Allow me to introduce you to Lady Laleh Bakhtiar, a half Iranian Catholic convert to Islam. Since her conversion, Ms. Bakhtiar has devoted her life to putting lipstick on the pig that is yet another piece of trash Abrahamic religion called Islam. She has taken it upon herself to reinterpret Islam based on what she learned from her master teacher--and Kenney Rogers look alike-- Seyyed Hossein Nasr. She even has a website called The Sublime Quran to which Sublime denies any connection as he does not practice any religion, not even Santeria. She also has a book by the same name that is featured on the site. The book is a lovy dovy translation of the Quran, and is decorated with flowery patterns to calm the reader, and to take away the resulting psychotic urges that arise whenever one reads a violent, blood and gore text such the Quran or the Hebrew Old Testament—kind of like pink paint on the walls of a mental asylum for the criminally insane.
But Ms. Bakhtiar’s most important accomplishment is in the area of bullshit acrobatics, where she has managed to find a way to manipulate the words of the master bullshitter--Prophet Mohamad--himself which direct the faithful to physically hit women who do not obey their husbands, brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins, nephews, sugar daddies, baby daddies, male neighbors or generally, any other male that happens to walk by their homes. Indeed, she has managed, after years of “research” to “discover” that the Quran really doesn’t mean what it says in plain language, and doesn’t say that one needs to beat a woman who doesn’t straighten her act after a “stern” warning. According to Ms. Bakhtiar, what the Quran really says is that one should just “abandon” the woman. That’s right folks—every single Arab Muslim scholar for the past 1400 years has been wrong. They should have all just waited for a half American, half Iranian, American born ex-Catholic woman, who only studied Arabic for three years, to enlighten them about the meaning of the Quran from the comfort of her Chicago office. That should go over really well with these guys.
Upon hearing Ms. Bakhtiar’s interpretation of the Quranic verse, leaders of the Muslim world collectively responded by saying “whatcha talking about crazy woman?” The leaders then made a referral of Ms. Bakhtiar’s case to the Islamic Society of North America (“ISNA”), where that organization’s Canada chief, Mohammad Ashraf, seen here showing the size of his engorged penis, issued a declaration saying this about her new translation of the Quran: “[o]ur bookstore would not allow this kind of translation…[T]his woman-friendly translation will be out of line and will not fly too far.” (He actually said that! I’m not making it up. See the link.)
Reactions to Ms. Bakhtiar’s book have been mixed in other parts of the Muslim world. In the UAE, Chief Justice Falah Al Hajeri, the author of this beautifully written, landmark legal opinion said “obviously this half witted woman needs some sense beaten into her by her husband. Does she have a husband?” In response to Justice Al Hajeri’s question, Molana Abu Baker Khan, the head of Afghanistan’s Department of Women’s Affairs, seen here in performance of his official duties, said “we have a brother here who can marry this Zaeefeh. She is a bit old, though. We usually like them younger, around nine-ish younger, but this brother’s legs were shot off by American Marines when he was doing ‘jihad fi sabil allah,’ so his options are limited, and she should do.” In Iran, head of the renowned Hozeyeh Elmiyeh Ghom, Ayatollah Haj Seyyed Chaker Hossein Noor Aabadi commented by saying “I believe this Zaeefeh may have some valid points, but she should nonetheless be stoned to death, as any reinterpretation of the Quran is considered blasphemy under Sharia law. Plus, she’s a woman…I mean…as they say in America: come on.”
Lastly, reached for a comment under an onion cart in a Karachi open air market where she had blown herself up the day before, the severed head of a female suicide bomber stated “Ms. Bakhtiar is correct. As a Muslim woman, I have all the rights of my male brothers. Even though I only count as a half witness and secondary to my son and my brother in law for inheritance purposes, just like any brother, I can be ordered to blow myself up in a crowded market by any great Muslim leader such as brother Osama Bin Laden, brother Hassan Nasrollah, brother Ali Khamenei or brother Khaled Mashaal. They can order me anytime from their home or office after they finish their ample lunch.” She then added “is it cold in here? I feel a bit chilly from neck down.”
Ms. Bakhtiar’s next book is entitled ‘The Earth IS Flat.’ It will be in bookstores in March, 2012.
 No such “referral.”
 Not really showing the size of his penis. :-)
 Fake quote. Real legal opinion though. Check out the link.
 Not true. No such book.
|Recently by Anonymous Observer||Comments||Date|
|The 1979 Devolution Was The Perfect Fit For Iranians|
|Nov 24, 2012|
|Bring Dr. Mohandes & Vildemose Back!!!|
|Nov 08, 2012|
|Iranian.com, David Duke or "Storm Front?"|
|Oct 12, 2012|
|نسرین ستوده: زندانی روز||Dec 04|
|Saeed Malekpour: Prisoner of the day||Lawyer says death sentence suspended||Dec 03|
|Majid Tavakoli: Prisoner of the day||Iterview with mother||Dec 02|
|احسان نراقی: جامعه شناس و نویسنده ۱۳۰۵-۱۳۹۱||Dec 02|
|Nasrin Sotoudeh: Prisoner of the day||46 days on hunger strike||Dec 01|
|Nasrin Sotoudeh: Graffiti||In Barcelona||Nov 30|
|گوهر عشقی: مادر ستار بهشتی||Nov 30|
|Abdollah Momeni: Prisoner of the day||Activist denied leave and family visits for 1.5 years||Nov 30|
|محمد کلالی: یکی از حمله کنندگان به سفارت ایران در برلین||Nov 29|
|Habibollah Golparipour: Prisoner of the day||Kurdish Activist on Death Row||Nov 28|