A Band Andaaz, A Roo Andaaz, A Dast Andaaz


Flying Solo
by Flying Solo

It is my habit to check out Iranian.com on a daily basis.  After all the years of reading this site, I still don't know what to expect when I open the page. Who knows, there may be a pair of perfect boobs on an Italian model impersonating as an Iranian, A tiny penis (cut or uncut) alongside stories of white-skirted little boys whose willies have met the blade, somewhere in a distant past of their collective memory, a place that the middle agers seem to take comfort visiting more often these days.  And of course a half dozen or so stories from the keyboard warriors who are going to set the world right through poetry, lectures, youtube links or just plain vitriol.

I come to Iranian.com for comic relief, for education, for inspiration and for connection to fellow Iranians. I always walk away with something to ruminate on during the course of my day. Once in a while Iranian.com has a fabulous day and today is one such.

Today, thanks to Fred I learnt about the Beautician, also referred to as a band-andaaz. Thank goodness nobody has called her a ‘dallak’ yet, but, hey, the day is still young.

Then came the vocabulary lesson.  Thanks to Shazde I am now in the know on ‘daste khar’ and ‘nim metri’, which, I surmise are the one and the same, used as euphemism to connect the consumption of our national dish to fellatio.  The double entendre was gross and hilarious at the same time. Afterall, the question begs itself; did the female attendees (Doctors, Engineers, Band Andaaz etc) take rulers along, so that before performing the act, they could measure and report back that indeed 50 cm = 6 inches! Only in a Hamayesh I bet.   

The blog by "Soosan Khaanoum" took the cake.  One is hard pushed to argue that Allah told Mohammed about gravity well before it was discovered by the falling apple.  Newton be damned! Here is my favorite phrase “so called scientists".   What exactly is a “so called” scientist remains unclear?  Let’s hope Soosan Khanoum has dedicated her life to a vocation more enlightening than pulling unwanted hair from another’s nethers.

Come to think of it these blogs fit so well together for comic relief, education, inspiration and connection to fellow Iranians. It is days like this that I think I have wasted my time at school, at work, studying religions, reading about scientific theories, looking for god(s) in all the wrong places - so it seems.

Afterall, if Mumsie had instructed me better, I’d be interviewed on the Telly for feats such as swallowing something a lot longer than 6 inches (free of charge), calling it a step towards 'unity' (vahdat) while gravity be damned, I’d recite some Surah to my well-endowed master, who’s got me by the short and 'not so' curly – right where he wants me - admiring his ‘daste khar’ with no ‘kadoo’. Who needs "Women's rights' when a BJ gets you further ahead.

And just to show my appreciation of this site for the tremendous laughs of the day, I am cutting you a check Jahanshah to go get yourself a decent 'something' to eat at night. Just make sure to keep the heat on low before you pour the gallon of oil on your intended.


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Flying Solo

Andaaz Andaaz

by Flying Solo on

Beshkan o bala bendaaz

Donya faghat do roozeh.

Emrooz agar nakhandi

Farda delet misoozeh.



Thanks for reading and commenting. 

Jahanshah Javid

My pleasure

by Jahanshah Javid on

I know what you're saying... I have more fun here than all of you combined :)

Nice blog Solo. What I really want to know is when is the next season of "Mosaferha" starting? Come on digeh!


LOL's here too!

by Monda on

Great humor... do you think you can make these weekly?


Multiple Personality Disorder

Length Conversion

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

Half a meter=50 cm=20 inches

6 inch=15 cm 

Let's not make it shorter than what it is :O) 

source >>> //www.onlineconversion.com/length_common.htm


O Solo Mio!

by Faramarz on

Me too Solo!

On behalf of all the white-skirted little boys whose willies have met the blade; You Are Welcome!

Red Wine


by Red Wine on

Nice to see you back again Solo jan :=) .

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Solo dear: please don't get the title of my blog wrong

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

The half meter Kebab actually became all the rage in Tehran some 7 years ago, when a famous kebab-house started it. Since then, the "metric" version of Kebab has gained so much momentum, that even I have seen (and yes eaten) all lenghts of kebabs ... Nim-Merti, Yek-Metri, even Do-Metri. 

PS: I don't know about the others, but I'm no Middle Ager! Men like me never fully grow out of their teenage years ;-)

Hoshang Targol

"Moments" indeed,

by Hoshang Targol on

my usuall description of most "lively" Iranian sites is: another bad Monty Python skit.

But after reading you I'm begining to realize my folly. What we have here, would make Monty Python look very serious, and ordinary! 

Almost every paragraphof your comments made me simle, and laugh, thanks and have a great weekend.


Azarin Sadegh


by Azarin Sadegh on

Your blog is the next best thing today...:-)

Thank you!


Anahid Hojjati

Dear Flying Solo, what a great blog you have written

by Anahid Hojjati on

Solo jan, you are correct. Today is weird and amusing day on IC. I am glad that I took the day off. Let's see what rest of the day will bring.