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The art of getting some
31-Aug-2007
Being a non-Christian and non-European, or non-white, is something to set aside Iranians, and most other men from the Middle East, in their search, or pursuit, of/for women. Although Iranians, or other men from the Middle East, are mostly of Caucasian race, they have darker skin. But it is not the darker skin (sometimes it can actually be very attractive) that usually creates the differences but religion, and a not-so-pretty public perception about people from the Middle East.
So, I thought to come up with a recipe to success that every Iranian man needs to read, in case he's on hunt for a Christian wife or girlfriend, or general improvement in sympathy, or success, among women of Europe or America. As mentioned earlier, the differences exist, and cannot be ignored. Iranian, Arab, Afghan or Turkish, men (and men from some other smaller nations from the same area) in America and Europe, although being of the same Caucasian race, are seen differently. These men have a pretty bad image that creates their special situation worth considering.
Let's start with one very very important thing, just like selling a product, when you are a man, you are sort of trying to sell your product on the market. You put yourself on some sort of a virtual (imaginary) shelf for women's picking/ viewing, so that some, or more, of them can fall for your offering. So, you kind of need to do what they call in marketing a SWOT analysis. SWOT goes for strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats (threats is less relevant though important if you consider the post-success period).
I have done the SWOT analysis and reached some conclusions that you, the Iranian man, can take into consideration.
STRENGTHS - what then:
First, you need to analyse your specific situation, to see what is your strong point compared to the competition. Women care about strenght a lot. They don't want losers, unless they are so 'poorly' equipped themselves they go for almost everything.
So, you need to know your strengths very well, and SHOW it, though NEVER try to boast. Women do not like boasters. Women like intelligent men, and intelligent men never boast. Intelligent men know that being kind is good for them, and their image, and they always try to be kind to others, male or female, and boasting is not being kind. Boasting is very very bad for one's public image. It shows that you are stupid, PERIOD.
To understand your strong points you need to know how wealthy you are, and how good-lloking you are, compared to the competition of course. Women in the West are used to seeing wealthy or good-looking men, so unless you are going for the date with a Rolls-Royce, Bentley, Ferrari, Lamborghini or Bugatti, and you look like Brad Pitt, you are not far from average.
After analysing your wealth and looks, you need to take appropriate measures in order to improve your image. You need to dress well, use perfumes, and have a nice and clean car, and if necessary go to the gym or do some sports to improve your looks too. The house is less important because if she accepted to come and see your house it is already a bit too late for her to change her mind, unless your house is so messed-up and dirty that it will turn her stomach around!
All these cost money, so you need to spend some money! Yes, to have success with women you actually need to spend some money. The more money you can afford the more you ought to spend, though without boasting and intimidating the woman. You need to be respectful, and not inferiorate the woman with your wealth. You need to show humbleness. That is a clear sign of intelligence, and women LOVE intelligent men. If someone tells you that women don't care about money, then he probably got married with his mom's help.
Women do care about money but that does not mean they ONLY care about money. Money is a basic requirement for life. In order to raise a child, a woman needs a man, AND some money! It is very simple. So, your style, your clothes, and your car, will show that you have some money. Women are genetically engineered to look for men who can afford raising children, and that means spending some extra money.
Of course, we all know that some men have so little money they cannot afford expensive clothes or a really nice car. What about them? Well, they can always try getting a better, or second, job. But maybe they are simply not that well-positioned in the society so they just need to live with a less plentiful lifestyle. These men need to consider their situation very carefully and do as much as they can to make some improvements, and in case improvements are almost impossible they can ALWAYS be nice, gentle, courteous and caring toward women, smile often, and make nice jokes. These work because they show that the man is not sad, and confident about life.
Women will never fall for a sad man. Women want strong, confident, lively men. Strong, confident lively men bring joy and action to life. Sad men bring nothing, but sadness. A lonely woman is always happier being lonely than being with a sad man, so why hang around with a sad man? Well, in case she is even more depressed she will be satisfied with a sad man, because he can offer a better horizon, but then again why would the man want a more depressed woman? Maybe for sex? That's true too, for a terribly desperate man!
