Monda
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Probable loss of an old Love deflected by One Most Obnoxious Orgasm!
16-Nov-2009
I saw Leonard Cohen probably for the last time! He even announced that this may be his last performance in the Bay Area! I was in tears following this big sad lump in my throat way before he said it...
I sat in my good seat (Thank you Matt) 15 minutes early, trying to orient myself to the atmosphere of the concert hall. I immediately began an introductory chat with this sweetest retired teacher, a devoted Cohen fan sitting on my right. To my left however, there was this 30 something Iranian couple who had already started a verbal fight, it sounded like, about how much she kept from him during all those years of dating. The puny looking man in designer clothes with the Liza Minelli nose job was accusing his plump date with long straightened hair and department-store make up, wearing body hugging two piece stretch in black, "ahmagh e bishooor all you did for me all those years was to open your legs and hide your K..! that's all you did for me! don't you know there are thousands of techniques? thousands that others women would proudly experiment with me? (baa eftekhar mikhaan mano bekonan?)...
I could not believe this! WTH?! "didn't I give you enough flowers, goosht and disco nights? didn't I even introduce you fuckin moron to my sister?!...." I was just appalled feeling completely embarrassed for them meanwhile thinking should I let them know that I spoke Persian?! I was nervously staring at my cell phone pretending to allow the couple some space when thankfully my cell vibrated and it was my sweet cousin ( a huge Cohen fan) wishing me a wonderful night at the concert. Already in need of a break from the avazis on the left, I took the call. Returned to my seat 8 o'clock sharp with my heart pounding, exchanging a friendly smile with the older lady on the right. She whispered in my ear: "do you know what they're saying to each other?" to which I replied, "most unfortunately yes!", she gave me a smile of empathy and suggested to change seats with her son in-law three seats away. I thanked her but let her know that being a student of mindfulness I should be able to overcome the abusive exchange once Cohen begins his thing.
Within seconds of his last fohsh "to dokhtare jendeye nafahm..." and her responding giggles, once "Dance with Me" was in the air, the boy and girl grabbed each other tight! kissing and making out (I mean within seconds really)...I could even smell the alcohol on his breath! Yuk! and her pleas "k..am kheeseh baraat..." double yuk! Silently I was going EVA, EVA!! Where am I?! Tried to focus on Leonard Cohen, but they Would Not Stop! OK....Alright, I said to myself, damn it Monda you're resisting them too hard, check into your transference woman... and just let'em be! Let'em be I thought. I took off my glasses where he and she were total blur... and I got to be with Leonard's music and only him. Could life get any better? Being at a concert far away from home, Alone, for the first time in my Life, not worrying about anything, literally feeling wonderful!
UNTIL, the second set when I heard the thumping on the seats in my front row ....Had to put my glasses back on! Angry faces turned around staring at my row... Oh my god (don't even believe in her/him/it)! Nose Job's hand was in her vagina up to his wrist, while she had her plump leg almost on my lap! The black lace on her black nylon thigh-highs completely showing and her purple g-string half way down around her knees....she was intensely hitting the front seats with her black 6 inch spikes and almost as loud as Cohen singing "YesssYesssYesssss Yessss....!!!!"
Driving the long drive back home, I felt totally content with that Amazing Leonard Cohen experience, even if interfered by that most obnoxious, confused and uncivilized couple.
After all the ugly abusive exchanges in their mother tongue, why the hell was she letting out "Yessss" ???!! and Why to Him?!
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He's Anyone's Man - Still
by Monda on Sat Nov 28, 2009 10:52 AM PST//www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKjSr1zOTq0
I dedicate this clip to myself and other Leonard Cohen Fans.
MPD jan: No Problem
by Monda on Wed Nov 18, 2009 12:29 AM PST:o)
There is no relevance
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Tue Nov 17, 2009 09:18 PM PSTMy mistake, I'm sorry.
didani aziz
by Monda on Tue Nov 17, 2009 09:10 PM PSTYou are so smart! I knew there was a good reason I couldn't be mad at them.
MPD: here's one for you
by Monda on Tue Nov 17, 2009 09:08 PM PSTtell me the relevance of my preference, then I will give you an answer. One reason would suffice bro.
Red Wine jan
by Monda on Tue Nov 17, 2009 09:06 PM PSTGracias por esta pieza más hermosa de la música. Como muy bien de mi amigo.
