Sic Semper Tyrannis
Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings.
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Let's Meet A Half Iranian Genius
10-Nov-2011
Allow me to introduce you to Lady Laleh Bakhtiar, a half Iranian Catholic convert to Islam. Since her conversion, Ms. Bakhtiar has devoted her life to putting lipstick on the pig that is yet another piece of trash Abrahamic religion called Islam. She has taken it upon herself to reinterpret Islam based on what she learned from her master teacher--and Kenney Rogers look alike-- Seyyed Hossein Nasr. She even has a website called The Sublime Quran to which Sublime denies any connection as he does not practice any religion, not even Santeria. She also has a book by the same name that is featured on the site. The book is a lovy dovy translation of the Quran, and is decorated with flowery patterns to calm the reader, and to take away the resulting psychotic urges that arise whenever one reads a violent, blood and gore text such the Quran or the Hebrew Old Testament—kind of like pink paint on the walls of a mental asylum for the criminally insane.
But Ms. Bakhtiar’s most important accomplishment is in the area of bullshit acrobatics, where she has managed to find a way to manipulate the words of the master bullshitter--Prophet Mohamad--himself which direct the faithful to physically hit women who do not obey their husbands, brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, nephews, sugar daddies, baby daddies, male neighbors or generally, any other male that happens to walk by their homes. Indeed, she has managed, after years of “research” to “discover” that the Quran really doesn’t mean what it says in plain language, and doesn’t say that one needs to beat a woman who doesn’t straighten her act after a “stern” warning. According to Ms. Bakhtiar, what the Quran really says is that one should just “abandon” the woman. That’s right folks—every single Arab Muslim scholar for the past 1400 years has been wrong. They should have all just waited for a half American, half Iranian, American born ex-Catholic woman, who only studied Arabic for three years, to enlighten them about the meaning of the Quran from the comfort of her Chicago office. That should go over really well with these guys.
Upon hearing Ms. Bakhtiar’s interpretation of the Quranic verse, leaders of the Muslim world collectively responded by saying “whatcha talking about crazy woman?” The leaders then made a referral of Ms. Bakhtiar’s case to the Islamic Society of North America (“ISNA”)[1], where that organization’s Canada chief, Mohammad Ashraf, seen here showing the size of his engorged penis[2], issued a declaration saying this about her new translation of the Quran: “[o]ur bookstore would not allow this kind of translation…[T]his woman-friendly translation will be out of line and will not fly too far.” (He actually said that! I’m not making it up. See the link.)
Reactions to Ms. Bakhtiar’s book have been mixed in other parts of the Muslim world. In the UAE, Chief Justice Falah Al Hajeri, the author of this beautifully written, landmark legal opinion said[3] “obviously this half witted woman needs some sense beaten into her by her husband. Does she have a husband?” In response to Justice Al Hajeri’s question, Molana Abu Baker Khan, the head of Afghanistan’s Department of Women’s Affairs, seen here in performance of his official duties, said “we have a brother here who can marry this Zaeefeh. She is a bit old, though. We usually like them younger, around nine-ish younger, but this brother’s legs were shot off by American Marines when he was doing ‘jihad fi sabil allah,’ so his options are limited, and she should do.” In Iran, head of the renowned Hozeyeh Elmiyeh Ghom, Ayatollah Haj Seyyed Chaker Hossein Noor Aabadi commented by saying “I believe this Zaeefeh may have some valid points, but she should nonetheless be stoned to death, as any reinterpretation of the Quran is considered blasphemy under Sharia law. Plus, she’s a woman…I mean…as they say in America: come on.”
Lastly, reached for a comment under an onion cart in a Karachi open air market where she had blown herself up the day before, the severed head of a female suicide bomber stated “Ms. Bakhtiar is correct. As a Muslim woman, I have all the rights of my male brothers. Even though I only count as a half witness and secondary to my son and my brother in law for inheritance purposes, just like any brother, I can be ordered to blow myself up in a crowded market by any great Muslim leader such as brother Osama Bin Laden, brother Hassan Nasrollah, brother Ali Khamenei or brother Khaled Mashaal. They can order me anytime from their home or office after they finish their ample lunch.” She then added “is it cold in here? I feel a bit chilly from neck down.”
