HUMOR

A peculiar specie called “Javad” lives in modern-day Iran. Javads move and hunt in large herds. Its mutation has spread through an entire population for over a century. The theory of organic evolution proves that Javads are products of accumulated small changes over 1400 years. Its variation contains the unique genetic characteristics which includes hatred of personal hygiene or anything clean and odorless.

Javads population has mostly grown through reproductive isolation (interbreeding) between family members which has resulted in sharing genetic variations and natural selection. This particular genetic code has created extreme love affair between Javad and his facial hair. The relationship between Javads and facial hair can stem from the fact that this particular specie enjoys close bond with its ancestral heritage.

There are theories that Javads have managed to escape Darwin’s Natural Selection and gradual evolution by isolating themselves in pockets of habitat conservation in and around mosques and bazaars. That explains Javads’ dislike of Jews, homosexuals, literature, music and arts.

Miraculously, Javads have managed to evade punctuated equilibrium process and remain in stasis state nearly all the time which explains their pedophilia tendencies, love of juvenile boys and arranged marriages with underage cousins.

Further studies of Javads in their natural habitat has shown that lack of sufficient polyploidy and sever genetic drift are credited to inadequate penis size. The lack of crude mass has pushed the specie to exploit stimulation through opium and violence, which has affected Javads’ evolutionary ladder. The habitual opium consumption and excess violence among Javads has resulted in genetic downgrade of the specie due to production of fertile seeds without ample fertilization. Lack of strong fertilization has shown to move Javads to the category of Allopatric Speciation which explains the specie’s extreme dislike of any occupation that requires ingenuity, creativity and hard work.

Extreme religious tendencies are by far the most distinctive characteristic of Javads. Darwin theory of evolution suggests that the most powerful ingredient of survival among species is the ability to adapt to environment. Interestingly, Javads’ key to survival has been credited to their belief that an invisible power up in the sky is watching over them and rewards them with virgins and wine when they vanish. Javads believe that to gain access to their heavenly virgins, they need to deny others from their own earthly virgins.

Javads’ social behavior is subject to various scientific studies. These studies suggest that Javad population suffers from what is known as Sympatric Speciation. That explains Javads’ obsession with protecting the honor of the next-door neighbor’s wife.

It would be misleading to assume that Javads lack all attributes of social norms. Javads are known to occasionally enjoy the finer things in life. Javads seem to have uncompromising passion for German cars, movies starring Al Pacino, gold chains, and rosewater.

In his book, “Sociology of Intellectual Carnage “ Ali-Reza Goli, famous Iranian anthropologist, concludes:

“Through a long history of incursions and defeats, Iranian culture has created a social class that finds intellect and ethics treacherous and threatening. This social class is the guardian of chasm and stands against all those whom dare to dream a better life for Iranians. The faiths of Ghae-magham, Amir Kabbir, Mossadeg and Kasrravi are examples of damage this subclass has done to Iran and Iranians throughout history.”