America fights back

Shorts
by Shorts
07-Sep-2007
 

Bahman Mahmoudi writes: President George W. Bush and his Vice-President Dick Chaeyney have concluded that it is time to straighten the record so that history would reflect a better image of their imperial rule and collect better speaking fees.

Mr. Cheyney suggested to deport all Iranians and let them go home and enjoy the fruits of the Islamiic revolution in 1979.

The State Department objected to the plan because some of the states such as California, Georgia, Illinois and New York would lose the majority of their wealthy residents and with the current real este crisis, Beverly Hills woud be particularly hit hard.

Therefore it was decided that it was cheaper to attack Iran and get rid of President Ahmadinejad and find another ruler for the country and start the 1953 revolution all over again with new and approved actors.

So,t he Bush /Cheyney army attacked Iran and and after 10 years of war, it was decided to declare victory and leave Iran in the middle of the night.

Iranian revolutionaries celebrated thier victories in towns and villages and decided to collect their war booty like the Vientmese and the other nations defeated by the Yankees by coming to the United States and taking over all the profitable businesses.
The

Azaris took over 7-11s and gasoline stations while Ghazvinis and Ghomis took over gay bars and liquor stores in San Fransisco to provide R & R for the Islamic clergy and the revoloutionary guards.

After a period of prosperity and calm, the former warriors decided America was too good to spoil and destroy -- like they had done to Iran. But the Iranian government would not take them back so they were sent to Guantanamo which Bush and   Cheyney in their infinite wisdom had prepared.

It's a shame  Saddam Hossein is not around to get a kick out of all this.

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The Legacy

by Cookie on

My father was fed up with my cloths and the flat-top hair cut, he was telling me that I looked like the porters in the old Tehran bazaar, who carried large pieces of the mechanize on their heads.
I had to listen to him, he was the boss and was paying my bills.
It took a couple of weeks for my hair to grow back for a regular and civilized barber to give me a European style hair cut. I was back in his graces again and he took me to the Gallery Lafayette to get me new and acceptable garbs and shoes.
He told me that I had to remember that he, his father, Grand father, and his great grand father had come to France by riding camels, donkeys, horse drawn carriage, and the steam trains to see the civilized world in action and to enjoy the French wines, women, and hight life in person and to pass-on the responsibility and the privilege to the next generations.
I was willing to learn, even the brutish German generals had enjoyed the French pleasures, and disobeyed the order of their own George W. Bush of the time and had saved the place for the next generations to come.
We started from the Mouline Rouge (The Red Wind Mill). It was where the famous Can Can dance had been created and the famous French midget painter had spent his life painting it.
There were beautiful and bare chested dancers who were jumping up and down and then opening their legs, screaming, and landing on the floor.
I was falling in love again.
One of the old waiters told me that the girls were American, because the French women had short legs and not much bumpers on the front.
Well, I could deal with that. The French women were my size and I could get used to them.
Follies Berger, Naturalist, Lido, and The Crazy Horse came next, which were similar in appearance and the spirit.
They were all delightful and I could spend all my Fridays which is the Muslim Sabbath there and not feel guilty. I wish the Muslim clergy and high ranking officials had the opportunity and the privilege to see the place, the world would have been according, to George Bush senior, a much kinder and gentler place
I had to get some fresh french live meat, I had been starved in America and my solution was close at hand.
I started sneaking out out of our hotel in the evenings when my mom and dad were sleep and did not come back till well oiled and serviced in the morning.
I was praying to my ancestors who were so wise and had taken the true path to the happiness and the glory for the here-after.
God bless them all, and I hope they don't need powerful air conditioning for where they are.
Can you imagine how boring it would be to spend to the eternity with the popes, the ayatollahs, and the rabbis, discussing all their adventures with the young boys or the perverts, who were only interested in the young little girls.

