Capt Ayhab

Wendy Atterberry of TheFrisky

1. Apply Full Make-Up

Okay, look. Refreshing your lip gloss after a meal is one thing, but putting your whole face on while riding the bus or subway (where no one should do any proposing!) is so not cool. Set your alarm ten minutes earlier, and do your makeup before you leave your apartment. A woman has to retain a little mystique, you know.

2. Adjust Your Skimpy Underwear

If it’s so uncomfortable in the first place that you have to go digging in places you really shouldn’t, maybe it’s time to switch to underwear with a little more coverage, hmm?

3. Sit Cross-Legged While Wearing a Skirt

Just don’t.

4. Show Off Your Midriff

I don’t care if you’ve got washboard abs, if you could bounce a quarter of your belly, or if you’re only sixteen. Unless you’re on the beach, at the pool, or working for tips, no one, I mean no one, should be running around with an exposed midriff. It’s just not classy.

5. Talk on Your Phone in a Public Bathroom or Dressing Room

Bathrooms and dressing rooms are sort of like Vegas. What happens in them should stay in them, and you with your phone broadcasting every sound to God knows who and subjecting the rest of us to some inane conversation that can absolutely wait until you no longer have your pants around the ankles is not honoring that sacred code.

6. Ask Your Partner or Spouse If They Love You

It’s uncomfortable for them; it’s uncomfortable for us. Save your strange pillow talk for when you’re horizontal.

7. Tweeze Errant Hairs or Pop a Pimple

While I understand the temptation of removing any evidence that you’re less than perfect, doing so in public not only underscores your imperfections, it makes you look, well, kinda nasty.

8. Criticize Your Partner or Spouse

Sure, they may deserve it—especially if they’re treating a waitress like crap or ogling other people, but there’s a time and a place for everything, and in public when everyone can hear your private conversation is not it.

9. Adjust the Girls

We’ve all been there before: a breast slips below your underwire or heads too closely to your armpit, but until you find a private spot, resist the urge to reach into your bra and readjust.

10. Pee All Over the Toilet Seat

If you do happen to have bad aim, remember the old adage: If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat!