روح یک یادداشت خودکشی


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روح یک یادداشت خودکشی
by Azadeh Azad
07-Oct-2012
 

لحظه ها طولانی

طولانی و دردناکند

در گسستگی های بیگانه

زندگی مانده ام

 

 

موسیقی زمستان می نوازد

پشت پنجره کوچک

یخ زده ام

 

 

خدا نیست

روح فرضیه ای ست

و من معنای خود را

نمی دانم

 

 

پرتاب شده به سوئی

فراتر از دریا ها

زیرپا چیزی ندارم

ونه محرم رازی

و چهره مردمان
و ساختمان ها

همه صاف و مسطح اند

 

 

 

می چش ام سایه ها را

اندوه و تاریکی را

نبودن ماه را

ساختمان های بلند سیاه را

موسیقی خشمناک دور را

و عمق پوچی ام را

 

 

 

زیر گرفتگی خورشید

روح جانوران وحشی

میدوند پی ی پروانه ها

و زندگی من

به هیچ چیز

وابسته نیست

 

 

 

پایم به جائی نمیرسد

من ایستاده ام

بالای
یک آه

 

 

 

در این شامگاه

من اینجا می میرم

مکانی که هیچ

معنائی ندارد

پنت هاوس

ساختمانی بلند

در قلب

شهری بزرگ

در کشوری

بیگانه!

 

 

 

آزاده آزاد©


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more from Azadeh Azad
 
Arj

Silent cinema

by Arj on

Dear AA, you've got a valid point there. Indeed, silent movies were expressionist by nature, for most part due to their being more of a restricted medium, than talkies due to their lack of sound. Another reason may be that they had to bridge the old media (stage/live performance such as theatre) that were/are more dramatic in nature, to that of the modern media that communicate through various screens (hence the need to appear more realistic)!

P.S. I did study film history, though not as a major. I could never be a film historian since I can't focus on such a narrow subject for too long, hence get bored out of my mind -- I found that there's just not enough material there to maintain a life long interest to me!!!

 


Azadeh Azad

Hi Arj

by Azadeh Azad on

Thanks. I love Citizen Kane, but my favourite of all the film noir is "The Third Man". Can watch it thousand of times and listen to its music for eternity :-).

Have you studied literature and/or history of film?

Cheers,

Azadeh

Ps. Other films come to my mind:Battleship Potemkin (1925) and Metropolis (27). Because they were silent films, they had to be more expressive. isn't it?

Pps. I will be writing on Iroon.com from now on.


Arj

Re film noir

by Arj on

Dear AA, I know... first thing that pops in one's mind by the mention of 'film noir' would be the works by the likes of Godard or even Bergman, for Hollywood would seem an unlikely bedrock for the genre at first. But, Hollywood was were it all began when European filmmakers, writers and cinematographers, who fled the chaos of WWII Europe for the safety of Hollywood, brought with them the concept of Expressionist cinema which coupled with the cynicism of the American depression era, gave birth to a new detective genre khown as Film Noir. 

Indeed, it was repatriated and uncommercialized later-on by the New Wave European filmmakers. But even to this day, the genre has persisted an existence albeit through other genres such as western, romance, comedy or even musicals! Most Humphrey Bogart's films fall in that category, as well as classics like Citizen Kane, Gun Fighter, China Town, Raging Bull, Pulp Fiction...

P.S. Thank you for putting your trust in me to critique your literary work, for as I said, I'm not a poetry person. Yet for what it's worth, I'll be happy to oblige!

P.P.S. Re Brecht, although the likes of him and Dostoevsky are too big to be pigeonholed in a particular genre, nonetheless, they influenced and were influenced by the Expressionist movement. I hold our own Gholamhossein Saedi (my personal opinion) in that light too. 


Azadeh Azad

Very interesting

by Azadeh Azad on

Dear Arj,

Thank you so much for the explanation. All those writers influenced by expressionism. So very interesting. I can easily think of Poe and Kafka as expressionist, but Brecht? Maybe, I haven't read him for such a long time and only remember his Mere courage.

