A Fictional Story about a Retirement Home for Iranian.com Readers in the Year 2045!
JJ had been thinking about his latest project for quite a while! After dedicating many years of his life to promoting peace and harmony among Iranians all over the world, he stumbled upon his latest project; a retirement home and senior citizen center for all Iranian.com readers!
Many Iranian.com readers were in their golden years and most did not want to burden their kids or spouses at their old age, so they embraced JJ’s offer and they all moved to a multi-story building in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. The parcel of land that housed the building was situated between a Wahabi mosque and Islamic cultural center, and an orthodox Jewish synagogue and, across the street from a liquor store and a strip joint.
JJ took over the top floor and in order to maintain peace and quiet he assigned each floor to the people of the same ideals!
The monarchists were housed on the floor below him. Darius Kadivar became the floor warden and decorated the place with the Royal Family pictures. A replica of Cyrus cylinder and the final will of Dariush, the Great were placed in a glass cabinet for everyone to see. As you walked out of the elevator, there was a large picture of the Royal family hosting Onasis and Jackie Kennedy with Jamileh belly dancing in the background.
The next floor down belonged to the poets. The place looked very serene. Anahid and Souri had done a great job decorating the floor with pictures of famous Iranian poets and poetry books were on all coffee tables. On Tuesday nights, they held an open house on their floor and invited everyone to come and read their poems. Once in a while, they would roll their eyes as more novice participants from lower floors read their poems!
The next floor down was for the pro-regime crowd. There were pictures of Khomeini, Khamenei, Ahmadinejad and Basijis decorating the walls. There was a sign on the wall pointing to the direction of Mecca and reminders about praying times. All signs were in English though!
Reformists lived on the next floor down. There wasn’t much in the way of furniture there, just a large table where they sat and had constant discussions and arguments about the imminent Israeli air attack on the nuclear facilities. They were all very excited about the news that Putin’s grandson who is now the President of the Russian Federation had promised that Bushehr nuclear plant will finally be operational in the next 3 months!
The rest of the Iranian.com readers shared the lower floors.
As a prerequisite to live in the senior citizen home, JJ had required that everyone should participate in the daily chores.
Fair is running the security operations for the complex. Sargord applied for a job with him, but could not shoot straight so he had to settle for the valet parking attendant job. Sargord who had completely given up on learning Farsi, had gone to Damascus for a couple of years and had learned Arabic. He now worked part-time in the day care center of the Wahabi mosque reading children’s book. The kids really like the Sparrow story.
العصفور
ان دیک و من الهندی
جمیل الشکل و القدی
ولی تاج و الا رسی
لان حسن الصوتی
The large kitchen on the first floor immediately became a point of contention. Almost everyone had their own ideas about the menu. JJ finally intervened and created a few cooking stations. Monda and Organic Nutritionist are in charge of the healthy foods and fusions. Dirty Angel worked there for a short while, but she was let go! The problem was that she once substituted tofu for Mahicheh in her Bagali Polo which created a riot among the men in the dinning room. She now works part-time at the beauty shop and is thrilled that most Iranian men have lost their hair and don’t need haircuts anymore.
Fatollah is in charge of Kabob Koobideh. He is the only one who knows how to make the meat stick to skewers. Mazloom runs the grill and Manghal. He is the only person that can be trusted with Kabobs, bread and Reyhoon. MM was in charge of Manghal before, but he was passing too many Kabob sandwiches around to the hungry men and hardly any of the Kabobs made it to the tables! Anonymouse is running the Sangak oven which is the most popular place in the kitchen. Cost-of-Progress is the Tahdig expert and once in a while he would quietly slip a piece to you, if he liked you! Temporary Bride runs the Persian pastry station. Her Baghlava and Yazdi sweets are a crowd pleaser on Thursday nights during the Bingo game.
Hamsade Ghadimi is in charge of the Bingo game. He is the one who caught the pro-regime bingo players with fake bingo cards that were made in China, after they claimed that they had won the top prize of 3 Parnian blankets.
Mehman is the bartender at the clubhouse and is very generous with the shots of tequila. The management suspects that he might be taking a few shots himself, but he swears that a couple of pro-regime ladies sneak into the bar area late at nights and party. Fair is going to put a security camera near the tequila bottles and try to catch them in action!
