Mothers of Bad Boys (On Any Type of Parenting, Really…)

Balatarin
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Mothers of Bad Boys (On Any Type of Parenting, Really…)
by Monda
30-Nov-2009
 

After raising five children (myself and spouse included), I have discovered this fabulous new interactive parenting website called Mothers of Bad Boys(MoBB): www.mothersofbadboys.com

The site was inspired by the creator’s challenges in raising a son. In the process she stumbled upon what is called a “boy crisis”: the difficulties boys are having in school and the overall diminishing social tolerance for boyhood. The news is full of stories of boys getting into trouble for things that were considered normal for boys in the past. Just last month a six year-old was suspended from school for bringing a camping utensil to school that in addition to a fork and spoon had a knife on it. A friend of mine told me that her son received a serious reprimand when he and a friend were discovered trying to burn some dead leaves with a magnifying glass. Once the unspoken label of “bad boy” is attached to a boy it usually does not vanish. “Diagnosis” and medication often follow. The number of boys on medication is staggering.

But don’t be misled by name of the website. MoBB is not exclusively geared toward mothers, or boys, for that matter. It addresses many aspects of raising children. As it says in “About MoBB”: “This site is a slice of life and an exploration…” It is a slice of the lives of children and their communities, and the exploration of many issues in raising children.

When I think about parenting, my first thought is "How has one parented oneself?" And of course the second thought is how one parents one’s children. Before I became a parent, I studied the art of parenting by the masters (very few really, outside my own family). I attended well-researched workshops, read literature, and observed the qualities in parents whom I respected. Mind you, attachment-related research and the neuroscience of bonding, were still in their toddler stages back then.

Once I actually became a parent I found myself exasperated by the common norms in our educational system as well as the culture around raising kids. Also, I was tangled in my own values as a first generation Iranian who had lived in the US since 1978. I had to tackle many deep-rooted conflicts disguised in such contexts as loos kardane bacheh, tanbeeh, ghalathaaye ziadi, adab kardan (as in teaching manners) and so on. I needed help and there was none within my quick reach. I recall talking to my kids’ teachers, principals, and teachers’ aids on their individual philosophies as it applied to calling my kids "troubled" or "possible ADHD" or "shy" or, worst of all, "immature." Little Marco was diagnosed with all those labels. And it broke my heart, I tell you.

Anyway, so much for my rambling about my dilemma as a parent… On Mothers of Bad Boys I find many useful and important topics covered in a down-to-earth manner. One delicate topic that is addressed in an ongoing blog is the importance of manners and acting right to the question of morality. As adults, how many can truly consider themselves competent in moral realms – let alone skillfully teach or provide a model for a child (of any age)?

While there are regular bloggers and contributors on MoBB, most articles are contributions by users: mothers, teachers, mental health professionals – anyone and everyone in the “village” where children are raised – and the kids themselves.

The website also contains news items (with an international bent) and educational trends, for example home schooling. My personal favorites on the home page are collections of funny video clips and popular current shoaars running around (to make sense of children’s developmental stages) – really hilarious! Also, check out the clips on “In the Arts” – a great way to put a lot of things in a creative context.

The creator and editor of the site, Clara Middleton (the pseudonym of a regular Iranian.com contributor) is in the process of raising her son, a vibrant and well-socialized 10-year old. (As she frequently writes about her son, she uses a pseudonym to protect his identity.) She would be delighted to hear your feedback and to publish your experiences and thoughts. You can write her at editor@mothersofbadboys.com.

Happy reading Mothers of Bad Boys www.mothersofbadboys.com!

Balatarin
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Monda

Cevin Soling makes total sense!

by Monda on Tue Dec 01, 2009 07:42 PM PST

I am ordering his documentary right away. You bring the popcorn.

Thanks didani aziz.


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didani

The war on kids!

by didani on Tue Dec 01, 2009 03:01 PM PST

Sounds like an interesting documentary, Colbert interviewing the filmmaker Cevin Soling:

//www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/256926/november-30-2009/cevin-soling


  •  
Monda

Right On Shazde!

by Monda on Tue Dec 01, 2009 11:48 AM PST

Great to have you back here! ressidan bekhair.