One credit to the couple ....
by didani on Tue Nov 17, 2009 07:30 PM PSTAlso Leonard Cohen's fans!!!
baba goftam nepors
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Tue Nov 17, 2009 04:02 PM PST…but since you're insisting, I was wondering, which one of the two is your personal preference?
And about your diaries, the more they’re personal the better. Think voyeurism.
Sangre Española
by Red Wine on Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:46 AM PSTDedicating to you Monda jan ...
Sima: I'm sure that would be their case :o)
by Monda on Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:36 AM PSTThanks much for reading, your encouragement means Lots to me.
MPD: baba beporss already!
by Monda on Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:34 AM PSTyou wanna know what it feels like to have that tight thin spandex pressure stuck inside one's crack all day long? was that it?
My journals are most personal to Me, so if I get the chance to clean'em up and turn'em into more generic without losing the flavor yeah I'll send them in. kee az iranian.com behtar?
Good Lord!
by sima on Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:16 AM PSTReally and truly...???!!! Exhibitionistic as they were they would have probably gotten even more graphic if they knew you understood Farsi.
I definitely agree that you should write more often!
Monda, Why deny us the pleasure!
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:11 AM PSTYou have 7 journals! Start posting your diaries; we’d love to read them. Diaries are very popular around here.
Since you mentioned it, I had a question about Thong and G-string, but khejalat keshidam beporsam. nah, bekhoda nemitonam beporsam. Please don’t insist on knowing what my question was. bekhoda nemitoman beporsam.
difference between thong and g-string
by Monda on Tue Nov 17, 2009 08:39 AM PSTkhejalatam midi, MPD jan
by Monda on Tue Nov 17, 2009 06:55 AM PSTI don't write much here, because 1) I'd rather read you and others when I get the time, 2) I'm writing all the time on paper. Remember That medium?!
I started my 7th journal since Nov. of last year, not thick ones, but I write in tiny letters (moorcheh savaari - so no one can read them in case I die:o))
This is gold! Pure gold! Excellent! Excellent! Excellent!
by Multiple Personality Disorder on Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:30 PM PSTHow come you don't write more often?
Dear Friends: Thank you for reading :o)
by Monda on Mon Nov 16, 2009 10:12 PM PSTPrincess jan, this story is true except the most vulgar expressions exchanged between them were intentionaly deleted - eenjaa aberoo daram. No dear, no one can taint anything between me and LC, no worries! I'm glad I entertained you a bit.
Anonymous jan, I didn't let them know because I was curious to see how far they would go! Aakheh how many times in my life time would this happen, in front of my eyes?
Holly jan, I was very irritated but not angry! They were too clueless and stupid for me to get angry at them. I'm weird that way :o)
Nazy jan I doubt they're the kind of people who'd visit iranian.com, trust me, otherwise I would have described in more identifiable detail. And Princess is absolutely right, the concept of shame is completely unknown to them.
Azarin jan, I can be fearless at times but not when I choose to silently observe. Later on I thought about my keeping silent and two reasons were good enough for me: 1) I was curious...not a pervert, only curious to see how far they would go at it and 2) how people around us would react.
Khaleh Mosheh jan, Very funny :o) first of all his name was Behnam, second of all I wasn't wearing a dress (didi hala?)
Faramarz jan that is one cute story! Thank you for making me laugh!
JJ Jan the nice person that I think you are, you would not have had them kicked out either. I mean if someone else had called on them yeah I would have been Ok with that but no way I was leaving the concert to give Them a lesson. Besides how often do I get to write about weird things that happen to me?
Redwine jan, glad you found this amusing! Bravo 'a vous!
Maybe the life line 50/50 as in Haj Abdol Naghi vs aakh oookh!
by Anonymouse on Mon Nov 16, 2009 05:39 PM PSTBy the way, did you give an Haj abdol taghi introduction first and then used the punch line or did you just go straight for the punch line?!
Everything is sacred.
I should have used one of my life-lines
by Faramarz on Mon Nov 16, 2009 05:27 PM PSTAnonymouse Jaan,
You are not giving me credit for thinking fast under pressure!
I wish that I had the luxury of calling a friend or using a life-line.
فرامرز جان شما هم بین پیغمبر‌ها جرجیس رو انتخاب کردی؟!
AnonymouseMon Nov 16, 2009 04:37 PM PST
Faramarz jaan of all the Farsi dirty talk you used Haj Abdol Nabi?! At least name the cat to something like, barks like dog or howls like wolf or licks like there is no tomorrow or even something like coughing cotton balls! Maybe you were thinking funny instead of dirty talk!
