You must smoke cigarettes!

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You must smoke cigarettes!
by Multiple Personality Disorder
06-May-2009
 

A stimulus package that one can die for, increase your cigarette consumption.  A local Chinese government has ordered its citizens to smoke more cigarettes in the hopes of increasing its tax revenues.  Apparently cigarette consumption in the Province of Hubei in the Central China has been declining in the last few years, causing hardship upon the local communist-capitalist provincial government.  Yes, the Chinese masses have once again failed their government by their treacherous act of trying to live a healthier life style.  But fortunately there is a government in China, or a part of it, who truly cares about what’s best for the masses, by trying to kill them off from diseases related to smoking cigarettes.

Quotas have been set for cigarette consumption for all public employees in that province, including those who work for public schools, who were so shamelessly trying to teach innocent Chinese children about the dangers of smoking, come to find out that those teachers and principle were the true traitors to the glorious Chinese Revolution.  So now they have to smoke cigarettes, and if that kills them, so what?!  It's for the collective good on the people.  The government has even established a task force; call it China’s Cigarette Gestapo, if you wish.  Their job is to ensure the quota is met.  They even go through people's ashtrays and count cigarette butts, and what brand of cigarettes have been smoked.  That is correct, not only the regulation specified how much cigarettes has to be smoked, but also what brand, since the government does not want brands manufactured outside of the province be consumed.  Apparently they don't want others to benefit from this stimulus package.

But let's see, is this government the only one in the world that tries to stimulate its economy by promoting a bad habit, one that's a potential killer, or are there other similar actions by other governments that try to kill its citizens, and make money off of them at the same time?  I've been thinking about this question for a couple of days now, and here is what I've come up with so far:

Prostitution is legal and heavily regulated in half of the counties in Nevada State.  There are nearly thirty active licensed brothels in Nevada.  Brothels and prostitutes are subject to federal income tax and local fees, but there in no state income tax in Nevada.  Prostitutes are required to fill out an IRS (not to be confused with IRI) 1099-MISC form, brothel license fee is as high as $100,000 annually, prostitutes can be as young as 18 in some counties, and there are regulations in place about what officially constitutes exchange of sex for money.

Also, State of Nevada recently drastically increased its taxation of cigarettes, and the revenues are supposed to be used for construction of new schools.  And of course, the biggest government source of income is from gambling.  The monthly fee from a simple slot machine is as much as $2,500 (not to be confused with 2,500 years of glorious Persian civilization).  So, what we have here is a government that heavily relies on legal vices for its own survival, but first of all does Nevada government actively, and forcibly, promote those vices?  And then, does those vices are potentially dangerous to people's health to a degree that it would eventually kill them?

By the way, at the Music Festival I noticed a lot of good people were cigarette smokers, so thank you so much for trying to stimulate the economy.

Update: as I was getting ready to post this blog I read a news item that the Chinese provincial government has backed down from their demand without much elaboration. 

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by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

Yes, it is time to come out. Well, I am finally feeling better from whatever was ailing me

 I will return to my Persian studies. My tutor is patiently waiting for me

Best

ناتاليا


Multiple Personality Disorder

This blog is so old I don't know what you guys are talking about

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

.

Nadia, you can come out now.

SofiaIkeda,  Thank You for Smoking


Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez

MPD...I'm surprised you didn't see me there

by Natalia Alvarado-Alvarez on

I was hiding in the shadows.........whahahaha (evil laugh)

 


SofiaIkeda

I had no idea that smoking

by SofiaIkeda on

I had no idea that smoking more can help anyone. Anything associated to smoking seemed bad. I'm gonna stop buying cigars online and I'll go get my poison from the local cigarettes shop. Maybe this way I'll help too.


Multiple Personality Disorder

My apologies for not keeping up with my own blog

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

.

RedWine, please try the most expensive American made cigar you can find.  That would help with our economy; we desperately need any help we can get.

sima, with all the different names being used I can't be 100% sure but I believe we met at the Music Festival, if you are the same sima as the other Sima.  And yes, "again"!  I've been writing again.

