Swine Flu, or whatever you want to call it

Balatarin
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Swine Flu, or whatever you want to call it
by Multiple Personality Disorder
28-Apr-2009
 

A deadly strain of Swine Flu is spreading fast around the world while a similarly deadly battle about what to call this sickness is also raging at the same time.  Israeli Health Minister, Yakov Litzman, who belongs to the ultra-religious United Torah Judaism Party, has said, "We will call it Mexican Flu. We won't call it Swine Flu,…", while Iran’s Minster of Health has declared that the Zionist occupiers of Quds are behind the spread of this sickness in an effort to kill off the Palestinians and all the inhabitants, except the Jews, in the lands in between the Nile and Euphrates rivers, so that their Hebrew prophesy comes true, so that they occupy all of those lands.  He declared that Iran will refuse to call this sickness either Swine Flu (SF) or Mexican Flu (MF), but they will call it by the name of those who created it in the first place, the Quds Occupying Zionist Flu (QOZF).

Yesterday, the International Communists for Unification of Proletariats de la Internacional Masses Party (ICUPIMP) issued a manifesto containing dialectic analysis of how this sickness began spreading around the world.  The manifest contains difficult communistic language, which is not readily understood by Mexican peasants, so it was given to a communist in the USA, who drives a Mercedes Bens, to analyze and rewrite it in a simple language so simple laborers could understand it.  The following is what it says in plain language; the imperialist pigs have devised this sickness to kill off proletariats because there is a global labor crisis brewing in the near future, which as the result millions of workers will be out of jobs, and will be rioting in the streets soon.  So, the capitalist pigs have devised this sickness to kill off the workers before things get out of hand.  The ICUPIMP has declared that they refuse to call this sickness SF, MF, or QOZF, but they will call it the Capitalist Pig Flu.

Mr. Litzman, upon reading this declaration by ICUPIPM, immediately made his own declaration that a pig by any name is a pig whether it’s a Capitalist pig or a Mexican swine, and continued to say that they will continue to call it Mexican Flu.  At the same time Iran’s Minister of Health declared that, although we loathe all communists everywhere, in this case we make an exception, we agree that global capitalism, the United States of America, and the Zionist occupiers of Quds, have a hand in creating this sickness.  He continued to say that they would be willing to make an iota of compromise in this case and call it shaytaon’e bozorg unflonza in Farsi, and the Big Devil Flu in English.  The life-long President of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, said that he prefers the name ‘the Devil’ Flu, after the nickname he gave to Gorge W. Bush, since he believes this sickness was originally developed under Bush’s presidency.

In the interim, the mainly Catholic Mexicans have aligned themselves with the Godless communists and Mullahs in Iran against the Zionists in Israel, and they are unofficially declaring that any attempt to call this sickness a Mexican Flu amounts to a declaration of war against Mexican territories, and they will do anything in their power to stop the flow of cheap Mexican labor to North America if this name calling does not immediately stops.  At the same time the right-wing conservative radio talk show hosts in the USA were ecstatic that there might be a stoppage of flow of illegal Mexicans to the USA, and began to call the sickness Mexican Flu in all their broadcasts.

Meanwhile I got an anonymous email telling me someone had emailed this person that I was a homosexual.  I assure you, I’m not a homosexual, not that there is anything wrong with it, and I hope this person gets this whatever you wanna call it flu and dies of it.

Balatarin
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more from Multiple Personality Disorder
 
anonymous fish

MPD

by anonymous fish on Thu Apr 30, 2009 09:59 AM PDT

i've found that my tolerance has decreased GREATLY over the years...:-)  i don't even attempt to drink draft beer anymore.  and when i drink wine, i drink it like it's beer and that's a bad baaaad thing...lol.   funny how your body changes too.  my sister used to drink vodka almost exclusively but after chemo she had a rather drastic reaction to it.  she can barely tolerate it anymore. 

by the way... is someone questioning your manhood?  :-0


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Multiple Personality Disorder

Nilo, Mehrnaz, capt, af,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:09 PM PDT

..., and all the anonymous people who read this satire, thank you so much for your comments.


