Leila and me

Had I only known


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Leila and me
by Rosie T.
09-Jan-2008
 

We talk about the Shah here all the time but we never talk about Leila. I wrote a poem about Leila once. It was exactly three years ago, at the time when I went under. I went under because of a Persian Male--one of those with eyes of Eternity and kohl, who oozed Hafez from every pore in veiled dank misty rivers. You know the type, but at the time I didn’t, and so I fell in love. And he fell out and I went under. Into a very dark place. And when I came back, I’d written this poem. Or this poem had written me.

So walk with me if you will down this very dark road. I will navigate you ithrough it to its hidden light... Biya ta tariki barafshanim.

Leila Pahlavi died alone at night in Leonard Hotel near Marble Arch, in London in June, 2001. The cause of her death was given as a combination of pharmaceutical sleeping pills and other pharmaceutical and recreational drugs, along with anorexia nervosa. If you believe she was assassinated, you may not get much from this poem. In it, I went on Leila's journey to the other side, to Irkalla, the land the Sumerians and Babylonians called the Great Below. And we two, Leila and I, did not go alone. We went with the goddess Inanna.

In Sumero-Babylonian mythology, Inanna/Ishtar, Goddess of Love, makes this journey of her own free choice, to visit her dark sister, Ereshkigal, the Queen of the land of the dead. Inanna must undergo what all the dead must when they enter her sister’s realm. She must pass through seven gates, at each one further stripped of her garments and judged, Once naked. she must be slaughtered by her own sister and her carcass hanged from a peg. But she is rescued by her servant and two hermaphrodites, who embody the balance of the male and female. That is to say, resurrected.

This myth is a clear prefiguration of the Christian Crucifixion as well as the Greek Persephone and Orpheus myths. What is striking, however, is that the journey to the Great Below in this earlier version belongs exclusively to women. It is women’s own violence, grief and rage, which must be confronted and assimilated by themselves, and not projected onto men, if women are ever to be free. In this process lies their Power

I have said similar things about Iran.. No matter how severe the foreign interventions have been, Iran must own its own history. Only then can she be whole. Finally the female voices in this poem who speak violently against the Shah, the Eternal Father, have no political content whatsoever.

Leonard Hotel near Marble Arch
(Descent into Irkalla)

Open the leaves of morning’s door.
-Morning Prayer of Imam Ali

 

Princess Leila, Leila-joon

They have scattered all the stones

that you gathered for them faithfully.

And they’re gone now, all of them.

What a fine June night to take a walk.

To step into your sister’s arms who

waits for you at Marble Arch.

She’s been waiting far too long

Stumble to her in the dark

but soft my sweet insomniac.

Rest assured, but rest forearmed

 

This is no valentino runway.

 

And anyway, you’re far too thin.

It’s right that you refused their seeds.

This is no styx. There are no men

on chariots to pull you in.

(Nor shahbahnous to fetch you).

Still better take some nourishment

for if you do not come back up

good doctor iqbal’s r and x’s

will get all the credit.

Which only feeds the status quo

–-those coroners what do they know–

and this is no connecticut. Come,

take your sister’s medicine.

 

Now down the hatch we go.

 

Welcome to Irkalla dear.

Strange no man’s land.

Here are no salad days at brown

no birds no poems no peacock thrones

to dream you more of their irans.

But only sister’s loving hands.

You see how low she bows you, how deftly

she removes your crown. And

you thought they had done so. Let’s

undress the true wounds now.

Princess leila, leila-joon

 

You’re nothing but a bag of bones.

 

Strange strange karbala.

That was the first gate.

And seven times she’ll strip you blind

and seven you’ll be judged. Not by the ones

of books and stones

but by the searing pangs of a

kind of a driven labour of love.

