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The Newlyweds (12)
03-Nov-2008
PART 12 (part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (part 8) (part 9) (part 10) (part 11) (part 12) (part 13)
Subject: [It’s no use]
From: Pejman, pejman4444@hotmail. com
To: Payam, payamp@phtechnology. ir
August 17, 1:11:14 a. m.
_______________________
Payam jan,
Against your best judgment, I went ahead and saw Kati by myself. At the time, I reasoned that I did not have any unethical motive. That it would just prove once and for all that I did not, could not, have any feelings for her, at least not beyond those that a brother-in-law should have. But in reality, I was just making an excuse to see her.
Ever since her party for her friend Geraldine, I felt so low. I stopped going to work, pretending that I was sick. I lost my appetite. It was really weird. I would get these frightening hunger pangs and run to the refrigerator, serve myself a huge platter of food and then, when I sat down to devour it, looking at the food before me, inhaling its odors of burning meat and sour legumes, I would be overwhelmed with the desire to vomit. I lost ten pounds since I last wrote to you. The only things I can’t get enough of are coffee and cigarettes. Nassim got so worried about me that she urged me to see a doctor. I kept refusing until she suggested that I see Geraldine at her health and wellness center.
I had briefly listened to Geraldine speak about her work at the opening of her clinic. A short, vivacious woman whose ethnicity I could not distinguish, Geraldine had talked about medical intuition and the need to combine conventional medicine with alternative, herbal and holistic remedies. Her audience was captivated by her words. As for me, I just stood there and listened politely for a while and then slipped out of range. To tell you the truth, she reminded me of one of those countless charlatans in Iran who take desperate people’s money in exchange for a cure for their cancer. I have always been very suspicious of these so called holy men and spiritual women who see the dead, or can tell with a touch of their hand on your body that your liver is sick or you’re suffering from bipolar disorder. Or god help us all, that you were a little eighteenth century Tibetan girl in your past life!
In different circumstances, I would have never agreed to waste my time at such a clinic. But when Nassim, with her own doing, gave me the green light to go back to the same building that Kati lives in, I decided to take the opportunity. I wasn’t planning to stay long at the clinic. Just make a perfunctory visit and then ring up Kati, hoping she would be available to see me. What did I think would happen between us?I didn’t even allow myself to think about that. At the same time that I was fervently wishing this meeting would happen, another part of me, the sane, rational, good part was hoping that she would not be home.
I walked into Geraldine’s clinic and waited for her assistant to show me the way to her office. As soon as I walked in the door though, Geraldine stood up and bizarrely, she put both her hands in front of her, as if to sway back some invisible evil spirits that were attacking her. With real alarm in her voice, she told me to go away, immediately. She could not see me at this moment because I had “too much negative energy. ”On my way out, her assistant apologized to me and told me Geraldine was too “drained” for the day to undergo another trying session and that I should make an appointment to come back.
I couldn’t care less. As soon as I exited the clinic, I called up Kati, my heart beating hard in my chest with each ring of the call that went unanswered. As I was about to hang up, she answered. I told her what had happened with Geraldine. She laughed, saying this episode definitely sounded like a “genuine Geraldine moment. ” She then invited me up. Her lunch order has just been delivered and there was more than enough for two.
We had a wonderful meal, full of laughter and anecdotes, which we told each other in between bites of greasy Chinese food. After all the calorie counting and organic or macrobiotic or whatever idiotic diets and nutrition regimes I have been subjected to at Nassim’s house, it was a huge release to be able to enjoy some junk food and cheap red wine at two in the afternoon. I didn’t want to leave after lunch and Kati made no indication that I was bothering her. We moved on to the couch, that same couch that I had imagined her so often nestled in. We chatted for a while longer then she excused herself to make a phone call and told me to make myself at home.
I grabbed some photo albums that were on her coffee table and started looking through images of Kati from her teen years to the present. There she was, wearing a Scottish kilt, crisp white shirt and tie, her arm around Sam's shoulders. He was wearing the boys’ version of their school uniform. In another, she was pouting in front of the pyramids of Egypt, with Nassim and their parents in tow. I turned the page and found her with friends I didn’t recognize on a ski trip to Whistler. Another album began with an image of her soaked through the bone but grinning like a Cheshire cat after a rainstorm in Assisi. There were some artistic portraits of her in there too, black and white close-ups of her eyes, her mouth, her ear, her neck, taken by an ex-boyfriend perhaps, or a talented friend. There were loads of photos with different people, in seemingly every corner of the world. With each one, I felt this strange sensation inside the put of my stomach. It took me some time before realizing what it was:Jealousy.
