The Strip Backgammon

Share/Save/Bookmark

The Strip Backgammon
by Faramarz
31-Aug-2010
 

تخته نرد لختی

If there is one thing that growing up in Iran did not prepare me for, it was how to deal romantically with the women of American type!

You see, in Iran teenage boys and girls don’t mingle that much. My understanding of the romance with the opposite sex came from watching Lando Buzzanca movies, the one girl in our neighborhood who liked boys and dancing cheek-to-cheek at my female cousins’ birthdays with some of their high school classmates (Je T’aime).

There was a girl in our neighborhood who used to brush her long brown hair while standing naked in front of the mirror. One of the neighborhood boys once took a couple of us to the rooftop and told us about her. With her back to the window, she stood naked in front of the mirror and brushed her hair. We just sat there quietly and watched her. I knew that she could see us in the mirror, but she never said anything or covered herself. A couple of years later, whenever her parents were not home, she would let some of us into her house for a brief encounter. But before things could heat up too much, she would kick you out of the house, “Quick! Get out of here! My parents are back!” Totally frustrating!

There were a couple of older guys in our 9th grade class who were repeating the class for the 3rd time. Occasionally, they would share a few experiences with the rest of us. One time, sitting in the back of the class during Religious Studies (Talimaat Dini) they both pulled their things out and showed them to the guys around them. The teacher saw what was going on and kicked them out of school for the rest of the day. The two guys then got on the bus and went to Shahr e No (Tehran’s Mustang Ranch!). The next day they had so many stories to tell us!

When I was leaving Iran, at Mehrabad Airport, one of my classmates, as he was squeezing a box of pistachios into my bag said, “Let me tell you this. When you arrive at your university a blonde and a brunette will great you! American girls are in love with us! Just make sure that you eat a lot of bananas and coconuts to be able to satisfy them!”

Somebody must have got my blonde and brunette by mistake!

By luck, I ended up in a coed dormitory with guys on some floors and girls on the others and a coed cafeteria. Right from the beginning, my two Iranian buddies and I struggled on how to get dates with the girls. Language was definitely a problem, but the biggest problem was what to say and what to do. We just couldn’t see the signals that the girls were sending and couldn’t read the body language. A girl could have hit me on the head, and I would have thought that she was asking for help with her calculus homework!

At the freshman parties some of the American guys were getting all the attention while the three of us were standing around trying to figure out the right approach. One time I got so excited about getting a telephone number from a girl that by the end of the night I completely forgot the number! One of my uncles once gave me a good piece of advice about dating. He said that dating women is like flying pigeons! The more pigeons you have, the more pigeons they bring in!

پسر جون، دختر بازی مثل کفتر بازیه! کفتر کفتر میاره

Then one day, sitting at the cafeteria all by myself and trying to figure out how to eat the Sloppy Joe sandwich, a nice looking blonde said hi and sat at my table. Thank you god! We talked for a little while until I got my courage up and asked her for a date on Saturday night. She quickly agreed. Later on she told me that she liked me because I was so different. Only American girls say things like that. Of course I was different. I came from halfway around the world, couldn’t quite speak the language and had no idea what to do next.

My buddies and I had a bet on who would be the first to get some action. I was so thrilled that I had a shot at winning the bet. On Saturday night before I went on the date they were giving me all kinds of advice on what to do and what to say. It was like Angelo Dundee telling Muhammad Ali how to beat Joe Frazer or Clemenza telling Michael Corleone how to drop the gun after shooting Sollozzo and the police chief!

“After dinner, tell her that you want to show her your picture album. That’s a good excuse to bring her to your room. Then tell her that you are homesick and put your head on her shoulder. Once you are there, slowly kiss her ears. Girls love that!”

“No, no, no. Just try to be cool! Let her make the move. Also remember that some bras open from the front! Don’t pull too hard on the back of the bra!” My other buddy said.

My buddies were going to play poker with a few other Iranian guys but asked me to call them and give them a progress report, no matter how late it was going to be. As a famous philosopher once said, “Sex is about 20% for your own pleasure, and the other 80% is to tell your friends about it!”

I took my date to a local college hangout. After having a pizza and a pitcher of Schlitz we headed back towards the dormitory. My geeky American roommate had already gone home for the weekend, so the coast was clear. I asked my date if she wanted to play backgammon on a fancy set that I had brought from Iran. She said “Sure.”