Sink sleepwalker deep into her slumber

feeding succorless on placenta of grief you can

see how much she grieves,

she

 

grieves for her consort and

for all the endless dead, convulsive

uncontrollable venom of grief she

grieves because she’s angry, grieves because she’s jealous, because

you left her all alone here to rot in this hellhole maligned forgotten

misunderstood stuck in this godforsaken sewer pit this

stinking shithole of a great below while upstairs you rode alpha

 

romeos with all those lovers you could never love because you

chose to love only him spewing his megalomanias into the wind part

cyrus part che part errol flynn that party at persepolis boy that was rich

not to mention that ridiculous white revolution you

stupid anorectic bitch what the

 

hell’s gotten into you starving

yourself for the sake of your fucking father well

here are no fathers but only larvae so

don’t you dare to cry out for him missy when she

hangs you out from her peg to dry your

carcass a slab of maggot-ridden meat whose

flesh eats foetal into the bone it is

forbidden

 

to cry out

for him for them

we take care of

the forsaking here thank you

listen sleeping beauty

daddy’s little girl

we do the putrefying they

are not answerable we

are the clean-up crew we

are reliable this is

our golgotha our

sacred suicide this is

women’s work lily it is

between you and the

flies

 

and then in the original myth

 

the two hermaphrodites fashioned from the dirt beneath the ocean’s fingernails

with the help of the ever-faithful servant

waft inanna back up to the sky

 

and you Lady ship

would you too rise

 

as the sun soaked through your window from Oxford Street

and room service knocked on your door

 

if I only could have held you in my arms and told you so

as you lay prone in your posh hotel shorn of your cast-off robes how

distended into darkness deep in amniotic fluid sac of gall

the embryo is still born. Darling darling

do not fear the fear for her killing bed

is our wedding bed where her rage shall midwife

the chrysalis of foam, sole alembic from which we emerge

Whole, white goddess, parturient of mourning,

Imam, finally, of our own becoming.

 

would you take from me this silver tray

of breakfast tea and scones

had I only known you Leila

 

oh, had I only known


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(No subject)

by Kouroush Sassanian (not verified) on


Rosie T.

NO MORE BLOOD, KOUROUSH!

by Rosie T. on

NO MORE BLOOD!

 Water your dead and grow a new world.  It is the only way you can honor them.  Stand up Iran and DANCE!

Zire shamshire ghamesh raqs konaan bayaad raft.


Rosie T.

It is true, Alborzi, we all suck..

by Rosie T. on

Shah, Leila, me, you, David, Colonel...

 so what?

 The way up is the way down.

    Haraklitus

 

Yes, Leila was a victim.  She screwed up her life because of the circumstances she was born into.  SORRY means EVERYTHING.

We need to MOVE ON......


Kouroush Sassanian

All this yelling . . .

by Kouroush Sassanian on

They will have to face a tribunal and pay for their crimes. No white wash here! You can apologize all you want, but those motherfucking hizzbolahee will have to pay, either by losing their freedom or their lives or both.

Jenab Sarhang, I am not worried about their graves. I want to claim my dead. I am entitled to claim my dead.

I want to see the rivers/joyee abehyadee Iran red with the blood of the IRI supporters. I want to see mullah hanging from every light fixture in the country. I want to the Pasdaran run through steel mill.

The Shah misunderstood his people, Iranian history, and the power of Islam and the mullahs.  10,000.00 Iranians were a small cost to keep Iran from falling into the hands of the mullahs.

Yazgerdeh III had a chance to defeat the Arabs - he did not or could not. The Shah had a chance to stand his ground and defend Iran against the mullahs, he did not!


David ET

Mr. Colonel

by David ET on

You started to attck me and my family without no introduction simply because I expressed my opinion to Rosie! look back at the posts.

Whatever you say you have done or have not done , please take it on me.

I am not your enemy, if you read everything I wrote: I simple ask for tolerance and respect ....thats all 

having said that I refuse to degarde myself to the low of name calling by responding to you any further

may you live in peace


Rosie T.

I;M WITH YOU, COLONEL, I"M WITH YOU..

by Rosie T. on

but who ELSE will be with you if you can't be with them?

 


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Shah was a coward

by Alborzi (not verified) on

First of all its easy to say sorry. People who have lost irreplaceable dear ones may not forget, just because of a word.

Leila screwed up her life, she was into drugs and anything after that can be very irrational. I have witnessed gorgeous girls who become prostitute and walk in cold with shorts in dark alleys to
get next fix.

Shah left too many loyal people in jail to be butchered and
people/country to the wolves, he was an asshole.


Rosie T.

RIGHT ON, DAVID, RIGHT ON!

by Rosie T. on

I'm with you a thousand per cent.  Just TRUST me .  Both of you

 

Colonel Hemayat WEPT about Atafeh.  He wrote a POEM for her and people RIDICULED him.

