو دعوي مستي ناپسند است
ز شاخ عشق برخوردار گردي
اگر عشق از بن و بيخت بكند است
سرافرازي مجوي و پست شو پست
كه تاج پاكبازان تخته بند است
چو تو در غايت پستي فتادي
ز پستي در گرر كارت بلند است
بخند اي زاهد خشك ارنه اي سنگ
چه وقت گريه و چه جاي پند است
نگارا روز روز ماست امروز
كه در كف باده و در كام قند است
مي و معشوق و وصل جاودان هست
كنون تدبير ما لختي سپند است
يقين ميدان كه اينجا مرهب عشق
وراي مرهب هفتاد و اند است
خرابي ديدهاي در هيچ گلخن
كه خود را از خرابات اوفگند است
مرا نزديك او بر خاك بنشان
كه ميل من به مشتي مستمند است
مرا با عاشقان مست بنشان
چه جاي زاهدان پر گزند است
بيا گو يك نفس در حلقهء ما
كسي كز عشق در حلقش كمند است
حريفي نيست اي عطار امروز
وگر هست از وجود خود نژند است
......................... The next time I drink red wine, I'll raise my glass for you
Red Wine!
by samsam1111 on Tue Sep 09, 2008 04:54 AM PDTMaman yeh chizi midooneh keh to nemidooni...Goosh kon..Bikhodi oon shomareh ro behet nadadeh..yeh bar ham shodeh ..You are single with no kids..hurry up & give mommy a grand kid.Good luck Pal!
Divorced women are better!
by amirkabear4u on Tue Sep 09, 2008 02:05 AM PDTWe exist to live not necessarily to love. There is nothing wrong with your situation at all because there are a lot of people like you but do not confess.
However believe it or not you might be sitting on a gold mine! Experience shows divorced Iranian women respond better to suggestive remarks (for relationship and love) particularly she knows you. Just remember to be polite and express yourself in private so she does not feel uncomfortable. You have a lot of pottentials there all you have to do gamble it. Trust me divorced Iranian women are sexier and more fun!!!!
SO.......you're master of "takhteh nard" huh????
by Majid on Mon Sep 08, 2008 09:59 PM PDTa little icebreaker and a lil off the topic..............
وقتی به پسر کوچکم تخته یاد میدادم بهش گفتم....این تخته رو میبینی ؟ ۱۵% چوب داره، ۵% چفت و لولا..... و هشتاد در صد کر کری، و هنوز که هنوزه به همین اعتقاد هستم !
حالا تو ملعون شراب خوار شدی استاد تخته واسه ما؟
فقط در یک صورت ادعا ی تو رو قبول میکنم که اعتراف کنی که تخته رو از روی کتابی که من نوشتم یاد گرفتی !
.........................................................
یک گیلاس شراب یاقوتی به افتخار شاگرد خودم،
بزرگ میشی بیشتر یاد میگیری!
آقای شراب
Nazy KavianiMon Sep 08, 2008 08:22 PM PDT
آقای شراب ارغوانی:
تا تو را عاشق عشق ندیدم تو را نشناخته بودم! خوب، فهمیدم که می توانم با تو حرف بزنم! ببین شراب جان، یک عشق از دست رفته و ناکام مقولهء بسیار سنگین و مهم و عزیزی در خاطر هر کسی است که آن را تجربه کرده است. ممکن است پریسا، عشق از کف رفته ارزش به مراتب بالاتری از زنی که ممکن است امروز ببینی و تلاش در باز شناختش بکنی داشته باشد. یعنی اینکه اگر عاشق عشق هستی و می خواهی با خاطرهء آن زن در ذهنت نرد عشق ببازی، به او تلفن نزن. چون او پریسایی که می شناسی دیگر نیست. حیف آن خاطره است که نابودش کنی. عشق محال خیلی معنی و عزت دارد. اما یک چیز ندارد شراب جان...و آن واقعیت است. یعنی واقعی بود ولی الان دیگر در ذهن تو واقعیتی ندارد.