Ms. Bakhtiar’s next book is entitled ‘The Earth IS Flat.’ It will be in bookstores in March, 2012.[4]
[1] No such “referral.”
[2] Not really showing the size of his penis. :-)
[3] Fake quote. Real legal opinion though. Check out the link.
[4] Not true. No such book.
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About Seyyed Hossein Nasr
by anglophile on Mon Nov 14, 2011 08:28 AM PSTDear TS-9
by Anonymous Observer on Sun Nov 13, 2011 04:25 PM PSTI'm just glad that I don't live in a Muslim country. Otherwise, I would have been lynched a LONG time ago. Ironically, so would have Ms. Bakhtiar if she lived in one of those Muslim utopias. Just like when her instructor, Mr. Nasr, came within a hair of being lynched in Iran after he presented his views on Islam (as Fesenjoon pointed out below).
Be good my friend!
PS- While I do not believe that Anglophile was referring to you, I am sure that at some point you will certainly be accused of being another username for me by the ommat-e hezebollah--just like a lot of other people who have agreed with me have been so accused. If that ever happens, please make sure to let me know so that I can send you an invitation for our next meeting:
//iranian.com/main/blog/anonymous-observer/notice-meeting
PSS- my condolences to Wahid for being once again blocked. I'm sure he will return as a new username just in time for my next blog!
Brothers Hooshang and Only Iran
by salman farsi on Sun Nov 13, 2011 04:25 AM PSTHooshang
You use the word masturbation with such ease and without much effort which shows the high degree of your expertise in this very elastic subject. I advise you to refrain from practicing this ugly habit and concentrate on rasing a family.
Only Iran
So you are a Bahaii too. Aren't you Bahais supposed not to practice taghieh? What are you afraid of brother?
For an Islamic democracy
Onlyiran
by Anti-War111 on Sat Nov 12, 2011 08:01 PM PSTWhen your leaders in Haifa, Wilmette, Sydney and London are dragged in the courtrooms and all the evidence is laid out, we will see who the violent racists really are.
Raoul1955
by Anti-War111 on Sat Nov 12, 2011 07:59 PM PSTI am fluent in classical Arabic and hold a graduate degree from a major American university in the language. I have also lived and visited Islamic countries, and I say you are a racist hatemonger. Since we know you are an American and not an Iranian, is this faux pas of yours suggesting you may know Arabic also an admission that you may be part of the US military?
I'm Using My Real Name, Oon Yaroo
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 04:19 PM PSTAnd I don't support anyone, either.
Not the IRI, and not their opponents either.
None of them are worthy of my support.
Tiger Lilly
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 04:15 PM PSTEh, I spoke rather loosely.
But, I agree that the age of enlightenment never reached Iran.
You can see the effects of it among Iranians in general.
Over-obsessions with and danger of using real names!
by Oon Yaroo on Sat Nov 12, 2011 02:13 PM PSTJust look around you, no one uses their real names in the Internet news and political discussion groups!
All Internet news outfits such as Fox News, CNN, etc. don't require their clients or interactive participants use their real names!
Why should members of Iranian.com have to do it specially when they criticize IRR and in the face of 33 years of violence against the oppositions?
The repercussion of being exposed to and the risk of losing one's life by the IRR thugs are every reason why one should not use their real names.
On the other hand, there are a lot of supporters of IRR who do use their real names because they have nothing to be worried about and are not deterred or threatened by anybody!
That was so funny VPK - thanks
by anglophile on Sat Nov 12, 2011 01:45 PM PSTIf I were to sue for the number of times I was defamed on this site, I would have earned a fortune out of the awarded damages :)))
I concur
by Veiled Prophet of Khorasan on Sat Nov 12, 2011 01:07 PM PSTwith Anglo that it is impossible for a fake name to defame another fake. How is it possible to cause damage to a reputation of a fake person?
On the second thought. I suppose "Mikey Mouse" could be defamed. If that happens Disney may lose business. Therefore be able to collect damages. Therefore I retract any and all defamatory statements about Micky Mouse.
Wow, that was close not to mention I own Disney stock!
Oiy! JK and AO
by Tiger Lily on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:46 PM PSTI mentioned The Age of Enlightenment. I didn't say, 'enlightenment' on your blog, JK.
Can you elaborate Mr Ala?
by anglophile on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:35 PM PSTPeople Like Laleh Bakhtiar
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:20 PM PST... become lightning rods for criticism from both sides.
That's proof of the sanity of Iranian politics.
; )
soliloquising
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:17 PM PSTWith Anglophile showing up all the time, its hard to do that.
Personal attacks...
by Mohammad Ala on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:16 PM PSTSeveral people by using pseudo names keep attacking others. In my view, personal attacks are subject to defamation and definitely make the reader to ignore the comment or blogs in its entirety.
Keep agreeing with yourself kiddo :))
by anglophile on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:25 PM PSTAO jaan
by Truthseeker9 on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:07 PM PSTSome of them practice witchcraft, but if they stick pins into you, you can say:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWnzikqG1Rk
:)))
Yes, There Are Enlightened Iranians
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:05 PM PSTBut they are few, in my experience - and they have absolutely no recognition or standing among any group of Iranians.
Its Easy to Destroy a Culture
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:04 PM PSTI'm not for destroying Iranian culture.
The problems with destroying a culture are obvious by seeing examples of where it happened.
Morhping Iranian fanatical superstitious traditionalists into mindless shopping-addicted consumers of Western goods and entertainment is probably not an improvement.
Having an upper class in Iran that "modernized" by wearing Western dress and imitating Westerners without understanding them or their history is having one bunch of dehatis masquerading with new costumes in front of another.
good comment - with some limitation JK and TL
by Anonymous Observer on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:04 PM PSTI agree with Tiger Lily that the enlightenment didn't reach Iran - and therefor didn't reach Iranians, regardless of class or social standing.
I disagree a bit in that i believe they are enlightened Iranians, both inside and outside of Iran -- in all "classes." But we need mass enlightenment, and that will take at least a couple of more generations.
The West Went Through the Enlightenment
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:58 AM PSTThe fact that some Iranians wear blue jeans, and drive Mercedes Benz, and trash traditional superstitions doesn't mean that they are themselves enlightened.
I agree with Tiger Lily that the enlightenment didn't reach Iran - and therefor didn't reach Iranians, regardless of class or social standing.
Iran's Upper Class Are Dehatis in Disguise
by JahanKhalili on Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:52 AM PSTI don't know what their claim to being modern is supposed to be.
They watch Hollywood movies, and march in step with dumb consumers in the West, and repeat and mimick crap that's being popularized there as much as the fanatical superstitious people in Iran mimick the crap some cleric spews.
These people are imitators, just like the lower classes in Iran.
Other than that, I don't know what their claim to being "modern" is.
Anonymous Observer effigies for sale!!!!
by Anonymous Observer on Sat Nov 12, 2011 12:00 PM PSTFor burning at the next demonstrations in the streets of Pakistan. They come in various designs. You may order one with an Uncle Sam hat or wit a giant star of David painted on it. And they are pre-soaked in gasoline for quick flammability. Order your now before they're all gone!!!!
Dear OI
by Anonymous Observer on Sat Nov 12, 2011 11:24 AM PSTThese nit wits are the exact caricatures of an ignorant, intolerant Muslim that allow people like me to so easily ridicule. Think about it this way: they are the online version of the psychos who were burning Salman Rushdie's effigies in the streets of Pakistan and making movies of him that portrayed him as an Israeli agent. They are so backward and stupid that they believe that their religion is so perfect and fault free that ANYONE who criticizes it MUST be a Zionist or an Israeli. That's how stupid they are!
