New Wall Street Terminologies


New Wall Street Terminologies
by capt_ayhab

With the recession eating into life savings of many, Wall Street is diligently at work to restructure and gain some of its dignity back. In this pursuit, here are some of the new terminologies will be used............. Have Fun


CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET = A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET = A 6- to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING = The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO = The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER = What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR = Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST = The idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT = When your ex -wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION = The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW = The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO = What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS = What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR = Past-year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT = an archaic word no longer in use. 

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today.

If you had purchased $1,000 worth of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But -- if you purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg.


Recently by capt_ayhabCommentsDate
Grandeur of Kiani Crown.
May 07, 2010
Happy Mothers Day
May 07, 2010
Why Do I Think the Military Strike on Iran is Imminent!
May 06, 2010
more from capt_ayhab


by capt_ayhab on

Didn't know that one needs to have a source to post a joke. But chasham, az dafe dige....................

capt_ayhab [-YT]

I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek

Music to my communist marxist islamist ears!

by I Have a Crush on Alex Trebek on

grassy ass.

Multiple Personality Disorder

Very funny

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

but other than the introduction the rest of it needs a source, or source unknown.

anonymous fish

damet garm!!!

by anonymous fish on

the best thing i've read all day.  all week.  hell, all year.