It wasn’t that I was jealous over photos with old boyfriends, although there were plenty of those. I became conscious that I was becoming jealous of every moment, every smile, every experience and memory that I had not been able to share with her. I wished that it was me and not Sam that Kati had befriended in school and made her best friend, eventually turning him into the family's informally adopted son. Or that it was me she was pouting at in front of the pyramids of Egypt. I wished that I had known her since childhood. And then, I came to the realization that I wished I had known her before I had known Nassim.
Payame aziz, it’s no use denying it any longer. I am in love with Kati. What a cruel irony it is to have given up on love and married for convenience only to have your heart burn with passion for your wife’s sister!I married the wrong sibling. That was my horrible mistake.
Not everyone is as lucky as you to have found your soul mate, someone who will stand back to back with you and tell the world: “Bring it on!”Someone whose absence, if only temporary, makes you ache in the deepest recess of your belly. Someone whose fleeting touch, fingers brushing against the back of your hand while passing you a plate at lunch, makes you shake with desire.
I have not found that with Nassim. For Nassim, an orgasm is something you get when there is a sale at the women’s shoes department at Holt Renfrew. A scintillating dinner conversation is when you argue about the number of calories you can save by switching to sugar-free yogurt. A fun-filled evening is going for coffee with her insufferable harpie of a best friend, Mitra, where they delight in likening their other female “friends” to four-legged canine creatures.
I already knew the truth the first day that I saw Kati, my own wedding day!But I lied to myself and to others. Successfully so, I thought, until you saw right through me, all the way from across the oceans and continents that separate us. You tried to warn me. But as usual, your little brother is a screw-up through and through. I wasn’t strong enough to resist that overwhelming wave of feelings that is now drowning me.
But don’t worry. I will never let this secret known to my wife or her family, much less to Kati. I am sure she does not reciprocate any of my feelings. She just does not think of me that way. She is too pure, too wise to ever fall into the kind of trap that I let myself succumb to. And even if she was willing, I would never heap such a miserable shame on you and our parents. Maman Joon would likely die, god forbid, from such an aberoo reezee. All the other stuff I put them through, my teen-age antics, my failed careers, my depressive periods, would seem like child’s play compared to the blow that would hit them should I act upon my feelings and tell Kati how I feel. I am neither as wise as her nor as brave. And in any case, it is too late for me. I am tormented day and night by a love that can never be. I know it will ultimately destroy me. Please say a prayer for me tonight, brother.
Lovingly,
Pejman >>> part 13
(part 1) (part 2) (part 3) (part 4) (part 5) (part 6) (part 7) (part 8) (part 9) (part 10) (part 11) (part 12) (part 13)
| Recently by laleh haghighi | Comments | Date |
|---|---|---|
| The Newlyweds (20, Conclusion) | 27 | Nov 24, 2008 |
| The Newlyweds (19) | 5 | Nov 22, 2008 |
| The Newlyweds (18) | 15 | Nov 19, 2008 |
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American wife. No need to cry :)
by kouroshS (not verified) on Tue Nov 11, 2008 04:36 PM PSTReasonable? excuse me, but since when it has become Unreasonable when someone starts disagreeing with you:)
I think you are taking this way to seriously.
I know you can't accept this concept. BUt i can. and i will enjoy the rest of it. you have your opinion and i have mine. Right? no need to get mad now:)
cheers:)
fine, whatever.
by American Wife on Tue Nov 11, 2008 09:44 AM PSTI'm done with this. You don't accept a reasonable discussion without either accusing me of "bashing you".... say what?
Or suggesting that women "ask for it". It's an unacceptable concept to me, period.
Enjoy the story.