I learned a long time ago to ignore these morons, and actually gave Wahid the benefit of the doubt despite his bigotry and intolerance against a whole group of fellow Iranians. But I guess I was wrong. He's just another backward, unenlightened Karachi street level Muslim fanatic.
And they are even more stupid for calling me a Rush Limbaugh wannabe when I have deleted Fox News from my cable box (did it years ago), when my IP address is banned from The Fox News website (after I posted a humorous story about George Bush) in a comment section (true story), and have been.a Democrat all my life--even when these half wits were all George W, Bush voting Republicans! But what do you expect from a bunch of fanatics who are blinded by religious zeal and hatred?
AO - Don't bother yourself with these racist goons
by Onlyiran on Sat Nov 12, 2011 07:10 AM PST"Anti-War" wahid Azal, and his new found sidekick, "Salman" lunatics. I don't see your piece as islamophobic at all. In fact, Islam's biggest problem is people like these idiots who cannot stand the slightest criticism of the religion. Other religions are able to portray a positive image because they are more open to self-criticsim and criticsim in general. Islam, on the other hand, has become more and more intolerant in Muslim countries. But the saddest part is that these so-called Muslims who reside in the West, and who can be symbols of a more moderate, tolerant Islam are following the same form of intolerance and hysteria when confronted with the slightest criticism of the religion. They inflict more damage on the religion that you or anyone like you are capable of. And in Azal's case, this problem is more severe as he adds his brand of violent, anti-Bahai racism to the mix.
AO
by Raoul1955 on Sat Nov 12, 2011 05:58 AM PSTYou are welcome. I just read it again and laughed. I am still laughing...
I am seriously thinking of sharing this, including the referenced photos, with a few friends. :-) They deserve enjoying such a 'masterpiece.'
You are so right that many folks who have never lived in any islamic nation and know little Arabic believe that they know more about islam than the muslim scholars who speak Arabic and live in islamic nations.
To 'discover' the practical islam one has to observe how muslims behave in muslim-governed societies, and not by reading books and philosophizing about it!
Rea and Raoul
by Anonymous Observer on Sat Nov 12, 2011 05:49 AM PSTRaoul - Thanks for the kind words. I actually study animal bahavior in real life. That's why I can see where Salman and Anti-war111 come from! :-))
Rea: As I said before, and is implied in the blog--although the clowns personally attacking me here are too busy gouging their eyes out in blind hate and anger to see--I believe that her main obstacle is dealing with the established, male dominated Muslim scholarship. which is incidentally something that the detractors here are saying as well! So, it's kind of funny to see them attack me while they essentially agree with me. :-))
I do believe though that her approach is wrong. I don't think that she should maipulate the meaning of the verse. I think that she should say that yes, it does say what it does, but that was a meant for a different time, and we have since moved on. That's what Jews have done to explain away their violence and blood and gore filled text which is just as bad as the Quran. She will have much more credibility that way.
May Allah bless you brother Anti-War111
by salman farsi on Sat Nov 12, 2011 02:49 AM PSTVoices of reason are so scarce on this site. I am glad to have met a loud one in you brother,
Blessings
SF
For an Islamic democracy
Thank you, Salman
by Anti-War111 on Sat Nov 12, 2011 02:29 AM PSTLaleh Bakhtiar is a wonderful, learned and near-saintly woman who has enriched the lives of many people whose lives she has touched with her erudite scholarship and intellectual grace. More Muslim women like her are needed.
I have met this wonderful lady and have had the privilege of corresponding with her on and off. Her views may be unorthodox and even questionable to some, yet her arguments are consistent.
That she is being maliciously defamed by individuals who are completely unqualified to be passing judgement on her views and writings is testimony to how far into the cultural gutter the Tehrangeles mainstream has descended.
Lily and VPK
by Rea on Sat Nov 12, 2011 02:04 AM PSTYes, in 150 yrs she may be hailed as a great reformer of the 21st century Islam and her Kur'an may be cited as a reference. Plausible.
After all, god works in mysterious ways. Or, so they say (the believers, I mean).