Faramarz

Ari woke up in the middle of the night in his Bedouin tent from the moaning and the groaning of a woman in the adjacent tent. It sounded like some serious action was going on! He tried to fall asleep again by recounting his trip to the Holy Land; the “free” trip arranged by the Israeli Consulate that cost him lots of money, the Mossad agents who tried to hire him, the offer of a large home in the occupied territories and the Moldovan bride, the sexy vixen Agent Magda and finally the escape to Egypt with the help of the Bedouins.

After a while the noise from the adjacent tent subsided. Ari waited until it was almost morning to go out and check. As he was peeking through the hole in the early morning light, he felt the cold barrel of a pistol on the back of his neck. “Don’t make a move!” Ari was frozen on the spot. “Now, slowly turn around.” The man with the gun ordered.

As Ari turned around, he could not believe his eyes. It was Jason Bourne, the CIA special agent and his Farsi-speaking student at Monterey Institute!

“What are you doing here Ari?” Jason Bourne asked. Ari smiled and gave him the full account of his trip. “How about you Jason, the last time that I saw you, you were brushing up on your Farsi and getting ready to do a job in Tehran?”

“The project in Tehran got cancelled because the Regime got to the scientists before I could. Then I retired from the Agency and have been working with an NGO here in the desert. I like the Bedouin women! They are wild in bed and don’t expect much! A few days ago, my good friend Omar Sharif sent me a message. He wants me to go to Cairo and take care of Mubarak.”

“Can I go with you? I love to see some belly dancing in the cabarets near Tahrir Square before I leave for California. I may even run into Red Wine there.”

They then got on a double-hump camel, Jason Bourne in the front and Ari in the back and headed towards Cairo. A day later, as they approached Tahrir Square, they saw thousands of protesters on the streets. Then out of nowhere, a group of Mubarak thugs on camels and horses attacked the crowds. Jason Bourne quickly disarmed one of the thugs, got his club and weapon and chased the rest of them. The crowd was speechless. They had never seen such bravery. Ari was hanging on to the back hump as Jason Bourne was going after the thugs. A while later, the thugs were defeated and Jason Bourne without saying goodbye had disappeared into the dust.

The crowds approached Ari on the double-hump camel. They were jubilant. They lifted Ari and carried him on their shoulders. They chanted “al Ari, al Ari, Mubarak al Faraari! al Ari, al Ari, Mubarak al Faraari!”

Kids screamed, women fainted and the older folks talked about how Nostradamus had predicted this day when a man from a foreign land, ridding a double-hump camel will descend upon Egypt and will bring peace and prosperity.

A voice from the crowd shouted, “My name is Rafighdoost! Let me take you out of here in my SUV!” But Ari ignored him. He wanted to be with the people. The crowd begged Ari to be their leader and teach them about democracy and independent judiciary!

Meanwhile, CNN announced the Breaking News.

Anderson Cooper: “Our sources have just confirmed that moments ago Hosni Mubarak left the Presidential Palace with his helicopter. Netanyahu has offered him asylum in Israel. He will be living in a large 4-bedroom house on the hills overlooking Ramallah in the occupied territories. It is unclear if he has to marry a settler bride from Moldova and have 8 kids!” Anderson Cooper then showed a copy of al Ahram, hot off the press with the title “Mubarak, al Faraar!”

As Ari was being carried on the shoulders of the crowd to the Presidential Palace, he told them “OK guys, I am staying for a week, but then I really have to get back to California! Seriously guys!”