Invitation to collaborative writing

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Nazy Kaviani
by Nazy Kaviani
08-Jan-2011
 

I would like to invite those of you who are interested to participate in another collaborative writing project. Those of you who generously participated in the previous projects know that we are experimenting with different ways of doing this, so that the rules become more clear and people's creativity is not repressed. Responding to requests from our last project, this time our story-writing will be in English. Thanks to Divaneh and Multiple Personality Disorder for their suggestions, the rules are as follow:

1. I begin the story with 280 words, and the ending part will also be 280 words. Each person is allowed to add no more and no less than 140 words in their contribution. If you are mid-sentence when you run out of 140 words, please stop mid-sentence and the next person will pick up where you left off.

2. The story should not be more than approximately 4,000 words in total, so at around 3,000 words, I will remind all to start leading the story towards an ending.

3. Please read the earlier contributions carefully and remember the details already introduced. Please do not contradict earlier facts.

4. Drastic and unreasonable changes of storyline are not allowed. Contributions that create disruptions to the storyline will be disallowed. If there are two immediate objections to an entry, the entry will be ignored.

5. Whilst good humor could enrich the story, making a joke of the whole story should be avoided.

Here's the opening part of the story:

Sanam thought she could not walk one more step. The snow had picked up a vicious pace, and the crazy wind which kept shifting directions was now spraying huge snowflakes from every which direction all over her face and body. Her boots were soaking wet; her hands were frozen around the handles of her suitcase and duffel bag; and her vision was blurred by a combination of the blizzard, fatigue, and hopelessness.

She heard the muffled sound of an approaching car before turning around to see its dim lights coming towards her. She turned around and gathered all her might to drop her suitcase and duffel bag to the ground, making a big hand signal for the car to stop. She screamed, “STOP, PLEASE!” The car stopped. Through the windshield, she saw the driver signal “come on” to her. On any other day, Sanam would have felt apprehension at the thought of getting into a stranger’s car. Today, she did not waste any time. She opened the back door, dropped her suitcase and duffel bag on the back seat, closed the door, and jumped in the passenger seat, slamming the door. The warmth inside the car immediately started its comforting magic on Sanam. She looked at the driver, a handsome man about 40, who seemed perplexed, but wasn't saying anything. Sanam asked: “Could you take me to the next town?” It took only seconds for her words to register with the man, who said in a familiar and excited way “khanoom, shoma irooni hasteed?” (Ma’am, are you Iranian?) Sanam could barely control the muscles in her face to muster a smile or utter any words. She passed out trying.

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Esfand Aashena

comment

by Esfand Aashena on

One more note for rules. 

I suggest a rule be made that if a finglish word is used the translation would be given in English and the translation(s) would be counted in the word count, and preferably the finglish is written in italics.  Baashé?! (Ok?!) 

Everything is sacred


Esfand Aashena

Comment

by Esfand Aashena on

I vote for story in English.  Since it is going to be humor I suspect it'd gather more attention in English from more readers.  Perhaps we can do another one in Farsi after it.

Also, one more rule I'd add is to have the writer edit his/her entry otherwise it'd be ignored.  We don't want an entry with bunch of commas and heeeehaaaawww in all languages and no substance! 

Everything is sacred


default

comment

by Hooshang Tarreh-Gol on

I wasn't part of this last story, and wrote just once for the one before. I  would like to echo  MPD's insistence on a fixed number, hopefully below 200, and stopping the part even if in mid sentence. This adds an element of contingency, that makes the entire process more creative and challenging, cheers

 

P.S. Next one in farsi please.


Multiple Personality Disorder

Comment,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

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I agree that a predetermined number of words is a challenge, however this challenge is what I have enjoyed the most about writing for these series. I have banged my head against the well (figuratively) many times before trying to come up with my part of the story, advance the story, be coherent, make sense of what went on before me, and set up the story in way that the next writer could carry on the torch

So, I’d say, I am in favor of a predetermined number of words, now I suggest 175 words, however I am adamantly in favor of sticking with that number of words, so much so that the writing must stop in midsentence. As a matter of fact, I suggest for the next round we must assign someone as the word count police, so no one, and I mean no one, would violate this rule. But I also know that counting words in Farsi is challenge.


desideratum.anthropomorphized anonymous000

In the face of difference of

by desideratum.anthropomorph... on

In the face of difference of preferences about word limit, how about having a min and a max? The variance of 60 might bee a bit too much and may tip off the balance in style, in favor of the stylistic voice of those who choose the max side. But anywhere between say 150-175 or 180 might work. I personally thought the 140 limit posed an interesting challenge to try to find the right words and structure to convey the intended meaning and tone. But it's understandable that not everyone might like the challenge the same.


