Iran’s new search engine Askali

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Iran’s new search engine Askali
by divaneh
13-Oct-2012
 

I was recently asked by the Iran’s Ministry of Information to examine and review the Iran’s new search engine Askali (ع) . Putting aside the long delays in getting results, the search engine performed in par with its Western counterparts such as searchallah.com and iAmaSearchEngineHonest.com. Based on our tests I recommend the use of Askali (ع) to all those who are fed up with the Zionist controlled search engines.  Iran’s spanking new search engine uses only national and Islamic resources to provide Halal results and benefits from extensive recording facility that allows all searches to be recorded for the future use. Here for example is a log showing the search activity of one user. The lines starting by a hyphen are the results returned by the Askali (ع).

Political Prisoners

-The search found no results

Astronomy

- Found 2637687 results about “Imam Jafar Sadegh”

Jewism

- Found 5465787656 results about “Zionism”

USA

- Did you mean “Down with USA” ?

Cancer research

- Found 8793307 results about “Imam Jafar Sadegh”

Israel

- Found 65768934345465788690595060767 results about “Palestine”

Productivity

- It is now time for the morning prayer. Go pray and come back in 30 minutes.

Thermodynamics

- Found 584356768 results about “Imam Jafar Sadegh”

Distant learning

- Are you a Bahai?

Women

- Found 76234545 results about “property”

Chicken to buy

- The search found no results

Nanotechnology

- Found 2154672 results about Imam Jafar Sadegh

Freedom

- Search was prohibited by national security filter.

Breast implants

- Found 6573487 pair of results  ;-)

Nose job

- Found 80,000,023 results about Iran’s nose problem

Penis enlargement

- Found  91453675 results about Imam Jafar Sadegh

Black market currency to buy

- How much do you want?

Porn sites

- Found 867978543 results about Astaan Ghods Razavi

Efficiency

- It is now time for the noon prayer. Go pray and come back in 30 minutes.

Nuclear enrichment

- Found 2154672 results about eating sugar.

 Can I have sex with a donkey?

- Is it your donkey?

Can I have sex with my own donkey?

- Male or female donkey?

Can I have sex with my own male donkey?

- Found  657839832 results about Hawza Elmiyeh

Iran’s economy

- What a nice weather!

Iran’s GDP

- It is now time for the afternoon prayer. Go pray and come back in 30 minutes.

Rial exchange rate

- The search engine has encountered a problem. System overload, insufficient memory.

Human Rights in Iran

- The search found no results

Men women Rights

- Did you mean “Men ---- Women” ?

Iran Human Rights

- Did you mean “No right, No Left, Islamic Republic”?

Human Rights

- The search found no results

Why no results for Human Rights?

- It is now time for the evening prayer. Go pray and come back in 30 minutes.

I want an answer, Human Rights Iran

- The search found no results

Damn it, Human Rights democracy Iran

- Did you hear the bell? Please open the door for security brothers who want to ask you a few questions. Goodbye.

 
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more from divaneh
 
divaneh

Thanks...

by divaneh on Mon Oct 15, 2012 06:27 PM PDT

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Dear Roozbeh,

Thanks for your kind comment. National internet and its search engine will be another failure in the string of failures of this regime.

Mehrban jaan,

Thanks for your warm encouragement. As your search results show, evidently the people who programmed this search engine follow the same ideology as the IRI supporters on this site.

All-Iranians Geraami,

Thanks for reading. As you see the results returned by this search engine are extremely reliable.

Dear Dr. Mohandes

Thanks for your generous comment. Your mental statement is very similar to what goes inside my mind when people give me bad looks. I hope Molas fall and people live a little soon.


  •  
Dr. Mohandes

Divaneh jan

by Dr. Mohandes on Sun Oct 14, 2012 08:59 PM PDT

This was a masterpiece.

I have started to spread the word here in tehran and despite a few "dirty looks" shall we call it that i get here and there, to which i always make a mental statement of "ahh ...f...you all... get a life and live a little" i think the reaction has been ok!

 


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All-Iranians

Jenab-e Divaneh

by All-Iranians on Sun Oct 14, 2012 05:14 PM PDT

All-Iranians also used this amazing and excellent search engine. When asked "Activities for Human Rights?" the result was "Zendan- Evin, for life"!!! 


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Mehrban

Divaneh jaan, this is brilliant!

by Mehrban on Sun Oct 14, 2012 03:56 PM PDT

Thanks for introducing me to this search engine.  I actually used it and searched for "Democracy".  The result was,  ......

- don't be a soosool.


  •  
Roozbeh_Gilani

:)

by Roozbeh_Gilani on Sun Oct 14, 2012 09:13 AM PDT

Great one, as always dear Divaneh! 

But seriously, I doubt if more than a few thousand aghazaadehs and seriously mentaly disturbed would ever bother using a search engine sponsored by these bunch of banckrupted wanabe Islamo_Fascists!

"Personal business must yield to collective interest."


  •  
divaneh

Dear Friends

by divaneh on Sat Oct 13, 2012 06:05 PM PDT

Thanks for reading and your kind comments.

Shazde Jaan,

I am glad that Askali had won you over too. I could see in the logs that Askali was very good with providing hygiene advice and your searches proved that.

Dear Vildemose,

Thanks for including the Friday's Imam advice and the Khorsandi's poem. 26% of Iranian girls are virgin? Opium is making Iranian men useless

Dear radius-of-the-persian-cat,

Yes it offers ads indeed. However given the state of the Iran's economy, at the present there is not ad for physical goods. There are already ads for temporary wives, healing prayers, magic spells and these types of things.

 

 


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vildemose

This is what I found using Askali under Women's rights

by vildemose on Sat Oct 13, 2012 04:22 PM PDT

 امام جمعه اصفهان گفته، ۷۴ درصد از دختران ما باکره نیستند.

 


 

امام جمعه اصفهان گفته است ۷۴درصد دختران ما باکره نيستند!
سروده ای از هادی خرسندی
بکارت
الا ای شيخ جويای بکارت
به لای پای دخترها چه کارت؟
...
تو فرمودی بکارت ها که پاره-‌ست
دقيقاً درصدش هفتاد و چارست

ببينم از کجا آوردی آمار؟
ز جمع آشنايان يا ز اغيار؟

شمارش را به ديگر کس سپردی
و يا خود رفتی از داخل شمردی؟!

بله؟ از روی حدس است و گمانه؟
عجب حدسی! دقيق و ماهرانه

اگر حدس و اگر آن را شنفتی
چرا زان بيست و شش درصد نگفتی؟
https://www.facebook.com/#!/dahe50

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir


  •  
radius-of-the-persian-cat

Brilliant

by radius-of-the-persian-cat on Sat Oct 13, 2012 01:35 PM PDT

Great news, thanks a lot. Will AskAli also offer AskAliAds to earn some money with Adverts ?


  •  
vildemose

Pricleless. This should be

by vildemose on Sat Oct 13, 2012 12:14 PM PDT

Pricleless. This should be featured..Thank you divaneh jon and welcome back again.

 

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir


  •  
Shazde Asdola Mirza

AskAli will outrank Google soon

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on Sat Oct 13, 2012 11:56 AM PDT

Allah Akbar ... Allah Akbar ... Allah Akbar

Marg br Amrika- Marg br Esrael- Marg br zde Velayat Faghih

This is even a better search engine than the one Soviets created, called AskLenin ... mashaallah!

I AskAlied the following terms.

Imam: please wash your hands after usage.

Khamenei: refer to Imam.

Rafsanjani: I said, wash your hands!


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