Cookie

New York, New York

by Cookie on

It was before the Axis of Evil
There was only one evil at the time (Iran).
The Bush dynasty had not yet done its masterpieces in Iraq or Afghanistan.
Jimmy Carter had just canceled the Moscow Olympics, and had to listen to his  daughter Amy and mama.
Bill Clinton was still in Arkansas and was busy with Jennifer Flowers.
He still had not met Monica Lewinsky or that girl.
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was in his late teens and had just arranged with his other bearded friends to take the American Embassy personnel hostage.
The supreme leader was worried what to feed them.
Ayatollahs Rafsanjani proposed, due to the shortage of the beef and sheep meat in Iran, they should contact the Armenians and buy a large pig and let the revolutionary Guards barbecue it. And serve it to them with beer and whiskey.
The guards had ransacked the American Embassy PX anyway and did not have enough time to sell it to the other true believers.
The supreme leader suggested that maybe the Americans would interpret this action as a sign of the peace offering and not attack Iran.
The Iranian leaders had seen war only on the streets of Tehran, or in the American World War II movies.
The Iranian soldiers on the other hand were brave and only attacked and massacred the unarmed civilians, run away with the first response,  the heroes would drop everything and put on women's skirts and over all covers and sneak out with the speed of the speeding bullets.
The great leaders pointed to the Imperial Iranian Army who had joined the street gangs and destroyed all the liquor stores.
The poor Shah hand thought that his army might stand and fight for a while, while the relatives emptied the Royal treasury.
I was watching all the exciting actions on the television and a noble idea came to my mind. The American people must be very pissed off, but could do nothing.
If I could get hold of some cheep Chinese T-shirts and printed IRAN or Khomeini SUCKS on them, I could make a fortune
I was in my dream world when my wife told me that my Greek American buddy was on the phone and wanted to talk to me.
He told me that he was in New York and had called my parents in Iran for my telephone number.
He told me that he was working in Manhattan in the World Trade Center No.1 building.
He had a job for me which paid well and was to my taste.
My wife and I took off and went to New York for an interview and was offered a control engineering job.
I couldn't believe the building size. It was the largest thing I had ever seen.
It took me a couple of months to find my way to my office and don't get lost in the elevators or the subways.
I was thinking that everything is big and tall in New York.
It used to take a long time to reach the 93rd floor.
During the winter, they used to recirculate the air to save the energy and I was getting headaches due to the shortage of oxygen.
Another problem was the fast blowing winds which would shake the building and cause the elevator shafts to whistle.
A few times we had to walk down 30 or 40 floors to get out of the non-operating elevators. I was glad that I was going down, not up.
One day, an Argentinean passenger plane was lost and was heading towards the building.
They sounded the alarms and instructed us to evacuate the building.
I saw my buddy sitting and not paying attention.
I asked him why he was not moving.
He told me that he lived across the river in New Jersey and wanted to save a subway token.
Only a true New Yorker can come up with such gems.
On 9/11, when I saw the buildings come down,  it was like losing dear old friends.
May all those who were lost or hurt be blessed.


Cookie

New Sex Study...

by Cookie on

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead. Except in my house.....


Cookie

Secret Feelings and Desires

by Cookie on

From an early age, I was paying great attention to the legs and the feet of all the young and beautiful women whom I felt deserved my special attention.
My mother used to entertain her young friends with cakes and Turkish coffee around our dinning room table.
The table was usually covered by a fancy table cloth, I used to sneak and go under the table and take a good look at the beautiful sights.
One time I became so over come by my feelings, that I hugged and kissed a beautiful lady's feet.
She thought it was our little dog, and kicked me under the table in the face.
The pain was worth the pleasure.
Next day, I explained my feelings to a cousin who was a year younger.
He told me that he had similar feelings, so we started going under the dinning room table together for the same reason, but with more care.
The new feelings were taking over, I was dreaming of the bare female feet on my bare chest and receiving a pleasurable slow bare foot rub.
It was impossible to make such a desirable demands from the grownups.
We had to be content with the female kids our own age.
How can you explain to a 5 or 6 year old girl to walk bare footed on your bare chest and give you a gentle bare foot rub? We had to entice them with exciting rewards.
Later on, we discovered that they also had other fantasies of their own which were even more bizarre than ours.
For the sake of achieving our goals, it had to be carried out.
As a result, we become the confidants of the popular young ladies, so it was not only us boys who had secret desires and dreams.
Now at an advanced age, I have discovered that our feelings were very natural, but we were ahead of our age.
May the next generations of the youths keep up with their secret desires and dreams.


Cookie

The first Pay Check

by Cookie on

It had been an uphill battle, The semester was almost over and I had not done too badly for a foreign student in an American church college.
The language was still a problem, I still could not remember the material which I had read in English.
I could handle math and science courses better, but the dean of the foreign students was always trying to put me in the religious courses.
Finally I gave up and accepted his recommendation and registered in his favorite courses and would go to another adviser and change them into something else.
We had a good mouse and cat game. Summer was coming fast and I had to do something meaning full for the summer vacation.
The dormitory was going to be closed and we had to be out of there.
Being a foreign student and having to live on campus really sucks.
Another Iranian student who was Azeri (the Turkish speaking part of Iran) came up with the suggestion to get our Social Security Cards and get a job on campus.
Well, it was before the Axis of Evil days, it was not too hard to get a driver license or a Social Security Card.
We got our cards and applied at the personnel office.
We got summer janitorial jobs at the minimum wage which was $1.25 at the time.
It was more than what my father was making the back home.
Rented a room off campus in the house of a divorce old lady whose husband was wise enough to get rid of her.
We were stock and had to listen her complains about all the wrongs which had been done to her by her husband.
We concluded that divorce was made in heaven and we better get used to the concept for the future.
We got our brooms and started our summer jobs.
The brooms were not hard to handle, it was the electric rotary floor washer and waxer which was the problem.
It was like riding a wild bull. One could get pulled by it and hit the walls.
After a week of washing, sweeping, and polishing came the glorious payday.
Oh what wonderful day and what a glorious experience.
I was making more money than my dad, but keeping less because of the federal, state, and social security taxes.
Well everyone was in the same boat and there was no way out unless you were a business owner and kept double books for yourself and the tax man.
We were really an insignificant cog in the economy system and had to keep our noses clean.
Look at Mr. Al Capone the leader of the South side of Chicago gang who had killed many people and was sentenced only for cheating on his taxes.
We better learn fast and leave the cheating on taxes to the super rich and the politician.
We bought new shoes and cloth and discovered the art of cruising around the driving ins on the south side of Indianapolis.
Met some very lovely young blond teenagers who were thinking, we the college boys were gods; who were we to correct them.
We were receiving regular instructions in French kissing, boy this art surely beats praying 5 times a day toward Mecca and going to the mosque.
Once a young and pretty teen ager asked us why Muslim women wore black over all and covered their faces.
The answer was easy. They wanted to make Arabia beautiful.
We had saved our pay checks and it felt like having accumulated a fortune.
Good things don't last very long, and before we know it the summer was over and we had to go back to the school and wrestle with the foreign student adviser.
He always said that we foreigners from the Middle East were like the desert sheiks and wanted to spoil the Innocent and lovely American females.
I am sorry to say that we tried hard, but he odds were not in our favor


