Warning: This is not a literary piece of writing and as such it should not be read by those who expect literary pieces of writings.
Just about when I was getting ready to cut my own throat with a dull knife and then stab myself in my own heart and get it over with, there came a piece of news that made me believe life is worth living, “the Islamic Tie” in the shape of a, in the shape of a… Well I don’t know, I mean at first I didn’t know, that’s why I delayed cutting my own throat, I thought delay it long enough to find out what this was supposed to be. The first thing that came to my mind was that it was the frontal view of a woman’s crack, with clitoris on top of the vertical line in the bottom. Then I thought, no way, the maker of the tie won’t get a patent for it if it was a crack. Then I thought the tie was pointing to the man’s weewee, a ‘Pointer’. That made more sense, since Islamic Republic is a man’s world, and I was sure the tie-maker was going to get a patent if this was a Pointer, for his ability to point to the right direction.
Then, after I was no longer wondering what this tie was about, since I thought it was a pointer, I read the accompanying news: “The Islamic Tie that I recently made was inspired by Ali’s (AS) sword, Zulfiqar; in fact, it was a controversial design that was proposed to be in contrast with the essence of [the exploitative] tie.
According to a report by the Shiite Online; the second Islamic Tie design was patented by ‘Hemat Komeili’, who patented the first Islamic Tie about two weeks ago.
It is worth mentioning that the new Islamic Tie design looks like a pen and a verse from Holy Quran, ‘N * and Pen’ is written on it.”
Thank God the tie is supposed to be a pen, and not a pointer or a crack, but regardless, from what I have heard Hemat has other designs pending Islamic patent approval. His next tie is in the shape of a gouging hand, pressing and tearing an eye using a thumb. These words are planned to be written on the tie, “إذا كنت يمارس الجنس مع لنا ونحن سوف سحب عنيكم”, which roughly translates to, “If you fuck with us, we will pull your eye out.”
The next tie pending patent is a beautiful painting of a chopped off hand of a man who was addicted to thievery, who no matter how many times he was told not to steal he kept on stealing, so now he no longer has to steal anymore because part of the revenues from the sale of the Islamic hand amputation tie will go to him for using the painting of his hand for the tie. On the tie it will say, “وقد أعطى الله لك من جهة ثانية لسبب وجيه”, which roughly translates to, “Allah has given you a second hand for a good reason”.
So now I won’t cut my own throat with a dull knife for a while because I’d be missing out on seeing these ties.
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