Everything is sacred.
...
by Red Wine on Mon Nov 16, 2009 03:33 PM PSTVery good one Monda jan ... Bravo :=) .
Faramarz
by Jahanshah Javid on Mon Nov 16, 2009 03:29 PM PST:))))
:o)
by Jahanshah Javid on Mon Nov 16, 2009 03:28 PM PSTMakes me laugh reading about it but if I was there I would have called on the ushers to kick them out. Although if that had happened the story would not have been half as interesting as this!
حاج عبدل نبى طلاقم بده
FaramarzMon Nov 16, 2009 02:13 PM PST
A really liked the yes, yes, yes part of your story. Here is what happened to me a few years ago. I apologize in advance if it is R-rated
A few years ago, I was dating an un-inhibited Persian girl. Her Farsi was not that great. One night in the middle of the action and all the huffing and puffing, she said in English, “Can you talk dirty to me in Farsi?” As you might imagine, that stopped me dead on my tracks and I totally lost my concentration. So I said, “Sure. Let me think.”
I thought about all the curse words and phrases that I had learned all my life in Iran. But nothing seemed appropriate for the occasion. Then I remembered a memorable incident from walking home from high school back in Tehran
There was a notary office on my way home
دفتر ِ ثبت ِ اسناد ِ رسمى
There was some Haji (Haaj Abdol Nabi) running that office and one of his services was to provide the official divorce ceremony. We always made fun of him as we passed by his office and he always gave us a dirty look. After a while my classmates and I became more brazen and every time we passed by the office we yelled
حاج عبدل نبى طلاقم بده
He was getting more and more furious as we continued having fun with him, but he controlled his anger. Until one day when he was performing a divorce ceremony we walked by the office and yelled again
He ran out of the office really pissed and said
پدر سگ همچى بكنمت كه به گربه بگى حاج عبدل نبى
We all laughed and ran away
So, I told my date
پدر سگ همچى بكنمت كه به گربه بگى حاج عبدل نبى
She knew what a gorbeh was in Farsi so she got frightened and asked me what I meant
That definitely killed the mood
Oh dear
by khaleh mosheh on Mon Nov 16, 2009 01:11 PM PSTI am awfully embarassed now Monda- I wish you had said something in persian- we definitely would have stopped if we had known there was a persian speaker next to us.
I do think you are being unfair to Mansur- He treats me real well- much better than the last guy I dated which has incidentally recently got arrested for some crime involving a Korean female and a stolen laptop. Long story really.. will tell you about it sometimes.
PS loved your dress- it was gorgeous!
Oh my!
by Azarin Sadegh on Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:16 PM PSTDear Monda,
And I thought my evening with Pamuk was eventful..lol:-) It was nothing compared to your...well, to your "hot" night!!!
You are really fearless my friend! If I were you, I would have begun talking to myself in Persian so they would know and stop what they were doing...You are brave not only for keeping quiet, but also for writing this really funny blog!
Thank you so much for sharing! You should definitely write more...Your sense of humor is extremely entertaining! Azarin
I was thinking the same thing
by Princess on Mon Nov 16, 2009 12:09 PM PSTNazy jan, I was also hoping they would read this story and finally realise that the person next to them understood every word. Not that there is any indication that they know what shame is. :)
Heeh!
by Nazy Kaviani on Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:59 AM PSTI was there, but nothing this interesting happened to me!
This was hilarious, Monda! You did well to write about it. Maybe they'll come across this when they are sober and cringe for their perpetual infamy! Az khandeh roodeh bor shodam! Thanks for the fun read!
Please Monda jan
by HollyUSA on Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:58 AM PSTPlease please tell us this is NOT a true story! JFC if it is. And incase it is true, let me tell you that you are a much better woman than I! I would have clobbered the vermin raised by wolves and spit in their faces when I was done clobbering. Yeah I know that doesn't sound nice but it's pretty nice considering!
Puny man! Very funny Monda! I feel your pain!
by Anonymouse on Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:28 AM PSTI have never experienced such a "fight" but have experienced fights between couples in general and in the most unfortunate times, usually in concerts or shows.
Maybe you should've whispered Ay Naneh so they can hear it!
Ay naneh, Ay naneh, zanam mano mizaneh, ey vala be roye tow, sang paye siyahe tow!
"Puny man" very funny! Perhaps that'd be his Indian name! LOL
Everything is sacred.