Thank God you are God

Dear God, why do you hate donkeys?


Thank God you are God
by varjavand

Dear God,

I used to read what is claimed to be your last holy book written in Arabic, the Quran, because Mullahs have told us, and still do, that Quran cannot be translated into any other language. Although prohibition against translation seems to be more of a theological matter rather than a translational issue, I believe it is more a political concern. The Islamic clergymen believe that Quran is your word, God, and if it is translated into another language, it then becomes the word of human beings. Accordingly, it may lose its authentic meaning and its sacred quality, and possibly convey wrong messages to naïve readers.

Even though I like the Arabic rhythm of Quranic verses for its soothing therapeutic effect, especially if they are chanted by a professional, what good does it do me to read something in a language that I do not understand? It wasn’t until recently that your representatives on earth, the shamans of the 21st century, decided to allow a stand-alone translation of Quran into Farsi. I bought a copy and read it thoroughly.

I must tell you that even though you did a good job providing divine fatherly advice to likely believers and frightening disbelievers with the threat of hellfire on almost every page, when it comes to format and coherency, I don’t think you did a good job. Forgive me for being so professorial, but if you were one of my students, you would lose quite a lot of points for using such an amateurish format.

Why do you jump so abruptly from one subject to another in almost every chapter? You even change the subject while you are changing the subject! You could have helped us understand your words better by just sticking to one subject at a time. Of course I understand the reason; your words were written based on proclamations by Prophet Muhammad, a man who had no formal education, and the various chapters were put together years after his death. It is not clear who decided what should be put where; it seems like different sections are put together on a first-revealed-first-included basis!

By the way, I am writing this because I need to know if you can divine answers to some of the questions I encountered after I studied your book. I read your book with an inquiring mind and a keen interest in understanding your words; but frankly, it created more ambiguity and bewilderment for me than clarification and enlightenment. Consequently, I do have some questions, if you don’t mind:

I can’t help conjecturing why you have sworn so many times throughout your book, at least 66 times according to Microsoft’s word count. Swearing is not for you; it is for us common and flawed human beings. We need to swear in order to prove our innocence if we are accused of wrongdoing.  We swear to tell the truth and not cover up our misdeeds or justify our lies, or to prove claims that we cannot prove otherwise. But, thank God you are God; you are devoid of such earthly shortcomings. No one can accuse you of any wrong doing, so why do you have to swear so frequently? You have nothing to cover up; you don’t lie; and you have absolute power to prove or reject anything you claim without resorting to the chicanery of swearing.  Additionally, you are not being inaugurated into a high political office.

And please, if you have to swear, please swear to something worthwhile, like yourself! Why do you have to swear to unlikely things such as the dark night, early morning, high sky, angels who extract human lives, and even to the verses of your own book?

You have not been shy about expressing your dislike for the donkey. You have made this guiltless animal the symbol of the dumbness for your believers. Why do you hate donkeys? The donkey may be the most harmless creature you have created. You didn’t even give them horns to harm anyone or to defend themselves. You said that “Indeed, the most unpleasant of sounds is the voice of donkeys" (Quran, 3:19). I know that they not American Idol material, but they don’t sound that terrible either. You also threatened the Infidels that they will go to hell “As if they were [frightened] wild donkeys” (Quan, 74:50). You equated hypocrites with donkey “The likeness of those who were entrusted with the Taurât (Torah), but who subsequently failed in those [obligations], is as the likeness of a donkey which carries huge burdens of books but understands nothing from them” (Quran, 62:5). The poor donkey is considered the dumbest of animals even by its own creator. I know that is not true, my father; you bless his soul! had a few donkeys; My family used them as our main means of transportation. It seemed like they had they own smart GPS system; no matter where we left them in town, they could always find their way back home. Donkeys have served humankind well throughout history. On a practical level, they still serve as the main mode of transportation for your beloved Mullahs. Without their donkeys, they would not have a way to travel the mountainous terrains to reach your nomadic believers and deliver to them your message of peace and tolerance. What did these poor creatures do to be considered dumb by their own creator? How smart would it be if a car manufacturer like GM built an automobile and then claimed that it was a lousy product?