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Shazde Asdola Mirza

Being a bad boy is no easy job - the pressure is always on!

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Tue Dec 01, 2009 11:36 AM PST

Btw, bad boys love other kids' mothers ;-)


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Monda

Thank you JJ for reading this

by Monda on Mon Nov 30, 2009 09:24 PM PST

and your wonderful feedback on one of my most favorite sites.


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Monda

Faramarz I don't know about RedWine

by Monda on Mon Nov 30, 2009 09:22 PM PST

but I find Puccini effective in any kind of weather. Thanks for the tearjerker clip. 


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Jahanshah Javid

MoBB Rules

by Jahanshah Javid on Mon Nov 30, 2009 01:54 PM PST

Thanks for this great review. I have been an enthusiastic MoBB fan since the moment "Clara Middleton" mentioned the idea during lunch a year or so ago. I thought what a brilliant idea. A web site that is:

a) Unique and original; first of its kind on the web
b) Helpful to society at large
c) Able to engage mothers with sons all over the world and therefore have regular, energetic and purposeful contributors
d) Able to bring about positive change through exchange of ideas and experiences
d) and able to be self-sustaining and generate revenue from advertisers

In other words, mothersofbadboys.com has everything that would make a web site special for a large group of people.

Congratulations on a job very well done and thank you for being a force for good.


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Faramarz

If You Miss Your Mom on a Cold Winter Day

by Faramarz on Mon Nov 30, 2009 11:05 AM PST

Whenever I miss my mom, I listen to this beautiful opera by Puccini, Senza Mamma (without mom). It always does the job!

 


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Monda

Red Wine jan, I get it that you miss your mama so much

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 04:48 PM PST

Does she like Julio as much as you do? Thank you for sharing your favorite clip here :o)


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Monda

Thanks Ari for confirming my evaluation of MoBB

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 04:45 PM PST

I too was totally engaged the very first time I read one of the pieces there!

Psychobabbles are just in fashion these days - even/especially in schools where they can hurt the most!

Parents need more support and education, I tell ya. Most parents don't know that they don't know! That's why I like interactive sites where people can read and exchange experiences rather than being labeled and shamed for what they don't know.


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Red Wine

...

by Red Wine on Sun Nov 29, 2009 04:41 PM PST

For that woman  ...


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Monda

Faramarz thank you for the clip!

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 04:38 PM PST

I completely respect Po Bronson's views on Praise. As he stated around age 7 kids Are capable of deciphering Real meanings of praise. Which means authentic, genuine and heartfelt always serves a positive purpose if it follows a child's good Effort and show of Passion in a task.

It sounds like you are interested in parenting issues - I hope you would have fun visiting MoBB.

P.S. Please give Po my best regards.  


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Ari Siletz

Excellent website

by Ari Siletz on Sun Nov 29, 2009 04:25 PM PST

Monda, I read the first installment of  "The Making of a bad boy," and it was so engaging I went on to read the whole series. The writing is lucid, personal, with insights for everyone.

 

As an aside, I too wish some modern teachers would call a kid they don't like "bad," instead of covering their true negative emotions with psychobabble like "distorted family values."


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Faramarz

The Hazards of Praising Children

by Faramarz on Sun Nov 29, 2009 03:59 PM PST

Parents tend to believe that praising their children will boost their self-esteem. However, there is new data and research on the value of un-warranted praise. A new book, Nurtureshock by Po Bronson provides an alternative view. Po has been on the NYT best selling list for a couple of months now. Please take a look. Po is also my dear friend and soccer buddy.


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Monda

Yolanda jan

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 03:39 PM PST

Lets also bear in mind that research shows One Good Enough Parent would raise a perfectly functional child. But of course I hear your point about absent dads and all the related abusive dynamics. 

If you find this blog unique, then you'd be very pleased by the MoBB site! Thank you for your comment.


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Monda

Anahid jan

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 03:33 PM PST

Do check out the MoBB site when you can. I'm glad you liked this blog.


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Monda

Natalia jan

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 03:31 PM PST

Have fun with your son! 

you have a great week as well! 


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Monda

Ebi jaan

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 03:29 PM PST

I have a feeling your son is just as fine as you are. Thanks for reading my blog.


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yolanda

........

by yolanda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 01:47 PM PST

 According to my observations in US, the so-called bad boys, I am talking about the real bad ones: disrespectful, rude, defiant, lazy, not interesting in education, got into fights, got into gangs.....they have one thing in common, they don't have father around (they do have moms or grandparents, but that is not enough), they do have biological fathers, but the fathers are out of their lives....nowhere to be found....I want to be very sympathetic here.....I guess the divorced dad remarried and moved to another town or something...usually these type of dads are under a lot of financial pressure 'cause they have to support 2 families: the new family and the previous family. It is not easy!!!!..I have seen a lot of lost kids from broken families....I was thinking that if their dads were around or more involved with, things would be totally different!

     It is super important to be a good parent if you have a kid! A married person can divorce his or her spouse, but he or she can't divorce the children. Once a parent, always a parent!!! If you are successful professionally, but your kids are screwed-up......your success does not mean much!

    Thank you for your article and you must be a loving mom 'cause you did a lot of research on how to be a great parent!

Great job! Your blog is very unique!

Delaram Banafsheh (Yolanda)

"Cactus in the Desert"


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Anahid Hojjati

Monda janm thanks for a great article about an important subject

by Anahid Hojjati on Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:33 AM PST

Dear Monda, I liked your blog since it discusses very relevant issue.  For instance when you write:

"...The site was inspired by the creator’s challenges in raising a son. In the process she stumbled upon what is called a “boy crisis”: the difficulties boys are having in school and the overall diminishing social tolerance for boyhood. The news is full of stories of boys getting into trouble for things that were considered normal for boys in the past..."

I will make a note to check the website:

 www.mothersofbadboys.com


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Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

Too be honest......

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on Sun Nov 29, 2009 03:04 PM PST

I think Red Wine's mom just wants to see him happy.

She loves him very much.

However, she did a great job in raising him.

Thank you Monda for the information. :o)

 Well, time for me to spend time with my son.

Have a great week!

 


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ebi amirhosseini

Monda jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:52 AM PST

I was a good boy for my mom ! but I am not sure about my son??!!

lol

sepaas

Ebi aka Haaji


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Monda

Natalia: Good call

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:47 AM PST

But wait until your sons get to be Red Wine's age (which I have no clue what that may be - I just know he's into his adulthood and your sons are not)

Your suggestion to your mama is a Good redirecting tactic, I love it! 


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Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

I am the opposite of madar man......:o)

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:38 AM PST

I tell my sons. "Don't you dare get married yet. Don't make me a grandmother yet either. " lol

Of course, they are 18 and 19 years old. lol

Now, Redwine knows exactly why the pressure is on him.

Don't you Vino Rojo?

My mother announced  the other day  that she would be playing match maker for me. I was like. "Aaaaaaaaah! Look mom Rosie is still single and no kids. Yeah! Why don't you help my little sister first."

:o)


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Multiple Personality Disorder

Thank you Monda

by Multiple Personality Disorder on Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:30 AM PST

I'll check it later.


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Monda

Natalia jan: I'm all for that support group!

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 10:19 AM PST

Who as ever been clear of that intensely marvelous guilt?


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Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

.........

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on Sun Nov 29, 2009 09:58 AM PST

Red Wine,

You are not the only one. :o)

Join the club or better yet. Maybe we should form a support group. lol

 


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Monda

Red Wine aziz

by Monda on Sun Nov 29, 2009 09:17 AM PST

You can't change Mothers! But you can always protect yourself from the guilt :o)


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Red Wine

...

by Red Wine on Sun Nov 29, 2009 08:52 AM PST

I am a bad boy for my mother because i am not married, can you believe this ?! :D

Thank you Monda jan :) .


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