Esfand Aashena

How about we split the difference?

by Esfand Aashena on

Between 140 words (which I'd have voted for as well) and 200 words, how about 170 words?  If someone wants to say more it'd be fine up to 200 words. 

Everything is sacred


yolanda

........

by yolanda on

Yeah! Satire is great, I like to laugh! O:)

I will read all the installments!

Thank you ALL in advance!

Just take your time.....there is no hurry....I am sure all of you are busy!


Multiple Personality Disorder

I'd say let's try 200 words next time around

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

I thought 140 words was not enough, so I say let's try 200 words next time.


Souri

Yessssssss!

by Souri on

Go for 200 words, please!!

I am too  verraj and 140 is not enough for me :) 

Can we also write in Farsi?

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!


Mehrban

Hi! Nazy

by Mehrban on

140 was good for me.  It made the story terse.


Nazy Kaviani

Dear Word Wizards And All!

by Nazy Kaviani on

While we are still here, let's, as Esfand suggested, talk a little about our next project. How about if we get it on the way in a couple of weeks, and make it a satire this time?

Will you be up for it at the end of January, or should we wait longer?

Also, I would like to know how you all feel about the 140 words limit? Did you feel limited in the way you were developing the story with 140 words? Should we increase it to 200 words?

Please let me know what you think, and any other suggestions you may have which could make the experience smoother and more enjoyable. Thank you in advance!


Mehrban

Yolanda and MPD

by Mehrban on

Counsel:  Adviser (in business, a counsel is generally a lawyer)

Counselor: generally an adviser 

Council: Romans had a Council, or City Council. Council is a body of governance. 

Counsul:  The members of the Roman Council were called Consuls.  Also diplomats that give us our visas are Consuls.

 

I used "Counsel" for Behrang because I was comfortable him being a lawyer at the GSWB because such organizations have lawyers as their officers or employees.   

But I think to use counselor as for members of a council (bearded men of the Council of .....) is not the right use of the word.  I am not sure what it should be in that case.  Councillor (?) Maybe just a "council member".

In my interpretation of the verse in the Proverb 11:14 the use of counselor is appropriate because it simply means get advice from many advisers.      


yolanda

.......

by yolanda on

OMG! I have learned so much here.......so Mossad uses the proverb 11:14 from Old Testament as the motto of its agency!

Thank you, MPD!

Even though, this story is a fiction.........but it is educational and fun!


Multiple Personality Disorder

Comment, Counselor or Councillor

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

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Counselor: 1- a person who counsels  2- adviser
Councillor: 1- a member of a council.  2- counselor


However in the motto, "Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety" the word 'counselor' is used instead of 'councillor'.  This motto was use for the first time by yours truly in this part of the story:

[“There are no more bullets coming at me.  I’ve been spared, but the two of you will vanish from page of time, no doubt about it.”

Nasser felt there was no hope for him but he had to try to save his wife’s life.  He said: “She doesn’t need to be a collateral damage.  You have me.   Why can’t you let her go?  You said she could take refuge in Israel.  Why is it changed now?”

“Will the two of you stop talking about me as if I am not here,” Sanam said, being annoyed by the conversation.  “I want to know about the hidden cameras at my house.  Was there one installed in my bathroom?  I mean, when in the manuscript it says ‘Where there is no guidance, a nation falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety’, how many fucking counselors were watching me poop?”]

This motto is a biblical proverb passage, also used by Mossad.
//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mossad


yolanda

.....

by yolanda on

Hi! Mehrban,

      You ask great questions.....you really pay attention to details!

.........councillor can be related to council of bearded men......that is just my guess!

Does counselor mean supervisor, coach, boss, mentor, abettor in the story?