Cookie

Joys of circumcision

by Cookie on

I was born and raised in an old section of Tehran where the true Tehranies had been living for centuries.
We had a mixture of Muslims, Jews and Armenians who were Christians.
We were going to the same schools, went to each other's homes and felt like brothers.
There was none of nonsense about the Jihad, religious fanaticism.
I used to be requested by my Orthodox Jewish friends to go to their homes and light their fire on the Sabbath.
I even had the pleasure of eating Kosher foods, they were not much different than my own foods.
I had discovered that the Muslims and Jews were very similar, except the Muslims had not learned the good qualities of the Jews such as hard work, cooperation and business genius.
We had only concentrated on some odd practices such as circumcision.
All new Muslim boys had to be circumcised.
A few weeks after my older brother was born at home by a midwife, my mother sent for the neighbor hood butcher who had also been performing circumcision.
He came to our house with a length of bamboo, and a Sharp razer.
He cut the bamboo lengthwise and placed the foreskin of the new born in the cut and tied it with a rubber band to hold the piece in place.
Then he whacked it with his sharp blade, the piece was gone and the baby was screaming his head off.
He put some yellow disinfectant pomade on the area and bandaged it.
It got infected and took more than three months to cure it.
There were no antibiotics in those day and they had to do with what was available.
When it got to my turn, my father stopped my mother and told her to wait for better times when better facilities were available.
I had survived the ordeal, and was entering the puberty age.
One day when I came home, I saw my mother's cousin, who had studied ear, nose and throat, and had recently graduated from the medical school.
He had his first kill under his belt by giving his father the wrong injection and had killing him.
Was I going to be his next one ? I felt there was a long distance from a nose to where he wanted to go.
I did not have much of a choice and was grabbed by the family friends and the closed relatives and placed on the dining room table and was tied by bed sheets.
My pants were pulled down, and before I knew it, my foreskin was getting cut off by surgical devices.
I was screaming and asking for mercy and telling  the doctor not to cut too much.
It was over before I knew it.
I had to wear a dress similar to a skirt till my wounds healed up.
The neighborhood girls, God bless them all, were curious and wanted to see what had been done to me.
I was proud to raise my skirt and show them my injured parts.
Now I was a true reformed Muslim and could drink premium French wines and brandy like the sophisticated clergy who do it in private and call it medicine.
My Jewish friends from my neighborhood are now mostly in New York and Los Angeles ,  maybe someday we will get together like the old times and thank Khomeini for making it possible to enjoy the better things of life and be able to travel with our American passport to wherever we want.