اما اگر می خواهی این دختر را که روزی می پرستیدی و حال یک زن با تجربه و زندگی دیده و رنج کشیده و کامل شده را دوباره بشناسی، منتظر چی هستی؟ تلفن را بردار و برو ببینش. هماتگونه که او نمی تواند توقع داشته باشد تو آن پسر ساده دل عاشق جوانی او باشی و اینک با یک مرد با تجربه و دنیا دیده و درس خوانده و رنج کشیده روبروست.
آقای شراب جان. به نظر من شما تلفن را بزن و اگر تحویلت گرفت حتما به دیدارش برو. چه چیزی را از دست میدهی؟ فقط خاطرهء عشق خاکستری را. باور کن بلامانع است! تازه، از من به عنوان یک زن بشنو: مردهایی که چشمشان هنوز دنبال پریساهای خاکستری جوانی شان است، هرگز نمی توانند با هیچ زنی ارتباط کاملی بر قرار کنند. آن زن بیچاره همیشه مشغول رقابت با کسی است که تو با چشمان جوان و بی تجربه ات پرستیده ای و این رقابت در دنیای واقعی واقعا غیر منصفانه است.
ارغوانی جان. سال گذشته من شاهد تفکرات و فعالیت های جداگانهء دو زوج دیگر در شرایط شما بودم. یکی اش یک زوج بودند که 30 سال پیش با فشار خانواده ها ناچار به ترک یک دیگر و ازدواج با کسان دیگری شده بودند. آن آقا وقتی از خانمش جدا شد رفت تهران و کوچه به کوچه و منزل به منزل به جستجوی عشق جوانیش پرداخت. پیدایش هم کرد. آن خانم هم از همسرش جدا شده بود و تنها زندگی می کرد. اما بعد از یک سال معاشرت راه دور، آنطوری نشد که می توانست بشود.
یکی دیگرش که حیرت آور تر است و در نزدیکی خود من اتفاق افتاده و عشق دبیرستانی دو نوجوان بود، شب یلدای پارسال تبدیل به یک عروسی عالی شد که من هم در آن شرکت کردم اما هیچ گونه انتقادی راجع به غذا و اصراف و ایرانی های مهمان در عروسی ننوشتم. اما قصهء حیرت آور آن قصه را نوشتم که عین حقیقت است و ختم به خیر شد. می توانی آن را در اینجا بخوانی.
در انتها، فضولی را تمام می کنم اما نه قبل از اینکه بگویم: تلفن یادت نره! یادم هم به قصه ای از شرکت والت دیسنی افتاد که در آن یک پری دریایی و یک مرد عادی عاشق هم میشوند و اگر آن مرد آن پری دریایی را ببوسد، او تبدیل به یک زن عادی می شود و می توانند با هم بروند زندگی کنند. صحنه ای هست که همهء حیوانات دریایی برای این بوسه بین این دو آواز می خوانند. بروم ببینم پیدایش می کنم تا برایت بگذارم یانه. آخرین نصیحت من این است که آن تلفن را بزنی (یا آن پری دریایی را ببوسی) . خداحافظ
Do get in touch with her
by Sera (not verified) on Mon Sep 08, 2008 07:47 PM PDTDear Redwine,
If she is single and you still have feelings for her. DO NOT HESITATE! call her and go and meet her wherever she is. Life is too short and love may or may not call your name out again for the remaining of your life. See her, express your feelings openly and sincerely. Spend some time together and see how it goes. Either there is still spark in your eyes and you can start a new adventure or you will find out that you are two different people now and can not be anything more than two friends. In either case you will get out of this limbo. Now the other side of the coin my dear: if your ego is so big that does not allow you to take action, then you are not in love. Stop fooling yourself with second hand sentiments. Even if that's the case, convince yourself to do this out of curiosity just to see what she has been through in those years.
Do get in touch with her. In the process of doing so you will know yourself better and will be freed regardless of the final outcome. cheers
well
by Zigmond Freud and Prince Kafka Live from Akbar Abaad Doolaab (not verified) on Mon Sep 08, 2008 07:38 PM PDTwell, what the heck, give her call if she is divorced. The question is will you still be impressed by seeing her? I happened to find my love of 35 years ago on the Internet, and I could not sleep for three days. When we met, she was divorced twice, two kids, nasty, on weeds and absolutely nothing like the lovely girl I used to walk with in Shemiran.