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Multiple Personality Disorder

RedWine,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on Wed Apr 29, 2009 09:49 PM PDT

 

As much as I like to drink, over the years I've developed a bad reaction to alcohol.  It's not just a simple hang-over; it's ten times worse, maybe eleven times.  At the music festival I drank some red wine, maybe a cup, and the next day I was sicker than the dog, but never the less I will continue to drink once in a while just to lose inhibition, so when and if we have a drink together be prepared for my vomit.

By the way, people who have met me know that I’m a man.


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Nefrin Nameh

by a fan (not verified) on Wed Apr 29, 2009 05:48 PM PDT

I love your last paragraph or I should call it "Nefrin Nameh".
So hilarious! :)


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Red Wine

...

by Red Wine on Wed Apr 29, 2009 04:28 PM PDT

اقا يا خانم چند شخصيته...

از خواندن نوشته هاي شما هميشه لذت ميبريم.اميدواريم كه حضرت والا را شخصا شناخته وشرابي به سلامتيتان بنوشيم.

مرحمت عالي كم نشود.


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Multiple Personality Disorder

بخندید و شاداب بمانید

Multiple Personality Disorder
Wed Apr 29, 2009 02:28 PM PDT

 

،،...خنده باعث بروز اندیشه های نو و خلاق، افزایش طول عمر، و پیش گیری از سکتهء قلبی و مغزی می شود.  یک خندهء خوب تغییراتِ شگرفی در بدن ایجاد میکند و باعث می شود احساس بهتری برای انجام هر کار داشته باشیم.  خنده موسیقی روح است.  منتظر نباشید که دیگران شما را بخندانند، بلکه خودتان قایقی از خنده را در دریای شادی بفرستید تا این قایق دوباره بسمت خودتان برگردد.  سعی کنید دیگران را شاد کنید و از شادی آنان لذت ببرید.  کتابهای فکاهی بخوانید.  با افراد بذله گو دیدار کنید.  فیلم های کمدی ببینید.  لطیفه های خوب بشنوید و به افراد، مکانها، و وقایع مشابهی که شما را به خنده می اندازد فکر کنید.،،

بخشی از نوشته ای  از منصوره آرام فرد

 


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Mass media as usual has created a hysteria

by Hysteria (not verified) on Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:26 AM PDT

First it was the Avian flu, then the mad cow disease now this ... but thanks for cheering us up amid all the gloomy news left and right


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anonymous fish

well done

by anonymous fish on Wed Apr 29, 2009 09:30 AM PDT

sir... again!


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capt_ayhab

lol

by capt_ayhab on Wed Apr 29, 2009 09:07 AM PDT

very funny indeed

-YT


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MEHRNAZ SHAHABI

ام -پی-دی جان

MEHRNAZ SHAHABI
Wed Apr 29, 2009 08:46 AM PDT

خیلی با نمک بود. مرسی :)


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Nilo Siavashi

I can not find my "Obeed Zakani" but Forough writes

by Nilo Siavashi on Tue Apr 28, 2009 09:50 PM PDT

Dear MPD, You sent me in search of my "Obeed Zakani" book.  I have not found it yet so I am going to quote ending of the poem

تنها صداست که می ماند   از فروغ فرخزاد

The ending goes as written and don't say "what is the relation of Gooz to shaghigheh", it is your fault by not quoting from "Obeed" that I have to quote something. So here it goes:

مرا به زوزه ی دراز توحش
در عضو جنسی حیوان چکار
مرا به حرکت حقیر کرم در خلاء  گوشتی چکار
مرا تبار خونی گل ها به زیستن متعهد کرده است
تبار خونی گل ها میدانید ؟

 


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Multiple Personality Disorder

بابا

Multiple Personality Disorder
Tue Apr 28, 2009 09:11 PM PDT

خیلی زشته


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Nilo Siavashi

MPD, tell us what you quoted from "Obeed Zakani"

by Nilo Siavashi on Tue Apr 28, 2009 09:03 PM PDT

MPD, thanks for  saying that I am kind.  Since I am kind, would you please write what you had quoted from "Obeed Zakani"? 