FIND COMMON GROUND!  Both of you. I BEG of you.  FIND COMMON GROUND!

 

He has the heart of a marshmallow and the politcs of a pig.  TEACH HIME.  LEARN from each other.  David, Colonel, please...please...stop the war...the noose...is choking..I'm dying..it's ME, Atafeh, HELP ME!  I'M DYING.  ZENDEGI MIKHAAHAM!  I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE PAST OR WHAT YOU BELIEVE.  I ONLY WANT TO LIVE!  HELP ME, FOR GOD'S SAKE, HELP ME!  I ONLY WANT A FUTURE!

And they shall shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruniong hooks.  Nation shall not lift up sword against nation.  Neither shall they learn war anymore...

     -The prophet Isaiah written in the name of Cyrus, whom he called the Hidden Treasure.  Which was taken up by Jesus, then by the Sufis, and then Bahaullah, who predicted the formation of the United Nations, almost one hundred years before its formation.

I remain

yours eternally,
Esther

Ishtaar

Setareh

Star


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TO DAVITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

by Colonel Hemayat (not verified) on

FUCK YOU ***!!

 

What do you know about Iran, what the fuck do you know about being Iranian, you ***!???

 

Have you picked up peices of your Comrade in the war, have you seen a mother going INSANE instantly as she sees her little girl blowing up into peices in KHORAMSHAHR?? COLONEL has seen it all, and no the colonel has no regrets! I did it all for IRAN and the SHAH!!

 

No, you have NOT***! and I have, and I know first hand the "DISASTER OF 1979" was a real disaster and I know the SHAH had no concerns but Iran and Iranoo, so go ***!

 

And the most imortant of all, I do NOT want or need your support ***!!

Don't *** with me!

 

 

Khoda-Shah-Mihan


Rosie T.

We're ALL accountable, Kouroush, we're ALL accountable.....

by Rosie T. on

I APOLOGIZE to you for EVERYTHING. Ghorbaanat beravam.  Now ACCEPT it and let it go. Let ME speak for those you would want to apolgize.  I'M SORRY FOR THE TWENTIETH CENTURY.  As an AMERICAN living off the sweat of the Third World, as a JEW discriminating against Palestinians, as a WOMAN using my oppression as a tool for power, as a LEFTIST degenerating into sloganism, as a participant in this WEBSITE using it for my own ego gratification, as the product of PRIVILEGED education.  As a HUMAN being part angel, part animal.  I'm SORRY.  Do you UNDERSTAND me, for God's sake, I'm SORRY.  Now FORGIVE me and forgive EVERYBODY. 

Paz.  Pazir.  For God's sake, Kouroush, let it go.


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Nadia

by V. Yazdanmehr (not verified) on

You do not need to make it too complicated. Also, I'm a Persian purist, so I don't like the word "moragheb" because is has an Arabic root. Two very simple Persian greeting and "well wish" words are "dorood" and "bedrood", for hello and goodbye respectively.

No conflict...just suggestions!


David ET

"First they came for ...then..."

by David ET on

I DO respect everyone and their views from royalist to socilaist and capitalist , from Muslim to Jew, from white to yellow , ........

But I do not approve of intolerance of the many of the same who CHOSE to take away the right of others (to express or prosper) by verbal, physical or economic abuse and ultimatums.

and I stand for Atefeh's human rights taken away by those who think their blood (or views) are more colorful than others either by royalty or by religion or by color or  ...

There is a very simple concept that we yet need to understand  :

Disrespecting or crushing others eventually leads to the denial of our own

.... and what happend in Iran was only one historical example that many (e.g.: colonels) STILL have not learned from...

* * *

"If there is any hope for the long-term success of democracy, it will be if people agree to listen to and try to understand their political opponents rather than simply seeking to crush them."

By  MAJOR Andrew Olmsted, in his final blog from Iraq before he was killed near Sadiyah


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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

by Colonel Hemayat (not verified) on

TO ME IRAN IS NEVER DEAD, NEVER,

TheCat of Asia will never be dead!!