AW. why does it always have
by KouroshS (not verified) on Mon Nov 10, 2008 09:50 PM PSTAW.
why does it always have to be about placing the blame on somebody? why can't we just call it what it is? why does he has to labeled an obssessed man, when he has not even made one single move on katie? why, why, why? all you are doing is that you are assuming that he is "going" somwhere with this, as if he is about to kill someone!! Trust me I CAN say that you are wrong because you are:)you are pre-judging a man based on nothing, just the fact that he dares to like some other woman.
This is about a man having simple feelings about a woman who happens to be his sister-in-law. It may be your opinion that he is obssessed, but then again you are being irrational in making him look like the bad guy, which he is not.
And you know what? For a woman who is absolutely not interested in anything with a man, whether he is related or not to her, It does not take much to give the guy a real serious and stern warning, if she thinks that he is up to something she is not. Once she welcomes him, which we know katie did, with all those WILLING exchanges of laughters and what not, There is no way in the world you can convince me that all she is interested is a flirt or two and that she is being polite.
I know that you don't trust him. But he is ANYTHING BUT proven to be so.:) No proof whatsoever, simply because nothing physical has happened. I am soooo ready for the next part...
I am no more making statements
by American Wife on Mon Nov 10, 2008 12:12 PM PSTof FACT than you are. It is clearly MY opinion, just as you have one. It's MY opinion he's obsessed. You're criticizing her for "greeting him so warmly". If there IS nothing wrong with him visiting her, why should she object? You're now placing the blame on her for not turning him away????
How can you say I was wrong in knowing where he was going with this? It's been proved out with every new part!!! In the very first (or second) part, he was talking about Kati. It doesn't take a blind man to see where that was going...lol. But you're absolutely right about one thing. I don't trust him. He's proven to be untrustworthy.
Let's just what happens, shall we?
:-)
" He's obsessed with Kati.
by KouroshS (not verified) on Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:30 AM PST" He's obsessed with Kati. Fine. Just don't be making him out as innocent.
:-)
LOL.
AW. Did i say that? or are you saying that? i never said he is obssessed with katie. he is innocent. can 'tmake him the guilty party here for having some feelings even if he calls it love, regardless of whether katie is asking for it or NOT.
You know You crack me up. It is like you are layin' down the law here. He is obssessed... and that is it... UNDERSTAND? LOL. This is a forum., remember?
Remember, that pejman asked for permission and waited to see if she could see him. And what was up with her receiving him, ever soo warmly?
Having lunch and exchanging anecdotes and laughters? What happened to a stern "what the hell are you doing here pejman" or You have no right to be here".Ha?
You are wrong in supposedly knowing all along where he was going with this. What are you talking about? How can you be so sure? No. You just want to label him as a whiner and all other things. Your problem is that you distrust the guy for no GOOD reason. Just because he did so and so.
And you are Going way overboard with this abuse thing. I forgot to mention it last time also, That had katie called him a lunetic and asked that he's see a shrink, if he had confessed to his feelings for heryou ASSUMED that the crazy guy that he must be! he would still jump all over katie and would do his thing. It is as if, in your mind he is already a marked man and that is it. heis doomed and no matter what he does he is the guilty one.
And you did not stop at that and went on to elaborate and extend that to all other guys who god forbid may show some persistence in a LOGICAL MANNER, and even after the first or second flirting sessions. That is how most relationships begin lady. With some persistence:) I am told that some girls like that??
To the last part of your comments all i have to say is that Never say never, wise lady:) It ALWAYS A two-sided deal, no matter what. The fact that you mention That there has to be PERMISSION given by her, goes to prove my point that women do ask for it by issuing permission. SO there.
'till next posting::()
Ok... first of all, he was
by American Wife on Mon Nov 10, 2008 09:47 AM PSTOk... first of all, he was sent to get liquor the FIRST time he went to her apartment. In this scenario, he faked a trip to the counselor (it is interesting how she would not see him) just so he could see Kati upstairs... so YOU might want to skim through it again...:-)
That fact that she mentioned it especially in front of Nassim shows how completely innocent SHE is. If she thought there was a hint of impropriety OR if she was interested in Pejboy, she would have asked him privately without anyone around.
Kourosh... I AM a fair person. I saw where Pejboy was going in the very first part. He's a whiner. I say it again, nobody MADE him marry Nassim. Now that he has, he's determined to find some way out of it. You've made excuses for his actions being so innocent all along. Now he's admitted he has feelings for her, even calling it love.
