Spoiled brats


Niki Tehranchi
by Niki Tehranchi

I've been so busy dealing with the tantrumtastic ways of my toddler lately that I have failed to notice, for the most part, the spoiled brats of the adult kind.  But this week-end, after witnessing someone spending 15 minutes ordering, then rejecting, then re-specifying, then re-tasting, then rejecting again, then re-ordering and re-iterating a simple coffee drink order at Starbucks, it made me want to write this blog.  When have we as a society of adults decided that it is okay to behave like a 2 year old bent on having his own way, or else?  Some examples:

 - I want a tall drip in a venti cup with 5 shots of espresso but make it organic coffee medium dark from Colombia not that light Ethiopian brew and I want half of milk but don't steam it, I don't want any foam, repeat, NO FOAM AT ALL, but don't have it cold either warm it up, but without making any foam and not too hot please or I will sue and not too cold it hurts my teeth, and I don't want organic milk or fat free milk but lowfat and how come you don't have lactose free non soy milk? And I want 2 sugars in it no not white, splenda, equal or sweet n low  but half brown sugar and half organic honey and please have a better attitude young man!  This is a very simple order.


 -I want scrambled eggs, half white only and half with the yellow stuff, and I want you to add a sprinkle, repeat A SPRINKLE of swiss cheese but make sure it is baby swiss cheese as it has less fat and also could you please add some basil and one quarter of tomatos, sliced thinly, I don't want big chunks, and on the side I want half of fat free cottage cheese and half of regular cottage cheese, and instead of toast, I want bagel lightly toasted (no black part please) with some cream cheese but I want it on the side and also if you could bring me a cup of fruit but make it seasonal fruit only and bring it 10 minutes before my egg order not at the same time or later and...


When I hear these things, I just want to crawl 6 feet under.  Of course, the restaurant industry at least here in Southern California, is totally enabling and even encouraging this type of behavior too.  It's not enough that the menu is 40 pages long and that you have 36 choices for lunch including one "create your own dish" because god knows 36 choices is too restrictive, but even if you abide by one of the menu's dishes, you are hit left and right with a machine gun style interrogation worthy of Guantanamo:

_Would you like that rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, or well?  Grilled, fried, roasted, sauteed or broiled? French Fries, baked potato, roasted potatos, steamed brocolli, root vegetables, wasabi mashed potato, cauliflower puree or green beans on the side?  White, wheat, foccacia, ciabatta sourdough or pumpernickel? Flat, sparkling, tap, non tap, spring, diet, or vitamin added water for the table?

 And it goes on and on and on...

I wonder what these people would do if they end up in a famine and war stricken country with starving children who have to survive on rationed charity in order to make it to the next day.

-Would you like a cup of white rice with a side of malaria, malnutrition, yellow fever, tuberculosis or mine-blown limb on the side?

-Ummm.... Give me a mine-blown limb but very lightly blown please and none of that mine debris

-Okay, would you like left arm, right arm, left leg, right leg, left ear or right ear blown off?

-Ummmmmm... interesting, could you give me a few minutes?

 It was cute when Meg Ryan did it in When Harry met Sally but honestly, they didn't show them twenty years later when Harry was about to take a shotgun to her after he finally snapped at one more apple pie but hold the apple order.  And let's face it, you people ain't Meg Ryan!!! 


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Mrs .... ewwww!

by sun (not verified) on

what if we end up in a pestoon to pesttoon situation?

that's is so gay!

Not that there is anything wrong with that.


Sun, Holy cow thanks for

by TheMrs on


Holy cow thanks for the calculation, I didn't even think of that. Well, indeed, I am shorter than her for sure but I guess if you added and subtracted right, her fat pestoon probably wouldn't slap me in the face. But what if I bend down to tie my shoe laces and we collide as I'm about to stand back up? Did you ever think of that??? huh? huh? Worse yet, what if we end up in a pestoon to pesttoon situation? My poor babies would not survive hers that's for sure.


I agree with you 100%...


Fat folks can be annoying too

by IRANdokht on

But you're not usually tempted to punch them right in the schnozzle...



Mrs... fat vs short

by sun (not verified) on

What if she tries to turn around and her pestoon slaps me in the face?

Christie Alley is about 5' 7". If her pestoon slaps your face, you must be..... about 4 feet tall??? Sorry for your situation! I don't think even a platform can help!


Sorry Niki, this was such a

by TheMrs on

Sorry Niki, this was such a funny blog. I'm sitting in my cubicle giggling and trying to control my laughter, I have teary eyes. Every time I try no think about it, it becomes all I think about. I especially like my own line: are your people out to get me?

Thanks everyone, this was really funny. Ok bebakhshid, sorry. Fat people rule. Happy now? I love them all, so cushiony!



anonymous fish

by TheMrs on

Hi, I'm not obsessed with them.