Why are you so exclusively focused on your beloved last messenger and treat him as special despite the fact that you told us he is just an ordinary person like us? “He it is who hath sent His messenger with the guidance and the Religion of Truth, that He may cause it to prevail over all religion, however much the idolaters may be averse” (Quran, 9:33). You have mentioned the Prophet’s name explicitly, or referred to him implicitly, 1,044 times in your book. You monitor his every move and sanction everything he does. Why are you so discriminatory when it comes to bestowing privileges? You allow your messenger to have any number of wives while other men are limited to four. You allow him to marry his own daughter-in-law (Quran, 33: 36-38). You even mediated disputes among his wives. “O Prophet, why do you prohibit [yourself from] what Allah has made lawful for you, seeking the approval of your wives?”  And when the Prophet confided to one of his wives a statement, and when that wife informed another wife of it and Allah showed it to the Prophet, he made part of it known and ignored another part. And when the Prophet informed the wife about it, she said, "Who told you this?" He said, "I was informed by the Knowing, the Acquainted." “If you two [wives] repent to Allah, [it is best], for your hearts have deviated. But if you cooperate against him, then indeed Allah is his protector, and Gabriel and the righteous of the believers and the angels, moreover, are [his] assistants” (Quran, 66: 1-3). Don’t you have something more important to focus on, such as global warming, human rights, poverty on this planet, uprisings in Middle East, and the clashes of civilizations? Have you forgotten that you have created billions of other human beings that should also matter to you and billions of other stars and galaxies? It baffles me why an omnipresent, omniscient God seems to care only about earth (which is like a drop of water compared the vastness of the universe and is no longer the center of universe as proven by science) and so specifically on one person and his wives. 

You also seem to favor Moses and his children more than any other past prophets because you have referred to him 222 times and to his children, “Children of Israel”, 52 times in your book. Aren’t you aware that Christianity is the most followed Abrahamic religion and of all the religions on earth with almost two billion followers, and that Judaism is a distant last with only 14.5 million adherents?  Are the Jews so special to you too?

If you know everything, why haven’t you revealed in your book something that was not already known to us or the Prophet, things like Internet, Facebook, the S&P 500, the fall of the Berlin wall, the collapse of the Soviet empire, and not to mention the triumph of Lady Gaga, so that these fanatic supporters of scientism on earth shut up once and for all and don’t accuse your Prophet of not performing miracles or having knowledge of unknowns? And why do you keep talking about past nations so many times and how you ruthlessly abolished them because they did not respect your orders or did not fully obey your prophets? “So each We seized for his sin; and among them were those upon whom We sent a storm of stones, and among them were those who were seized by the blast [from the sky], and among them were those whom We caused the earth to swallow, and among them were those whom We drowned.” (Quran, 29:40) Couldn’t you just have made them return to your straight path instead of destroying them so dreadfully? Why do you often harshly promote vengeance, retribution,  and killing,  of those who do not believe in what Muslims believe? “Indeed, the penalty for those who wage war against Allah and His Messenger and strive upon earth [to cause] corruption is none but that they be killed or crucified or that their hands and feet be cut off from opposite sides or that they be exiled from the land. That is for them a disgrace in this world; and for them in the Hereafter is a great punishment” (Quran 5:33). Didn’t you tell Jesus, if someone strikes you on the right cheek; turn to him the other also?  Why have you then changed your mind?

And, I would like to know why in your book you persistently ask us to worship you (661 times) almost to the point of pleading, resorting to the all too familiar carrot and stick scheme, threatening disbelievers with dreadful punishment (563 times), with hell (533 times), and promising believers voluptuous eternal bliss in heaven (330 times). Forgive me for asking this, do you really need obedient worshipers that badly? I don’t think so, unless you suffer from ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or feel insecure. You are almighty; you know that you have created us so that we gravitate toward you whether you solicit our attention or not. You have hard-wired us to believe in you, as some genetic scientists have proved. Genetic scientists have proven that “we human beings are genetically predisposed to spiritual belief”. If this is the case, why do you keep asking for something that you have already instilled into us?