Cookie

Fear from the Snakes

by Cookie on

I had just barley learned how to put on my shoes on the right feet, but still had to go to my mother to tie shoe laces.
The world was moving fast on the outside, but I couldn't go out of the house.
It was rumored that there were sick men who stole little children and did bad things to them and then killed them.
It was just like the present days.
We had to wait for my dad to come home from his work at 2 o'clock and bring our bread in his hand bag.
Then, we would sit around the dinning room table and eat the rice and vegetable dishes which my mother had prepared.
My mom and dad were very young and had gotten married at an early age.
Then he had gotten drafted and sent to the army base which was close to their house.
He used to snick out of the base and come home in the evenings, that is how my older brother was conceived.
Afterward , He got a job at a local government bank and was in pursuit of happiness mode when the Second World War started and the country got occupied by the allies.
One summer day he came home with the good news of the summer vacation by the Caspian sea.
I had never heard of the Caspian sea and didn't even know where it was.
I asked him what a sea was?
Was it like a pool, but only bigger ? How were we going there ?
We took a horse drawn carriage from our house to the train station and boarded our train.
It was very exciting because I had never seen a train, it was full of the military personnel and equipment which were being sent to Russia to fight the Germans.
Finally, we got to the city of Babol which was a twenty minutes horse drawn carriage ride from Babolsar . It was our final destination.
We went to my grandfather's residence which was a small peasant cottage.
Everything was primitive and we had to cook with charcoal.
I did not see the hot charcoal on the floor and stepped bare foot on it.
This was not a good start for a summer vacation.
Next day my dad took us to the sea. It was a huge body of water which went forever and there were waves coming to the shore.
I got some courage, changed to my bathing suite and went into water.
it was very salty and did not taste good either.
I did not know what to do in the water, my dad told me just lay at the edge and enjoy it.
The water was not cold and was kind of fun, soon I forgot the pain of the blister at the bottom of my foot.
Next day, my dad took me behind our cottage and showed me the big pond with the large floating green leaves on it.
There were all sizes of dark green frogs siting on the leaves and enjoying their songs.
we were watching and enjoying them. All of a sudden a long and mean dark creature appeared from no where and swallowed a very pretty frog which was happily singing.
I was very upset and picked up medium size rocks and started throwing them at the damn snake.
My rocks were falling short and the snake with the frog in his mouth disappeared.
I was shaking from fear and anger, there were such dangerous creatures which could harm you.
Today it was the poor frog's turn, maybe tomorrow it was going to be me.
I had to be very careful, observant and avoid dangerous situations.
A few days later, I was in the restroom and taking my time, when I had a strange feeling and looked down.
There was a long and pink colored snake coming out of my bottom.
I started to scream my head head off and called my mom and dad and told them that the damn snake had come to get me and they better do some thing about it.
They came and looked and assured me that it was just a pink worm that people got in their stomachs due to the insanitary drinking water and the use of the natural fertilizers for growing our food.
We all started taking special de-worming pills on a regular basis and watched the strange and long creatures that came out out of the lower end.
I had a feeling that maybe it was where I had sat that the pink snake had entered my body, I was going to be very careful from now on.


Cookie

Hearts of Gold

by Cookie on

I was assigned to inspect and supervise the change over of the existing National Iranian Oil company product pipe line (NIOC).

The pipe line started from the city of Ahwaz and went all the way to Tehran and delivered petroleum products.
There were petroleum gas flares in the suburb of the city which was burning the gas 24/7 and you could feel the heat and the smell from a considerable distance. The weather was similar to Louisiana, with occasional sand storms from Saudi Arabia.
We had rented double rooms at Hotel Ahwaz, which was a mama papa operation.
Behind the flares there were a few buildings which we discovered to our delight, was the area red light district. The place was very safe safe because it was managed by the local police.
We had two electrical technicians who were doing the electrical works. One was a Cockney English man and the other a south Korean.
One day they came to me and told me they had not been paid and didn't want to work, but wanted to go to the local girls behind the flares.
They didn't know the language and wanted me to help them get there.
We put on our work cloth and took off. Went inside the compound and started checking and found a nicely organized house, we talked to the manager whom the girls were calling her "mama".
My English and Korean buddies made their selections and took off with the ladies.
I was sitting down and reading an old local news paper.
Mama came to me and asked me why I had not picked up one of her girls?
I told her that I was just a low paid driver for the foreigners and had hungry wife and children in the next village.
She told me not to worry, and sent me her best girl and told me she was going to charge it to the foreigners.
She was also going to give me a handsome tip for bringing them there.
Now, who can say people don't have hearts of gold


Cookie

Teaching How to Cook

by Cookie on

After my American wife left with our son to show her master piece of creation to her mama and papa in 1975, I was asked to go to the oil products pumping stations under construction from the southern part of Iran to Tehran. I was to receive a food allowance, a company car and a living room at each station, I could live with that.
I received the car, the food allowance and took off. Got to the station called "Tangeh Fannie" and found it almost pleasant. The rooms were modest, but clean.
There was a village boy called Asdollah who cleaned our rooms, washed our bedding and brought hot tea when asked. He told me that he was married and had three children who  lived in his village. He told me that he only received $50 a month which was not enough to feed his family. The do gooder in me could not be silenced. I consulted with the other engineers and decided to supplement his income, by paying him a monthly allowance. We felt much better and he was quiet for a while. He started telling us again how much he was under the pressure of his living expenses. That was when a new idea came to my mind. The problem was he was in the wrong business, as a cleaning and tea boy the going rate was only $40 to $60 range. As a cook, he could get up to $250 a month.The problem was, he could not cook and could not read or write. Why should some thing so insignificant stop him. So we started to teach him to make breakfast with eggs, ham, and toast.
We were teaching him enough English to communicate with the English and Americans who were working in the pumping station.
We went one step beyond, and got him making hamburgers, french fries and green salads. He was doing OK and all we had to do was tell him Asdollah "lunch" and the Hamburgers, french fries , and the salads would be ready in a few minutes.
We also asked him to eat what he had cooked for the quality control purposes.
In about 6 months time, we had a trained cook who understood, spoke English, and cooked three meals a day and was not afraid to eat it too.
We asked our company to change his status to that of the cook and adjust his salary accordingly, but the bureaucrats wouldn't do it.
The solution was to find him a new job.
A French contractor who had lost his cook was visiting our station and was impressed with our English speaking cook and ask us if he could have him? We said yes, and a new chapter opened up in his life. 

