I lived through the 10 years of sanctions, civil war, mass executions, Iraq-Iran invasion and Iran-Iraq counter invasion. Also, I lost friends and family members to that madness and chaos. I was shell-shocked (as you can tell) threatened and detained, attacked and investigated. But after all these many years, when most things can be forgotten and even somewhat forgiven, the one regret I have is the “Loss of Faith”!
Among the immigrant crowd in America, the one group that I have least liked, are from the ex-communist block. I am sorry to say and generalize, but they come across as the least human (compassionate, helpful and even happy). They seem to me as the most heartlessly conniving, calculating and scheming. Unfortunately, a Russian colleague recently made a very similar comment about us Iranians!
I guess it takes one to know one! The mass deception called Russian Communism, in that respect, was very similar to our own Iranian Islamism. From cradle to crate, they were indoctrinated that the “Great One” had figured everything out, and the little ones had to blindly follow, obey and suffer. And by the way, if the little ones didn’t … there were cruel and unusual punishments beyond imagination!
So the “State Sponsored Faith” planned to leave no free space in our hearts and minds for any other faiths. Worst of all, seeing how inhuman and hollow that seemingly “grand ideology” was, most of us became faithless and heartless machines. Seeing how great idealists could turn into great traitors (under torture). How everyone could be raped and beaten into submission. How utterly insignificant and helpless the humanity could be … enslaved by the demons … conquered by the plague.
Most of us simply relinquished our humanity, just to stay alive. Or perhaps it was the other way around - that our humanity escaped our earthly bodies to seek refuge in a dark lonely corner. Either way, we simply Lost Faith.
Before throwing stones at me and laughing me out of the site with jeers and hackles, just try to recall when you had Faith … any faith. When you were not a bio-mechanical machine, but a soul. Not lonely, but connected to so many other humans, connected to so many generations past, as well as coming. Connected to the whole existence, to the whole being. When your little drop of humanity was one with a grand ocean, and that grand ocean was the smallest drop of your tears of hope and joy.
For me, that joy can’t return through sex, drinks or drugs. It’s like trying to quench a colossal thirst by sea water. I would like to sue all the demonic “Isms” … for our Loss of Faith.
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