 

Sorry for your family but suck it up, as I have. You are worried about your parents graves, I know where mine are, but I am not allowed to to go visit them. Fuck my feelings, Iran, and ONLY IRAN matters to me.

 

WHO IS WITH ME, WHO IS MOTHERFUCKING WITH ME???

 

Khoda-Shah-Mihan


Kouroush Sassanian

Jenab Sarhange Hemayat

by Kouroush Sassanian on

The only cure for the IRI is Steel Rain, Sir, Steel Rain. I lost everything dear to me during the course of Fetneh Khoemini. Unfortunately, the Shah abandoned my family and many others to be feed to the wolves.

I am not moved by Rosie's post or any chest beating for the Shah or his family. At least, Leila got a decent burial - I will never know where my father and brothers are buried. I will never know where my mother is buried. I never had a chance to say goodbye to them.

Sir, I remember getting up at night with my family to clean the anti-shah slogans off the walls our neighborhood. I grew up in a military family devoted to our King. I personally met his sons and his family at events in Sadeh Karaj. He and his family meant so much to us. I confronted anti-shah students at school during the last few months preceeding the fetneh.

I wish he had never ordered to fire in the air or to abort the "R" operation. 

For me Iran is dead! I just want to go back to claim our dead and bring them back for a proper burial!   I want Iranians who voted for the IRI to be held accountable. I want Iranians who committed crimes against innocent Iranians to be held accountable. 


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Reedam be har chi Shah va Shahiyeh and Gooroohban Hemaghat.

by Sarhang (not verified) on

Goorohban Hemaghat seems like you've forgotten the Nattional Toilet which is on top of Reza Shah's grave in Shah-re Ray. You have found a doped woman and singing kor koree? khak bar saret!


Rosie T.

No, my dear Colonel;, you are wrong...

by Rosie T. on

You must embrace David as David must embrace you.  Let him get close to you.  Open up to David.  We are all the blind man and the elephant.  One says the elephant is a tree, another says the elephant is a snake..We can't see the elephant unless we help each other.  The blind leading the blind..."out of the dark, into the light, into the morning/out of the night/the blind, the blind/what do they find?/You know I search through the dark for the things I fear/and then I wrap my arms around them and I hold them near./You know I search through the dark to reach the light",,,it's a song I wrote once years ago.

We're all one. Embrace David.  He has a lot to show you.. He has given his life to preventing more Atafehs.  He KNOWS.  We ALL know.  We just have to accept that in our different ways of knowing, we KNOW the same thing....\

and then...the elephant...is an elephant...

I beg of you, Colonel, I've asked this to be an uncensored blog.  But pl;ease, please, stop cursing at David.  He has given his life for Atafeh.  And so have you.  You both just cannot grasp it yet.

"Gracias a la vida que me ha dado tanto."  Thank you God for giving me David and the Colonel.  Please STOP FIGHTING. You only fight  your mirror...it's a mirage.. I SWEAR.  It's just a MIRAGE. Rosie

PS I would never delete you in a thousand years. 


Nadias

Vahraz Yazdanmehr....interesting point...:o)

by Nadias on

maybe I could use a combination then. How about one of the following options?

solh doosti

solh dooste man

moraghebe khodet bash

moraghebe khodet bash dooste man

 

Every once in awhile there are those who are in conflict with me.

Nadia


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Thank you

by Colonel Hemayat (not verified) on

Dear Rosie:

 

Thank you for all your kind words, please keep in touch as assholes keep deleting me, email me: pahlavi_19999@yahoo.com

 

Mr. David:

At this point of my life , it does not matter what you think of me or the great ARYAMEHr.

 The clock is ticking for Iran and my love and life belong to IRAN, so unless you get a sense of what is going in the Middle EAST, go fuck grandmother , little boy, don't get close to me.

Khoda-Shah-Mihan


Rosie T.

Dear Vahraz,

by Rosie T. on

So great to see you again!  :D

I wish you would register.  Then we could track each other's posts and have a more fruitful, long0lived dialog about Zoroastrianism.  I can learn a lot from you. 

I want to apologize to you for earliest interactions.  It is true, I WAS out of control and you were right.  At the same time, you were too dogmatic...anyway, I'm sorry... for my share in the animozity..

 and...as regards "solh", "peace", my personal preference, since Nadia is a chicana, is:  PAZ/PAZIR.   Peace.  Accept.

