Terrible Twos

Niki Tehranchi
by Niki Tehranchi

Lately, something as simple as grocery shopping has turned into Mission Impossible.  The Sweet Pea is going through the "terrible twos" stage, which means he can turn into the Unsweet Pea at the slightest provocation.  The most innocuous things can set him off.  Like, nothing at all.  With that in mind, I approach the grocery store with the theme to Mission Impossible playing threateningly in my head.  As I browse aisle by aisle, I am acutely aware that with each second, I am running a little bit more out of time.  I picture the opening montage match lighting the gunpowder line towards the bomb.  The bomb with curly hair, fat feet and jam in the corner of his mouth who is for now sitting inconspicuously on the front seat of my shopping cart.

The shopping trip thus becomes a sort of adrenaline rush akin to the most dangerous spy mission.  And like the most skillful of double-crossing agents, I have my bag of tricks when it comes to distracting the enemy.  My arsenal: An assortment of toys, snacks, and horrible singing that makes the surrounding shoppers take a wide detour away from my cart, as if they too sense that there is a stick of dynamite hidden under that adorable Fuzzy Bear jumpsuit.  On the good days, we manage to get out safe and sound, even with a nice compliment from the cashier on what a "good boy" he is.  But on the bad days, oooooohhhhhh... It's like the bomb riding the scene from Dr. Strangelove. Except more earsplitting.

The good news is I still have it good.  Way way good.  The terrible twos are only a mild trauma meant to prepare you for the real challenge ahead:  Those tantrumastic teen-age years!  Can't wait :)


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Capt Ayab

by Niki Tehranchi on

You brought tears to my eyes (in a good way).


terrible 2

by capt_ayhab on

Terrible 2's followed by Horrible 3, Un-nerving 4........ leading up to Obnoxious teens.........................

then comes the first car, second car after the first one crashed, within 6 months..... 

And it is only the beginning, college tuition, new[yet again] car, and bombshell is dropped..... oooo mom, dad, I am moving out.

then is graduation and move on to the next phase, Grad school or in our case Med school, 2000 miles away. God dang it, its  so far away, mother says crying.......

Missing him becomes relentless, hurts like mofu. Now you only get to hear his voice for few shorts minutes, between the classes and dokhtar bazi ha. And only get to see him when HIS schedule permits. :(

You miss T2, H3, U4, and O-10's...... You miss it how it was when you rubbed your [5 o'clock shadow] unshaven face against his cheeks and his tummy, he would cry and shout.

You miss bathing him, skin so soft that felt like little fish. You miss the pure body scent of his, after baby powder was applied.

You miss it how he peed on you, while sleeping naked on your stomach, and she would say[I told you to put his diaper on honey!]

You miss how he used come to you with math problem, then argue about the solution.

You miss it when he came to you with his first Birds and the Bees question.

You miss calming him down after his first heartbreak.

Light at the end of the tunnel though, waiting to SPOIL the crap out of his children , That would be the PAY BACK TIME young fellow ;-)




Oh her! I didn't know her

by Norooz (not verified) on

Oh her! I didn't know her name was Dora ;o) You mean this look?



Without her backpack she is nothing! I don't know about parents outrage. I don't know if she looks like ST now but I don't know what to make of her new look!

Is she supposed to be reaching puberty or something?! Cabbage patch dolls never got old! Barbie was never a toddler she was in her 20s from the beginning ;o)


Norooz Google dora the

by TheMrs on


Google dora the explorer and check out her new look. Mattell has only released a silouhette but they showed her face and clothes and make up on TV last weekend. Apparently, they're getting rid of Boots too, I love that thing. Get rid of Backpack and swiper the fox and then what's left?????


Who is Dora? I think you're

by Norooz (not verified) on

Who is Dora? I think you're the first mentioning it in this thread. What new look and what do parents have to do with her?