Red Wine is the most popular guy with the women. On Friday nights, he teaches the ladies how to dance Tango Argentina. There is a long line of women who want to dance with him. They are all dressed in black sexy dresses and high heel shoes and let him take the lead.
Yolanda and Monda run the water aerobics and yoga classes for the ladies, but they haven’t been able to get any of the men to participate. The men just want to sit around and look. Masoud and Roozbeh usually sit by the pool and play backgammon. A few days ago, they poured some bleach into Sargord’s washing machine in the Laundromat and totally ruined his prized Ahmadinejad T-shirt. Mahmoud never looked so white and clean!
Divaneh and Shazde are the co-captains of men’s shallow-pool water polo team. Every Wednesday morning there is a competitive match between the men’s team and the women’s team co-captained by Niki and Mehrban. Ali P. is the referee and last week he ejected both Divaneh and Shazde from the pool after they spent too much time under water checking out the ladies’ legs! Maziar and Majid are the captains now, but it looks like that they may get ejected too!
Cousin Mehrdad Bavafa is good with the mechanical stuff and is responsible for fixing the wheelchairs. He once messed up the brakes on the wheelchairs of a couple of pro-regime guys and they ended up at the clinic. Doctor X whose license was suspended for aggressive mammogram exams runs the clinic and the spa. There are some rumors about him and one of the nurses!
Nobody quite knows what Faramarz does! A couple of weeks ago, he was accused by the chubby maids for inappropriate behavior and pinching, which he vehemently denies. He is now barred from the premise on Friday mornings while the maids are working. Instead, he spends his time at Costco, comparison shopping.
قو قولی قو قو
خروس بی محل همسایه منو از خواب بیدار کرد
I was awakened by the neighbor’s rooster! Was it all a dream?
It is still 2010!
I am not quite ready for the year 2045!
Recently by Faramarz | Comments | Date |
---|---|---|
The Women of Camp Ashraf | 35 | Dec 01, 2012 |
Negotiating with the IR Regime | 7 | Nov 22, 2012 |
Ahmadi Goes to Majlis - Gangnam Style! | 3 | Nov 19, 2012 |
Person | About | Day |
---|---|---|
نسرین ستوده: زندانی روز | Dec 04 | |
Saeed Malekpour: Prisoner of the day | Lawyer says death sentence suspended | Dec 03 |
Majid Tavakoli: Prisoner of the day | Iterview with mother | Dec 02 |
احسان نراقی: جامعه شناس و نویسنده ۱۳۰۵-۱۳۹۱ | Dec 02 | |
Nasrin Sotoudeh: Prisoner of the day | 46 days on hunger strike | Dec 01 |
Nasrin Sotoudeh: Graffiti | In Barcelona | Nov 30 |
گوهر عشقی: مادر ستار بهشتی | Nov 30 | |
Abdollah Momeni: Prisoner of the day | Activist denied leave and family visits for 1.5 years | Nov 30 |
محمد کلالی: یکی از حمله کنندگان به سفارت ایران در برلین | Nov 29 | |
Habibollah Golparipour: Prisoner of the day | Kurdish Activist on Death Row | Nov 28 |
I don't intend to work in 2045 much less in a commune!
by Anonymouse on Tue Oct 19, 2010 09:41 AM PDTWe're only good behind keyboards and if we live with each other there will be trouble! For one thing JJJ can't be deleting us with a click! He'll have to get up his couch and physically separate us and I just don't see him going through all that effort!
Everything is sacred
حتما ترگل ورگل خان!
FaramarzFri Oct 15, 2010 11:51 AM PDT
ما تو خونه سالمندان به یک دی ج هم احتیاج داریم که آهنگ های قشنگ رشد بهبودف و فیلم سنگام رو بزاره!
اینهم آهنگ های مورد علاقه من:
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHLYvG-DgK8&feature...
//www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLnSZSSJp5M
Agha Faramarz, since you're musical prowess is better than mine,
by Hoshang Targol on Fri Oct 15, 2010 11:31 AM PDTcould we also listen to ( could you post some) Rashid Behbodov in IC's R.H.?
Espcially: Labo, Labo, Labo, Labo, Labo
Lab shirin labo, lab
Lab shekar labo, lab....
سیما، پس از بیخ عربیم!
FaramarzFri Oct 15, 2010 08:08 AM PDT
I think that Monda is confusing Naneh with Boozari! They are both rolling in their graves! God bless them!
Maybe JJ should open the retirement home a lot sooner!