Funny that I cannot think of Americans making film noir, which is quite European in my mind (I'm often biased in favour of Europeans :-)).

Your few lines has enticed this eternal student to take a couple of courses at university on different styles and schools in literature. Yes! And I appreciate if you continue giving me your feedback.... at least once in a while. Thanks again.

Cheers,

Azadeh


Arj

Re expressionism

by Arj on

Dear AA, expressionism goes byond the realm of its German circle. Indeed, since it's inception, it has had a sort of symbiotic relationship with all forms of arts. In literature, it has influenced and been influenced by the likes of Poe, Brecht, Kafka, Miller, O'neil, and even our own Hedayat. It has also found it's way into the modern American art forms such as film noir or even in commercial novels of the likes of Stephen King! 


Azadeh Azad

Beloved "Feshangi"

by Azadeh Azad on

What a pleasant surprise. Thank you so much for your kind comment. I hope you'll stay here as the civilized counterpart of the noisy neandethals. Welcome back.

Cheers,

Azadeh 


Feshangi

Azadeh jan

by Feshangi on

Thank you for sharing this deep and hearfelt poem. 

 

Feshangi


Azadeh Azad

Dear Arj

by Azadeh Azad on

Thank you very much for your well-thought comment. The strongest clue that you noticed and confirms the poem cannot have been written these days, is the fact that only in the Eastern provinces of Canada, especially in Montreal where I have lived in the past, one can have “icy windows”. Here on Vancouver Island, we are blessed with an *almost* eternal spring! However, the genuine concern of my female friends deeply warmed my heart.

Regarding the style, I too love the expressionist movement among several others. The Scream of Edvard Munch comes to my mind in the art, but I can't think of any famous expressionist poet. Maybe because they were mostly German.

I am experimenting with varieties of styles and would probably never settle for one particular type, as it would be too conventional for me :-).

Cheers,

Azadeh


Arj

Dark, yet powerful!

by Arj on

Thank you Ms. Azad for posting the beautiful poem. It's so powerful that the reader can't help but take the words literally! I'm not much of a poetry person, but I am a big fan of the expressionist movement, and this is reminiscent of the expressionist poetry to me. 

P.S. I knew it was rather an artistic expression than one of personal sentiments as soon as I finished reading. The mention of "frosty window" and the "sound of winter" as well as the copyright signage at the signature were the give away!!! All the best


Azadeh Azad

Merban Jaan

by Azadeh Azad on

The last paragraph was obviously NOT about you! I 'm writing back again because I don't want any miunderstnding between us.

Cheers,

Azadeh


Mehrban

Azadeh jaan, now that is unfair

by Mehrban on

on a number of levels and I will leave it at that.  


Shazde Asdola Mirza

me, I'm just glad that you are fine

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

The solidarity of blacks, is just a myth. They treat each other worse than the whites.


Azadeh Azad

Mehrban jan

by Azadeh Azad on

I respect your opinion, but don't agree with it at all. And let me open m,y mouth and say When these types of lumpens were humiliating me, you and Vildemose were nowhere. You know, the same way that Black Amedricans feel some kind of solidaritywith eaxch other, the same way women should have a minimum of solidarity and empathy with each other and towards women who are mistreated by thugs. Iranian women abroad are exacdtly like the blacks of 1950's or 1940's as I have read about them.I am saddened that for you misogyny is sometimes Ok, i.e.,  when you like the person who loves to degrade women.

In sum, I don't appreciate the cunning way of complementin mg my poem in order to better bash me.This is what lumpens do, andpeople with inferiority complex.

 

Azadeh

 


Mehrban

Okay there I go again when I should keep my mouth shut

by Mehrban on

I have to say that it is very nice of Shazdeh to show up here and genuinely express his concern for you Azadeh jaan.   From what I understand of Shazdeh from the lines of IC he is just that kind of a guy.   One of the more layered and complex personalities of our corner of the cyber space.  

Best to you both and dear Vildemose too. 