I left a registered comment

by TheMrs on

I left a registered comment here last night suggesting a few other tricks with wallets and business cards and tupper ware. Totally kosher. At the very end, I just said I didn't like Dora's new look because she looks like a well...a you know what. I used the word that beings with S and ends in T and has 4 letters in it. I'm guessing a moderator objected to that word. Even though plenty worse is used elsewhere here. Perhaps he isn't aware that Dora has a new look and got a make over and they're planning on releasing it soon. Many parents are outraged and it's causing a big stir. That's what I referred to. I don't understand why my perfectly G rated comments get censored here, over and over. It's so annoying and unprofessional. OGH


Best plane ride ever...

by AP (not verified) on

I remember many years ago on a plane ride from Tehran to London I sat 2 rows behind a lady with an infant in arms. This cute looking baby (she was asleep when she got on the plane )
screamed, howled, wailed and yelped in the highest pitch possible all the way from Mehrabad to Heathrow.
Thank goodness there was not much crystal on the plane except for some strange shattering noises coming from first class...
The mother, who turned out to be Swedish herself (baby had an Iranian dad) smiled constantly and proclaimed that baby is always well behaved, but the lady with her(?) begged to differ.
At the time I was 16 and had little sympathy for the baby or mother. I kept on thinking if you know this is the way your kid is, do something about it beforehand or....
Almost everyone was complaining to the plane staff but there was little that they could do.
Almost all were giving advice and suggesting what may be wrong with the baby, but mother continued to smile and in her broken Persian and better English, kept repeating that baby is fine, she is a well behaved baby!
To this day I don't know what the solution would/should have been.
My twins never flew on a plane before they were 3.5 years old. It was not easy to keep them entertained but I went equipped with ammunition and with their dad!
My carry on luggage was full of their things and food, toys and books, and at the time I was full of energy!
I thank God, overall I've been a lucky mom so far since they are both 22 just out of college - one just got engaged to be married in 3 years and the the other thinks it is too early to think of settling down. Their teenage years were far more difficult but we survived!
Good luck Niki Jaan!

I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

Are you kidding?! this isn't baby inducing

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on

We're just happy for Niki and her cutie son. The person who I find dangerous and Octomom inducing is Siamack and his damn youtubes with his adorable kids and humor. No offense Niki. Youre son sounds like a total wonder.


When I said Lalehzar I meant

by Norooz (not verified) on

When I said Lalehzar I meant Kocheh Berlin. My aunt's husband took me to Lalehzar before it all came crashing down after the revolution. I was there to see Lalehzar at its peak and end in one place. Kocheh Berlin survived though and they are STILL selling the SAME clothes there with the SAME fashions!


This is dangerous

by XerXes (not verified) on

Because once the women get to this site and talk like this, it means they are ready to have more babies. I got to make sure my wife won't read you here ;) I have enough kids :)

anonymous fish

oh, please don't end this blog!

by anonymous fish on

this is just the BEST thing going.  i had to think about the last time i laughed and that is just plain WRONG. 

KB... i think it's a great thing to hear from a man.  other than the obligatory "give mom 5 minutes of peace and quiet" (just kidding), you don't usually hear from fathers with regard to child-raising techniques.  my niece stayed with me for a week when she and my son were about 4-5 months old.  i gotta tell ya... the decibel factor increased ten-fold.  girls just have a certain... hmmm... pitch... to their voices that caused the hair on my neck to stand straight up.  i spent $100 on her (she is my god-daughter) for every $50.00 i spent on him for exactly the same amount of clothes!  (which of course was my fault, not hers for looking purely angelic in those adorable feltman brothers outfits!!!

themrs... i agree about the DVD in the car.  hate it hate it hate it.  i have no idea how my parents kept sane with 5 kids in the car driving to michigan but i can assure you, we behaved.  we had a vista cruiser... the coolest stationwagon in the world back in the day... with a skylight thingy.  it had the 3rd seat in the back and me and my twin would PROMISE we were going to behave (this time).  10 minutes out the driveway the car stopped and we got our butts cut.  after that it was a breeze.  i wonder what we DID do for 17 hours???

and niki... NEVER feel like a failure... do not let the little monsters win!!!  :-0

god.  i'm feeling such love for my baby right now... i'm going to give him a call.