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Multiple Personality Disorder

Nilo,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on Tue Apr 28, 2009 08:27 PM PDT

You are very kind.  Thank you.


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Multiple Personality Disorder

Red light

by Multiple Personality Disorder on Tue Apr 28, 2009 08:24 PM PDT

They also say red light stops all the cars that have Swine Flu infected people in them.


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Multiple Personality Disorder

فکر میکنم

Multiple Personality Disorder
Tue Apr 28, 2009 08:16 PM PDT


والا من یه جائی یه شعری از عبید زاکانی گفتم و فکر می کنم اون شخصی که به شخص دیگه که بمن ایمیل زده بود شعرِ را بد تدبیر کرده بوده.  لطفاً رجوع کنید به کتابِ کلیّاتِ عبید زاکانی، صفحهء ٢٢٢، خطِ سوم.  من دیگه روم نمی شه اون شعر را تکرارکنم.


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Nilo Siavashi

MPD, another funny article about human misery

by Nilo Siavashi on Tue Apr 28, 2009 07:26 PM PDT

MPD jan, You have written another funny article that had me laughing hard until I opened my in-box.  I had an e-mail from "Nafees Majidi" writing:

"Dear IranianDotCom writer and/or commentator,

In addition to purging Tudeh party from Bahiis and naming leadership of Maoist parties to IRI, Kianouri and Tabari have now started the swine flu from their graves."

 


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URGENT! SWINE FLU - USE OF BLUE LIGHT FOR HEALING AND PREVENTION

by Allat (not verified) on Tue Apr 28, 2009 06:31 PM PDT

Hoping everything is fine with you.

The Swine Flu seems to have got out of control, but there is a remedy for people. I'm writing to advise you of the following:

There has been a recent discovery of the use of Blue Light to heal, hard to cure diseases.

I think it would be a great help to We, The People in the case of Swine Flue. See if you could advise your readers, of the use of Blue Light as follows:

Blue Light Destroys Antibiotic-resistant Staph Infection
//www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/01/09012...

Blue Glass and Sunlight Therapy
//www.earthclinic.com/Remedies/blue_and_sunli...

The Last report is from the 1800s, and the author used blue glass on the windows, through which the sun streamed in. A comentator, advised, also to put a piece of Cobalt Blue cloth on the window, and let the sun stream through the cloth. Cobalt is a dark blue, like the color of the Vicks Vapor Rub jar.

Cobalt blue:
//www.tatra-glass.co.uk/glass_photos/polish_g...

You may find other information on Blue Light Healing in the Search Engine.

Love and Blessings,

Al


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عالی بود!

NoBccsHere (not verified)
Tue Apr 28, 2009 05:42 PM PDT

خدا نکشدت ام پی دی! دلم درد گرفت بسکه خندیدم! یادت رفت بگویی که دکتر حسن عباسی، تئوریسین جمهوری اسلامی با طعنه در سخنرانی اخیرش گفت: "حالا ببینین چرا اسلام 1400 سال پیش خوردن خوک را ممنوع کرده بود! اینها که گناه کرده اند و کافرند، بعد از ایدز و سارس حالا مبتلا به این مرض جدید ارمنی های بی نماز، یعنی همین آنفلوآنزای خوکی، میشن!"

دستت درد نکنه، خیلی بانمکی!

در ضمن من که ایمیل را نگرفتم. مگه تو هم تو کار مشاعره بودی؟ از کدوم حرف شعر دادی که این حرفها رو برات درآوردن؟


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