Human belief in you has survived since the dawn of hunter-gatherer societies, despite scientific discoveries that invalidate your existence. Steven Hawking argues “It is not necessary to invoke God to light the blue touch paper and set the universe going.” However, people believe in you whether you exist or not. So, why you are so adamant about forcing them to believe in you and worship you? Also, every catastrophic event that befalls human beings seems to drive more and more people toward you. You could just create more such events instead of begging people to worship you.

6. Why do you allow men to treat women as their property? You also give men divine permission to beat their wives with impunity if they don’t obey their husbands. “As to those women on whose part you see ill-conduct, admonish them, refuse to share their beds, beat them, but if they return to obedience” (Quran, 4:34). I want to know why you didn’t confer the same privilege upon women. Can a wife also beat her husband if he behaves naughtily? Why do you have a double standard? You recommend “And if a woman fears from her husband contempt or evasion, there is no sin upon them if they make terms of settlement between them” (Quran, 4:128).  Personally, I am happy that you do not allow husband beating because you have created some men, like me, to be slim and not very tall. I certainly do not have the upper hand over my wife in the event of physical altercation. As a matter of fact, she could beat the hell out of me if I tried to beat her! You compare our wives to an arable farm. “Your wives are a tilth for you, so go to your tilth, when or how you will, and send for your own selves beforehand” (Quran, 2:223). Do you mean that my wife and the little garden I have in my backyard are the same?

And, why do you let the men have more than one permanent wife? up to four permanent and unlimited temporary, thus burdening men with having to administer a lot of beatings. When you established this law, you certainly had not thought about the price of housing, appliances, utilities, transportation, education, entertainment, May Kay jewelry, and Estee Lauder cosmetics, and etc. How do you expect your underprivileged, minimum wage worshipers to be able to afford all these things, not once but multiple times? And how about the problems involved in dealing with more than one mother-in-law. Are you kidding? Excuse me your almighty, I don’t think even you can handle more than one. And, please pardon my boldness for asking this dim-witted question, why don’t you let women have more than one husband? Frankly, your wife beating verse has left us with the arduous task of explaining to your head-scratching critics the divine logic behind wife beating. A herd of apologetic interpreters have tried to come up with politically acceptable explanations for this verse. Some of them have even written instruction manual on how you should administer wife beating.  Please watch this moron classifying women that deserve beating and he thanks God, I mean you, for that privilege.

Why do you monotonously self-promote your book? In the Quran, you have proudly referred to the Quran 415 times. You are not supposed to advertise your own book yourself; you let your publisher or agent be responsible for that. You keep challenging disbelievers to create a book just like yours. Haven’t you read Boostan-e-Saadi or Kelileh va Demneh? You are supposed to be politically correct and let the readers judge the quality of your work through their comments posted on


Recently by varjavandCommentsDate
The Rise of Secular America
Oct 29, 2012
War with Iran and the Economy
Oct 10, 2012
Why Do We Believe? II
Aug 25, 2012
more from varjavand

to laugh or cry.

by amirparvizforsecularmonarchy on

Great blog,

I love donkeys, they are a most loving and sweet pet, they love being scratched and will cry for joy as soon as they see you or if you go.

I am shocked to learn wife beatings are encouraged under any circumstance.



by varjavand on

Dear Mehrdad and Rebecca;

Thanks for your kind words; I commend your good taste
Reza Varjavand  


Excellent, just excellent

by Bavafa on

many thanks for the lovely writing.  Hope to see more.



Very Funny!

by Rebecca on

Very funny! I sent it to all my friends and everyone enjoyed it...


Thank you for your post.





I read half of your article and enjoyed what I read.  The donkey bit was my favorite.  I am very fund of donkeys.  My mother was a country woman and owned property and live stocks in a northern village in Iran.  Every summer I spent some time there.  Among the experiences was riding a donkey.  As a child I experienced the stubbornness of a donkey deciding not to move.  I have pulled on its tale and got kicked by it, and had the pleasure of riding them in steep mountains and letting them to walk a 6 inch narrow ledge along and embankment of a tall mountain.  I recall when I was much younger, our estate-keeper, put me on the donkey on a far away mountain, and told me he'll take me home.  It did take me home except when he would decide stop and eat.  I had no control of him except to cry and kick. 


Dear commenters,

by varjavand on

I am really humbled by your kind remarks, thanks.

