My hands in exile


persian westender
by persian westender


The wise man told: ” man should go for what he deserves..”

So, I migrated to the land of her body curves

Since then, my fingertips don’t touch, they do kiss

When they felt this exile is a heavenly bliss

She asked me if I could remember my hands

When they were young in their own lands

Then, this memoire came out of nowhere

I was just twelve, when I could feel for Baudelaire

I could feel for Baudelaire, we were not rivals

But both in love with “Marguerite”

She was extremely cold, pale and white

She was hidden somewhere in the bookcase tight

“Bongahe tarjomeh va nashre ketab”

“Ghobare classicism labelaaie aftab”

In her portrait, Marguerite was so cold

Cold, as Baudelaire rightfully had told

In the cold, dark and that ‘literal corner’

My virgin hands committed the first jerk off ever

Words were heavy, and so was my breath

My hands were clumsy, at the same time avid…

Now, while in exile my hands are old

No more Marguerites, but words in bold…

Post-script: When I was around my eleven or twelve, I became first encountered with sexual signs of my puberty. I was really confused and could not find answers for some of those signs. My parents perhaps were not enough aware of my somewhat premature puberty.  I grew up in a relatively religious family, yet my father had a good collection of classical western books in a huge bookcase. I remember I accidentally found and became interested in a book of poetry by Charles Baudelaire, named as “Golhaaye badi” (The Flowers of Evil). A hard-cover book translated to Farsi by someone I don’t remember. Most importantly, the book was illustrated by a handful of water-colored pictures of semi-nude women in classical 19th Century profiles. Some of them were more than semi-nude. Believe it or not, in the post-revolution era and the time when the sexuality was a horrible taboo, I hid the book for some personal use! Of the particular subject of interest, was the picture of a young woman called ‘Marguerite’. I believe Baudelaire had addressed her in his poetry in several occasions. I even remember some verses from that poem which was describing her pale and white body. I think I committed my first masturbation ever by this picture. But at the same time I fell in love with this picture/women, both in erotic and romantic sense. I was just naïve and excited.

At the same time, I gradually became interested in the literal content of the book and then it became my first experience of getting to know the literature with a serious look. There’s no shame in me to describe this experience. I owe Marguerite and I owe Baudelaire for allowing me to explore myself through the both venues. I came to terms of understanding that I’ve found passion for literature and knowing it along side with my curiosity for sexuality. If I validate that analogy, I can not tell you that I practically could go through of only one of them. Innnnnnnnnnnn depth.


Recently by persian westenderCommentsDate
Nov 25, 2012
میهمانیِ مترسک ها
Nov 04, 2012
چنین گفت رستم
Oct 28, 2012
more from persian westender
persian westender

Merci Orang.  

by persian westender on

Merci Orang.


Orang Gholikhani


by Orang Gholikhani on

Your poem is original and authentic.

I liked it.



Ghatebeh's Marguerite!

by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

Persian Westender here it is; the link to Ghatebeh and his Marguerite!


This is a 9 minute clip and Marguerite section comes in at about 4:20. The part I was talking about below starts at around 6:20 which I think is hilarious! Oh and his girlfriends were Marguerite and Suzy, not Sophie!

It is not out of the realm of possibilities that Ghatebeh knew about Marguerite because if you recall he was a member of the show Octupus which was a think tank talking about everything.

So they could have discussed Marguerite in one of their sessions. Who knows maybe he even had a same experience as your's!

persian westender


by persian westender on

Souri: Thank you so much for your comment.

Anonimous Comment: "I think.." refers to uncertainty on whether it was my first masturbation or not as it was a memory of long time ago. After that experience, I continued to do that for a long time but not in the context of that book or any other book...

I encourage you to publish your article.What if readers are not ready for this subject? are they going to sue you?!

Ajab Rajab: I knew nothing about ghatebeh's girl friends.that's far to fetch.




by Ajab Rajab (not verified) on

Marguerite was also the name of Ghatebeh's girlfriend in one of those shows. I think it was Marguerite and Sophie who Ghatebeh would ask, one kiss Marguerite and one kiss Sophie! First Marguerite give me a shot of Vodka then Sophie give me some cucumber yogurt! and so on.

Darius Kadivar or Bahram9821 may be able to post a video of it.

Anyway, perhaps Ghatebeh named one of his girlfriends Marguerite as a result of reading this book by Charles Baudelaire?! I used to think that Ghatebeh was mispronouncing Margaret as Marguerite!


The first...

by Anonymous Comment (not verified) on

I’m very intrigued by the subject of masturbation. I wrote an article about it at least a year ago but I never posted it. I did not think the audience was ready for it. It was nothing gross, but it was very satirical towards that fact of life. But regardless, I’m confused about this sentence:

“I think I committed my first masturbation ever...”

By “I think”, do you mean you are not sure if you committed masturbation or not?


By “ first masturbation ever”, do you mean you never masturbated again, ever?


Do you mean from then after you don’t know what you have done is masturbation or not?

P.S. to the editor: I have done my best to articulate the subject of masturbation in the best way not to be offensive to anyone’s taste, but the subject of this blog is masturbation and there is on other way around it.


I liked your poem...

by Souri on

very much. It is really very touching. It was moving to read your story too. The deep connection with that book of Baudelaire and the romantic effect of the pictures. Very well explained. Thanks for sharing.