Cookie

America Fights Back

by Cookie on

President George W. Bush and his Vice-President Dick Chaeyney have concluded that it is time to straighten the record so that history would reflect a better image of their imperial rule and collect better speaking fees.

Mr. Cheyney suggested to deport all Iranians and let them go home and enjoy the fruits of the Islamiic revolution in 1979.

The State Department objected to the plan because some of the states such as California, Georgia, Illinois and New York would lose the majority of their wealthy residents and with the current real este crisis, Beverly Hills woud be particularly hit hard.

Therefore it was decided that it was cheaper to attack Iran and get rid of President Ahmadinejad and find another ruler for the country and start the 1953 revolution all over again with new and approved actors.

So,t he Bush /Cheyney army attacked Iran and and after 10 years of war, it was decided to declare victory and leave Iran in the middle of the night.

Iranian revolutionaries celebrated thier victories in towns and villages and decided to collect their war booty like the Vientmese and the other nations defeated by the Yankees by coming to the United States and taking over all the profitable businesses.
The

Azaris took over 7-11s and gasoline stations while Ghazvinis and Ghomis took over gay bars and liquor stores in San Fransisco to provide R & R for the Islamic clergy and the revoloutionary guards.

After a period of prosperity and calm, the former warriors decided America was too good to spoil and destroy -- like they had done to Iran. But the Iranian government would not take them back so they were sent to Guantanamo which Bush and   Cheyney in their infinite wisdom had prepared.

It's a shame  Saddam Hossein is not around to get a kick out of all this


Cookie

Anger Management:

by Cookie on

Anger Management:

One day my wife and I were discussing anger management
and I asked her, 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back.

How do you control your anger?'
She said, 'I clean the toilet bowl.'
I asked, 'How does that help?'
She said, 'I use your toothbrush'

Cookie

You think you got trouble !

by Cookie on

Have you ever given a thought to a fellow country Iranian who has lost his inheritance, not by his fault, but by the trick of the nature.

He was getting ready to become the next king of Iran, while he was away on training in the United States. His father was overthrown and had to leave the country ahead of the head hunters.

As a result, he became the unemployed king of Iran in Connecticut.

He consulted with other unemployed kings such as Prince Charles and Constantine, the previous King of Greece for advice.

They all gave him heart warming advices to wait. One dose not know what lies ahead.

He asked what he had to do in the mean time.

Constantine told him to open a chain of chelo kabob restaurants and hire his relatives as managers, host and hostesses, and try to serve genuine Iranian Aragh to attract

the Iranians who have been living in America and wanted to have the good old Iran feelings in America without going too far.

He explained that the cost of maintaining his relatives had been very high and he was worried that the secret and the numbered accounts might not last long enough.

King Constantine told him maybe they should collect unemployment, food stamps and go on the welfare.

King Reza said that they might not be illegible because they had never worked in their lives.

King Constantine pointed out that he might be eligible, because his father might have been an employee of the US government and had been overthrown beyond his control.

They were informed that they had to go to the nearest unemployment offices closest to their residents and fill up applications like all the other unemployed Iranians.

The officer pointed out that they to be punctual and there was no difference between an unemployed king or iron worker, as far the government was concerned.

They had to show that were honestly trying to find a suitable job.

They had to cut back, there were no more Champaign and caviar parties, they had to get used to beer and pretzel celebrations.

Oh, he was thinking what his father would say with the hardships they had to go through.

Why couldn't he be lucky like Prince Charles who was from a civilized country, where they nver over through their king or forget the 4 o'clock tea.

In Iran, they were having daily 4 O'clock executions at the Evin prison.

What a difference a few thousands miles make ?


Cookie

Who pays any attention to Mr. Ahmadinejad anyway ?

by Cookie on

I barely remember the glorious days of the enlightment during the time of Prime Minster Dr. Mosadegh.
It was said that the Iranians people had been awakened after a long period of ignorance.
The next thing that appeears on the horizon is a great uprisinng by the same people who were saying death to the king.
They were now  saying long live shah.
In the next scene, we notice that the shah has left the country in 1978 and has to keep one step ahead of the  persuing dog from one country to another country.
None of the old freinds would give a helping hand or even say hello to him.
In the next scene appears a very odd looking old and mean person who has all the answers.
Well as the world turns, he also hits the dirt  and other know alls apear on the scene.
Well we are at an age when people have had it with the all the know it alls and the religous prima donas.
It is time to get to the basics and worry about the simple things such as jobs, eduction, food, and the cost of living.
By the experince of the past 30 years pople have discoverd that there is no free lunch or pie in the sky.
Then walks in Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad out of the blue.
He skips the major problem of the people and wants to develope atomic bombs and destroy Israel.
He forgets what happend to all those who tried it before.
I honestly don't think he is more than just a window dressing for the real powers behind the scene.
No body pays any attention to him when he talks in Iran, because they all kow that it is scrcipted by the higher ups.
Well What is wrong for him to come and give a couple of speeches in the United Nations and the Columbia Univercity ?
Nobody will remember or pay any attention to what he says any way.
To get even with him and ponish the true powers behind the scene   Mr. Bush should request to give his speech of the
 "Axis of Evil" in Tehran University. It would be enough ponishment for both nations. 