Niki Tehranchi

Thank you, all of you, for some great pieces of advice

by Niki Tehranchi on

All kidding aside, I do have to admit in all honesty that I often feel like a failure as a mother when the little one gets into these hysterical fits.  So it is good to share with others and be reminded that I am not alone in this journey.

The Mrs., thanks for your words.  The cell phone trick is a very good one.  We actually used it last night and ended up having a very peaceful dinner while the Pea was busy getting his greasy little palms all over the phone.  I don't care about cell phones, never have, never will. I just keep it because I am traveling with an infant and want to be able to reach someone in case of emergency. So I will gladly let him handle my phone.

AF and Norooz, I am alone at home with the Pea while Dad works long hours, and I have no viable baby sitters (and don't want to leave him with a stranger). So unless I do the groceries with the little tyke, we are gonna end up ordering pizza every night.

Marge and Norooz, I am a pop culture whore, maybe because my mom used the TV to babysit me pretty much 24/7.  Warning to parents, you don't want your kids to end up like me, quoting some obscure 70s TV show in every other sentence.  Marge, in answer to your question, he enjoys music a lot.  We listen to everything together, not just kids stuff, but also regular music, from classical, to hip hop, French pop, reggae, basically anything that you can think of.  His favorite Iranian singer is Arash.  You should see how he dances to him.  I love it.

KB you are more than welcome to join in, as this is not a girl's party but something every parent, male and female, can relate to, I think.  Good to see a dad take an active role in the raising of kids.  The Pea is lucky to have a wonderful dad who spends quality time with him (and gives me a much needed break).  By the way, the unsweet pea was just a joke, a play on words.  Tantrumastic is another made-up word.  But generally, I should pay more attention to my spelling and grammar when I blog :-)

Desi, when the theme to Mission Impossible is not playing in my head, it is the horror-opera soundtrack to The Omen, especially, when I see him slyly approaching me with a plastic baseball bat in his hands, and drool down his chin.  I can't believe Elizabeth Hurley went and named her kid Damian.  I have seen him in pictures and he is so cute but between the name and the creepy British schoolboy uniform, all I can think of is the movie.  What was she thinking?

Again, thank you, all of you, for your words of support!



Parenting is an art, not a science..

by KB on

Perfect parent, hardly, and our kids have had tantrums and embarrassed us plenty times. I was writing in context and apologies to TheMrs for sounding like a know all as I think the rest of her advice is V sensible.

The point I was trying to make is that there are many different tactics in keeping your child occupied at the store but the strategy should be to get your kid to participate in the activity and that’s how you get better results.

And to Marge : Respect…. (I forgot to say it in my last note)


Niki, I love the way you

by desi on

Niki, I love the way you write. This was hilarious! The Damian reference is exactly what I used to call my child. I'll never forget the knock down drag out, screaming, bucking, akin to a wild palomino I experienced once in a store over bath salts! Bath salts? What the hell was a 2 year old going to do with bath salts? I swear I checked his scalp for the number of the beast. As AF said it only gets worse...and weirder.


I think it is ok to stick a

by Norooz (not verified) on

I think it is ok to stick a TV in front of a kid. Rosie O'Donnell was raised that way and she turned out ok. I think in her case it was literally 24/7.


Ouch, touché!!!!

by TheMrs on

I find it difficult to believe a child has NEVER had a public tantrum. "we ve never had problems with our kids wanting things and crying etc…"

Niki, there’s nothing embarrassing about normal childhood development and age appropriate behavior. Even if it is loud and emotional. I hope perfect parents don't scare you.

Helping children get through tumultuous stages in their natural growth cycles or helping them transition from one setting to another by providing comforting items such as teddies, promises, healthy snacks, fun distractions etc is part of an informed parent’s child rearing tactics. In the process you will teach them right and wrong.


Normal children have loud toddler stages and there's nothing embarasing there. 

Whatever you do, please don't stick a dvd player in the car or on the shopping cart. I can't stand parents who are too embarassed or bi hoseleh to deal with kids' attitudes and just stick a tv in front of them.