Rea: If you wonder where number 6 comes from, I numbered different sections of my article from 1 to 7, the reviewers apparently decided to take them out, but they forget to take that one off. 

 rafshari: Thanks for informative post, it seems the author of that book tries to establish that Prophet Mohammad was benign groomed by God since his childhood for his prophetic mission. That raises an interesting question; why God did not use the same purification method to cleanse others who were supposedly committing sinful acts?  



Dear God

by darius on

I had some questions for you.

Is  it true that when mary was sleep you  snuck in her room , and blow something in her ? How old was she when you did it? Was she a minor?

Did you ask her as a GOD if  you could blow between her legs and give her a child? Did you ask Joseph and Mary's parent if you could do that?Why did you make

Joseph to raise and accept the blame for what you did?

Why amonst all the animal, your beloved son, let the devil inside pigsbody ? Why not the donkey?

I heard King David send the husband of a married women to war

and let him  to die so he can sleep with his wife?But you promoted him with glory and you let Jesus your holy son to be of his blood?

( part of prophecy, if he is not of the house of David he is not son of God)

I am just wondering if he is your son thenwhy is he related to david?


I heard you told moses to pick up his cane and point it at the red sea andlet yourchosen people to escape the slavery . Why did you let them in slavery in the first place.

Is this how you treat your chosen people?

Could you please explain  why did you send your son  to get killed and make  your chosen people to pay for his death for the next 2000 years, to be masacred and send to death. Even now as we speak They cannot be safe from a gay designer rant


( Did you see Galliano clip?)


You know evil is bad but you let hitler, stalin,khomeini and popes

take over our life and do as they please.

Is there any punishment for all these?Where are theynow?


I know for the fact in some part of the world known as the largest

human democracy, you promoted the wife to be burnt along with

the husband.I saw by my own eyes the man extracting the dead from your holliest river(Gangi)

and make a fiesta of candle light and flower offering to glorify you.

What do you have to say about that?

Then hopeless and disappoinated of you  we  turned to other human like Marx and Bill Kristol and other few, that didn't work either.

we always ended up fighting and the money we could spend

to promote humanity and expand the wel lbeing of human race, was 

used to make smart weapons to kill us  more efficiently at any cost

when little kids are starving.


I don't know what to say but I have high hopes, one day we will

all promote kindness and humanity and we do not speak to bejust

schick and be known as intellectual.

I do not want Marx,Bill Krystol , muhammad, moses ,jesus or Mao

all I need is you let us be good and respect each others and live in peace.