Monda, wow!  Thanks a lot for the detailed explanation.  Yes, we desperately need  emoticons, and splel chcek.

capt, $10 a pack sounds good, and a Federal Lottery to be used to payoff the deficit.  Well O.K., you help the Cubans by smoking their cigars and RedWine hopefully will help the Americans.

Majid, good job!  Keep smoking those cigars.

capt, ouch!!!  Ouch, that hurts!

rosie, I was at the Music Festival, but I was so quiet that you didn't even notice me, or was it you that no one, almost no one, noticed.  How was it?  You were there!  Were you not paying any attention?    You went back to somoking at the Music Festival.  You're a good woman for going back to smoking again.  And, you're the only one that can spare you from yourself.


rosie is roxy is roshan

no, sorry, there is no website called chinese.com and

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

i can't find anything comparable to this one for chinese americans either. sorry to disappoint.

so i thought i'd give you this link instead. to broaden your horizons. might even contain the seeds of a new article for you, you never can tell.

//www.iranian.ws/cgi-bin/iran_news/exec/view.cgi/13/8072

spare me., please spare me from myself...


rosie is roxy is roshan

communist-capitalist

by rosie is roxy is roshan on

it's called..uhh..state capitalist...and...

i'm so glad to see you'r taking an interest in china. they have five thousand years of glorious civilization, so it's twice as glorious as the persian. i think you should try to find a website like...chinese.com. so that website would be twice as glorious as this one...i know, hard to believe but nonetheless true...i'll see if i can dig one up for you.

oh and btw..you were at the music event? how was it?


capt_ayhab

استاد مجید

capt_ayhab


استاد مجید
اولندش چاکریم. دویومندش دستت که تو کاره ومیدونی که به چه بدبختی اون سیگارهارو گیر میاریم که؟ اکه بگیرنمون همونارو به خوردمون میدن منتها از جاهای بدبد.
عذر بی ادبی از همه

-YT


Majid

Now we're talking....LOL

by Majid on

"I love one of them [Bolivar Belicosos Finos] Cigars once in while with class of fine Courvoisier Vsop. Cognac after a fine steak. ;-) "

That's what um talkin bout

 

همیشه بیچارهء همین خوش سلیقه گی مون بودیم و هستیم!


capt_ayhab

It was just less than a

by capt_ayhab on

It was just less than a month ago that an excise tax of $1.00 were added to each packet of cigarettes, and I hear there is plan to add another buck to it.

In Canada, a packet of cigarettes is almost $10.00, nearly the same as in EU. US is among the few countries with cheapest price. Sad thing is that tobacco companies in recent years have been targeting the young people. As an Ex smoker, it think $10.00 tax should be levied on each packet.

But please leave Cuban cigars alone, I love one of them [Bolivar Belicosos Finos] Cigars once in while with class of fine Courvoisier Vsop. Cognac after a fine steak. ;-)

-YT


Monda

Sima joon

by Monda on

Thank you for vouching for me :o) When it comes to self-care, you are my idol, seriously.


Monda

Agha MPD

by Monda on

I said raahat shodi to mean that I do confirm your belief that, had you been a chain smoker you probably could not have remained a prolific soccer player. Not that you needed my confirmation on that piece since nicotine has been researched to death already. Baba jan (not  referring to your age or mine! smiley face here) I was just trying to follow your own humorous reasoning, about chain smoking and communism :o) I devulged about my grandfather (may he rest in peace, regardless of his political ideologies or bad habits) to inform you that eventhough he was a chain smoker and soccer player, ultimately he had to let go of both activities, for whatever reason. He was an avid walker though, each working day from Mahmoodieh to Tehran University, rain or shine, from his 30's up to 75 when he finally retired. Yes my hope is that I got a bit of his good genes in me too!

I congratulate you on quitting nicotine aand staying off of it. Good work living a healthy life.

btw someone blogged here about the necessity of using emoticons in our writings, I wish I had followed his advice sooner!   


sima

My apologies, MPD/MZLM

by sima on

It's good to see you writing more frequently again! I've been meaning to apologize for running off at the Iranian.com concert the other night. Next time I'll leave more time for socializing. I'm not on this iste much these days either! 

