Being Anal about Sex


Being Anal about Sex
by Shazde Asdola Mirza

- You are too anal.  

> That’s a wild accusation ... I don’t even like anal sex!  

- No silly … you know what I mean! You pay too much attention to every detail … you analyze everything till it holds no mystery, no allure.  

I couldn’t deny … it was my core obsession from a young age. I never had any functioning toys – not because I wasn’t showered in gifts – but due to my insatiable drive to dissect and analyze.  

My last grand trinket was a majestic white camel; complete with a rocking base and a riding saddle between the humps. I enjoyed it for a full week – mounting it each evening after kindergarten … riding her all over the Arabian Desert and all across the Silk Road. That was, until I could hold back no more. I had to see how she worked – what was behind that warm and fussy façade, where was that magical strength coming from?  

After cutting that beautiful camel’s belly wide open, I was shocked to find only a bunch of worthless straw. Even a thorough investigation of that charming mount’s torso showed nothing but a crumbling shell and a few fasteners. What a turn off! Especially that, after cleaning the ruins of my white camel, mom and dad stopped buying me any more toys … until I was old enough for my first school-age gadget … a microscope.  

- Stop putting people under a microscope! We aren’t your tissue samples.  

> Hey, I’m paid to see, discern and judge … it’s my second nature … what do you want from me?  

- Step outside your comfort zone. Have faith. Show compassion. Deliver unconditional affection!  

> That’s not for me, dear. You can’t talk a cynical mule into bungee jumping.  

- Fine … stay cautious; keep analyzing and calculating; never give in to love.  

> Well, I love you!

– No, you love sex; you love certain parts of me. We can’t strike magic; we can’t be whole.


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more from Shazde Asdola Mirza
Shazde Asdola Mirza

دیوانه جان

Shazde Asdola Mirza

امیدوارم که به نمونه واقعی‌‌اش گرفتار شوی - تا قدر مدل پلاستیکی را بگیری!

Anahid Hojjati

divaneh, what a funny comment you wrote :)))

by Anahid Hojjati on



Read as promised, carefully and anally

by Rea on

Black, noir, nero, crno.

I suppose you ought to be Iranian to understand. If not, lost. ;o)


Inside the toys

by divaneh on

I also had a toy that gave me so much pleasure and I cut it to find out what was inside. All the air went out and I had to sleep on my own that night.

Shazde Jaan, I think more than one of us has to make that confession. I enjoyed and learnt as usual.

Shazde Asdola Mirza

ماندای عزیز

Shazde Asdola Mirza

It's been a while since I have known that she is great - but thanks for giving me a passing grade. That ok on my account, means a lot coming from your wholesome soul.


Clearly beautiful

by Monda on

And in case you were fishing for anyone's validation of your natural tendancies - you are Ok Shazdeh jan, trust me. And so is she.


Top 5 signs you are anal-retentive

by MM on


Top 5 signs you are anal-retentive


  1. You keep large redundant amounts of all your sundries such as laundry detergent so that you never risk running out.
  2. You don’t just sort the money in your wallet by $1, $5, $10, or $20, but also sort the bills by wear-and-tear so that you get rid of the bills in the worst shape first.
  3. You look up anal-retentive to see whether it needs a hyphen.
  4. You don’t just keep a grocery list, you micro-optimize order of the items on the grocery list so that you only make one pass through the grocery store.
  5. After a power outage or when Daylight Savings Time starts or ends, you feel the need to set all your clocks to the same minute and second.
  6. It really irritates you when someone says a list has 5 items and you count six.


Shazde, uffff

by Rea on

Promise to read tomorrow, carefully and anally. Hopefully, will get the switch. 

Late here, nite. 

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Everybody L.S.

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

Thanks for the clarification ... so DA was trying to be "anally funny" by saying that one can be CompartAnalyzed while still being a Virgin. I understand now ... kind of reminds me of the young Ayatollah Rafsanjani in the Feyzieh ;-)

Put Mullahs in the Boshkeh ... where they all belong!

Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime

Shazdeh, welcome back! When you are not around this place

by Everybody Loves Somebody ... on

is soot o koor'e! I think it's "compartmentalized" not "compartanalyzed!"

My decoding algorithm says certain compartments have been penetrated and some others have not!? Sort of like Barbari dude in a Boshkeh with multiple ingress points!

Shazde Asdola Mirza


by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

This has nothing to do with Anal Sex ... the title is just a bait ... the story being the switch!

Shazde Asdola Mirza

فرامرز جان

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Clearly, you didn't do the "tabiei" or (natural science) diploma in Iran! We had a tiny biology teacher who could draw all organs, including the female parts, using colored chalks. Despite his dwarfed size, kids were so afraid of his temper that, no one dared to even smile when he was describing the vagina in a monologue.


Read as far as "too anal"

by Rea on

Painful, all I can say.

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Dirty Angel

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

Don't understand you and perhaps, never will.

What the heck is "compartanalyzed virgin"?

Happy new year and all the "stuffy" wishes you deserve!


So That's Where Everything is!

by Faramarz on

Somebody should have shown me this picture years ago!


I think Steve Martin said it best:

"You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither!"

But seriously Shazde, try to date her different parts on different nights! Your odds will improve!

Dirty Angel

pain and piles

by Dirty Angel on

that's all I can think of and

my being a compartanalyzed virgin. 

I'd say,I'd be outtahere, if weren't wishing, you'd be!




"Stuff happens and some, one way or another, get stuffed"

Shazde Asdola Mirza

Ebi dear

by Shazde Asdola Mirza on

Not sure about her, but certainly I am having a lot of trouble understanding!

Bad Stories for Bad Kids

ebi amirhosseini

Shazdeh Jaan

by ebi amirhosseini on

 Do you think she'll ever understand !!??

 -" Fine … stay cautious; keep analyzing and calculating; never give in to love. "

Ebi aka Haaji