Excerpts from Encyclopedia Skeptica:

Ari Siletz
by Ari Siletz

Baseej: Scientific name homo troglodytes. A domesticated animal trained to attack anything green.

Noon Khamenei: A pastry in the shape of a ballot box, stuffed with imitation whipped cream.

Evin Prison: An educational institution where Iran gathers its top intellectuals.

Tehran University: A correctional facility where Iran imprisons its best young minds.

Flag: A badly designed ship sail, which flails wildly on the mast when the wind blows, but never propels the ship anywhere.

Shir O Khorshid: A carnivore active during sunrise with an opposable thumb on the right front paw capable of gripping objects such as sticks and swords.

Allah: A mathematical symbol denoting a kind of zero that isn’t even useful as a number.

Democracy: In the toilet of politics, this is a system of government akin to a public facility.

Dictatorship: A system of government where only one person has the right to use the toilet.

Monarchy: A dictatorship where the future rights to the toilet belongs to the son of the current rights holder.

Constitutional monarchy: A system of government where the monarch lets the public use his toilet.

Patriotism: A medical condition where the patient is emotionally unable to distinguish between one countryman and another.

Factionalism: A medical condition where the patient views every countryman who disagrees with him as a foreigner.

Freedom: A state of affairs where there’s only oneself to blame.


The above is total nonsense.


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Ari Khan

by capt_ayhab on

Love it man, excellent work buddy.

But I think Baseej definition should say: Baseej: Scientific name homo troglodytes. A domesticated animal trained to attack anything HUMAN.




Ari Jaan

by ramintork on

True, tragic and Funny all at the same.




by desi on


Very creative. 

Theocracy: A form of government where an imaginary friend is recognized as the supreme civil ruler.  These imaginary friends' laws being interpreted by group of un evolved simians.  


Darius Kadivar

LOL ;0)

by Darius Kadivar on

Ari Jaan,

Now THAT Was a Good One ! ;0)



Ari Siletz


by Ari Siletz on

In the current context, I would offer the idiomatic transliteration, "Which is worse, constipation or diarrhea."

hamsade ghadimi

very clever ari

by hamsade ghadimi on

may i add another entry to your encyclopedia:

revolutionary guard: adult diaper worn by the clergy who claim the revolution was islamic

Farah Rusta

Republic and more ...

by Farah Rusta on

Republic: a system of government in which a national public toilet is elected to represent the domestic toilets every four years.The winner toilet is decided by the volume of night soils passed through it.

Islamic Republic: same as a republican system of government except that the winner must be a sqaut toilet.

Reformist: one who advocates the use of a hose instead of an aftabeh in the squat toilets. 

Green Revolution:a populist movement seeking the constitutional abolishment of aftabeh in favor of a plastic hose (preferably colored green) but within the confines of the same squat toilets.


Darius Kadivar

Brilliant ;0)

by Darius Kadivar on

Pas Mal My Friend but I did not see the definition of a Republic in your list ?

May I suggest A French Analogy, although not sure how to translate it idiomatically:

"Si La Monarchie C'est 'Ferme Ta Gueule' , La Republique c'est 'Cause Toujours !' ...' "

Cheers My Friend,


Jahanshah Javid


by Jahanshah Javid on

Brilllliant. Loved it!

Ari Siletz


by Ari Siletz on

Qesas. LOL!

Iranians in the Diaspora ask how we can help. Actually we can help in an important way. Since we've lived in democracies, we know what filthy business democracy can be--media that can be bribed, vomitous alliances just to get a law passed, foreign influence in the senate, for God's sake even election fraud. But as that dastardly rake Winston Churchill famously said, "Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." We in the diaspora can help by constantly reminding the protesting coalitions not to be turned off too quickly by the realities of democracy (again) to give it up for another dictatorship. As with a public toilet, democracy stinks, and its walls are covered with obscenities, but it is infintiely preferable to holding it in forever. Of course, they know that; but we know it better. Been there, done that.

Nazy Kaviani

Not nonesense at all!

by Nazy Kaviani on

Very funny, indeed! If I may add, and following your other definitions,

Freedom: a state of affairs where one can use his/her own toilet whenever and however he chooses to do so, without fear of access interruption, persecution, or retribution (Qesas).

ebi amirhosseini

Ari jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on



Ebi aka Haaji