I taught her how to play backgammon and after playing a set, I came up with a brilliant idea! “Do you want to play strip backgammon? Every time you lose a piece, you take a piece of clothing off!” She just laughed and said yes. Well, after playing for a while and leaving most of my pieces wide open so that she could take them at will, we cut to the chase!

“Why do you press your lips so hard? Let me show you how to do it. Just relax your lips and follow me!” She said it with authority. I guess watching Humphrey Bogart kissing Ingrid Bergman was not much help! It became quite clear after a few minutes that at the age of 19, she was a lot more experienced than I was and knew exactly where everything was!

Once we were done, I couldn’t wait to call my buddies and report back. But I didn’t think that she was planning on leaving any time soon. So I just grabbed the phone.

“Who are you calling?” She asked.

“Oh, my buddies are playing poker. I want to know who is winning!”

I gave the good news to my friend who answered the phone and he shouted it out to the rest of the poker players.

“Doo…Doo…Doo…Doo…Doo, Iran! Doo…Doo…Doo…Doo…Doo, Iran!” They guys were shouting in the background, doing their best imitation of Mammad Booghi!

We dated for a few months, but I just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. And she just did not grasp my four guiding principals of Friends, Fun (covers dating, but not serious relationship), Football (soccer) and Food (any kind)!

One thing that I truly appreciate about her was that she never said anything about how naive and unprepared I was and how she played along so not to bruise my ego.  And for that I am eternally grateful to her.

قصه ما به سر رسید

کلاغه به خونه ش نرسید

Share/Save/Bookmark

Recently by FaramarzCommentsDate
The Women of Camp Ashraf
35
Dec 01, 2012
Negotiating with the IR Regime
7
Nov 22, 2012
Ahmadi Goes to Majlis - Gangnam Style!
3
Nov 19, 2012
more from Faramarz
 
hamsade ghadimi

faramarz, another lovely

by hamsade ghadimi on

faramarz, another lovely story.  i did play a couple of rigged poker games for bets (not money).  your stories, if not experienced by me or my friends, at least have the same flavor as our experiences.

p.s. i also enjoyed the divaneh comment by asghar taragheh.  moshtalagh, moshtalagh...


Faramarz

دکتر ایکس جان، تو هم که از خودمونی بابا

Faramarz


 

 

اگه غلط نکنم شما هم مثل ما بیشتر تو دیسکو بودی تا تو کتابخونه! 


default

I am confused

by Doctor X on

First. Can someone explain what is happening in this latest video from Fox news reporter...are these special correspondents and are on  special "ass"ignmnets? i guess that would be in Afghanistan? w is that like a campaign for something (little somethin' somethin'?) or what? Where do i sign?

2- My visa and my I-20 did not cover that much ground. I feel discriminated against. Whom should i sue? know a good lawyer? I want this comprehensive Immigration act to address this concern of mine... and ... well others like me who have been done wrong and misunderstood...ignored... You call this democracy? you can't handle democracy...

3- what is all this about fishing? Does that happen when you go to the 1st base? second base?...

Ay carrramba.

 


Faramarz

Maziar Jaan, Nothing to Fear

by Faramarz on

We are the brave decedents of Cyrus the Great. We have no fears!

Please do tell about your Roman Empire and the Toga parties!

And if you get into trouble, you are more than welcome to sleep on my couch and get the full use of the remote and the HDTV!


maziar 58

thanx

by maziar 58 on

Faramarz khan hope your wife cann't see your old flame stories......

I'll be dead if mine finds out any similar and worst from the Roman girls et alls....... thanks again for sharing.   Maziar


divaneh

تا تو باشی که دفعه دیگه ما رو با بقیه قاطی کنی

divaneh


تازه شانس آوردی که ما اسمهای دیگه نداشتیم


Faramarz

احمد، مثل اینکه قاطی کردی

Faramarz


Divaneh is the gentleman who left a comment before you (the one with the orange cat avatar). We are not related, I don't think!


Faramarz

J.J.

by Faramarz on

Who would have thought that our student visas and the I-20 form covered so much ground!

 

Thanks for your comments.


Jahanshah Javid

God Bless America

by Jahanshah Javid on

You too Faramarz?! I also learned about (real) sex from an American girlfriend. Another reason why Iranian immigrants (men and women) should be thankful of the US of A.

Another fantastic piece. Thank you!


ahmad_

Divaneh Babate

by ahmad_ on

Happy now ?


vildemose

Loved it. Thanks for

by vildemose on

Loved it. Thanks for sharing.