Azadeh Azad

Dear Mehrban &Vildemose

by Azadeh Azad on

Thank you so much for your heartfelt concern and especially your wise words, which I hope is read by those whose state of mind is similar to the spirit of the poem.

I first wrote this poem in English and in 1989. I published it here in 2008:

http://iranian.com/main/blog/azadeh-azad/ghost...

While a mild existential depression has always followed me faithfully like a shadow, I did not write this while depressed. In fact, I cannot write about a state of mind while experiencing it.

While living in Montreal, I met several very young Iranian female and male refugees who were extremely depressed and did not know how to deal with it. When I passed the poem to them, they loved it and felt relieved! Yes, relieved because they no more felt alone. One of the girls told me excitedly: “How do you know that?” The positive and hopeful reaction of these individual was most unexpected to me. And when I published it on this site in 2008, again I received a couple of emails thanking me for writing what they so much identified with. Human psyche is most complicated, and I believe this complexity allows one to draw energy from it and heal oneself.

This said, I believe that unlike depression, envy and jealousy that some people carry within themselves can hardly be healed as they are based on a deep-seated inferiority complex, which itself is based on the fact of not having succeeded in becoming either a pharmacist or a physician. I know this because
they have written about the first grade students going yo the anatomy class, while in reality the first graders in the faculty of pharmacology or the faculty of medicine never ever go to an anatomy class, period. Only the 3rd grade medical students can go there and dissect a corpse. So, my intuition tells me that being a footboy in the ministry of health under the Shah has been the maximum level that some ambitious people have arrived.

Anyway, dear Mehrban and Vildemose, I’m enjoying the beautiful autumn on my gorgeous island, and wish you a wonderful season as well, despite the horrors of Syria.

Love,

Azadeh


vildemose

'Essential aloness' is for everyone not just you

by vildemose on

Azadeh jon: Add my concern to Mehraban's and Shazdeh. You are not alone. You are courageous for reaching out. Suicide is not the answer.

 I understand. I've been there, but unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your viewpoint) wishing for it won't make it so.

 So, whether we like it or not we have to keep on keeping on. And we can do that with a heavy heart or with gratitude.  Why have you given up? Of course life is crappy, but it is also beautiful.

There are people who are off course and seem mean and unkind, but there are so many who are loving and honest. My mantra is Accept What Is. Acceptance is key. The only thing we can change is our own thinking, our own attitude. If you can't do that by yourself, ask someone for help. I love you, my friend.

http://www.messagefrommasters.com/Spiritual_Quotes/Osho/osho_aloneness_quotes1.htm

All Oppression Creates a State of War--Simone De Beauvoir


Mehrban

Dear Azadeh

by Mehrban on

I also hope that this poem is not autobiographical and just an autumnal mood depicted.  I am a fan and  a friend and for whatever this cyber space is worth, you are not alone and many of us wait for and read your blogs and articles, and very much appreciate your unwavering stances.  

As you can see EVEN :) Shazdeh is clearly and genuinely concerned about you.  You are a gem and have many many friends on this site alone.  And about a foreign land (in your last verse), one of my relatives once , said to me that for miles there was not a single person he could have a satisfying conversation with,  and he lived in his own home country of Iran.

Many kisses, be well and know that we deeply care about you and will be very hurt and if anything bad happened to you.   


Shazde Asdola Mirza

very beautiful ... very sad ... very autumnal

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

از خدا پوشیده نیست، و از شما هم پوشیده نباشد، که بنده علاقه چندانی به سرکار خانم آزاد نداشته و ندارم.

نوشته‌جات عریض و طویل ایشان را که مداوای مرض بی‌ خوابیست، کسل کننده می‌یابم و اصرار ایشان به "چنین و چنان" بودن را خود بزرگ بینانه.

اما از تعریف و تعارف گذشته، امیدوارم که حالشان بر سبیل این شعر زیبا نباشد ... بلکه بر سنّت هنرمندان؛ تنها این افسردگی پائیزی را اسباب زایش زیبایی می‌دارند، و خشت و سنگ ساختمان ادبی‌.