MallyJack Secrets!

Chirp! Chirp!

Nothing but the lonely sounds of crickets these days, seems to be emanating from the famed Los Altos Rich Iranian Wives Club of the Bay Area. As the sudden reality of the predictably inevitable loss by the baby powder smelling Hillary, to the contrasting quiet ick-factor of Barack Obama sinks in.

These Great Dames of Atherton have consistently bet their husbands' money, like Silicone injected bimbos learning roulette in Vegas, and repeatedly betting wrong on candidate after candidate, as they vainly try to claim the holy grail of the Silicon Valley Iranian high society, namely the community do-gooder award, and put it on the mantle in the den, next to the picture of her in an awful upper floor Saks (but still off the rack) ballroom evening gown, high-tech tubby hubby, 2 fat yet surprisingly unattractive kids.

Yes folks, it's all for the good of you, or us, or some nebulous grouping of "them", that all this private hosted fundraising is for. And this year just as always, either through lack of brains, or through simple lack of taste and style, it has wasted yet another opportunity to achieve a real chance at connection, through the campaign contribution.

In 2004, this same Brilliant Bentley Brigade chose to invite John "Where's the Ketchup" Kerry, the Democrat darling of his fleeting day, to breakfast and dinner in the same day, dropping a whopping $200k without so much as a powerpoint presentation to the venerable senator on where Iran is on the map, never mind what considerations he needed to know about, in the ever-nuanced dealings with Iran of today, and forcing him to acknowledge the many obviously damaging mistakes made by the US in the past.

But what about young George Bush? Not once while writing that $200k check in 2004, did this group once think that they might ought to split their bet and hedge against the chance that the Republicans might win again. What better position to be in then to be able to afford to have both candidates at your faux-Tuscan ghormeh-sabzi smelling palatial Hillside home?

For surely when you can afford it, and when the objective is to win, and when you don't really care which horse wins just as long as you made your point about the issue of Iran and Iranians, you'd of course bet on both horses! Especially if those horses are politicians and the race is the US Presidency.

I mean how stupid do you have to be to see that?

Well, apparently really stupid, because not only was no one in the Bush campaign ever invited to the soiree in 2004, not one attempt was even made to attract their attention to try and possibly sway the policy that has since unfolded. That we all knew could unfold as it has.

This election just as the last, all the weight of the wallets went without hesitation to Hillary, apparently because someone suggested that Barack might be black. It was that or something like that because in this campaign, you cannot deny that as an Iranian community we would definitely be interested in talking to both candidates even if it was based solely on the intellectual capacity both seem to have.

But the Obama campaign came to San Francisco and went, and not a soul stirred in Palo Alto, and no one had the slightest inkling to possibly reach out and invite the man who is now the democratic nominee for President of the United States. And what is truly bad about that, is that he doesn't owe us a single dime of favor now. Yet he appears to be poised to do more for our collective plight than anyone in the last 30 years.

And once again, of course never mind McCain. The one man who actually would pull the trigger on our homeland, we of course want nothing to do with, want no contact with, and can't demean ourselves to inviting him for a stiff chaie and an even sterner chat about the what-what.

We Iranians sure do have a lot to learn about how Democracy works! Someone apparently forgot to tell these brainless beauties that when you are bribing a politician to be nice to your community, you don't have to actually like them. Everyone knows you are culling favor via Mastercard.

You can be powerless to do anything and say it wasn't your fault. But if you have the power to do something, and then do something really stupid, you're an idiot. If you do it twice, you're an utter moron.

Apparently something in Bo-Tox doesn't sit well in the Rich Iranian woman, and it sure doesn't bode well for the rest of us either.