In case you are an Iranian man and you think that being an Iranian is a strength in itself, then believe me you are pretty dumb. Try not to hide being an Iranian because it will reveal itself sooner or later and show that you are not a confident man, but try also not to be arrogant because you are an Iranian, and try NOT to spell Iranian PERRRRSSSHIAN, because Western women will never understand what you are saying.
Unless the woman thinks Iranians are Arabs then you can, just for the sake of correctness, tell her that Iranians are not Arabs because they are mostly non-Arabic speakers, or mostly Persian-speakers. That is quite enough. Being an Iranian, or a Persian, is NO strength. You can use this, being an Iranian, to show that you are not in favour of the IRI regime and that you condemn their treatment of women etc. That will make a good impression.
You can also use your Iranian-ness to make fun... of yourself. You think you can't? Yes, you can make some nice jokes, which are very good to impress women. Make jokes about terrorism, bombs, nuclear weapons, Ahmadinejad, so on and so forth. Try to show that you are open-minded and smart, and that will also make a very good impression. As said earlier, women like intelligence REALLY A LOT. And an intelligent man can be funny, using all the tools available. For example you can say to her that if she is not good you can use your opportunity to go to heaven (to get 70-something virgins as reward), and take her, a Christian infidel, with you.
I know, this sounds pretty bad, but if you say it like a joke, it can work very well, because it will be something really original. So, being an Iranian can sometimes be a strength too, because you can play the victim (by criticising the Iranian regime) and also use your nationality to make jokes.
WEAKNESSES - what then:
It is good to know your weaknesses. That will make you less stupid, or smarter, especially when you have a lot of weaknesses, and being an Iranian, is definitely a weak point rather than a strong point.
You think being an Iranian is a strong point? Why? Why would it be a strong point? You are from a Muslim country that exports terrorism. Your skin is pretty dark (that is not always bad, but more often bad) and the only thing the average Christian woman knows about Iran is that Iranians are related to one or more of the following: terrorism, Muslim extremism, nuclear proliferation, public hangings, human rights violations, mistreatment of women, etc. The list can go on. You think Westerners are wrong to know ONLY these about Iranians?
You may be right. But, here it is about being successful with women, not academic discourse. You are not going to disagree with a woman on all these things and then expect her to like you. Because disagreeing with all her brainly images about Iran you are simply telling her that she is an idiot. If she is an idiot, then don't date her, go and find an Iranian girl for yourself who agrees almost with everything you say! Public image of Iranians, and Muslims in general, in the West, is really bad.
Don't try to disagree with the public image. Believe me, it is not them who are really guilty for their perception. It is the Iranian regime, or Muslim countries, and to some degree the people (maybe more than the regimes) who are guilty.
OPPORTUNITIES - what then:
To meet women, you need to look for them, and use all the possible means to be exposed to places (even the Internet) where there are women. It depends on what you are looking for. You are not going to have anything but frustration if you go to an ultra-expensive club dressed and styled like an average Tehran bazaari. Try to be exposed to as many places as possible without wasting your time or making fun of yourself.
Remember that women neither like losers, nor the depressed. They are not searching for children to care for. They are searching for MEN to care for them, to protect them and to protect, eventually, their children. So, you need to be confident and have a shiny image wherever you go. You cannot have an extraordinary dress-code or style all the time, but you can have a strong positive aura around you.
THREATS - what then:
In case you are interested in protecting and preserving a relationship, then you must treat the woman with care, and love, be a strong man for the society and the most gentle of all the gentlemen she has known when treating her.
Making small gifts time to time and being careful about her simplest needs (like giving her a cup of coffee once a week) impresses women a lot and shows that you care about her. There are always threats from the competition and you need to prevent them from becoming dangerous. You need to be one step ahead of the 'market' by simply avoiding trouble and being a caring person who is not boring. That is enough for women. Women need some protection, and some entertainment, just like men. It is true that after they get older and they notice that there is almost no admirer left out there they will reduce their desires, but then again, they (the women) are human beings just like men and we need to treat them with respect at all times.
