I’ve been having problems with my DSL Internet connection for almost two months now. The company that I get my services from is a huge one and I'm sure they have huge lawyers, so I don't want to mention their name, because they might sue me and have FBI confiscate my Marxist-Leninist books. I'll just make up a name for them, as a matter of fact all the names mentioned hear are fake, I just call the company by the names of three of their employees who I talked to about the problem. Their names are: Alex, Tom, and Ted, or for short I just call them AT&T.
The problem with the connection began intermittently but it got worse exponentially until it broke down catastrophically, last Sunday. The first time I called AT&T was on January 7th when I discovered their male robot answering operator. I call him IT. Probably by some massive marketing research they’ve figured that people in western states prefer to talk to a male robot, because I've heard instead of male robots they use female ones in eastern states. I guess it's important to have the right gender robot screw the complainers.
The first time I called, IT sent me to India to Alex and he did a diagnostic over the phone but couldn’t fix the problem, so he sent me to their maintenance division and they scheduled a technician to come out and look at the DSL equipment on the 20th, thirteen days later! That was the best they could do, they said. I reluctantly accepted it, thinking I'll switch to anther company by then. Before hanging up I specifically asked them if the technician had to come inside my place to fix the problem. They said no. They were going to check their equipment outside, they said. By the 12th I was losing more access, but that night when I came home while the modem showed a good DSL connection at the same time there was a message from AT&T on my telephone message recorder that said the DSL technician couldn't access the equipment, but at the same time they were asking me if the problem was fixed! So, I had no idea whether they fixed it or not, but eventually it turned out that they hadn‘t done anything.
I finally had it. I was on the phone, I'd say, a good 40 minutes one day trying to find someone to terminate my Internet connection. IT sent me to India to Tom, and he sent me back to the USA, and then God knows where else. I think IT is not programmed to understand Iranian accent. You now, like dees kind of estuff: I am vary vary mad, I vant to talk to your manager. Or, maybe he sends most everyone to India because most of their intelligent employees are over there. The second time around when I talked to IT again he sent me to Ted, in India again, but since my problem had to do with not wanting to be charged for services that I was not getting, Ted sent me back to the USA again. I guess AT&T doesn't want Indians to give refunds, you know like giving refunds to their cosines in the USA type of things. The last guy I talked to in the USA was going to look into the history of my calls and decide on the issuance of a refund, but the connection was lost suddenly. Maybe I was sounding too angry after waiting for so long. Maybe he didn't understand when I said suck to AT&T. I don‘t know. The guy never called me back even though in the beginning of the conversation they ask you in advance in case the connection is lost what number is best to call back. Later on that same night there was a message on my telephone message recorder that said someone is available to look at my DSL equipment from 1-5 PM the next day.
I called them again the next morning. Again I had to go through IT that sent me to India again and connected me to Jennifer. I asked her what her real name was, hoping I could strike a conversation with her and maybe one day go on a date with her. She didn't understand my question, so I rephrased the question and asked her what her original name was before she started working for AT&T. She insisted it was Jennifer. I thought to myself dating such a lying woman is out of question. I forwent making a conversation with her and went directly to explaining to her the whole problem again just to get to the part to tell her that when the technician comes out to look at the DSL equipment, have him call me at my office a few minutes before and I'll meet him at my place. I told her I don't want to stay home all day waiting for him. I told her to read my file history in front of her, and that I didn't need to go through the whole thing again. She asked to put me on hold for a moment and went to check with someone, or something, to see what she should do. When she came back she told me my previous ticket of January 7th was closed and she was going to start a new ticket for me and then do another diagnostic over the phone, which at that point I lost my temper again and slammed the phone.
On Sunday after my connection was completely dead again I called AT&T ones again. This time IT sent me to a guy in Philippine. He figured out the problem so I don't want to mention his name. He, from a serial number on the modem, figured out that the manufacturer had recalled the modem. I don’t want to give you the manufacturer‘s name, that’s right, because I don't want to get sued. However, I let you in on a clue, the first part of their name is like another name for engine, and the last part of it is the acronym for Los Angle, except in between Motor and LA there is an O. Anyway, he said he was going to send me another modem, which should arrive in 3-4 days. I complained about services that I have been paying for but haven‘t been receiving. He said he wrote a note about it in my file and sent me to California to their billing department in this part of the country for a refund, but after a few minutes he came back and told me they were closed for the day and I should call them tomorrow.
I called them again on Thursday, but I gave up on the refund. I’m done. I'm just going to pay for services that I didn't receive and I'm not going to complain about it anymore. Nobody said life is fair. I’ve already paid for it, so what's to complain about. Please don’t advise me that next time when I call and IT answers the phone to ask for “AGENT”, because even when one talks to an Agent they still send you to India, Philippine, or wherever it is that they send you to get rid of you.
This blog is my revenge. My evil laugh: muahahaha muahahaha muahahahahah!
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