Monda's classmate reporting...
by sima on Fri Oct 15, 2010 02:12 AM PDTYes, of course we had ana diko menal Hinde... But the Araby of all of you guys sucks. Haj Boozari is turning in his grave. Khanom Saremi is a bit more roo sefid because I can recite the poem correctly but I don't have the hoseleh right now!
Very funny Faramarz khan. And the video is great: cheesy and melodramatic and sublime. I think I'll come and visit you all in your retirement home.
Dear Framarz
by All-Iranians on Thu Oct 14, 2010 04:08 PM PDTYou forgot to house some scholars and specialits of IC like Ari, Dr Saadat Noury, Azarin Sadegh, Multiple Personality Disorder and many others in one of the top floors of that retirement home!
Ay caramba!!
by mash Ghanbar on Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:31 PM PDTGracias El MM Jaan.
Faramarz / mash Ghanbar - jujalarim words in Azeri and English
by MM on Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:18 PM PDTThe song in the video was performed by Sugra, a 12 year old chosen out of 150 kids, "other little chicks" at the "Decade of Azerbaijani Art" in Moscow, May 1959.
Jujalarim - Words in Azeri
Jujalarim - English Translation
Jujalarim - Music Notes
Jujalarim - Listen (downloadable better version in mp3)
Monda, you wrote:"since I was 4 in Abadan", who else is Abadani?
by Anahid Hojjati on Thu Oct 14, 2010 12:15 PM PDTMonda jan, you too. You lived in Abadan too? How did I miss this information? Any commentator who lived in Abadan more than three months, please fess up now.
جیک جیک جوجه لاری
FaramarzThu Oct 14, 2010 11:54 AM PDT
Mash Ghanbar,
Do you want me to look for the outfits for this performance too?
Wet can have a talent show at the retirement place!
Jujeh laarri?
by mash Ghanbar on Thu Oct 14, 2010 09:45 AM PDTAnyone remembers the words to that everlasting, always in our minds song?
I heard that it made it to the top 40 chart in iran back then!!
Jujeh lari....
Faramaz
by Monda on Thu Oct 14, 2010 07:46 AM PDTI had arabi wround the time you had it with aghaye Boozari? but we weren't given this poem. Need to double check with my class mates at the time.
Correction
by Mehrban on Thu Oct 14, 2010 07:47 AM PDTAbove photo is not of the IC women's Waterpolo team but of the recruits from "Seda va Sima".
For the timeless spirit of our team please see below,
//hssn-media.advance.net/MLive.com/news/360f6...
Monda
by Faramarz on Thu Oct 14, 2010 07:32 AM PDTThe poem was part of the school curriculum (Arabi Class) of the 7th or 8th grade before the revolution. The reason I remember it so well is because it had a good rhtme. We used to sing and dance with it!
I really liked the picture. It captures Niki's women water polo team warming up before a match against the men's team. But somebody forgot to bring the ball! The old age, you know!
العصفور
MondaThu Oct 14, 2010 06:53 AM PDT
I hadn't heard the sparrow poem since I was 4 in Abadan. My naneh used to sing it for me. Where do you find these things Faramarz? And the blog photo is priceless too garcheh hamam zanaaneh as.
ان دیک و من الهندی
جمیل الشکل و القدی
ولی تاج و الا رسی
لان حسن الصوتی
"Ich bin von Fuss
by Dirty Angel on Wed Oct 13, 2010 04:16 PM PDTbis Kopf
auf Liebe eingestellt...."
('Love the house , in the middle of nowhere, so unattached....)
"Ceci n'est pas a very dirty post"
:o)
by Monda on Wed Oct 13, 2010 01:52 PM PDTYou had so much Fun wrıtıng thıs Faramarz - dıdn't you?
Hey you should consıder addıng poetry nıghts at thıs place and of course dance. Tango would be Ok on the joınts but i thınk salsa mıght be even better.
Faramarz
by mash Ghanbar on Wed Oct 13, 2010 12:13 PM PDTMashalah be to hamvatan
Never coming up short supporting your Hamvatans, even if it has to be in a middle of a soccer match, Always there to lend a long supporting hand to a young lad.
Marhaba. Ahlan va sahlan...
Big Screw up by Behrang Safari
by Faramarz on Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:55 AM PDTعجب خرابکاری کرد!