Finally, I need to say that the above is not perfect, and the separation into the SWOT sections is even more imperfect, but keeping in mind that Iranian, or Middle-Eastern, men are a bit different, I thought it would be helpful to give some small, more specific hints. One of the biggest mistakes Iranian men make when dealing with Christian women of America, and Europe, is that they are not considering the realities. Iranian men, taught and raised differently, do not yet (generally) understand that free women are not like those Iranian girls who have little access to men.
Iranian men still think that the best, and ethically-correct, way to get a woman is to go to her parents. Well, it doesn't work anymore. It was not a good idea from the start, though things have moved on and you cannot expect the same things from today's educated women in the West. Nevertheless women are women and men are men. They are different. I cannot say what Iranian women need to do in order to be successful with Christian men simply because I am a man, and I have NO idea about this matter, because I am different.
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Dear Flovius, The "Muslim
by Payam on Sat Sep 01, 2007 10:33 PM PDTDear Flovius, The "Muslim CEO" as you like to call him, accompanied by his wife, are soon to release two new products into the global market, in a San Fransisco location.
1 - Device 1 is designed as a fully automatic cancer detection machine. You put a few drops of human blood and device automatically scans the blood for over 30 types of cancer. Device is protected by over 150 US patents. It has taken a team of 80 scientists to burn over 50 million dollars to design.
2 - Device 2 is desgined as a fully portable dialysis machine that can be used at home. Device is protected by over 200 US patents.
It is planned that a number of these devices will be donated to poor countries for free.
Ceremony will be attended by several hundred people. I can take your posting on this blog, enlarge it and put it on display side-by-side of the products designed by the Muslim-led corporation. We then let attendees judge who is more civilized. If you are prepared, let me know and you can be my guest.
ANY WOMAN, western,
by flovius on Sat Sep 01, 2007 09:37 PM PDTANY WOMAN, western, eastern, african, martian etc., who consorts
with an islamoshit male is a whore, or totally psychotic, or, as usual,
a totally psychotic whore! No rational woman wants any part of
islamoshit,- the worst mysogynistic shit ever! The "moslem ceo"
can shove all that islamoshit right back up into his anus! Ghool,
you are right on! All civilized people are on your side!
It is Ironic that even the
by Payam on Sat Sep 01, 2007 09:25 PM PDTIt is Ironic that even the American visa officers in embassies around Europe and Middle East, know it as Sharif! They also call it "Konkoor" with a thick American accent.
Sharif or Aryamehr, the institute is a very strong Iranian brand. Sometimes I take time to talk to our young students coming here for postgraduate study in different Californian campuses. Their academic ability is quite fascinating. The same is true for other major Iranian universities.
As for Mr. Ghool,
It is OK to be patriotic. It is very OK to dislike Arabic. It is OK to stick to what you believe is truth. But have class. Talk nicely. I love to see there is a high class Iranian Mr. Ghool on east coast who is a major MIT scientist, CEO or anything else. But using 'f' word to put down your opponent is very dissapointing.
f*** off
by Ghool on Sat Sep 01, 2007 08:13 PM PDTu can kiss my ass while you u're at it...
Well, you're well within your rights to discipline them
by Q on Sat Sep 01, 2007 08:03 PM PDTfor creating a hostile work environment, sort of like our angry friend is doing here. I assume it's a tech company which surprises me. My impression of most tech people is that they are generally less entrenched in the nastier aspects of our culture.
good luck to you and I wish you further success in life.
You are too foul for this place...
by Q on Sat Sep 01, 2007 07:56 PM PDTLater~
Qumars
Envy
by jigsaw on Sat Sep 01, 2007 07:41 PM PDTDear Payam: I'm sorry to hear that about your wife being called names. That's is not right. Envy, we are told, is one of the seven cardinal sins. And it is all too common. A Danish proverb asserts, "If envy were a fever, all the world would be ill." The person who does the envying usually suffers the most both in the short and long run. It's a useless emotion. Those who love themselves and others do not envy.