I'm not a smoker, never have been. But I think it would be great if people would/could only occasionally smoke. Social smoking, like social drinking. I know this Monda khanom here can do that!


Red Wine

...

by Red Wine on

كمونيستها عامل بدبختي در كوبا هستند.سعي كن يك سفر به انجا بروي دوست خوبم.

سیگارِ برگِ آمریکائی  ؟ كدام مارك منظورت هست ؟


Multiple Personality Disorder

Monda, why did you say raahat shodi?!

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

 

Whatever it is I was just kidding around.  I’m glad your grandfather got to live for 96 years.  I’m sure he was a nice soccer player.  I hope you’ve inherited his longevity genes and get to live as long as you want.

I quit smoking cigarette at around 25.  I went cold turkey and haven’t gone back yet.  My older brother on the other hand smoked most of his life and ended up getting a double by-pass surgery. 


Monda

don't know how many goals

by Monda on

but he passed away at 96, and I'm not here to promote nicotine one bit, seriously. So I'm not sure if you could've been a good player if you smoked. What I do know is that one does not get to play any sport for long with contaminated lungs. BTW my grandfather stopped smoking at 50 and playing soccer before his 30's. So there you go! Raahat shodi?

 


Multiple Personality Disorder

فیدل کاسترو سیگارِ برگ میکشه

Multiple Personality Disorder


 

ولی همهء اونهائی که سیگارِ برگ میکشن کومونیست نیستند.  امیدوارم سیگارِ برگِ بکشید، لذت ببرید، و محرکِ اقتصاد این کشورِ بدبخت (آمریکا) هم بشوید.  لطفاً خواهش میکنم سیگارِ برگِ آمریکائی بکشید.


Red Wine

...

by Red Wine on

دلم براي كشيدن يك سيگار برگ تنگ شده...

ممنون از بلاگ.


Multiple Personality Disorder

O.K. I picked up my laundry

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

Yeah, your grandfather was a chain smoker but, how many goals did he scored in any given game, let's say on the avarage?  Do you know Vlade Divac?  He was an NBA basketball player from Serbia.  He was a darn good, and he was a chain smoker, and he was not a communist.  Do you think if I were a chain smoker I would've scored more or less?

O.K. I have to go take a shover now, but aisle be back in ten minutes, maybe eleven.


Monda

2 goals!

by Monda on

Right on! My grandfather was a chain smoker, soccer player and not a communist.


Multiple Personality Disorder

Mao was a chain smoker

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

As a matter of fact most communists are chain smokers, but not all chain smokers are communists.

I scored two gooooooooooaaaaallllllllllllls today.  Well, I have to pick up my laundry now. 


Monda

about China and cigarettes

by Monda on

my daughter just informed me that Mao used to smoke cigarettes as a breathing (lung strengthening) exercise :o)


Multiple Personality Disorder

Aisle be back

by Multiple Personality Disorder on

 

Hell no, I won’t get fired!  Arnold could never find someone like me that would work so hard for so little pay.  I’m sure if Arnold could give orders to Kaalifornians to smoke more cigarettes so he could fix the budget crisis he would have done it already.

 I have to go play soccer now (since I don’t smoke my, lungs are still working), but aisle be back, and when I come back I’m going to clean my room, it’s a mess.


Monda

Hilarious!

by Monda on

I second Azarin, especially since you implied the possibility of you being fired. As Arnold's advisor, you'd certainly be able to invest long stretches of time on your poetry. 


Azarin Sadegh

Lol..

by Azarin Sadegh on

Dear MPD,

You should get hired as Arnold's economic advisor! Your speciality: Research on how America can become a third world country!

Great blog..as usual! Thanks for making us laugh! It's priceless! Azarin


persian westender

Such a great idea, omg!

by persian westender on

The packages of cigarette, not only can stimulate the economy, but also may stimulate the cancerous cell al over the body and in the result, pharmaceutical corporations will be stimulated too. moreover, the funeral houses also will be stimulated alongside forensic medicine... 

Halleluja