Faramarz

Divaneh Jaan, Ahmad Khan

by Faramarz on

Divaneh Jaan,
As usual, thanks for your comments

A couple of years later when we all became better fishermen, we caught all the fishies trying to swim up the stream

 

Ahmad Khan,
Let's not go there my friend

ما برای وصل کردن آمدیم

نی برای فصل کردن آمدیم


ahmad_

a comparison of sort

by ahmad_ on

Thank you god! We talked for a little while until I got my courage up
and asked her for a date on Saturday night. She quickly agreed.

She quickly agreed.

Have you had a similar response from an Iranian girl?


divaneh

Good old days

by divaneh on

A very enjoyable story Faramarz. So right about misreading the signals and such pity that so many of them escaped the net. 


Faramarz

Thanks Anahid, Thank You Ari

by Faramarz on

Ari,

It was my take on the Strip Poker! That's the only thing that I could come up, given the circumstances!

Anahid,

A couple of weeks ago, I wrotea story about some elderly relatives which prompted comments from some of the friends here. You see it all in the Comments Section.

 

http://iranian.com/main/blog/faramarz/all-fami...


Ari Siletz

Great story, great idea!

by Ari Siletz on

Gives a happy twist to the gambler's lament, "Lost my shirt."

Anahid Hojjati

Great blog, Faramarz. Now I have a question from Mehrdad

by Anahid Hojjati on

 

Dear Faramarz, nice read. Thanks for sharing.

Dear Mehrdad, what is story behind you calling Faramarz cousin?


Faramarz

Fun Times!

by Faramarz on

As always, it is a pleasure to share stories, thoughts and a few laughter with dear friends.

Cousin Mehrdad,
It is fun to look back and smile at ourselves, a bunch of kids who didn’t know much about a lot of things, but were grounded in some values.

Anonymouse,
Sometimes I wonder how we survived all of that and came out in one piece!

Monda,
There was so much aakh and ookh happening in the song that I couldn’t figure out who was doing what to whom and for what purpose! But Je Taime was definitely the ultimate song for slow dancing!

Red Wine Jaan,
I am delighted to put a smile on your face and a spark in your eyes!
Backgammon tournament is on!

T-Bride,
I loved your comments! Never underestimate the influence of Bogart, John Wayne, Rambo and Arnold in the developing countries! These guys, with the clever Farsi dubbing ruled!

A couple of months in the US just wasn’t enough time for me to “un-learn” a lot of misperceptions that I had about the day-to-day stuff in the west and understand the culture. I am sure that there were folks who got frustrated by me and chalked it up to the culture. And then there those who were just amused by it!


Temporary Bride

Casablanca-trained Iranian seeks Friend, Fun, Football and Food

by Temporary Bride on

Dear Faramarz,

That was so cute and cheeky and endearing. I'll bet American girls (and women in general) are total suckers for wet behind the ears Iranians eager to cut their teeth in the new world.

After the encounter did you unleash your inner casanova? Or can you take the boy out of Iran but not Iran out of the boy?

I suspect the latter. A bit of a 'boy next door' with edge. Your creaky bed references make me belief that you've had further mischief!

Thanks for the stories! 

T-bride 


Red Wine

...

by Red Wine on

جناب فرامرز جان . . .

قُربانَت گردم کِه سِن بِنیمْ سِوگیلیْ آرکاداشیمْ واردیرْ. از نوشته شما مثل همیشه لذت بردیم و خسته گی از بدنمان پَر زد.

به امیدِ خدا در یک روز نزدیک با هم تخته بازی خواهیم کرد و بنده شما را خواهم بُرد !

شراب از ما و لطف بازی کردنْ با ما از شُما . . .

سایه شما از سرِ ما کم نشود.

شرابِ قرمز .


Monda

Humphrey Bogart kissing Ingrid Bergman

by Monda on

Fantastic piece Faramarz... the tune was most provocative back then right? and banned from Bethoven record store for awhile 'til my dayi found it trough some underground venue. i listened and wondered why is the sounds of a person in pain, banned?

Bogie was a good classic role model. Nice!


Anonymouse

Wooden backgammon and Shole-zard on V-day!

by Anonymouse on

Funny story and the good old days!  Iranian students these days start in red and have to work their way up, WAY UP!  We had it easy and didn't know about it.

Everything is sacred


Bavafa

Dear cousin Farmarz,

by Bavafa on

You have the greatest stories and they, in some ways, remind me of stories in Seinfeld. That is we all can relate to them and some how, some where those stories have happened to each of us and that what makes them great. Please keep them coming. As I get to read your stories, I get to know my own ever so better.

Mehrdad