And the bottom line as far as I'm concerned is a woman NEVER asks for it. What you perceive as a "come on" is usually nothing more than a woman being polite. I am very aware that woman can act like "you know whats". But is never justification for abuse. I'm sure that's not what you're saying but it just sound like it. A woman flirts with you.. you flirt back... she flirts back... and then she gets up to go home. End of story. There was no permission given for anything more on his part.
He's obsessed with Kati. Fine. Just don't be making him out as innocent.
:-)
Dee.. hello again. My dads from County Mayo... anywhere near you?
Peace
by Dee M on Mon Nov 10, 2008 03:17 AM PSTSorry folks if my irish blarney caused confusion, I was born and raised in ireland and just to confuse the mix im livng in australia!Kourosh - you come accross as a "thinking kinda guy" so this is going to come as a huge surprise to you but ...There are serial hitters out there - guys that flirt for sport and will hit on anything!!
Ok we all know that pajman is not one of them....
OR....is he???
Enough bashing me
by KouroshS (not verified) on Sun Nov 09, 2008 10:12 AM PSTAmerican wife
I don't know if you noticed or not but Dee had a few lines such as "where have you being" that made it so hard for me to decipher her point. So, there is no need to get offended by that irish comment.
Look. I agree that we look at the same story and come up with different conclusions, But I am not going so far as to say that either one of these guys is obssessed with each other.
Pejman never Engineered any excuses! I mentioned this before as well that he was tapped on the shoulder to go up there and get some more alcohol,by a friend, right? please correct me if am wrong. how could you overlook that point when you seem to have skimmed through the story so many million times LOL, and come up with everything that backs up your position? I mean. come on. One more thing, Why would Katie mention anything at all if she would not care so much about receiving his emails and etc? ha? If you admit to that youself, then where is the problem?? Kati approached Pejman, Did she not? Thnaks for proving my point by the way ;)
To say that he "engineered" That is so outrageous and i guess here you are just blowing things out of proportion Just like you do so By saying I " mean no disrespect when I say this but your replies sound too much like those you heard by virtually every stalker or abusive boyfriend confronted with their crime. "It was her fault... she encouraged me... "
Really? The whole point of stalking is to remain anonymous, isn't it?when was the last time you heard a stalker explaining his motives for doing so? please don't go thinking that i have been there done that. I mean, the way you are taking off with this i am not surprised LOL. women...
"All in all, if someone takes the position EVER that the woman asks for it, I'm afraid it's useless to discuss the real issues. It's obvious that such a person doesn't see them. "
WHY? Because women are always right no matter what??????? this is such a biased comment. To discover the REAL Issues one must look at both sides not just what one wishes to ignore and what one decides to focuse on. I can't even believe you said that. I am so disappointed.
In order to be a fair judge of these situations and be able to point the finger at the right person, you need to let go of the fact that There is such a thing as an obssessed man and polite and courteous women. There is NO WAY In hell a man picks up any signals, if a woman is not sending any. NO WAY, NO way. no way. no way, no how.
Should have read...
by Dee (not verified) on Fri Nov 07, 2008 03:35 PM PSTA Jerry Springer free Zone!!
An interbreeding free zone...
by Dee (not verified) on Fri Nov 07, 2008 03:32 PM PSTOMG!
Ask any girl that has been hit on a guy (who got it all wrong) only never to be able to look him in the face again!! Can't you see ...HE is the one that has MOVED THE GOAL POST HERE, sure Kati enjoys a certain banter with her brother inlaw. He probably makes home visits a little more palatable. They get to share a cigerette and even have the same sense of humour, hence the odd email or text. NO BIG DEAL.
I did not pick up that she was reeling the guy in. yes she looked a little hurt as anyone might for an instant but then her eyes returned to normal and she was her old self again. If she was In Lovve theres no way she would be so cool. anyway, I believe we all need a little self control cos it wouldnt never do if we all went around telling eveyone - every single mad (or lustful) thought that came inside our head ...Would it (?) By nature im a romantic but even i can see that this guy is been a little over dramatic and self indulgent. He has a whole committee going off in his head. The fact is he needs to deal with his marraige, by all means set himself free.
