rosie is roxy is roshan

Azarin Jaan

I was so sad to read your last blog.....I know it's really hard to bring kids up. As soon as you get used to dealing with a stage in their deveopment, thry've moved on to the next and OMG, teenagers.

I remember thinking 'what did I ever do to deserve this'. My daughter Roshanak was trouble on legs from the moment she was born: moments after her arrival into the world she stared at me silently with defiant black eyes, little white face framed by a mop of long black hair. I knew then I had given birth to a little monkey right there and then. And she lived up to all those expectations .. she was a little monkey! Trouble sought her out.

But I was always proud of her...I rephrased her qualities. She was spirited, lively and funny. She was adventurous, curious and challenged conformity.

All kids cry, its the way the express themselves when words fail them. When kids have tantrums, its great.. they get rid of their frustrations, they dont harbour them.Much more healthy than what we do with our frustrations as adults.

Believe me... you are not a failure by any means. To raise kids these days is probably the hardest job anyone can take on. Its a life time committment and responsibility, its 24/7. And no one pays you! No one thanks you.

All we can ever hope is that our kids are happy in their lives .... if you give them the skills to find happiness for themselves, you've done your job.

Javaneh

Well that is kind of what I am thinking, Azarin...

teaching high school for five years it took me almost three to learn how to control them...so if I had a toddler, by the time I learned to control one they wouldn't be a toddler anymore would they, by that logic? And also I DO think it's probably easier to extrapolate ways to deal with the little ones from the big ones than the other way around..so I am at an advantage to the parents in these library situations. And I NEVER try to make the parents feel bad about it, it's just that we really DO need quiet in the library otherwise I would've  justminded my own business...

but here is where you hit the nail on the head:  YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE  BROUGHT A TODDLER INTO THE LIBRARY PERIOD. Here in my neighborhood in Manhattan they bring them everywhere--cafes, libraries...and they scream and scream...FOREVER...and the parents let them run around and I say to these parents: "Coffee, people, not chocolate milk, a cafe is for adults, not kids...how about MacDonalds'"...and these parents look at me like I came from Mars...they feel very entitled...

and then you think about it, in the library even the LIBRARIANS don't talk to these parents or kids...and actually the librarians talk loud themselves..I have asked them, have the rules for talking in libraries CHANGED???...sometimes people talk loud and the librarians do nothing and I just say REALLY...I mean REALLY..loud, Excuse me could you please talk louder, I can't concentrate when it's quiet..."  Everyone shuts up, it's really funny....I learned all these tricks teaching high school..

anyway the point is the times are decadent, that is the point I think..

but as for the failure part, I would doubt it...have you ever heard about how some chemicals in adolescents' brains are similar to those of psychotics, I think it has to do with the hormones and the rapid changes...in some ways children are "saner" than teens...it isn't failure, it's biology (in conjunction with the DECADENT culture around us) , but hey...if I ever teach high school again (cold day in hell, but anyway...) just send 'em on to me and Mistress Rosie will cure 'em reeeeeeeeeeeal quick...

LOL

R.

I would never take a toddler to a library...

Dear Roshan,

My kids are 14 and almost 12 now. Hourmazd is a full teenager now and Oh my....It's so hard to have teens!

I can understand people who don't have kids and how they feel toward parents with no parenting skill! I have to confess that my kids threw tantrums in public pretty often. But I always made sure to take them to places where it was ok for them to scream...places like Chucke Cheese, Toy's RUs and outdoor parks! BUT NEVER To A PUBLIC LIBRARY!! But honestly, now that my kids are older, I feel more empathy toward the helpless parents with screaming kids. There are different parenting methods...My best friend thinks that she should give her daughter whatever she wants...It has made her child a scary dictator, but who am I to give her advice? As parents, we feel offended if people tell us "Hey, your child suck!" It's like telling me "you suck" or "you've failed in life"! each time I look at my kids, I already feel like a failure, since they never turn to be who I wanted them to be. So I don't need a stranger to tell me such a big loser I am! I know it already...believe me!

So my dear Rosie, please take it easy on the parents of toddlers. They need to keep their energy up because the teen years aren't that far!

Cheers, Azarin  

Javaneh, I don't know why I thought you said you lived in France

I think maybe you compared yourself wih someone who did. I am interested to know what kind of mental health area you worked in, maybe several...I mean was it just in psychotherapy practice or in-hospital...psychiatrically diagnosed or no or both..etc. I have a good bit of background here too...also what major schools of thought if any on the field you are influenced by...

