CHARLATANS

Iran's Non-President Mamuti has said he is sorry that "some people do not know" his side-kick, Esfandiar Rahim Mashai, the well-known "friend of the peoples of America and Israel". Most people, of course, would thank God they've never had to get to know a charlatan who can make Mamuti look honest and educated.

Mamuti, who appointed Essi as his top adviser after Khamenei took extraordinary action to prevent him from becoming vice president, says he likes him "for one thousand reasons." People would normally say "one thousand and one reasons"; but of course Mamuti is not normal.
 
"One reason," says Mamuti, "is that when you sit and talk with him, it's like you're talking to yourself. There's no distance. He's a transparent mirror." Again, people would not normally say a mirror is "transparent'; but then again, who said Mamuti was normal?
 
Essi has returned the favor by describing Mamuti as "a man for all seasons", which is true, considering Mamuti cheats and lies all year round.
 
Essi has also shown his "mystical" side, saying one sign of faith in God "is that you should be able to get private with God. Getting private does not mean praying only. It also means we should be able to undersand and feel God and make love with that." What does he mean by "that"? "God"? No wonder so many Ayatollahs wanted Essi ditched - if not stitched.
 
If you think I've made this up, you can find "all of the above" and much more in these reports from the Iranian Students News Agency, ISNA:
 
Mamuti on Essi
 
Essi on Mamuti
 
If you look around the ISNA site a bit more, you will also find pictures that prove Mamuti is right when he says Essi is like a mirror - but a mirror that shows Mamuti.
 
The pictures show that Mamuti and Essi not only look like and love each other, but both of them also like to abuse little girls - in public.
 
One picture shows Essi and Mamuti abusing one girl each. Note the bare shoulders and leg of the poor girl held by Mamuti - not very "Islamic".
 
If Californians were once into "wife swapping", another picture shows that Mamuti and Essi are into "little girl swapping".
 
No wonder people don't believe Essi when he says he left a dancing party in Turkey, rather than watch the show - and perhaps "make love with that". For more on that story, read this report by Mamuti's "own" news agency, IRNA.
 
And what do Mamuti and his men do to girls, and boys, who are big and strong; cannot be taken advantage of; take to the streets; and stand up to bullies and liars? You guessed it: They shoot them. But not for much longer.
 
On a musical note, the pictures seem to have been designed for the cover of a new edition of the 1971 Jethro Tull album, Aqualung. There's an uncanny resemblance between Mamuti, Essia and their criminality and the words of the title song, below, and the 1971 cover image, here. There must be a God. And He sure doesn't like to "make love" with Essi or Mamuti.
 

Aqualung

Sitting on a park bench --
eyeing ittle girls with bad intent.
Snot running down his nose --
greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes.
Drying in the cold sun --
Watching as the frilly panties run.
Feeling like a dead duck --
spitting out pieces of his broken luck.

Sun streaking cold --
an old man wandering lonely.
Taking time
the only way he knows.
Leg hurting bad,
as he bends to pick a dog-end --
he goes down to the bog
and warms his feet.

Feeling alone --
the army's up the rode
salvation à la mode and
a cup of tea.
Aqualung my friend --
don't start away uneasy
you poor old sod, you see, it's only me.

Do you still remember
December's foggy freeze --
when the ice that
clings on to your beard is
screaming agony.

And you snatch your rattling last breaths
with deep-sea-diver sounds,
and the flowers bloom like
madness in the spring.