خب آدم اگه همش تو فکر دختر های بلوند سوئدی باشه این میشه نتیجه اش!
جون تو یا خودم یا خودت باید لخت بشیم بریم تو زمین که آبروی همه رو حفظ کنیم!
//rutube.ru/tracks/3671237.html?v=3c14690e172...
Heyyy
by mash Ghanbar on Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:22 AM PDTMerci dadash:))
Ashna mashna dari kare maro zood tar rah bendaze?:)
Unrelated but interesting:
Did you guys know there is an iranian player in the swedish national soccer team. playing as a central defender, named behrang safari... ? I was watching Holland vs Sweden game and just noticed it. Unfortunately he made a Giant boo boo throwing the ball inbound which lead to a perfect run by the dutch and their second goal...
Dorood bar to behrang...
99 Yaki Luftballons for You
by Faramarz on Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:00 AM PDTDirty Angelica,
Hast du etwas Zeit für mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont
Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich
Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich
Von 99 Luftballons
Und dass so was von so was kommt
مش قنبر خان آبدار باشی
FaramarzWed Oct 13, 2010 10:48 AM PDT
حکم ترفیع مقام شما را همین امروز به اداره کارگزینی فرستادم و در عرض چند روز آینده یک دست روپوش، دو تا لنگ تمیز،یک سینی برنجی و چند دست استکان و نعلبکی خدمت تون فرستاده خواهد شد!
حالا اگر دست تون تمیزه، بیزحمت یک چای قند پهلو بی کف به ما برسون!
Pfffteh Yaak, Faramarz !!!
by Dirty Angel on Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:45 AM PDTDon't you know that the local heissgeliebter Führer was pumping the water system with Prozac and Fluoride for us all to "donate" our "wills"!
And PFFFT! I was "let go"? For your information ON had stuffed me with supplements and consequently , I had a miscarriage (Dirty Angel's are like that, quite fragile at a certain age), but all is well, cause I've been frolicking with the socialist free love section and your Wasabi helps hatching my eggs!
"Ceci n'est pas a very dirty post"
Beautifully Done.
by mash Ghanbar on Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:30 AM PDTMygod. that was superb. Your stories are fantastic and you have a got a real talent.
if you care to dream one more time, please put me down as your chayi master and CGO (chief ghaveh khoone Operator), Licensed and Accredited by The NIACGCB( the national Amerrican iranian council of Ghaveh khooneh and coffee breweries) ... COffees are US
and certified by The WWCOA (the world wide coalition of abdar chis)(where we say... You say chay... we say How hot?)
Just got them renewed and received my copies in the mail yesterday:))
See You by the Pool in 2045!
by Faramarz on Wed Oct 13, 2010 10:07 AM PDTThank you dear friends for reading and your funny comments!
Now, I have something great to look forward to!
thanx
by maziar 58 on Wed Oct 13, 2010 08:00 AM PDTFaramarz khan thanks for the funny blog and BTW in 2045 I want to be the Bouncer of that swimming pool in the a.m & the Martini bartender in the p.m shift with Majid. Maziar
Hilarious ;o)
by Rea on Wed Oct 13, 2010 03:37 AM PDTWould definitely make it to the 50 Greatest Comedy Movies.
Funny blog but...
by Niki Tehranchi on Tue Oct 12, 2010 09:01 PM PDT...the picture is priceless! Very honored that you chose a photograph of my waterpolo team to accompany your brochure on the wonders of Shady Acres Iranian.com retirement haven :-)
ایول فرامرز
hamsade ghadimiTue Oct 12, 2010 08:40 PM PDT
ایول فرامرز خان. طنز بسیار جالبی بود و کلی خندیدم. مچ این حزباللهیها را خلاصه باید گرفت چه عربده میکشن بینگو و یا مرگ بر این و اون. ولی اگر عکس این مقاله قرار استخر خانهٔ iranian.com باشه مارو بیخیال.
Faramarz jan,
by Mardom Mazloom on Tue Oct 12, 2010 07:57 PM PDTThat was really creative and funny.
Vali hala bi-shookhi how did you know that I'm the Kabob Guy? In real life, I'm weekly charged to prepare a chelo kabab, with doogh gaz dar and some times with only the Shiraz wine and mast moosir vo piaz!
From manghal, baad bezan made in Iran and different kinds of skewers, I have all the related tools to prepare the delice...
You and all the IC kabob-lovers are my guests!
Chiche.