Yes, you are right. Edison
by Payam on Sat Sep 01, 2007 06:49 PM PDTYes, you are right. Edison was also an atheist. I did not try to correlate faith with success at all. It was just a personal story, a real one. That is really it.
I did not boast about anything. These are only facts. A mixed bag of highs and lows. It has happened that people have asked me about our finances and I have been reluctant to mention it. Much to their persistance, I have mentioned a number and their immediate reaction is that I am "pozi, khasis" and that I probably lie, and my wife is a cheap German ..... But, it was them who were asking persistently!
I have also been accused of not giving money away to chariable causes. How do they know that?! Should I write it on my forehead how much I help others? My own answer is no. Give in complete secrecy so your motivation of giving remains noble. If possible, make sure that even the receiver does not know it comes from you.
They also accuse me of forgetting my past. There is a frame in my house, in which is dried remaining skin of an orange. What accusers do not know is that it is the skin of the orange my wife ate as dinner as mentioned in my story.
I am sure if "hajiagha", the famous Cartoonist who frequently posts his works on this site, sees me and my wife, he will immediately accuse her to be a ... obsessed with sex toys, who has married me for my money! He will also accuse me of stealing people money, and a selfish wealthy person who does not know anything about hard life!
Isn't it amazing? How things really are, and how they may look from outside?
Do you even know what fascism means .... I doubt it!?
by Ghool on Sat Sep 01, 2007 06:15 PM PDTSince when reminding people of the facts is
considered abusive and embarrassing!? For how many centuries do we Iranians
want to live with and in duality and hypocrisy? The fact of the matter is that
Aryamehr is the correct name of the school and Sharif is not! Furthermore,
Sharif is the name of a terrorist besides the fact that it is Arabic!?
Payam is a CEO and we are very proud of him but he
is wrong in his using an incorrect name for the school he attended in Iran. Why
can’t we for once put the truth and the interest of Iran ahead of ours!? Just say the
truth!
Qumars, I hope that
by Payam on Sat Sep 01, 2007 05:38 PM PDTQumars,
I hope that people do not emulate my 1997 failure. It is very painful.
As I have mentioned in my responses to other people, I have some Iranian employees (mainly R&D staff members) who make similar comments behind my back and my wife. What is regrettable is that they do not tell it in front of me. They do not know that I am fully aware of what they say. As far as they do their job well, they will be paid accordingly. Interestingly, none of them likes to find another employer!
They should be free to express their opinions, even if they are on my payroll.
Not angry, Just needed to correct you...!?
by Ghool on Sat Sep 01, 2007 05:33 PM PDTI am not angry!
I just felt the deep urgency in me to correct you. Oh, convenience,
convenience, it’s simply a matter of convenience for you to use the incorrect
name instead of the correct one! Well, as the old saying goes some folks like to eat the abgousht at the
price of the day or something to that effect! Tomorrow, if Sharif is
renamed after Mosadeq or Rajavi, we will just call it that! So, you do agree
that the correct name of the school is Aryamehr and not Sharif and he was a terrorist!?
Apology for my substandard witting style, but it shouldn’t
be used as a criterion to gauge my ability to be a MIT material or not. For
your info, I never attended MIT. I just work there. I could be sweeping the
floor there for that matter! Who knows!? What matters is that Aryamehr is correct
and Sharif is wrong!
Peace brother!
Oh dear, Why are you so
by Payam on Sat Sep 01, 2007 04:47 PM PDTOh dear,
Why are you so angry?
1 - I like to call it Sharif. It is simply an easier name to write in English. It is nice to hear from a person in MIT. We are planning to perhaps open an R&D centre in Boston area. Your writing style does not give the impression of a man from MIT though. I am probably mistaken.
2- Sorry about my PhD. I wish you were there to let me know Stanford PhD is overrated. But this is the mistake I can not correct. Too late!
3 - That is fine. You don't read Quran so you are not backward.