I don't think it is not about male-female equlity to be a homebody...I am not good at cooking and household chores and my two previous LTR's both are (one a Dubliner and one from Prague, I always wind up with foreigners...) and also all of us being in theater I was both times the larger bread winner of the two from the so-called "day gig"...and so the idea was if we had kids that I'd be the breadwinner mom and they'd be the stay-at-home dad...that is what the Czech one did with his kid in his marriage...so that was to be their male role and that was the game plan...but... you throw it out there at the best time you think you can..and...the wind carries it...wherever...like your moderation blog took off, two days, weeks, months, earlier, later...it might've gone nowhere...OR been highly commented on and on forever and accomplished absolutely NOTHING..which was definitely not the case...there's  on and  always a throw of the dice involved...

 we never did have the kids...

 For myself personally well, sometimes things here "take off", sometimes they don't, you never know, it's all a question of timing...right now the whole atmosphere (except on the moderation blogs we participated on...) seems to be so about...anger...and fear...and self-righteousness and bla bla bla...that the only things that really seem to be "taking off" are these endless diaatribes SUPPOSEDLY on Gaza...if you know what I mean...for me personally it iddn't matter whether even ANYONE answered this blog, I just wanted to throw out the SEED of the idea that it COULD be more personal and more "real" here...of course I'm DELIGHTED people are responding but the point is...well...you just never know here which way at any particular time the wind will blow...

-r

ps oh and btw I am the opposite of you, houseplants love me, entire gardens see me coming a mile away and shrivel and die..

okay, azarin, a tale for a tale!

I really never had any experience with little kids as an adult, not even relatives, just weren't any...but I had this teachiing experience with big kids and also my ex's medium kid...so before I got my new laptop (today) I was writing a lot in the library (like you?????) and all these parents bring their little kids and they scream and cry and the parents don't control them, don't even try, and the librarians do nothing. So I go up to the parents and say do you know no one can concentrate, etc..etc...and they say oh poor me child is only .two..three..whatever,..i can't do anything...

and then i get down on all fours (no one taught me to, it was just instinctual...) and say very softly to whatever age hello little girl we are working do you know work (show with hands) like your daddy..we need quiet..do you know quiet?...sssh...very good...etc.

 and these little toddlers they just look confused at first because no one ever talked to them like that I guess (I mean,normally, without spoiling or punishing..) and then they get calm and happy and very quiet...

until the mother starts taking them out of the library, away from me, and then they start crying and screaming again...I don't think I'm doing anything special, I just instinctually apply whatever I learned through teaching big kids to the little ones...well maybe I shouldn't be so hard on these parents because it DID take me a long time to learn to handle the big ones but I also think it is because the parents were not "masool" period...I mean I cannot imagine you allowing your toddlers to stay in a library sccreaming at the top of their lungs for hours if you couldn't stop them...wouldn't you have just taken them outside????

how old are they now?

r.

hey good thought Rosie

I tried to do this before, after you had left us for your break and it didnt get much response then so its a good time to try again. I think its a positive move

I am 49 also!! and look younger... i dont know whether ppl are just being polite but I really like to believe them. I have 3 kids ... all big and grown up and 1 with 2 gorgeous children of her own, So Im a grandma too.!

Im english born but have duel nationality and have lived many places all over the world. Have lived in the UK now since 1979. We left Iran then and never been back since.  

I am a trained social worker and psychologist and have worked in mental health far far too long. So seen it all.

Im not working any more, although Im not a lady of leisure, with 3 adult men ( hubbie, hubbies brother and my son) to look after at home, theres no shortage of wonderfully mundane things to occupy me. I used to be such a strident advocate of equality for women and yet now I absolutely love being at home and just doing housy things and looking after my family. And I get to spend time with our two wonderful grand children who I am totally crazy about. God I sound really boring !!! I can't tell you how I ever managed a more than full time job, bringing up a family and having a life....

I kill every house plant that ever had the misfortune to be owned by me! but my garden is beautiful. I can't cook english food at all, but am a good cook of ghaza irani. I love to dance salsa, read, cook, travel..Paris is my favorite place at the moment.... HATE  susk above everything else,  spiders come next,  men in white socks, smell of fish, and caleh pucheh.

Javaneh

Oh my...

Ok Roshan Jan! I'll try to tell you one of the funny anectodes about my older son Hourmazd when he was 3.

We had taught our son about people's job and about being responsible (the word responsible in persian is "masool"). For example if we were at a restaurant, we would tell him: That lady is responsible/masool for serving food, and that gentleman responsible/masool for cooking the food, etc... 