This was a post about what Niki found annoying and I just wanted to say I find picky people less annoying than fat people. Think of it this way, what is the worse thing a picky spoiled brat can do at starbucks? Maybe hold up the line? Maybe annoy the employees? Maybe get a few eye rolls? Worse case scenario is he doesn't like his drink and throws a hissy fit to get another one. Besides, if some one calls him a jerk, the rest of the people in line will agree. Some places have policies about refusing service.

But think of what fat people do. They put a burden on the health care system that you and I have to pay for. And the problem is that in most cases, they pretend to be happy with the way they look (but of course they're not and so they eat more). Hey at least some of these picky people are nice too look at. Have you seen Christie Alley's pictures recently, I'd rather stand behind a brat than behind her. She's huge, what if the cashier doesn't even see me and decides to close the cash? What if Christie trips and falls on me? I would surely die. What if she tries to turn around and her pestoon slaps me in the face? I bet that hurts, they each weigh a ton, I bet. What if she eats me?!?!? OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO HELP

And you think anyone dares to tell her "fatso, how about you not eat today huh?" And I have NEVER seen a "no service to people who SHOULD be on a diet" sign. Have you? :)

But seriously speaking, anonymous fishi maybe you're fat and that's why you think my comments here and there amount to obsession. Hey I comment about all sorts of things, consistently and no one accuses me of being obsessed there. It doesn't matter if you are, we love you anyway. But are your people out to get me? That's what I REALLY want to know.

Arrogance is pretty bad, I agree. But sometimes it can be funny to look at. Lard isn't.




by hossein.hosseini on

The old saying Keep It Simple Stupid (KISS) also pays in a big way. My kids  love in-n-out burgers because you have 3 choices and their business is booming.  Growing up in Shiraz, we had two choices of Ice Cream (Fallodeh and Bastani).  With your Fallodeh you either took lime juice of cherry juice - Oh my God one would hit the spot right now.

Great post Niki Jaan,

Ali P.

Nikki jaan

by Ali P. on

I have dealt with the public, in a business sense,  all my adult life. 20-30% of them have left me in awe, either by their kindness, or their evil! 

The bell curve applies to the general public, no matter what business you are in:

10-15% always are supernice, 10-15% jerks, NO MATTER WHAT!

And the 70-80% normal people, reacting to you according the way you treat them.

We need to just accept that 10-15% as part of the package!


Great Blog.  Sadly I put

by desi on

Great Blog.  Sadly I put myself thru college as a barista.  This was almost 20 years ago and nothing has changed.  Can you imagine being 20 years old and hungover on a Sunday morning taking some gym mom's order.  God it sucked.  Now I have a husband and a kid with 2 completely different palates firing off breakfast/lunch/dinner orders a la Meg Ryan.  I better nip this in the bud before its too late.


women vs men

by tea (not verified) on

Probably 9 out of 10 worse customer encounters that I ever remember were women. They are more difficult, rude and demanding. After being exposed to these kind of behaviors, I understood why some of the "women jokes" were coming from. You know the ones that say women are nagging, moody, b****y, fault-finding, gossipy, chatterbox, angry, etc. I had to call security or police a few times to remove a bad customer, and all of them were women.

However, the worst ones ever, were no doubt men.

Niki Tehranchi

We can start a support group :)

by Niki Tehranchi on

Good to see I am not the only one driven INSANE by this type of behavior.  Yes, in the grand scheme of things, really the least of our problems but I just needed to vent. Thanks for hearing me out!  And, persian westender, a big LOL to you :D

anonymous fish


by anonymous fish on

excellent as ususual.  i started out grinning but ended up with a small sad frown.  it really isn't a funny issue at all. 

it's pretentiousness.  it oozes out of some people.  others keep it in check. 

ali p.  i hear you man!  i don't even drink coffee.  but on the way to work one day one of the guys asked me to pick him up a small coffee.  i thought... wow... there's a starbucks... it's supposed to be good coffee and i've never been in one... let me surprise him!  i was embarrassed, humiliated and thoroughly pissed off by the time i left.  suffice it to say, if someone wants a small coffee from now on, i'm going through mcdonalds.  or screw 'em.  :-)

themrs.  i gotta ask you... what IS with your OBSESSION with fat people?  what has a fat person ever done to you.  give me a fat person over an arrogant pretentious asshole any day of the week. jeez.

Kaveh Nouraee


by Kaveh Nouraee on

Very sharp observations, I must say!

Have you also noticed that the people making these orders have all had Botox, breast implants, and liposuction?


Tazeh be dooran resideh

by capt_ayhab on

When people act in these manner they demonstrate one of two behavior, which both are sign of abnormality.