Cookie

Every thing fun is forbidden or illegal in America

by Cookie on

Had not listened to my father who had studied in France and was of the opinion that America was uncivilized. I was full of rock and roll, Elvis Priestly, the Everly Brothers and the Platters.
I had to come to America and experience the life, build model airplanes, drive around in fast cars, and meet fast and pretty women.
Gave a glorious good-bye party and invited classmates, close friends, and close the relatives.
In my heart I was saying "eat your hearts out, you suckers, I am going to America".
Finally we wound up at the Mehrabad Airport and had lots of hugs and kisses.
It took forever to get to Detroit, Michigan, because the jet passenger plane had not taken over yet and there were lots of prop. planes.
Arrived in Ann Arbor, Michigan on November 22, 1959. It was a very cold and gloomy day. Found my way slowly to my dormitory in the University of Michigan campus.
My light weight leather shoes and the European style suite were not compatible with the winter weather conditions in Michigan, I thought I would die on the street.
Run into other friends from home, who had gone through similar process.
We were all wondering if we would have been better off if we had gone to France or England or better yet had stayed in Iran and enjoyed home cooking and the relatives.
Any way, it was too late to go back, the Iranian Imperial Army was waiting for us to show our faces and get drafted for two years and sent to march on the border with Russia or Iraq for protection of the Imperial homeland.
The decision was made to stay and stop moaning and groaning.
We decided to bury our sorrows by going to a bar and have a couple of beers.
we found out that in the most advanced country in the world, you had to be 21 years old to have a glass of beer and we did not eve had an age limit in Iran.
Some of the friends got mad and asked "how old one has to be here to go to a professional lady for rest and recreation ?".
We found out that Every thing that was fun, was forbidden or illegal in America.
I did not want to be the only one suffering in America, so I misguided the friends who were still in Iran and were waiting for enlightenment from us, the exploratory advance group in America.
With dark hair, eyes and Middle Eastern features, finding a date with the pink skinned and over-weight American young or old ladies were out of question. We were all very upset and I wrote a letter of apology to my father.
He finally accepted my apologies for not listening to him, and asked me to join him in Paris during the summer of 1962.
Man, what a difference. The city of light was full of vibrations, night clubs, delightful Ladies of the day and night.
Discovered the section of the Paris called the "stomach of Paris". It is where the local Parisians go to relax and have fun.
I tried to have and save enough fun to last me a few years in America.
So, lets say via la France for its contribution to the sanity of the Iranian students who got misguided and landed in America


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Teen Age years in Iran 1956-57

by Cookie on

The signs of puberty was appearing all over my body, and I was detecting new and strong feelings which were unknown and strange, but pleasant.
What was happening? Were my friends and classmates going through similar experiences?
New American films such as, The Rebel Without Cause with James Dean and Natalie Wood was showing in the local movie houses. I discovered that I had a lot in common with the hero of the film, but he had the advantage of being in America and the chance of going to the coeducational school and access to a large community of the opposite sex and cars.
My life was limited to sandwich shops, movie houses, and the all male school.
I had to come up with new and more creative ways. After consulting with some old school friends, I was told that they had discovered a professional lady who could help a teen ager with his sociological and physical problems.
I was provided with the address and the secret words to identify myself to the kind lady who was realy doing a social and charitable service for the Iranian youth.
May God bless her wherever she might be in the present cruel world of today.
I was scared to go there by myself, so I took my buddy who was a couple of years older, but had the same problems.
We found her address, it was a two story house with windows opening to the street.
I collected the all my courage and rang the bell, the kind lady stocked her head out of the window and asked who it was. We got scared and ran away.
We repeated the ringing of the bell several times before we got the courage to stay and meet the kind lady and explain our serious problems and the urgent needs to her.
She was very kind and understanding woman, she was very efficient and solved our problems in a very short time.
It was the beginning of a new era in our lives, now we were young men with experience and could be of assistance to other poor young souls like ourselves.
Her name was Gitty Kakhie, may God bless her for all her kindness and service to the humanity and man kid.
I was thinking, maybe the reason for all the insanity and the cruelty in Iran in the present time is because the Ayatollahs and the religious leader did not have a chance to visit and meet the gracious and kind hearted Gitty Kakhie.

She could have removed a lot of their inhumanity and insanity.


Cookie

It is not easy to be a shah

by Cookie on

Everybody thinks they have got it made. All the secret and numbered accounts, the high level contacts with the high officials of the US and the European countries should be good for some thing.