Mehrban

Thanks everyone!

by Mehrban on

This was a lot of fun.  

Ps. Counselor or Councillor?  That is the question.   


yolanda

.......

by yolanda on

Hi! Mouse,

     Remember Shahla Jahed? It makes no difference to me if she was a concubine or sigheh (temporary wife).......last night, by using your site, I translated this slogan successfully....I got really excited!

Payandeh Iran va Irani va farhange Irani-------->

Long Live Iran, Iranians, and Iranian culture?

****************

The site is very cool!

thanks,


Esfand Aashena

Comment

by Esfand Aashena on

Nazy jaan thanks for this project.  May I suggest the next project to be a comedy or humor in English?  And a rule be made that no paper of any kind (letter, book, manuscript, movie script, love letter, etc. :-) become the focal point of the plot?!  With all the interest from everyone in comedy that should be some project!

-----

Yolanda just like any language some words have dual meanings.  Like Gay means both happy and homosexual! I think the English word you found for sigheh means that a woman who cohabits with a noble or important man, whereas sigheh in Iran it could be anybody and just means a "legal" one night stand! 

Everything is sacred


Nazy Kaviani

The very best ending, indeed!

by Nazy Kaviani on

Thank you all for your kind participation in this project through writing, commenting, and silently reading and following. As Ari said it so well, we had a very happy ending in this story!

I hope to see more people participating during our next projects. I also hope that as our rules become better tested and more robust, it would be easier to know what to do. I would like to say, however, that one of the best parts of this experiment was to participate in or observe the interactions among the group members, none of whom wanted to give up trying, so they all stayed together through the conflict resolution.

Think about it, while people are beating each other over the head, fighting in political blogs, not learning much about how to live and work peacefully next to each other, we are slowly figuring it out in our story-telling blogs!

I am on top of the world!


yolanda

comment

by yolanda on

Hi! Mouse,

     You cracked me up...you wrote:

Just keep this to yourself we don't want Sargooz to get a hold of the seceret....

I think he is busy with politcal blogs and his barbari bread....he won't be here!

Wow! The site you recomended is very powerful..

//www.behnevis.com/en/index.html

...I tried already....all the words, I input, got the correct translations except one word: shahadat............

I put the following words into behvevis.com....after I got the Farsi word from behnevis.com, I put it into Google translator to get the English meaning:

sepaas----------> Thanks

Sigheh----------> concubine

Marg bar--------> death

naft------------> oil

khoon----------> blood

Azadi-----------> freedom

shahadat-------> testimony

*********************

It was fun!!!!!!! I hope one day someone will invent a converter to translate Finglish into English in one easy step!

Thank you!


Ari Siletz

Fun project

by Ari Siletz on

Considering the number of plot and character elements which could have gotten wildly away from us, this cooperative effort was very successful. We showed that by paying attention to each other's drift we could be individuals and at the same time contribute to navigating a steady course towards our collective goal.

No matter the fate of  the characters, this story had a happy ending.


Esfand Aashena

comment

by Esfand Aashena on

Yolanda you can turn Finglish to English.  You 1) first take Finglish to Behnavis.com or another transliterator to get the Persian version 2) then you copy the Persian transliteration to  3) Persian to English translation and you have the English translation.

Although, the final product may not be what was intended, but at least you get an idea.  Just keep this to yourself we don't want Sargooz to get a hold of the seceret ;-)

I like MPD's ending the best and am struggling to come up with ending of my own. if I can't come up with my own I endorse MPD's ending.

Viva group projects!

Everything is sacred


yolanda

Comment!

by yolanda on

Wow! 3rd ending!

 

1)Last sentence:

"We have a lot of work ahead of us."

So it leaves room for possible sequel!.....all three characters are alive!

2) The message on page 333 is scary! :O)

"Council of bearded men" reminds me of "Guardian Council" of IRI....

"They (counselors) must control every government hereinafter, in every continent, every country, every locality, every business, and even the stupid thing says in every candy shop.".........it sounds like theocracy in global proportion.....:O)......even the candy shop has to be Islamic......apparently no corrupt Valentine candies are sold!