Call me old fashioned here but one's in law's are Soo off limits!!
Kouroush - Guys get it wrong all the time - especially when they are not gauging circumstances with their head or their heart ...if you know what I mean?
Chill out - Freedom of speech and everything but
you gotta be kidding sister!
American Wife - It would seem common sense, is not that common!
say what?
by American Wife on Fri Nov 07, 2008 02:29 PM PSTFalling in love is beyond your control? If you find love? First of all, this has nothing to do with love. This is lust my friend. LOVE? Based on what? Love means respect to me. Respect for myself and honoring my commitments... both legal and binding! Respect for my WIFE. Respect for my supposed "true love". When (and if) he professes his "love" to Kati... I bet you... right here and now... that she laughs in his face. No, actually she's a kind person so she won't do that. She'll offer some consoling words and suggest that PejBOY SEE A FRIGGIN SHRINK! Of course Pejboy will see that as flirting and he'll probably force himself on her.
How can you possibly see this infatuation as love? And to suggest that he pursue it while married?
Chill Out
by t (not verified) on Fri Nov 07, 2008 02:15 PM PSTI'm a woman but in this case I take Pejman's side. Falling in love is beyond one's control. If you're lucky enough to find it, then you should pursuit it; even if it's your sister-in-law.
Remember in the old days in Iran, when a woman's husband passed away she would be married off to the husband's brother and I personally know of a case where when a woman died giving birth the sister was married off to the guy and raised the kid.
let's see...
by American Wife on Fri Nov 07, 2008 01:51 PM PSTIt clearly is a matter of perspective here. We're looking at the same thing and seeing something completely different. You say that Kati is encouraging him... implying that she missed him and that all she needs is a little push. This is the way I see it. Pejman is obsessed with Kati. It is not reciprocated. When they met face-to-face, she made an innocent comment about his lack of IM's emails, etc. I have to ask right here... how the heck many were there??? How often does he write her??? I know I've never written an email to my brother in laws, ever. I personally think that the whole point of that exchange was for the benefit of the reader to show how obsessed he is with her. No where did he mention the many emails or IM's himself before this. It was Kati who mentioned it. Nearly crushed?????? Holy moly.... where do you get THAT? Slowly bits of his personality are coming out. He is the one who has engineered an excuse to go to her apartment. There was no invitation from her at all... either real or imagined.
I mean no disrespect when I say this but your replies sound too much like those you heard by virtually every stalker or abusive boyfriend confronted with their crime. "It was her fault... she encouraged me... if it wasn't for her... she came on to me..." when the reality is is that woman did nothing more than be curteous and polite. An obsessive man reads more into casual encounters than is intended.
All in all, if someone takes the position EVER that the woman asks for it, I'm afraid it's useless to discuss the real issues. It's obvious that such a person doesn't see them.
Dee... I can't figure out what part of your comment used any Irish slang but anyway, it's good to hear from a fellow Irish woman!!!
Ok. Now it is better.
by KouroshS (not verified) on Fri Nov 07, 2008 10:18 AM PSTDee.
I am basing my observation on the way she behaved and and how she was nearly crushed when he stopped returniing her calls and etc. It is as if she is waiting and expecting for something to come out of his mouth or that he behaves in a certain way and then Pow! she will explode. There is never an excuse , and believe me that in the majority of the cases it is the girl who does ASK FOR IT. trust me. If thatis not the case the man has no reason to even think about touching her. Male Antenna is not as strong as Female's transmitter:)
. In any relationship both men and women are participants. If a female does not send singnals male does not pick anything up. She may not be into snatching her sister's guy per se, but i bet you she does not mind flirting with him, at least for a while.
Pejman jan - find another fantasy!
by Dee (not verified) on Fri Nov 07, 2008 04:52 AM PSTKourosh,
Just an observation-
you have a sensitive and insightful prespective but I was disappointed to read that you felt Kati was in some way inviting his attention in a romantically!!!
That male antenna!!
love or lust - Sooner or later someone's gonna get sucked in and then they got the excuse
- she started it, she wanted me!!!
SHE ASKED FOR IT!!