Thank you Dr. Varjavand

by rafshari on

It is quite remarkable that at this time we witness large number of Muslim intellectuals and authors who take the Quranic narrative seriously and accept its premises. Moreover, they try to share them with the educated public in Europe and the United States. What is even more remarkable is that they are taken seriously and invited to teach in Western Universities. I was reading the “public intellectual” Tariq Ramadan’s recent book. This man, the grandson of Hasan Al-Bana, presets himself as the voice of the rational Islam. If devout Jews and Christians can still believe in the Biblical fairytales, then Professor Ramadan can possibility convince them that Prophet Muhammad’s paradigm belongs to that universe as well. It fact, it does.  Dr. Varjavand, You wrote this with a creative sense of humor. But, it fact the whole story (God and the Rest) is depressing and disheartening. Thank you again, even though I did not laugh.   Here a couple of pages of Ramadan:  Tariq Ramadan, In the Footsteps of the Prophet (Oxford University Press, 2007) ****Yes, Oxford University Press!P. 14-15****The Split ChestTradition reports that a most peculiar event took place when Muhammad was four, as he was playing with the children of the Banu Sad Bedouin tribe. Halimah says that her son came to her and her husband in fright and informed them that "two white-clad men grasped him [Muhammad] and laid him on the ground; then they opened up his chest and plunged their hands in it.Halimah and her husband ran to the spot indicated by their child and Muhammad shaken and pale. He confirmed his foster brother’s adding that after opening his chest, the two men “touched something there; I do not know what it is.”Troubled by this story and fearing the child might have suffered some the pair decided to take Muhammad back to his mother. At first, they concealed the main reason for their decision, but faced with the mother’s insistent questions, they finally informed her of the event. She was not surprised, and even mentioned that she herself had witnessed signs indicating that a particular fate was being prepared for her child.Many years later, the Prophet recalled the event and said that two men “split his chest, took out the heart, and opened it to take out a black clot, hey threw away. Then they washed [his] heart and chest with snow. In other traditions, he explained the spiritual meaning of those events; in a discussion with some Companions, reported by Ibn Masud, he said: “‘There is no one among you but is accompanied by a jinn or an angel specifically assigned to him.’ They asked: ‘Even you, Messenger?’ ‘Even me, but God has helped me and he [the jinn, here meaning the evil spirit] has submitted, so he only enjoins me to do what is good.’”Here, the Prophet guides our understanding of the event beyond the mere facts reported, to its essential spiritual dimension: from his earliest childhood, the Messenger was protected from the temptations of evil that plague everybody else’s heart. The purification of his chest prepared him for his prophetic mission. About fifty years later, he was again to have a similar experience, when his heart was opened once more and purified to enable him to experience the Night Journey to Jerusalem, then the eleva­tion to Sidrat al-Muntaha, the Lotus of the Utmost Boundary. Such spiritual experiences, singular and initiatory, prepared the Chosen One (al-Mustafa) to receive first the message of Islam and then the command to perform ritual prayer, the pillar of religious practice.On a more general level, the Quran refers to this purification with these words: “Have We not opened your breast for you? And removed from you your burden which galled your back? And raised high the esteem in which you are held?” For most commentators on the Quran, those verses primarily refer to the threefold gift granted to the Prophet: faith in the One inscribed in his heart, election as the Prophet, and, lastly, the sup­port of God Himself throughout his mission. From his earliest child­hood, as we have seen, Muhammad was to be accompanied by signs and trials that educated and prepared him for that mission. 

Page 16                                                                              

The Orphan and His Educator

 Muhammad’s story is a difficult one, as is emphasized by the repetition in these verses from the Quran: “So verily, with every difficulty there is relief. Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.” At the age of eight, young Muhammad had experienced fatherlessness, poverty, solitude, and die death of his mother and then of his grandfather. Yet all along his path he continually encountered signs of a destiny that, through people and cir­cumstances, accompanied and facilitated his evolution and education. On his deathbed, Abd al-Muttalib asked his son Abu Talib, Muhammad’s uncle, to look after him; Abu Talib carried out this mission as a father would have done for his own child. Later, the Prophet constantly recalled how much his uncle and his uncle’s wife, Fatimah, had loved and taken care of him. "Verily, with every difficulty there is relief.”Throughout the hardships of his life, Muhammad of course remained under the protection of the One, his Rabb, his Educator. In Mecca, tradi­tion reports that he was persistently protected from idol worship and the festivals, feasts, or weddings where drunkenness and lack of restraint pre­vailed. One evening, he heard that a wedding was to be celebrated in Mecca and he wanted to attend. On the way there, he reported, he sud­denly felt tired; he lay down to rest and fell asleep. The next morning, the heat of the sun woke him from his deep slumber. This seemingly trivial story is nevertheless most revealing as to the methods used by the Prophet's Educator to prevent His future Messenger from being tempted into lack of restraint and drunkenness. The One, always present at his side, literally put him to sleep, thus protecting him from his own instincts and not allowing His protégé’s heart to develop a sense of wrongdoing, guilt, or any such moral torment as a result of an attraction that was, after all, natural for a boy his age. While gentleness and diversion were used to protect him, those events—which the Prophet was later to mention— gradually built in him a moral sense shaped through the understanding of those signs and of what they protected him from. This natural initiation into morals, remote from any obsession with sin and fostering of guilt, greatly influenced the kind of education the Prophet was to impart to his Companions….



Looong, as long as your ears

by Rea on

Btw, how did we get to no.6 ?  Where have all the other numbers gone?


Maryam Hojjat

Dr. Varjavand, It is great blog

by Maryam Hojjat on

I enjoyed it, I laughed & smiled as reading it.  Have a good weekend.



by Raoul1955 on

Nice read, and I enjoyed it.
The human mind [being the actual creator of all deites, male, female, or gender neutral] is an amazing system.