Monday 7/26: Iranian.com Editor in Chief Jahanshah Javid debuted a strikingly handsome new avatar, prompting masses of readers of his popular site to feverishly wonder whether he will star in ABC's next edition of The Bachelor.
Tuesday 7/27: BP CEO Tony Hayward was forced to resign in the wake of an oil spill scandal that made him, in BP Board members' words, the "most demonised, vilified, and reviled man on the planet." In an effort to salvage the company's public image, Board members have been attempting to recruit more likeable individuals as Hayward's replacement, such as Idi Amin and Pol Pot.
Wednesday 7/28: To cheers and jeers alike, a Federal Judge struck down controversial aspects of a new immigration law in Arizona that would have allowed police to deport any individuals whom they would have "a reasonable cause to suspect are illegal aliens." The State of California promptly passed its own immigration law, with a slight amendment, in that the police are only required to deport any individuals whom they would have "a reasonable cause to suspect is Mel Gibson."
Thursday 7/29: For the first time in American history, President Barack Obama sat down for an interview on the daytime estrogen-filled gabfest The View to discuss such 'soft news' topics as whether he knows about Lindsay Lohan's jail sentence or Snooki from the Jersey Shore. Shortly after the show aired, Snooki sat down for her own interview with French journalist Bernard Pivot to discuss whether it was Kierkegaard or Nietzsche who was the true forefather of existentialism.
Friday 7/30: After earlier reporting that Iranian President Ahmadinejad has announced a new incentive of $950 to encourage Iranian women to have more babies, ABC news, after further investigation, clarified that the incentive of $950 is to encourage Iranian women to have more babies specifically with President Ahmadinejad.
HAVE A GREAT WEEK-END EVERYONE!!!
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