Esfand Aashena

Some more reading on this subject

At the end of this article there are links to The Featured Flounder and Health Affairs which are interesting reads as well.

  A man depicts the often grim atmosphere in assisted living facilities

The comments from people sharing their experiences in the article is worth reading as well. 

Everything is sacred

Thank you for the invitation

Thank you Esfand Jan. I wrote one. Maybe I will write more about my father and my aunt, too. Life is crazy busy, but I was really touched by your invitation.

//iranian.com/main/blog/nazy-kaviani/joy-...

Elderly Care: Story of Hamid

اگر چه پدر و مادر من که آدمهائی مهربان و خدمتگذار، نه تنها برای فرزندان خود، بلکه برای اطرافیان و هممیهنان خود بودند، در جوانی از دنیا رفتند، ولی‌ در طول چند دهه اخیر من شاهد غم یا شادی هزاران نفر ایرانی‌ در سنین پیری بوده‌ام. کسانی که با داشتن امکانات مالی، پدر و مادر خود را به خارج بردند و تا موقع مرگ از آنها نگهداری کردند، یا با گرفتن پرستار، خدمتکار و سرکشی به آنها وظیفه خود را ادا کردند، تا کسانی‌ که دوران پیری را در تنهائی‌ و مریضی گذراندند زیرا فرزند آنها در انقلاب یا جنگ کشته شده بود، و یا بدلیل سیاسی یا مالی قادر به دیدار و نگهداری آنها نبود. 

یک مورد نمونه حمید بود که پدرش را در کودکی از دست داد و مادرش او و دو خواهرش را با سختی بزرگ کرد. خواهرها در جوانی ازدواج کردند و حمید در نیروی هوایی ثبت نام کرد. دوران دانشجویی را با موفقیت گذارند و بدلیل امتیاز بالا او را جزو خلبانان مخصوص شاه انتخاب کردند، اگر چه شاه خودش خلبان بود. حمید عادت داشت که صبح زود از خواب بلند شده، به منزل مادر برود و مادر پیرش را در توالت رفتن، شستشو و صبحانه درست کردن کمک کند و سپس سر کار خودش برود حتا بعد از ازدواج. خدمتکاری هم گرفته بود که روزی چند ساعت به مادرش کمک کند. بعد از انقلاب حمید را به دلیل خلبانی‌ شاه به زندان انداختند، و خانواده او به مادر پیرش که بیش از نود سال داشت گفتند که او به خارج رفته است.

به مادرش که سراغ او را گرفته و میپرسید چرا تلفن نمیزند میگفتند او تحت تعقیب است و تلفنها را کنترل میکنند. حمید چند سالی‌ در زندان بود و پس از آزادی به دلیل قطع حقوق کاری در یک شرکت شروع کرد و دوباره صبح زود به دیدار مادر و کمک به او میرفت ولی‌ دیگر مثل سابق تمرکز حوا س نداشت. یکروز از کار به خانمش تلفن زد و گفت هوس عدس پلو با خرما و کشمش کرده، و خانمش گفت تا آمدن او درست خواهد کرد، غروب حمید از ساختمان کاری بیرون آمد بطرف ماشینش رفت و در ماشین را باز کرد، ولی‌ قبل از سوار شدن ماشینی با راننده ائ‌ که تصدیق نداشت و با سرعت رانندگی‌ میکرد به او زد و از رویش ردّ شد  و او را کشت.

به مادرش که حالا بیش از صد سال داشت گفتند که دوباره مجبور شده فرار کند! و چون خواهرها هم هر کدام مریض و ناتوان شده بودند ناچار مادر را در خانه سالمندان گذاشتند و او تا زمان مرگ منتظر حمید بود. برایش شعر میخواند و دعا میکرد که زودتر برگردد!

Thank you friends.

Faramarz jaan what you described as discussions with elderly relatives I've been having that with my family for years.  This is differemt.  This is about round the clock care and what they say and do when they are not in a party and all alone in their home and how they'd like to be treated and how they may be treated.

Anyway, I wish you'd all write your own blogs so we could discuss it more and share our views and experiences.  We are truly turning  a page and a generation is making way for another one.

Everything is sacred

Welcome back Esfand Jaan and Faramarz is right

Esfand Jaan, welcome back. This is a very important issue that you are writing about. Faramarz has a good comment, I mean quality of life and everything. I don't know about the last sentence but I totally agree with this part:"When your elders are far away, you have one set of issues, mainly guilt and when they are nearby, you have another set, the reality of their pains, aging, etc. The modern medicine is also a double-edged sword. While the old people can reduce the pains and fix some problems, the rest of their bodies age as it was meant and you have the mixed quality of life."

Thanks Esfand jan for your invitation. I may write on this thread more later on, but for now I wanted to thank you for this invitation and also for writing your other blog which is your personal experience. Thanks to Faramarz also for his comment.

Esfand Jaan, Welcome Back!

You raise a very important issue for many of us, the Kids of pre-Islamic Republic of Iran.

I try to spend as much quality time as I can with my own elderly relatives and those of my close friends. They always have interesting things to say, and then they talk about their challenges and their pains, and how they cannot open the jar or can no longer drive safely.

When your elders are far away, you have one set of issues, mainly guilt and when they are nearby, you have another set, the reality of their pains, aging, etc. The modern medicine is also a double-edged sword. While the old people can reduce the pains and fix some problems, the rest of their bodies age as it was meant and you have the mixed quality of life.

You know, sometimes I miss the good old days when people just passed away in their 60’s and 70’s when they still had everything together.

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Aria

In my case it is not about the emotional unbilical cord and being "needy".  Certainly not for me, perhaps that can be said about the elderly parent who really "need" someone to care for them.

My intent is to find out from others how to best help in these cases.  How have people adjusted in their experiences.  I agree with you that there is comfort in being able to take care of your elderly parent. 

Everything is sacred

....

Watching their gradual physical and emotional decline is not easy.   The child, regardless of age, always wants to see that strong and caring father or mother to remain immortal, but at some point the reality overrides the denial.

 Once you understand and realize their decline, and commit to taking care of them - however emotionally and logistically difficult it may be - something inside you transforms.   The helpless child becomes empowered, cutting off her/his "needy" umbilical cord – the joy of taking care of those who have taken care of you has amazing effects on one’s heart and soul.

Yes

Everything is sacred

Esfand

Nice blog photos, yours?

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IRAN FIRST

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