Another good trick is a cell phone. I have a cell phone that I don't use anymore. Kids love "real" things. Give it to him in the shopping cart and let him pretend call the whole family. When I try to get my 3 year old to go to the bathroom in public, we sing. VERY LOUDLY, untill jish comes. From Jingle bells to black cats songs. Who cares about snotty people who can't bear some noise around? Not moi.


Grocery shopping is boooooOOOOring

by Norooz (not verified) on

Give the kidS some slack. No kid wants to go grocery shopping. What the hell. As a 2 year old do you get excited about deciding whether to get organic or pesticized? whole milk or 2%? Whole wheat or sourdough? I mean come on!

I remember when I was a kid my Mom and Aunt took me to Lalehzar to buy clothes. That was torture! Although now I consider those cherished memories and love them.

Anyway, it is best not to take the kid grocery shopping. Maybe you can tell the dad; look while the kid is climbing you like an orangutan I'll go shopping and be back in a jiffy!


Sorry to crash this girlie party…

by KB on

Before I had kids, my one wish was not to have kids who embarrass you in public especially in shops etc. I am sure you know the type of kids I mean , screaming and rolling around on the floor of a shop because they have been denied what they want. I have a 7 year old and a 3 year old and neither have been of the kind described above, and I think the reason is because I took them to stores from a very young age and taught them the rules.

And here is where I disagree with TheMrs’s tactics. Giving kids a treat in the store while you are shopping is fine but it has to come from your purse rather than the kids food section. This will give the kids the wrong message and they expect to receive things from the shelf and you will give it to them because you want keep them quiet and it’s a downward spiral. What I used to and still do is give them something fun from the store to keep the occupied like a small toy or bag of beans etc and would make sure that we have to put it back at the end of shopping excursion. And this became a game and they enjoyed playing it and we ve never had problems with our kids wanting things and crying etc…

Fish I have to disagree with you about boys being better than girls. Girls are angels boys are monsters…

Finally, Nikki Khanom (my daughter‘s name by the way), I do not want to come across as a “Mollah Loghaty “ and am happy to be corrected, but Sweet pea is the name of a flower and I do not think Unsweet pea makes sense.

Sorry ladies for crashing this party I hope I did not come across as a twit, but when it comes to parenting us men do not get enough credit sometimes.



I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek


by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on

Your writing. Your references. THEY ROCK! Thank you. Do you play music for your kid? What kinds? Kids love Reggae. It might mellow him out a little.

Niki Tehranchi


by Niki Tehranchi on

How could I forget his lovely martial arts skills?  Seriously, the kid bitch-slaps me with such frequency and force that even Rihanna doesn't want to get back together with him.  As for his dad, he gets the red carpet treatment.  Every time he walks in the door, up climbs Sweet Pea like a monkey up a banana tree.  After that, it's all kisses and hugs.  I swear, he is taunting me cause he even has special sound effects to accompany his kisses to daddy. MMmmmmmmmmuaaahhh!  And then he looks back at me triumphantly, not unlike Damian after he pushed his mom off the balcony.

anonymous fish


by anonymous fish on

i'm very impressed.  i didn't know you had kids.  those are excellent suggestions.  me?  i just left the little monster home with his dad...:-0

i was lucky.  bass never ever bit anyone.  i'll probably get blasted for saying this but i think boys are MUCH easier than girls. 


One very effective method

by TheMrs on

One very effective method is to appraoch the kiddy food section first. Go straight for the gerber vegetable "pofak" snaks. Open it without paying for it and let the kid enjoy the ride. Pay for it before leaving of course. The damn thing is so addictive he won't have a chance to do anything else. If he's about to breathe, stick some diluted apple juice with a straw. Another effective method is to give him a receipt of some sort. For some reason they love to tear it to bits. Whatever you do, never say "no" and keep your distance. If sweet pea hasn't started hitting, he will soon. Good luck

anonymous fish

enjoy it

by anonymous fish on

Niki... it only gets worse...:-)