I cut my losses and never called back. So, if you don't call her you will always be wondering. Call her and there are two alternatives. She is still worth to be asked for marriage and if not, you will be happy that you did not marry her in the first place.
Call me if you have any question. My normal hourly fee is $450.
ZF
redwine jan
by bajenaghe naghi on Mon Sep 08, 2008 07:31 PM PDTit was very beautiful and you made me cry. I am such a wuss when it comes to matters of the heart and love. give her a call and re kindle the flame of love. do it now before some one beats you to it. stop drinking and pick up the telephone and start loving again. go on or alan pa misham miyam ha!
JUST LET IT GO AS SIMPLE AS
by Live From Tehran (not verified) on Mon Sep 08, 2008 05:59 PM PDTJUST LET IT GO AS SIMPLE AS IT IS.. WHY SUFFER?...if she left you to go to iran or anywhere-else to marry someone else THAT means she/he did not love you enough. And she did not stand to the principal of love.
think about it.the problem with love needy or "insecure" people is that it's hard for them to break dependency..They expect someone to carry their burden and they call it love..
Anyway,it is 5:20 AM here in Tehran and i can't keep my eyes open. i need some rest..
Good night wherever you are..
don't fall in love rise in love!!
Live from Tehran
by Souri on Mon Sep 08, 2008 05:21 PM PDTFirst, my apologies' to Red Wine. I don't want to make it a one to one conversation, but Red Wine aziz, we are talking about your situation, indeed.
Live from Tehran : Your main point in the two last post was : rejection !
Who talk about rejection here ? Red Wine's object of love was forced to go
back to Iran and marry someone else because her parents forced her to
do this. My story was a bit similar, with the difference that he never
knew I loved him. At that time (76/77) in Iran it wasn't usual for
girls to declare their love to the boys. So he left for USA and I never
heard from him for 24 years.
We don't talk about rejection here.
We are talking abut the circumstances which takes our loved ones from
us, without their contentment.
You are talking about "power" and struggling. We don't talk about the same thing.
Don't be possessive with love..
by live From Tehran (not verified) on Mon Sep 08, 2008 04:44 PM PDTI think i answered very clearly..Don't be needy and at the time of rejection just learn to let it go..People tend to be selfish when it comes to love..Love is not a possession but a luxury. we want her/him for ourselves regardless of whether or not he/she wants to be with me or not..the bottom line is if we let go of our excessive preoccupation toward her/him and think deeper we will find more value in our own inner self which will lead to richer life.
"Love means never having to say you're sorry."
by ebi amirhosseini on Mon Sep 08, 2008 04:42 PM PDTShaazdeh Redwine aziz:
My Fatwa
Dar kaare Kheyr Estekhaare Jaayez Nist !!
Love can be red again !
Live from Tehran
by Souri on Mon Sep 08, 2008 04:24 PM PDTForget about me, you didn't answer Red Wine's question. Should he call her or should he not
And I don't agree with you on
when you make your life rich, the loss of love will never breaks you down
How can you make your life " rich " without the other one
What you mean by richness
As Hamid Mossadegh said
آشنایی با شور
و جدایی با درد ؟
و نشستن در بهت فراموشی ؟
یا غرق غرور؟
Love in Highest form means to let it go..
by Live From Tehran (not verified) on Mon Sep 08, 2008 03:30 PM PDTfor once i agree with Mrs: Souri..love is gray thats why it is so complicated..the fact is rejection is always a possibility in love. but when you make your life rich, the loss of love will never breaks you down. I think people should be high on love, but not on attachment.
My code: I Love her but i don't need her.
the deep love, is always gray ...
by Souri on Mon Sep 08, 2008 03:57 PM PDTdear Red Wine, your story brought tears to my eyes. I had to take a deep breath before writing this for you.
If I could only give you an advice, it is this : Call her right away !
Don't wait too long blaming the past. Think that in 10 or 20 years from
now, you will blame yourself for not taking your second chance with her
today.
I had a similar story, I fell deeply in love once I was very young and
lost that guy from view, just to find him 24 years later, while I was
already married with two kids....and let me tell you it is painful.
Even if you are in a happy relationship and satisfy with your family
situation, those wounds from the past, never let you alone.
All deep loves are always gray, my dear.