The truth is that it did not even help him in the final days of his life and he had to flee from one country to another in the middle of the night.

Is this a fair treatment for someone who had served his big bosses all his life ?

This is the sad abreviated, but semi-true story of the shah of Iran who ruled from 1941 to 1978.

He could remember the day when Churchil, Stalin, and Rosevelt ere meeting in Tehran.

He was brought into their meeting room like a house servanant through the back door to meet the new bosses.

Well, they let him stay on and play with his toys, sport cars and the fast women.

He was wise, and always kept a packed suitcae and a fueled up plane ready at the airport for the unexpected.

He was able to fly out of the country and go to Rome, when in 1953 the old prime minister Dr. Mosadegh got mad at him and sent his police to arrest him.

His twin sister, Princess Ashraf, had to contact the big boys and ask them for their help.

They had to organize and finance an uprising by such dignitaries as Shaban Bimokh, Pari Ghafari, and others to overyhrow the old man and bring the shah back.

He had to promise that he would be a good boy and mind his own business.

Everything got rosy, and the American advisers and the military personnel started arriving in the country.

They were driving around town in their military jeeps and making the country safe.

Iranian young woemen had noticing the new arrivals and started entertaing them at reasonable prices.

Tehran was becoming the Paris of the Middle East.

Everybody was learning Englsh and getting jos at Point 4, which was an American institution.

The happy days lasted till 1977, when president Carter came to Iran and celebrated the new year with his old buddy the shah.

He called Iran an island of tranquility in the stormy sea of the Middle East.

Shah had been planning to take over the oil business and cut the foreign oil companies out.

Suddenly, he got very sick and the major powers thought that his days were nunbered and they had to initiate a major change. The rest is history.
 


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Dear Mr. President

by Cookie on

Prior to the departure of Mr. Ahmadinejad, the president of Iran, to America for the purpose of aggrevating the good old George, and getting even with him for his speech of the Axis of Evil The supreme Ayatollah requested the president to come to his office for a private and personal meeting.

He asked him if he could talk to good old George and tell him to stop the silly games of threats and bombings.

He said tell him to Let us forget the past and burry the hatchets  and start anew, by granting us both and our families Green Crads on a fast track basis.

Remind him that his term is almost over and mine and yours might come to a sudden end by the families of all those we tried and sent to the gallows.

He emphasised that even, Hesama ben Laden thinks we have gone too far and he migt send his Al Qaeda recruits after us.

Can you imagine losing our jobs and giving up our bullet and bomb proof Mercedes Benzes and standing on the street to catch a bus or a taxi, like the rest of those peasants.

Do you remember how glorious it was the day we plnted a bomb in the Islmic Parliment and sent all those obnoxious morons to meet their maker a little earlier than they had expected. Well that is the way the world turns. If you are not ahead of it, you will get run over like the poor old Shah.

They wouldn't even let him die in peace in one place.


Cookie

The Future of Iranian Economy

by Cookie on

During the last meeting between the supreme leader, Ayatollah Rafsanjani, and President Ahmadinejad prior to his tour of the United States and Disneyland to aggravate poor old George. The subject of the country's finances were brought up. There were worries that the falling oil production, support of the Iraqi insurgents, the raising expectation of the clergy and their families for the latest 2008 bullet and explosion proof Mercedes Benzes, plus the cost of the roadside bombs and the North Korean assisted nuclear project might break the bank.

The president stated that with the passing of Yasser Arafat and his wife's loosing her resident permit in Morocco there might be a chance to reduce the foreign currency out flow.

But with the creation of three armies instead of the one during the reign of the shah, it will not stop bleeding.

The supreme leader proposed that he should talk with old George and convince him to hire military personnel from Iran at reduced rates compared with those from England and Europe. It would help both countries and might remove some of the hostilities.

Ahmadinejad was worried that George was getting close to the end of his term and wanted to go on speaking tours like his father and Mr. Clinton, and if the American people get upset with this scheme they might not come to his speaking engagements and the whole thing might get canceled and he might have to go back to baseball team management again with the aide of his father's friend.

The supreme leader stated that in that case they would have to do the following.

Prior to the glorious Islamic revolution, the population of the country was close to 30 million and after the revolution and the Iraq/Iran war with the far sightedness of Ayatollah Khomeini the people increased the birth rate and increased the population to 70 to 80 million range.

If they could catalog them and offer their body parts at reasonable prices to the western countries and give them assurance about the quality and quantity of the supplies, they might not need to depend on oil for their income.

What they have to do is to speed up the weekly executions and avoid damaging the goods by using ropes.