Well leave Poor Kati alone!!
She is a free spirit!!
she is not into
- swiping anyone's guy -
much less her own sisters!!!
BOTTOM LINE...
some people are FOREVER off limits!!
Please rephrase your question!!!???
by KouroshS (not verified) on Thu Nov 06, 2008 09:16 PM PSTDee
what are you trying to ask? you are using a lot of irish slang.
ohhh..its getting hot in here...
by Dee M on Thu Nov 06, 2008 07:56 PM PSTAmerican wife- Take it from a fellow irish woman - this guys good!
BUT - Kourosh you lost me on the all she needs (Kati) is a little push, how old hat is that?? She was " innocently" asking a family member - whats up? where have you being?
& you manage to turn it into a full on pass?? Ouch!!!
Shame on you!!
oh, American wife But wait a
by KouroshS (not verified) on Thu Nov 06, 2008 04:48 PM PSToh, American wife
But wait a second here. was katie not the one who started missing his calls and texts and etc?? and even asked him about that? does that in anyway tell you that there is no way she will give him time of day? Come on. All she needs is a little push, that is right. all he needs is to play it cool and nudge her in the right path, and then you just watch:)
There are no "actions" that i am justifying here! you glossed over my comments for the second time. There are feelings, they are not being put to actions yet.Maybe nassim is going through the same phase? should every man and woman feel guilty everyday for looking or thinking about someone else? because you and i know damn well it happnes to most of us.
I am not suggesting that one should change oneself in a marriage to satisfy the other party. I know what an honest relationship is. But let us be honest with each otherhere. A man and a woman go through ton of changes and it would be rediculous to say that their partners do really love them in the same exact way and if they don't, then they are guilty of not being honest. It is unavoidable that there is a need for at least some adjustments every once in a while. you've got to admit that although the fundamentals of a marriage may remain the same and there is still love to a great degree but the intenstty of that love fluctuates and will not be the same all the time.
I think it is an excellent ideal if he and nassim have a man to woman talk and get things out in the open. All this " i am in love with katie" buisness might be a blessing in disguise.
ok..ok...
by American Wife on Thu Nov 06, 2008 10:15 AM PSTI can see where this is going. Every step of the way will be another excuse. Before it was "innocent and natural feelings for a sister-in-law". Now, he's got feelings but he's not going to act on them. Probably not because I don't think Kati is going to give him the time of day. I just don't understand how you can justify his actions because he's in a marriage of convenience. Nobody forced him to marry Nassim. There has been very little said from her point of view. And I'm hardly going to label her as manipulative because he says so or because he thinks it justifies his actions. I have no doubt that she is boring... she herself in the very beginning was so happy and amazed that he was interested in her. But if you think that means she needs to change for HIM, you're missing the point of an honest relationship all together. Don't you know that if you love someone, you don't expect to change them? Is he being honest with HER? Do you think he's discussed his dissatisfaction with Nassim? I seriously doubt it. Because then he wouldn't have an excuse to feel sorry for himself!
Calm down American wife
by KouroshS (not verified) on Thu Nov 06, 2008 09:04 AM PSTWhat is wrong with you girl?
Okay so the guys is having some feelings for Katie so what? You read what he said, that he ain;t gonna act up on them and he feels so embarrassed. He is also saying it so clearly that this is a marriage of convenience and Nassim is not a joy to be with. It is just feelings. don't tell me women, don't go through this periodically.. Like i said, He is reacting to a set of circumstances that dominates his marriage. WHy can't you believe him for a second that it could be nassim who is kind boring and it is her that needs to prop up and get busy.
There is nothing shameful about this, and he does not need to be defended. If you think like that, a good percentage of women and men who live in loveless marriages must be considered guilty as well.
IS that practical?
Kourosh
by American Wife on Wed Nov 05, 2008 02:41 PM PSTWhere are you??? I'm waiting for you to defend poor Pejman NOW...:-)
And you say he's NOT having a pity party? HA!
Poor Baby!
by Miny (not verified) on Tue Nov 04, 2008 02:05 AM PSTPoor Baby!
An angle on life's little tortures...
by Dee M on Mon Nov 03, 2008 07:30 PM PSTSo honest and beautiufully explored!