Let Us Celebrate Post Islam Iran's Most Siginificant Invention


Let Us Celebrate Post Islam Iran's Most Siginificant Invention
by Anonymous Observer

October 3 marks a milestone in the history of post Islam Iran’s scientific accomplishments.   It was on this date in 1877 when Iran’s most significant invention, the Aftabeh, was introduced to the world.  1877 is of course a significant year for inventions.  It is the year in which Italian inventor, Enrico Forlanini’s helicopter, powered by a steam engine, took flight and rose the height of 13 meters, introducing the world to the concept of vertical flight. 

Aftabeh’s inventor is the genius engineer / rozeh khoon Haj Seyyed Gholamhossein Hasani Nejad of Mashhad.  The idea for Aftabeh’s design came to Haj Gholmhossein one night after using the squatting toilet in the outhouse located in his humble abode in the vicinity of Imam Reza’s shrine in Mashhad.  It was late at night, and Haj Gholamhossein had just finished a healthy meal of chelo kabob, piaz and torshi, and felt the urgent need to use the facilities.  He ran to the outhouse, pulled up his robes, squatted on the toilet and started to “zoor.”  That is when he experienced the most explosive diarrhea of his entire life.  The stuff came out of him at speeds reaching mach 1, hitting the ceramic toilet and then ricocheting back onto much of his bottom, robe and even the surrounding walls.  After first cursing his fate--and the butcher who sold him the meat—Haj Gholamhossein contemplated his next step(s).  He then reached for the bowl that he had laid next to the toilet for “taharat.”  But much to his dismay, he noticed that pieces of his discharge had also fallen into the “tahrat” bowl.  He was helpless.  The only option left to him was to use his "amameh", which had remained clean, wipe himself-and the walls-with the turban and leave the bathroom, which he did.  Perturbed by the fact that he couldn’t “ghosl” himself properly, and could not even stick one knuckle—let alone the requisite two--inside his rectum for the necessary “taharat,” Haj Gholamhossin immediately went to work on what would become our most significant contribution to human technology in the past 1400 years.

The endeavor, however, was not without intrigue.  Weeks later, and more than a thousand miles away, in a cave in northern France, the annual meeting of the Elders of Zion was taking place.  Obsessed with keeping Iran down at any cost, the chief rabbi (and fulltime accountant) Mordechai Goldenberg asked his minions for a report on Iran’s scientific progress.  He was shocked when his chief Iran spy, Mahmoud Siborchian, I, presented him with evidence of Iran’s work on this groundbreaking invention.  Goldenberg then ordered the immediate assassination of Haj Gholamhossin, on account of his invention paving the way in the future for the liberation of what in less than a hundred years would become the first ever Jewish state.  The meeting was then adjourned by the attendees drinking the blood of the Gentile child that they had just boiled. 

Undeterred by intelligence reports that he had received about a possible assassination attempt against his life, Haj Gholamhossin went full speed ahead with his design.  He thought long and hard.  How could he build a device that can clean the anus and the “crack,” achieve “taharat,” and dissolve away the occasional stubborn dingleberry?  How can one clean those areas without water pouring down on one’s scrotum--or vagina, as the case may be? The answer was the ingenious 45 degree angle of the spout.  The other marvel of engineering was the small, round top, as opposed to the rest of the body of the Aftabeh.  This, of course, was designed to prevent the occasional contamination of the “taharat” water by the ricocheting pieces of explosive diarrhea, as had happened to Haj Gholamhossin himself on that fateful night.        

A few days prior to the unveiling his final design, and as haj Gholamhossein was walking home from a Rozeh session while carrying a bowl full of “halva nazri,” a few spears was thrown at him by two individuals on horseback.  Hesitantly dropping the bowl of halva, Haj Gholamhossin quickly took cover behind a mosque.  Fortunately, the two assassins, who were surely dispatched by Goldenberg, could not dare get anywhere near the alert citizens who were sleeping in the mosque--and ran away, thereby clearing the way for the introduction of one of the most advanced pieces of technology on this planet, and the most significant Iranian invention in fourteen centuries.

The Germans have Wernher Von Braun, the Americans have Thomas Edison, the Scotts have Alexander Fleming, and we have Haj Seyyed Gholamhossein Hasani Nejad.  His versatile invention has withstood the test of time, and has revolutionized our way of life.  It has uses in aviation and in admiralty.  It has been built from various materials, the next one of which will be the virtually indestructible carbon composite fiber.  And if history is any indication, this incredible marvel of engineering design will serve us, and the rest of humanity, for centuries to come. 

So, I ask everyone to join me today in remembering Haj Seyyed Gholamhossein Hasani Nejad and his timeless invention.  Let us be proud of being Iranians in memory of this great man.        


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more from Anonymous Observer
Anonymous Observer

Good question Tabarzin

by Anonymous Observer on

What did they use?!!

Anonymous Observer

Thank you all for the compliments

by Anonymous Observer on

And yes, I do agree with Faramarz and Divaneh that we need to improve on the Aftabeh design AND, if I may add, uses.  Perhaps the new carbon fiber version can be used as projectiles in IR's indigenous tank, and make Goldenberg's nighmarish scenario come true. :-)) 


It's that little chance

by Cost-of-Progress on

"Given the chance, Iran could easily turn into a little America, I always say."

Yep! just look at the Iranian talent catering to other societies on earth. Can you say Brain Drain?

Can anyone take a wild guess as to how many capable Iranians from students in Daaneshkadeh San-ati (AKA Sharif U) to all of us who chose to remain as part of diaspora are catering to other societies other than our own?





Quick question...

by Tabarzin on

And this may be construed as a serious point of social anthropology, but what exactly were people using in Iran before the Aftabeh? I know that before the invention of toilet paper in certain places people used the corncob and leaves. Rocks are too abrasive and I am sure the well-to-do weren't using them. Now there's a Ph.D dissertation topic for someone right there: a social history of Iranian toilet practices before the invention of the aftabeh.




by jasonrobardas on

may be an Islamic phenomenon ...It is handy and can also be used for watering plants.

   In all fairness, let us not forget who invented the wheel. "Persians invented the wheel", Oxford Dictionary.


Funny story, but...

by jirandoust on

there is nothing new about it. Belittling Iranians and their creativity by using aftabeh as a prime Iranian invention goes back to long before you were even born, AO (assuming you are less than 100 years old). You may remember the saying "Iran aftabeh sazeh - Atom mooshak mesazeh" if you grew up in Iran. So don't feel so clever thinking you have just come up with the idea of putting down Iranians ability to invent anything. It has been done by others to kill self confidence in Iranians, you are not the first.

But remember this: long before Forlaninis and Flemings, there were Ebn-e- Sinas and Khayams an sheikh Bahaiis and Razis and... in Iran.  Also remember in past 30 years, despite all bad that goes with IRI, advancement in science and invention has been far more superior than any other time in Iran. Iran's neighbors are envious and frightened by such advancements to the point Iranian scientists are being assassinated. It would be naive to think only nuclear scientists are being targeted by those frightened neighbors (p.s. US is Iran's neighbor too). All scientists in all areas of science are in danger in Iran. So remember all that next time you write something clever to bash Iranians with.

Given the chance, Iran could easily turn into a little America, I always say.



due to water shortage, aftabeh is being re-designed

by MM on

The new design is based on a recent viral video of a "Horny Goat Scratches Ass" moment (0:13-0:42).


Divaneh, I am with you

by Faramarz on

It is time for a total re-design of Aftabeh.

I am in favore of a plastic water hose with an adjustable nozzle to control the water speed and flow, like the ones that look like a hand gun. But caution should be taken not to damage any sensitive parts!

A watergun would be good too, but reloading could take some time.

The water drill that dentists use at lower speed would provide more percision for the fussy people. But getting the dentist chair in the toilet may be difficult!

Thanks for the funny story AO.

maziar 58


by maziar 58 on

Khan Gol ab be root khob neveshti merci.



We should stop being complacent

by divaneh on

Thanks for your excellent satire but it is time that we consider some improvement to this great invention. Look how Italians improved on the helicopter. For example it would make it more convenient if we made the neck pipe curved to avoid the obstacles. We could put an element in it to warm up the water in the winter. Connect a hose to the back of it to fill it automatically. We can fit three stones to its handle for those times when there is no water. Improvements are endless.

We can also make it in different shapes. For Akhonds we can make the pipe in the shape of an Arabic shombol, so that their hearts get filled with happiness when they point it at their lower gates.

Anonymous Observer


by Anonymous Observer on

I am not very good with punchlines. I get disoriented at the end of the story. And especially in this one where I was trying to connect aftabeh, Forlalini, Elders of Zion and explosive diarrhea together. I really got dizzy at the end!



by bahmani on

I kept waiting for the punchline,

"...and like Enrico Forlanini's steam helicopter, Hasani Nejad's Aftabeh, when used for the first time caused many Iranians to take flight and rise to the height of 13 meters, introducing Iranians to the concept of vertical flight..."

To read more bahmani posts visit: //brucebahmani.blogspot.com/


It is better than using rock.

by عموجان on

No wonder Nasa thinks Iranian scientist are the best.