4 - Mr Ejabat is a personal friend and his net worth is much more than a billion! I have met Mr. Allai several times as well. Both are indeed very capable and hard working gentlemen. They talk somehow very differently from you though.
5 - If I wanted to boast, I would reveal my name, and I would change my car!
5 - OK, on your advice, I start playing Chopin. What happens if you do not consider me cultured and civilized? Would you fire me?
Thank You Payam,
by Q on Sat Sep 01, 2007 04:34 PM PDTI will say it, even if no one else does.
Thank You for the wonderful success story to be emulated by many to come, I'm sure. I'm not religious myself, but your devotion and spirituality has obviously worked for you and it's in fact beautiful to read about.
Some people who responded to this are immature morons. They are people with a big chip on their shoulder who can't stand anyone else being successful or having the slightest divergence of views about Iran/Islam/Shah or anything else. So they shoot down anyone who dares thinks and write differently. There is a word for this: Fascism, a concept which has always been anti-religion. Unfortunately, many Iranians in exile have a serious streak of fascism.
Look at this people. These comments are sad and an insult to most Iranians. How come the website administrators don't honor "flag as abusive" requests? This is becoming embarrassing.
Qumars
Dear jigsaw, You are
by Payam on Sat Sep 01, 2007 04:20 PM PDTDear jigsaw,
You are right about that. European women are much calmer and have a somehow more traditional perspective on life. They usually look much better too.
By the way, I was not boasting. The reason I have mentioned these things is that I am anonymous here. If I wanted to boast, I would not write about my failure in 1997. It was merely a saga, if you like.
Some of my harshest opponents are those who used to laugh at me when I was down. Regrettably, many are Iranians. Some even work for me. They do not know that I am aware of what they say. They also call my wife names (behind her back), but this has more to do with her looks more than anything else :) She smiles and asks me whether these bahaviours are related to our culture? and every time I have to say, with much embarrassment, "no honey, they have personal problems".
Hey GholamAli , It's Araymehr NOT Sharif...!?
by Ghool on Sat Sep 01, 2007 02:19 PM PDTFact # 1: Sharif Vaghefi was a terrorist. The school you attended was
established by the late Shah and not a bacheh akhoond/bacheh terrorist. Learn
your history facts before you brag about your Stanford Ph.D. Besides, Stanford
Ph.D.’s are overrated. For your info, the cream of the crop of the Aryamehr
used to go to MIT. Trust me, I work at the place.
Fact # 2: Reciting qor'ann on a daily basis is sign of backwardness.
Fact # 3: At the time and age where every Indian owns a company, boasting
about your company is a bit tacky... Just look around you, Morry Ejabat (made $1B
selling Ascend to Lucent), Faraj Allai, etc…
Fact # 4: Instead of praying 5 times a day, why don't you play Chopin, Rachmaninov,
etc. and maybe you can bring some culture to your life and get rid of the Arabic
stuff...Only then we may consider you a cultured, refined, and civilized Iranian...!?
hmmmmmm
by jigsaw on Sat Sep 01, 2007 12:49 PM PDTMany atheists and non-muslims have become very successful and have lived meaningful, spiritual, and fulfilling lives with one partner who has been with them through thick and thin. In fact, that is the case in the West in general. Some have even helped others by their philantropic work to help millions of people like Mr. Negorponte of MIT, who quit his job to help others. There are plethora of examples of kind and extremely wealthy people who are not muslim and they do drink and never have read quoran or ever fasted for that matter.
Nicholas Negroponte is founder and chairman of the One Laptop per Child non-profit association. He is currently on leave from MIT, where he was co-founder and director of the MIT Media Laboratory. Boasting about your networth doesn't bode so well for you, I might add. With all due respect, boasting about your networth is not exactly sign of humility or modesty.Interesting
by jigsaw on Sat Sep 01, 2007 12:36 PM PDTI used to work with American men (both young and old, divorced and widowed) who would simply refuse to date American women simply because they viewed them all as gold diggers. These men were all very successful and highly accomplished in their fields and made tons of money. They mostly look for Asian, ME, or European women...