One day we went to a party and a guy was being introduced to us. His name was "Masood". My son looked at him for a long time with a puzzling stare, then he went to him and asked him pretty loud: Can you tell me you're responsible/masool for what?!!!

Voila!

Was it funny enough? Of course as parents we still laugh at the story....:-) 

You're right about me trying to mess up the serious mood of political blogs...but please keep it as a secret between us! I do the same thing in my own parties. As soon as my guests start arguing over politics or religion (and believe me! In Iranian Parties it happens often), I ask my husband to bring the Setar (an Iranian instrument) and so he plays music and I sing with a terrible voice and it makes everyone laugh!...So we end up having a fun time, instead of hating each other over things that don't really matter.

It's funny that many of my best friends are pretty religious or political! So it just means that I have to keep singing my dear!

Azarin 

PS home sweet home omigod omigod! MUUUUST WATCH!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=L7dPISoH6Ok

Okay great! So I thin,k now we all have a project we can work on

together!   We can figure out what city at least one of this character Multiple Personality Disorder's personalities lives in. It is somewhere in California. That's a good start!  As for who he is well I have already figured out he is many people.  One of them owns a cockroach farm in Southern Mississippi, one of them lives on Planet Planet in Galaxy 49OIU807 where he observes us through a telescope, and one of them lives in a cell on Death Row in a maximum security prison near Lubbock Texas.. Let's focus on this new one.  Where in California is he?  I have a clue: it isn't Orange County.

Also Azarin don't think you're getting off that easy  I KNOW you have kids...(at least I THINK I know you have kids...) Can't you tell us ONE funny anecdote about ONE of them...pleeeeeeeeeease?  pretty please? Then I promise I will tell you a funny anecdote about anything you wwant me to! Anything...no holes barred!

Roxane

PS Asarin, but you DO participate on the political blogs! You drop in from time to time to try to defuse things by making a joke, playing a song, etc. I wish more "non-political" people would. The main problem with the political blogs is that they are full of all these political people!

Ah, home sweet home..

Hi Rosie, Roshan, Robin,...

I think everyone knows I'm a woman! But I just wanted to tell you Brava! In the midst of so many hateful blogs and comments, your blog seems like a little island of peace!
Since I've decided to be silent about politics, I had to add my little comment here! BTW, this new person (with multiple personality) reminds me of someone I know...That I used to know. Who used to be an artist/writer...I'm not sure!
Azarin

Where should I begin?

I don’t even know who I am; how am I supposed to explain us to others?

Let’s see, one of us likes science.  He used to watch a lot of scientific programs on PBS, Nature, Nova, Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom,…etc.  His favorite NPR program is Science Friday with Ira Flatow.  BUT, he wants to make sure everyone knows that he is not a brainy guy or a science geek.  He can hardly remember some of his colleague’s names, never the less he believes in science, and not God.

He was born in Iran but lived only 40% of his life over there and 60% of it here in the USA.  He speaks mostly English at work, and Fenglisi with his Iranian friends.  In the recent financial crises he didn’t lose any money in the housing market crash, and almost nothing in the investment market, however he lost half of everything else to his ex-wife in the marital crisis.  He doesn’t want to reveal his exact location, but generally speaking, he lives somewhere in the middle of California, somewhere south of Redding, north of Stockton, east of San Francisco, west of Auburn, near the confluence of two well known rivers, north of Orchard Park, near Highway 5, close to the Albertson's Supermarket, in those apartments across the KVIE building, near the office, across the tennis court, by the mail box, on the second floor, on top of the Oriental family with an older boy and a 3-4 year old girl who screams too much at night, and next door to the Indian couple who use too much spice in their food, and on top and to the left of the Mexican family where the chubby boy Marco lives, the one whose mother Maria works for El Gordito Mexican Restaurant at the corner of Whitney and Cordova Ave.  By the way their food in excellent for the price.   

He is a happy man now because he knows nothing worse than what has happened to him already could ever possibly happen to him again. 

Okay look, you have a crush on whatever you have a crus on,

see my plan is working already!  this is the very first time that you and i have EVER had any interaction on this site! you do me a great honor...so....tell me...are you a man...or  a woman..or both...if both better for you then there are two of you and you have a crush on yourself without it being unrequited...you LOOK like a woman in your avatar (well sort of..) and profess by your name to be a heterosexual one but if you think for a moment i trust you as far as i can throw you are sadly mistaken...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WGuXp66SYc

Kumbaya

I am way too old for my passion for Harry Potter. Now I feel vulnerable!

Peace out Roxane!! You don't have to put on the red light....