3) "Two flowers on a Persian carpet" sounds great!.....Persian proverb?........but their feud is deep..... pretty hard to re-kindle the old flame!

4) Thank you, MPD, for the unique ending! :O)


 


divaneh

Fabulous story, great team work

by divaneh on

I truly enjoyed the suspense of this thrilling story. I also enjoyed all the comments, debates and haggles which were characteristics of a great team work. It was a rare opportunity to read from so many talented writers in one project.


Multiple Personality Disorder

Alternative ending,,,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

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All these numbers led her to believe in the significance of this page, which was as expected.  Nothing!

Sanam sarcastically went on to explain, “Page 333 is a jumble of prophecies that predicts the past.  Nothing specific about the future.  Nothing concrete.  'Thou shalt there be floods, plagues, earthquakes, blah, blah, blah…'  When, where, how?  No specific dates, no specific locations, nothing specific.  If you don't do this, that will happen to you.  If you don't obey this commandment, God will do this and that to you.  But the most disturbing entry in page 333 is where it talks about establishment of a council of bearded man, all knowing, all knowledgeable, ominous, most powerful, supreme.  These counselors, page 333 explains, must govern the world.  They must control every government hereinafter, in every continent, every country, every locality, every business, and even the stupid thing says in every candy shop.  The counselors must brainwash, my words not the manuscript's, the counselors must brainwash the masses into believing in what will never been proven, as has been throughout history.  The masses must blindly follow the bearded men, or ‘thou shalt be put to death’.  As was done to the ones 'named'.  As Henry was put to death.”

Sanam, collected herself again.  She lowered her gun and spoke to her husband first.  “I thought you loved me.  I thought you and I were two flowers on a Persian Carpet.  Why did you betray our love?  Wait!  I don’t need an explanation.  I just want to get off this filthy car.  Behrang, here is the gun.  You can shoot me if you want, or let me go.”

Behrang took a quick look at Sanam and said, “What’s the use of taking an empty gun.  We needed to know if you were trustable.  We have a lot of work ahead of us.


yolanda

comment

by yolanda on

Hi! MPD,

      I read Desi's version last night......the Finglish words were my hurdles.........I also got confused by three phrases: illusion, looked like and as though from the ending entry......so I was not sure the death is real or in metaphorical sense.......there is a difference between someone is dead and someone "looks like" a dead person....... (looks like meaning the person is actually alive.....just 'looks' dead)

Thank you for your input and your contribution to this joint project!

I enjoyed reading the last joint project also!


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Nothingness of a husband

by Hooshang Tarreh-Gol on

Now that's an ending,  it keeps reminding me of S.R.


Multiple Personality Disorder

Comment,

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

I believe in Desi's ending, Behrang is dead.  Sanam was possessed by Angel of Death through the bitter taste in her mouth, and then "her obtrusive thoughts weighing on Behrang’s soul, squeezing it drop by drop out of his corpse which at that moment looked like a dark shadow climbing a ladder," to me means that he died.  In case of Nasser, I am not 100% sure either.  I would say I am 99% sure he is dead.  Sanam "leaving behind... a nothingness of a husband," means to me that he died also.

In case of Mehrban's ending, I believe both of them are alive.

However, in the sequal both of them are alive.  I am sure of it.


yolanda

......

by yolanda on

Thank you, everyone......I read the 2 endings multiple times......but I am not 100% sure if the 2 guys are dead or alive....if they are dead, how did Sanam obliterate 2 guys? if the 2 guys are alive, is there a potential sequel?

Thank you, MPD, for the translation of the Finglish words......I checked on-line, there are Finglish to Farsi translators/converters, but there is no Finglish to English translator......

Thank you for your kindness!

 


Souri

What a wonderful story

by Souri on

Thanks to all of the writers.

I so much wanted to be part of the writing school for this story, I tried my best to write at least the ending part, today. But honestly, as much as I tried it, the only thing I could do was to bow to your excellent writing skills. What could I write after desi and Mehrban's excellent ending parts. They are both, so beautiful. I just want to read the story for many times and stay amazed by its powerful force. Great suspense ! 

The good behavior of the people, warms our heart and make us thankful.....  And the bad ones, just make us to recognize and appreciate the good ones!