Please accept my apologies.  Peace,
Robin Jayne Goldsmith

 


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Suggestion To Nadia S.

by Vahraz Yazdanmehr (not verified) on

I think that instead of using "solh", you should us the word "doosti". I belive that doosti will better convey the message that you want to get across. Solh, while meaning peace in Persian, does not carry the same meaning for "peace" as it is used in the current English lexicon. While "peace" is used in American English to mean peaceful coexsitence and mutual respect, the word "solh" is Persian has a more literal meaning, and is generally used to describe peace between two disputing parties (such as peace between warring nations). Doosti, on the other hand, means friendship (amistad in Latin)and could refer to peaceful coexistence. So, I think that doosti will better suit your purposes.


Rosie T.

TO ALL MODERATORS

by Rosie T. on

i WANT THIS BLOG TO BE UNCENSORED. PLEASE DO NOT DELETE ANYTHING. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONSCIENTIOUS WORK. AFARIN! YOU'VE HELPED TO MAKE THIS SPACE A PLACE OF PEACE. But not here, please...if we need to fight it out, let's fight it out. The war begins and ends in ourselves.. ROSIE.


Rosie T.

Dear Masht...

by Rosie T. on

I deeply thank you for your heartfelt concern.


The problem is that there is a certain affinity between the archetypal realm which calls the poets to it, and an attraction to the 20th century phenomenon of Fascism.It is because Fascism explores mythic realm, a realmis no less real than the ordinary one, but yes, less commonplace.  And so this type of person understands parts of me which many people cannot fathom. The same thing happened with Gabriel D'Anunzio, Pound and Eliot.  They were attracted by totalitarianism due to its mythic component.

And so I dialog with these "Shaahis", because it is balm to me that they understand these mythic dimensions.  At the same time I face them squarely in the political realm.  Their politics is horrendous.  But I am optimistic, and I believe that as long as the dialogue continues, they will be influenced to give up their totalitarian ways and step into a new dawn.  And that is what I do.

I understand your concern.  This sort of person may seem dangerous to you.  But I assure you,you would be surprised if you knew the people who had harmed me the most on this website...you might even be shocked...

 

Don't worry about me.  Just keep sending me your good thoughts and good words and then I'm sure I'll be fine.

 

To repeat:  I am non-Zionist. anti-colonialsit, pacifist, left-leaning and hopeful.  But I believe everyone deserves a dialogue and anyone at any time in their life can change. 

Thank you so very much for your concern.  We MUST, simply MUST, humanize this technology.  It is, unfortunately, our only hope.


David ET

To Colonel Hemayat

by David ET on

THANK YOU for your last comment, indeed it showed the essance of your belief

Indeed I am thankful that you and your royals no longer rule Iran with that mentality which you so elequently just presented

and I ASK jj and iranian.com , PLEASE do not remove colonel's  post just so that others see the vulgarity of the past that you present which lead to the present that we suffer from

may be this even gives a sense to those who didn't live it , who don't know about this royalty (and its savak) and the consequences that we had to endure for expressing our opinions as Iranians and why it should not be elevated !

Thank you "colonel" , Thank you ! I could not have said it better.

I rest my case !!


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Rosie (Robyn)

by Masht Mammad (not verified) on

You have a kind heart. But I have noticed that you have a tendency to get mixed up with all the wrong guys.

I am not going into detail. But I am sure you know what I am talking about. Even recently :)!! You are a smart woman. Don't let your heart overrule your head :) - Seriously!!


Rosie T.

My dear Colonel..

by Rosie T. on

where the FUCK have you been?  I've missed you so much and I've been so worried about you.

My "possee" told me where you've been posting and I tried to track you down since I saw that you'd returned, through the "tracking" system for registered members.

 Dear Colonel:  you have:

the mouth of a sewer, the heart of a marshmallow, the soul of a dragon, and the politics of a pig.  And that is why I love you.  Pardox rex.  (Translation:  Contradictions rule, they are HUMAN).

Your
Rosie

 

PS To all of you:  Do you hear me?  Do you understand me?  I LOVE him because he is the Eternal Father.  The Shah was the last great archtype of kingship.  We must welcome, forgive and embrace him and also THANK hom for what his life's work was. WHOLENESS means accepting EVERYTHING.  I love you, my Colonel.  And it doesn't make me ANY less of a social democrat.