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Solving the problem of the collapsing bridges

by Cookie on

During the last meeting of the government, the subject of the collpsing bridge in Miniapolis, Minesota was broght up and was asked what would happen if the bridges in Iran which were build during thr reigns of Reza shah Pahlavi and his son Mohammad Reza Pahlavi started to collasp? The president ( Mr. Ahmadinejad) being a man of science, Phd. civil engineering, Phd. Transportation, Phd. Electrical engineering Phd, Divinity and Phd. Economics stated that they did not have to worry about the bridges which were build during the reign of Reza shah Pahlavi, there was no black market then and if you stole or took short cuts, you got hanged or shot. During the reign of his son Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, if you did not steal or did not take short cuts and did not share it with the royal family and their close reletives, you faced dealing with SAVAK which was a gift from the American people to the Iranians after 1951 revolution for their own good and protection, even though they might not have wanted it. The bridges in the last goup needed to be inspected, repaired or replaced, Mr. Ahmadinejad stated that there was not enough money in the country to do that because a large chunk of oil revenue was goin to Iraqi brothers and building mosks in the country that nobody was going to One of the clargy suggested that if they sold kabab and vodka in the mosks and kept a close eye on it so that the revolutioary gaurds and their friends and relives did not hijck it, there might be a chance. The president stated that there was a saying in engeening that to succeed, you have you keep it simple. They all agreed and decided that the best aproach was to stop imoporting motor feul, if there was not enough fuel in the country, the reef raf  would not have enough money to buy fuel from the revolutionary guards. The only ones who could, would be the clergy and their family and their relatives. They were all driving around in armored Meceds Benzes anyway and even if a bridges collapsed, they wouldn't even feel it.


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A bright future for the Iraqi refugees

by Cookie on

As a result of the invasion and occupation of Iraq by the United States, there are now several million refugees in Iraq. Mr. George Bush who is a deep thinker, a religious man and a gradate of the ivy league universities, in respect to his sister-in-law who is a Mexican,  decided to do something about it. He called on his charming vice-president to come up with a clever scheme to solve their problem. It was decided to bring the Iraqi refugees to America and settle them in Detroit, Michigan,  where the majority of the Arab-Americans live. Make them bake pita bread, Falafel, kibby and baklava. Put them all on the  food stamp, welfare and unemployment compensation.  It was decided that when the refugees were settled down and become quiet,  nobody will notice them again. To bring them to America without too much trouble, it was decided that it would be best if the single refugees married American girls and got their Green Cards then came here. The Iraqi refugees objected to the idea of marrying the Americas girls, because their culture and tradition would look-down upon them if they married a non-moslem.  They also do not look lightly on the fact that even if they were unfortunate enough to produce children, their wives would take them away and automatically get their custody. They would not even be able to visit them without an army. Besides they would have to pay alimony and child support the  rest of their lives. They decided that it was a bad idea to go to Detroit which is very cold in the winters and is full of Arabs. Who wants to be with the Arabs anyway? It is better to stay in Iraq and work for the American contractors there and to steal what the was not already stolen and when they left by 2008, they could steal the Iraqi oil which is being stolen by the foreign oil companies. The American refugee affairs expert were of the opinion that in light of what was pointed out obove, it might be better for the American men who have been through a divorce and have lost their homes, retirement pensions and their children would be better off if they went to Iraq. There is plenty of land and water with free Iranian made road side bombs.

Cookie

Double deck city

by Cookie on

Due to the fact that there is no commercial, idustrial. educatioal activity left in Iran except buying the existing old houses and building 40 squre meter (400 square feet) sky scraper in their place. It was discovered that there were no more free land left in Tehran. The president, ( Mr. Ahmadinejad) being a man of science, Phd. civil engineering, Phd. Transportation, Phd. Electrical engineering Phd, Divinity and Phd. Economics. Decided that the solution was to change Tehran to a double deck city by importing virgin lands from Australia and Canada in lots of 1,000 squre meters ( 10,000 squre feet) and installing them on concrete and steel colums above the present city. 

All revolutioary gaurds, Hozbolah members, and the distiguished clergies and their relatives would receive free land and housing on the top floor and the rest of reef raf would be forced to live on the lower floor and with the passing of time and the lack of the sun shine, they would join their ancesters and their remains would provide natural and organic fertilizer for the agriculure. The governments of Autralia and Canada were in agreement with this scheme, because they were gettig most of the Irananian doctors and engineers who were educated and trained in Iran at the goverment expense and could not get Green Cards to the USA or did not want to destroy their lives and their future by marrying American women and loosing their children in the custody battles with their wives. Under the supervision of the Ayatollahs, their relatives, the revolutionary gauards and the Hezbollah. the contacts were awarded to their friends and relatives and later, affer removal of the creme from these sweet deals, they were awarded to the Korean subcontactors. Shortly  after, the concrete and steel colums started appearing all over the city and country.  With the arrival of the virgin land, it was noticed that it was disappering in the custom offices and were getting sold in the black market to the North Koreans, Israilis, Palistenians and for the constraction of the new gambling casinos. There were all those colums and no land to cover them all over the city and the country. The clergy discovered that they had to do some thing, there was no safe place left in this world or the next left for them to escape and get away from the angry poeple. That was the time when they decided to get all the concrete and the iron colums painted green and declare that they had developed a syntheticjungle for Iran and the Iranians.