Either they have superiority complex, which they try exert power over someone who is[at the moment] in a disadvantaged due to responsibility they carry.

Or they are as we call them[Tazeh be dooran resideh] which is affectionately known as [nadeed badeed].

In either case, SPECIALLY when someone returns the food to the kitchen to be fix, FIX it they do, either by spitting on it, or any other method. Morale of the story is, if you do not like your food, do not eat it, play it safe. This is not to say that one should not expect to receive the proper service, as a matter of fact one should insist on getting the service which is paid for.

I personally, in cases like these, if I am not satisfied with the service or the quality of food, instead of b!tching at the waiter/waitress either have a talk with the manager or write an email to the company and register my complaint. Why?

They need customers feedback in order to better their services and qualities.



..., and I found the more

by Kablammad (not verified) on

..., and I found the more intelligent and richer the customers, ..."

Correction: "..., and I found the more "intelligent" (dumb as a nail) and "richer" (unemployed and in debt over her head) the customer,..."


Sorry Niki I totally

by TheMrs on

Sorry Niki I totally disagree with you on this one. True, these spoiled brats might be annoying but they're not a danger to society. You want to send someone to a famine stricken country, what about koon chon taank, chaaghaaleh baadoom fatsos? They ARE a danger to themselves and to society. What's more, with brats, if you tell them to calm down, you might get a roll of the and and a "like, oh my god". But with shamus, you can't just come out and say, "hey fatso how bout just putting the fork down and stepping away from the food?" Because they can very easily squish a small to average size human. Who wants to risk that? They go around ordering fat free lattes and diet soda when they should perhaps not be eating any soda or latte! They blame their lard on genetics when in fact it's just basic bad habits. I mean, I could go on and on but I don't want to because some reader here munching on a doghnut and a few days away from a heart attacke might see this as an insult and cyber squish me.

persian westender

Have some venting on me!

by persian westender on

How would you like my comment to be served?

 My personal choice is: Italic, Bold and underlined all together with double line spacing, font  11; Arial black starting from the third line; not too much paragraph ,...and for the side (page)a half inch distance would make it nice. The material also should be well fermented and elaborated; with a conclusive ending. Preferably, well done.

But it is me... you can take a look at the ‘menu’  on top of the word 2008 and make a choice. I'll make it accordingly. Bon appetite!




Niki jan

by IRANdokht on

Great observation and beautiful witty writing as usual.

Here's a video clip about the down side of having too many choices:


It might interest you.


Ali P.

You don't have this in 7-11...

by Ali P. on

Because they charge you 85 cents for a cup of coffee, and you add your own suger and cream, to your liking.

But when people pay $4.25 for almost the same coffee-just a little fancier version- they feel entitled to hassle the guy.

And don't even get me started on their jargon...:


   Not too long ago, I finally went to Starbucks to meet a friend. Unfamiliar with Starbucks jargon, I, ignorantly, asked for a 'small cup of coffee'. The kid behind the counter started bombarding me with all kinds of questions and all the fabulous choices they offer.

At first I thought he was trying to upsell, by offering 'tall' or'grande' or 'medium',..and then 'Columbian', or 'French', but I realized he was not used to a simple man , like me, with a simple order.

I kept saying,"Listen...I just want A SMALL CUP OF COFFEE!"

He had not heard anyone ever asking for a 'small cup of coffee'!

"What the hell is the world coming to..", I was thinking. 

I didn't budge,and he could not, honestly, figure out what the hell I wanted.

It was only after he got the manager, that I got my 'small cup of coffee'.


Too Funny!

by Coffee Lover (not verified) on

And sooooo true. Check out this site regarding the variety of a simple coffee (by the time you get to the end, you will need another two shots of espresso:


When have we as a society of

by Kablammad (not verified) on

When have we as a society of adults decided that it is okay to behave like a 2 year old bent on having his own way, or else?

Since corporations such as Starbucks told us so! Before you'd go to McDonald's and get either decaf or regular for 50 cents or so. Now when you have all these choices of course they want you to become a spoiled brat. Who else would ask for decaffinated sugar free organic Salvadoran latte?! Other than Kramer!

You see corporations AND hollywood have long since discovered that when you get people to act like spoiled brats, you get to sell your stuff and put any price on it.

Take Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or other celebs in reality TV. What are they good for? Really, are they good for anything other than being a spoiled brat?

We are being trained that way. It is supposed to be hip. So I suggest you get on with the program Niki and start being a soiled brat yourself! No one likes a run of the mill normal person anymore!


Interesting writing. I know

by tea (not verified) on

Interesting writing. I know what you're saying. I have some experience in the service industry, and I found the more intelligent and richer the customers, the more difficult, demanding and sometimes nasty they became. I prefer average or lower sociieconomic people, they are just easier to deal with.