An overdue project
by AmirT on Sat Sep 01, 2007 06:43 AM PDTI didn't finish reading the whole "guide", but I like the idea of writing such a guide for clueless Iranian dudes, especially the ones who've just set foot in a Western country. I think this is an overdue project that can be modified, expanded, and even has the potential of growing into alittle book. Trust me on this, if it's nicely done, it'll sell like hotcakes.
From an Iranian CEO
by Payam on Sat Sep 01, 2007 05:58 AM PDTI have been asked frequently to give talks about my life. I have never done that before. Having read this and a few other articles, I have finally decided to write something on Internet for the first time.
A bit about me (this part may sound boastful, but please be patient):
44, practising Muslim, never drinks, always prays and fasts, read Quran regularly, anything from good to very good looking, 178 cm, 81 KG, Stanford PhD (Eng), Stanford MBA, classically trained pianist, full hair, no glasses, co-founder and CEO of a privately-held technology firm with a staff of over 500, and 150+ Million/Year revenue. Married to my dear German wife for last seven years. She is a 34 year-old school teacher, a 177 cm stunner for whom I happily turn away from the whole world. We have "never" been apart for more than a day. It will remain that way.
Life has not always been like that:
After graduating from Sharif, Entered Stanford and the day I got my PhD, I had 5 dollars in bank. Worked for Intel and did a MBA. Started a tech firm and failed.
At 37, while recovering from failure of my first company and death of my dear mother to cancer, I met my wife. My net worth was negative, I had no car, I could barely afford my rent and food. But I was very educated and quite good-looking by any standard. many Iranian girls and their families turned me down because my life was in such a deep trouble. Then I met her. So beautiful and so humble. Agreed to convert to Islam and we married. No pre-marital involvement of the types you modern gentlemen talk about all the time! She married my future potential and my principles which I owe to my faith.
I started out again. It was difficult, very very difficult. She stood with me. She stood with me even that night when we had no money to buy dinner. I slept hungry and she ate an orange. This time God showed us favour and we made it. Now, she can have my entire wealth, if she wants. But she is not that type. Despite our wealth, we live simply. We drive Toyotas not expensive cars. Very few people know my net worth now is over 100 million. My best hobby is to play Ostad Javad maroufi's "Gila" for my wife and our two beautiful daughters.
I know most you ladies and gentlemen do not like to hear this last part:
It is GOD who brings about situations and circumstances not armschair experts around Internet. It is GOD who gives you stuff and takes stuff away from you. We are weak. very weak. If you ask, ask for his favour. Do not ask "ben" and "sadaf".
...
by Ben Madadi on Sat Sep 01, 2007 04:48 AM PDTInsulting is a common habbit of many on the web. I just wrote my opinions. It is not about generalisation! Just my opinion on how I have noticed things to be :)
No boasting!?
by programmer craig on Sat Sep 01, 2007 02:04 AM PDTI have no idea if it's accurate or not, but it was an interesting read, anyway :)
I'm not sure I agree with some of those items... like the clothes. I'm a computer programmer, and I live in jeans and t-shirts. And commbat boots, too - couldn't live without them! Bad habit I picked up in the Marines I guess.
Also, cologne... most the women I've known over the years don't really like cologne much, especially if it's cheap or over-applied (even if it's a nice one). Maybe for young guys it's OK.
Any hints for how western guys can get Iranian women? All the ones I know are married or treat me like their brother :O
I'm not sure I could give up boasting though, I like that a lot.
What ardeshir said
by aghakia on Fri Aug 31, 2007 08:18 PM PDTI agree, these generalizations are without base and totally uncalled for.
To Ben
by ardeshir on Fri Aug 31, 2007 05:37 PM PDTBen:
I wish you wouldn't make such generalizations; it's neither fair nor accurate.
RaoulDuke:
No need for sarcasm, my friend.
fascinating
by RaoulDuke on Fri Aug 31, 2007 03:43 PM PDTthanks for your useless rambling