 

Ghorbaqanat bevaara,.
Rpbom


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ROSIE!!

by Colonel Hemayat (not verified) on

I know you read my comments so I will be honset; you managed to make this old wolf cry, I am sorry for what you had to go through. You know I will alway love you.

 

and Mr. David; you miss the point.

 

Princess Leila was a symbol, a symbol of Iranian children who lost their father , and who were punished for the sins of their fathers (Right or Wrong) children who were condemened to exile with no choice of theirs.

 

Yes my friend, Leila was a member of a fallen royal family but her inner child missed her father and her mother land, a land she was forbid to go back to for no fault of hers.

 

If you do Not GET THAT, DAVID, then fuck your mother's cunt!!!!!

 

 

Khoda-Shah-Mihan


Rosie T.

Indeed David..

by Rosie T. on

the mirage, the reflection, is my own.  In the mirror of the Simorgh, in Maahtaab's mirror at the end of Bezaie's "Mosaaferaan" we all see ourselves and each other as one.  I am no exception.  We are all one and we all have to face each other and ourselves in that mirror.

 I am a diva, it is true.  We all have a certain individual essence.  But we are also part of one Whole, without boundaries.

What makes Leila so special?  Simply because she was the daughter of perhaps the last great King of humanity.  It was her destiny as a human to be embroiled in that turmoil, and hence she embodies us, as an ARCHTYPE.  it is the reason Shakespeare chose to write aboout Kings.  They emboyd ARCHTYPES of humanity.  She didn't choose this archtype,, and it killed her.

You're quite correct.  As a human, she's no different from the shepherd, the factory worker, the underemplyed pizza deliverer in "Crimson Gold"....and she's equally deserving of our compassion.  Because she is (or was) a "celebrity", it becomes even more important for us to scrutinize her.  Because after all, who creates kingship, royalty?  We do, by consensus.  Celebirity i s a phenomenon of the media age.  We create it, we must scrutinize it. By so scrutinizing we srutinize ourselves.  This is good.

And so I'm very, very grateful to you for this dialog. But whatever you think my hidden needs are, to be a princess or whatever, I worked tirelessly for Ali.  And we succeeded.  So what is wrong with me that you must nitpick at me>  I am at peace with who I am. 

Robin Jayne Goldsmith

PS I note before posting this, that  our posts crossed. And in my experience, that's always a good thing.  It means we're getting close to something...hot...No, I absolutely do not wish for you to stop posting on my blogs.  Fire away!  I'm yours for the tir baraan....  :D  You do marvelous work.  You're amazing!


David ET

Dear Rosie

by David ET on

First I already KNOW you supported the Ali Mahin-Torabi cause but that does not nor should stop me (us) from having difference of opinions or self censor, does it?

Second I apologize if you took my opinion as harsh. In no way shape or form I meant to "humiliate" you. I see no humiliation in using the word princess. Last I remember , many little girl's dreams was to have been a princess...

Third I do not underestimate the life of Leila Pahlavi NOR ELEVATE IT and that is the point that you and others are missing here. TRUST me I do have sympathy for her as a human being but I do not elevate her just because she is a princess and I believe in the light of all the other tragedies, this is one that is elevated much above OTHERS that we see EVERYDAY

But if you prefer I never express my views when it comes to your posts, please let me know and I shall abide as I do have much respect for you and your writings..


Nadias

Changiz khan.....kinda harsh there

by Nadias on

I am sure David ET realizes that every life is precious as it is his lives work.

Leila was in great pain, confusion and sorrow. She could not help Iranians because she needed to be saved first from the abyss she was sinking into.

solh

Nadia


David ET

whose mirage ?

by David ET on

Dear Rosie

I actually liked you wrote in the article about women etc...but what you think and what comes across may be very different. 

What makes Leila's fate so tragic? versus so many others that I mentioned and why should her "tragedy" deserve all this attention versus the real 10s of thousands of tragedies of those who did not have the princess "blood"?

or may be you associate with her because YOU wish that you were a princess? ! :-)

The mirage your are REFLECTING may be you own dear ...